Overwhelmingness is a Bitch but Can Be Directed – 327

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Overwhelmingness. A sneaky little bitch that can suck you in without you even being aware about it!

That is what has been happening to me, over the last couple of months. I knew in a way,  I was in it, but I allowed other factors and points in my life to take precedence over sorting this little bugger out.

It started a month ago when I noticed I started to slack in my sharings and posts here on this blog. Making an effort to post as consistently as I can while updating and making my presence known in the Desteni community is important to me.

But I started to allow excuses to come up, seemingly little ones, and on top of that, an energy, which has been illustrated well in the Overwhelming recordings on EQAFE, started to take over, like a waterfall of what I describe an over flood of emotions where I felt helpless and like I can’t do anything. So I would just wait it out, allowing myself to not actively push and do anything about it. Seeing if this approach could work in letting it be, walking with it, not doing anything about it.

But as 2 months have shown, this allowance of having the overwhelming emotion just ‘be’ in me did not do anything constructively for me. In fact, I have been feeling a little ‘dead’ inside, and depressed, and low. Expanding myself, and my personal growth slowed down and felt like I just stopped caring for a while.

Finally, as I have given myself the space to do so, I started to get back in EQAFE, and into the Overwhelmed series, getting back in touch with myself with the interest to start walking my process more. Realizing that this feeling of being overwhelmed is a defense mechanism the mind uses when you are not reacting as much as it wants you to. It makes total sense because my life has become more calmer and in a way, drama-free (yay!) but doesn’t mean it’s not going to be drama-free within, as long as I don’t become absolute director of the mind.

So this is a note to self, to not allow this overwhelmed bugger get the best of me, but utilize the support EQAFE has been showing me to walk this point so I can get back to a more steady, consistent walk in my process of self-awareness, self-transformation and self-growth.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

The 4 Evils of Women – 326

One point I am actively working to be more aware of and change is who I am in relation to women. This is because for most of my life I have participated and been involved in situations with women that would end up keeping me in states of regret, spite, holding grudges, obsession, anger, etc.

Generally speaking, anything surrounding the topic of women and womanhood and being involved in women’s groups are weak points within me. Partly this is due to my past and also in my generational line both my mother and grandmother have had issues with women (the sins of the father quote is right on this one).

I’ve re-listened to the EQAFE recordings War of Women recently – specifically the last two which highlighted the ”4 Evils of Women” – which are: Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement.

Listen to the Recording: War of Women below ↓

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It makes a lot of sense that these 4 words are what women participate in the most. What is always common is the putting down of oneself (through judgement) feeling threatened and wanting to one up someone (through competition), crumbling within self when comparing or seeing someone is better than you at something (comparison), and despising a person and possibly changing your behavior to hurt them/gossip about them because you want what they want (jealousy).

Now take all of that and put it in a group of women, and you got a shit storm. Even though women are more subtle and quiet in their actions, many of those ”evils” fuel on a constant basis and keep women in a state of self-abuse – unless you are within a group of women, like Destonians, who are actively working on themselves and standing as a support for oneself and another.

Yet, even Destonian women (like myself) are not perfect and fall at times. Like me, where despite learning A LOT and stopping participating as much as possible in Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement, it still comes up and seeps into my life.

I know the ill-effects participating in those words have on one’s wellbeing and mental state. It’s not pretty, and my theory is that a lot of it also comes from how one was raised and the relationship a women has or had with their mother. Mothers are usually our primary caregivers, and who we look up to. The mother is connected to the feminine expression and feminine qualities within us all.

My theory is that if the relationship with the mother is tainted because the mother is tainted: ie: she compares herself to other women, or judges her own daughter because of her own insecurities, etc, the daughter will also end up like her, broken, unless she has made a conscious choice to NOT be like that and actively works on herself to do so.

Otherwise, if you put broken, insecure women together, you can imagine the kind of abuse that can happen. Realities shows like the Kardashians and the Housewives of Orange Country are examples. Gossip, deceiving, and betrayal are outflows of participating in Comparison, Competition, Judgement and Jealousy within oneself and one’s world.

That’s why it’s so important to start a new revolution per sey, of women, where women really actively work on themselves and take leadership of understanding their emotions and their pain, guilt and trauma they’ve endured in the past, and do something constructive about it.

I do see a wave of self love, self care and support coming forth in social media, which is great and already a great first step. My suggestion, as the second step, is for us as women to start becoming more aware of our relationship with ourselves and how we are participating in the ”4 evils” so we can purify ourselves, re-define the words, and live a new life free of self-abuse.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

From Jealousy to Practical Living – 325

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I was watching a TV show a month ago, and there appeared a woman who was a yoga teacher, smiling and expressing herself. Immediately within me, I was jealous of her. Here she was bubbly, friendly-looking, while also exuding a calm and laid-back attitude. The point that she was a yoga teacher and the exercise supported her to be such a way was something I truly desired and wanted to be/do.

I had let go of daily yoga practice quite a while ago to allow work to get in the way of my self-care and wellbeing. Because of this, I noticed a dip in my mood as well as weight gain and overall feeling unwell in myself and my process. I dropped something that truly benefited me in exchange for an addiction to work.

The TV show and person, triggered me to look at a potential I was not accessing and using to my advantage. The potential that – I can get back to daily, or weekly yoga practice because that particular movement/exercise has been most nourishing for me, and my life, time and time again.

I remember specifically before I saw the show, I had a chat with my DIP buddy discussing jealousy and what that means, as well as reading Anna’s Instagram post on using jealousy as a means to do what you see in another.

So from this support combined I took action and decided to start my yoga practice again –  just doing a practice I’m comfortable with and can handle, which was at the start, a 15-minute morning yoga exercise. Then gradually it became a 40-minute practice.

Day to day I take it slow and easy on myself, doing yoga in the mornings, as it was the best and most convenient time for me. I would check in with the YouTube videos to see which one I was interested in doing that day, depending on how I’m doing and how much energy I have.

But I really make sure to do yoga consistently now, because I know how nourishing and supportive it is for me. If I miss a day or even week of doing yoga I know I will always try to it when I can. I know that if there comes a time when I do slip, in not honoring a consistent yoga practice, then I will eventually get back to it.

Thanks, universe for bringing this point forward in me! 🙂

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone on Holiday – 324

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My partner and I are vacationing in a small town in Greece. It’s really interesting to observe and be present with reactions when entering a new place/country.

For me especially, at the beginning of my holiday, I was in a constant state of dissatisfaction and criticism. I could feel the reactions towards the accommodation, and location creep up in me, and instead of suppressing, I allowed them to come up. Just be with them. I knew these were comfort zones being challenged, and that being here was actually a good/supportive thing. There were a lot of realities present that I wasn’t prepared for when coming to Greece, but were necessary to experience: poor plumbing, power outages, having to walk up and down hills to get to the market or places (if you don’t have a car), having to buy water bottles because tap water is unsafe, having to see stray cats who aren’t neutered, with their babies, and are thin/hungry.

In a way, this experience has been extremely humbling for me. I realize I need these reality checks every now and then because I can get so caught up in my life in Austria and its comforts, I take advantage of that. I sometimes forget about how life is for other people and animals around the world.

Being here in Greece has put my survival into perspective. I have to think about if I have enough water bottles, whether I should go out at certain times of the day because it’s so hot, be careful with cooking and handling local water. Also, I have to be more in tune with myself and my surroundings because there are wild plants, bugs, and animals to be aware of.

This sort of ”wildness” as I can describe is very good for me to experience, to get back to life/reality and see how things really are in this world. Getting out of my comfort zone on holiday is cool.

While some things are harder here in Greece, compared to where I live in Austria, the people are exceptionally warm, open and friendly with you, as a stranger. It’s really nice and different than what I face in Austria. Plus, there is natural beauty all around, from the cypress and palm trees, mountains, the sea/beaches, and the interesting birds and wildlife.

I find it really healthy for oneself to go off to a foreign place from time to time and really get involved, dive in deep with how things are, and live life like the locals. It will certainly challenge your comfort zones and bring new perspectives on how to live and enjoy life.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Eradicating the Worst of Me – 323

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when I see my former competitors still make success and money for themselves, as I secretly fear that they have or will be taking my place in terms of the area we both have competed in. I realize I have secretly competed against them to make sure I was at the top. Now since I have stopped playing that game, the drive to crush/replace/destroy needs to be corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to crush, destroy, and annihilate my competitors so that I am on the only one in my field/on top and thus no threat is upon me, where I can breathe and just be me. I realize only in an Equal Money System could I truly rest and be at peace with my financial situation, and me, as my needs would be taken care of financially forever/my whole life, and thus there would be no fear of someone threatening to upstage me as my survival would already beset by an external force supporting me. And that I could just be me and whoever and however I express myself, I still have a secured survival.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take the anger, the righteous, and seemingly ‘power’ I experience in wanting to crush/destroy/annihilate my competitors and use that to create a better life for myself, and everyone involved by actually working on my mind in eradicating/destroying the worst of me that I see/hate in others and this world.

I commit myself to take the hatred, anger, righteousness, and feeling of power I have towards people and things in my world and turn it towards myself in eradicating/deleting/getting rid of the worst shit within me.

I commit myself to realize an Equal Money System can get started by me no longer serving the ‘survival of the fittest’ mindset of wanting to crush my competitors and instead strive to live for a better world where all are taken care of, financially for their well-being and just existing in this life.

I commit myself to explore what living for/as an Equal Money System truly is, and how to practically live that type of existence by eradicating the old programming/ways of myself and former generations that are evil/corrupt/screwed up.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Being Responsible for Others: Working with Interns – 322

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I had the privilege of being a supervisor for a pair of interns this summer, for an organization I volunteer at. While some people may groan and fuss about having to watch a couple of college students all summer, I found it exceptionally rewarding.

Mostly because they were fresh faces with fresh perspectives on things in life. It was really great to get to know them as individuals and see where their strengths and talents lie.

For example, our first meeting we simply got to know each other and our personality types. We talked about our astrological signs, our Enneagram numbers and whether we side more on the introvert or extrovert side. So the first impression was that everyone understood where each person was, self-honestly, and from there I got to determine what type of work I could give them, where they could thrive.

Of course, this was a learning process, as I first started to give the male intern work on graphic design because he was more of the art type who had a love of the finer things in life. However, I saw that I was excluding the opportunity for the female intern to take on the job too, so I then decided to assign her some tasks with graphic design. I knew she and I discussed beforehand that she never really worked with graphics, but lo and behold, after much tinkering around, she designed some pretty amazing things and I think became proud of herself.

Eventually though as shit started to hit the fan between me and my co-founder in regards to finances and drama at the location we were at, I started to see our unit as a family. A family that needs to stay strong and stable amidst the turmoil going on. I soon started to see the interns as children. Where my co-founder and I were like the parents and that the emotions and shit we were experiencing towards things happening on the outside, could seep into our relationship with the interns.

Eventually, it got to the point where I had to became the sole ‘parent’ or person who had to keep everything together and became entirely responsible for the ‘kids’/interns. It was no fun and I still have to deal with reactions with this point, but I could really see the intrinsic responsibility that comes forth when you allow people to work with you and walk with you in your life, that you see every day. That they (the interns) started to pick up on subtleties and changes going on between me and my co-founder and started to ask about it.

I then took the liberty of being honest and direct with what was going on behind the scenes, in a way that didn’t reveal everything but enough for them to understand the stuff that can happen in an organization. And from this, I also realized the importance of the co-founders needing to stick together, but also the truth that: running a business or organization with a friend may not be the best idea. It certainly is not working for me.

I also realized for myself, after many mistakes, that I am best to do projects alone, by myself, being my own boss and CEO. This has inspired me to take on a new venture/project that is currently in the making, that is more aligned to me. Where no one is boss except me.

So, to sum this all up – when you take responsibility for a set of interns, my suggestion is to realize you are responsible for them in a way, similar to a parent, in that they do look up to you for guidance and instruction. They still have a lot of learning in life (as we all do), but since you are the supervisor, you need to consider who you are, your actions, and how you handle things – especially when shit hits the fan. Would you like the interns to take on these characteristics you’ve been displaying and have them apply it later in their life? Because that’s how supervisors are supposed to act?

For example, when shit hits the fan are you going to freak out in front of everyone or are you going to sit down and start brainstorming for solutions? This is what I had to do because I had no choice. I could not show the interns that being and feeling defeated in the face of the system and giving up on the organization is the way to go. You have to keep moving on until you tested all options and see that it is best in the end. Overall it’s important that you show your interns, or whoever is with you, to not give up. Even if that means you have to take on a load for a while until things settle down.

I could not have come to such stability and drive for solutions if it were not for the Desteni tools and community. I truly believe walking my process with them made me become a more pragmatic, practical, less emotional, and commonsensical person.

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Make or Break Relationship Patterns – 321

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Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid of people, especially dear friends of mine, who won’t like me anymore due to me making mistakes that affect them negatively, over and over. I realize I am thinking of 2 examples in which I have possibly upset my friend that I have not forgiven myself for nor corrected that I am afraid will make or break our relationship. I realize I tend to go into ‘make or break our relationship’ with other women due to how I was brought up, where my mother would show signs of neglect and abandonment if she didn’t like how I was acting or being. Also, my sister would hold grudges if I did things she didn’t like. So I realize the pattern I fear exists within me and my upbringing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequences of living out ‘make it or break the relationship’ by having secret, hidden standards against someone, particular every woman in my life, instead of realizing how I actually fear women doing that towards me, towards the mistakes I make that affect them, because that is how my mother has acted upon me and I hated it. I realize I can choose to be someone else, who does not act upon ‘make it or break it relationship’ standard, after a few attempts that have disturbed me from someone, instead of questioning how can I give this person another chance, putting myself in their shoes, to see what I and we can learn together as a point of forgiveness, and how we can continue our relationship together (though I realize the case of severe abuse one should leave the relationship but that doesn’t apply to me)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I fear my friend already turning her back against me because I have made a mistake that affected her and others, similar to how I have felt when I have done something consequential towards my mother. I realize in both those situations I was NOT FULLY AWARE of the consequences of my actions that have contributed to harming or affecting my mother/friend, because I was wrapped up in energy at the time. I realize my point of responsibility was that I was overcome by emotion (fear) and acted within and upon that, and so, by identifying who I was within the energy before I acted upon it and affected others, I can correct myself for next time.

Self-Commitment Statements:

I commit myself to not take on the behavior of my mother who will abandon and/or neglect a woman just because she does something, my mother, judges as bad and unforgivable.

I commit myself to live the correction of seeing where I can continue a relationship with a woman, despite her acting or walking actions I deem as unacceptable, because perhaps that person may need assistance and support of understanding and walking out of that very point (and also because I like being friends with everyone, and don’t want to ever have a grudge or be in a poor stand with someone unless it’s best for all)

I commit myself to live and apply the word CHANCE when I encounter a situation where either I or another woman has made a mistake that has affected us negatively, to see how I can perhaps regain trust, and give understanding, and prove correction to both myself and another after I’ve made the mistake

I commit myself to seek understanding, compassion, and space of forgiveness to correct myself from my mistakes, that have affected me and others, as I realize true correction must come from a space of healing, compassion, understanding and the will to live the correction.

I commit myself to give myself the healing space and opportunity to identify what emotions/energy I go into that influence me to act in ways that become consequential to everyone (such as me going into the boss mode, bossing people around when I am in fear)

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation