When Your Plan to Turn a Competitor into a Friendship Doesn’t Work Out – 317

Yesterday I had a meeting with someone who I had difficulty with within the journalism world for some time. She and I have been the major competitors of each other, and I thought it was about time I sit down with her, to get to know her and learn more about who she is and her intentions. This is because I wanted to finally be clear of some assumptions I had of her, and thought we could create a potential friendship and ultimately be cool with each other.

I made sure before I did meet her to clear myself as much as possible with Self-Forgiveness and direction, but still was nervous and apprehensive about our meeting.

Generally, the meeting was fine. I got to learn more about her intentions which have to do with survival and providing her own source of income through her work. This made sense to me as to why she is very competitive and seems to have issue with me as her other competitor. The problem was, was that I expected us to be cool and friends at the end, but it didn’t turn out as so – the ending was brief and superficial, and it left me nauseous. Knowing that despite our meeting and me trying to show and share more about myself so I can open the door for her to see the kind of relationship I’d like to create for us didn’t work. I realized that I can’t change someone, no matter what I do or how much I may work on myself, or open the door to my heart – that person has to make the decision to change and allow me into their lives.

My disappointment came from the fact that I expected us to be friends and cool at the end, as I mentioned before, because that’s what happened to my friend and I wanted that. But it seemed like on her end it wasn’t possible. It’s quite sad that two women, who yes, use to or are currently competitors, can’t put things down to rest and create a relationship that supports one another. I know I must honor their process and their decisions, but it does suck.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate women not wanting to be friends with me, as it shows me that I must let go of control and the desire / want for people to like me and want to be cool / friends with me. I see, realize and understand I have a problem with conflict, and people genuinely not liking me or having issues with me, because somehow somewhere to me that means something is wrong with me. I also realize I have the false idea that everyone should like me, and that if they don’t, something is wrong with me, as I should automatically be liked by everyone. I realize that is a survival mechanism I picked up from my mother, who strives to be liked and will ”bend her own back” to please and like, even if it’s borderline abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear upon realizing that even despite sharing and showing myself, my heart, that another won’t forgive me or accept me or want to lay things to rest / water under the bridge, that the person still holds onto a grudge or suspicion about me, which I now realize and understand is normal, in that with getting to understand their intentions, survival and financial security is most important and I have been made a threat to them in their minds, thus only they can work that point out themselves, despite my attempts showing I would rather create a friendship/partnership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and allow the sadness to influence me and my expression, because I am not certain how to direct reality of a woman-friendship born out of suspicion, threat and fear is still prevalent in another and thus cannot be changed, and thus I cannot get my desired, or potential outcome of being cool / at peace with someone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make peace with the fact that we will both remain separate and not friends, and thus natural competitors in the world system, and that I am and have been redefining my form of competition into something healthy, and that is something I must walk alone. That I must find a way to be ok with failing in my attempts of not being friends with a competitor from the world system. I also realize it is up to them to be cool / friends with me, after I attempted so, and can only leave the door open for them from here forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and become sad seeing the potential of women being cool / friends / supporters and not enemies / competitors / vicious with each other is a process I can only walk alone, to establish and create and be in myself, where I then become the living example of a woman with no issues towards anyone else, and that I am able to stand one and equal with every individual without reaction. That I realize I must be the change I wish to see in the world, by literally living it as an example, and being it through living words and actual real-time change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge X as bad for not wanting to be cool or friends with me, as I realize I cannot judge X’s decision, because X’s reasons come from a source of survival, needing security, and perhaps feeling threatened in between it all. I realize there is always a reason why someone does something, and that I have no right nor power to judge their actions and decisions. I can see more of their character, what they exist in, accept and allow, but it doesn’t make them better or less than me on a existential level. I redefine ”bad” as being unacceptable in the face of life within what is best for all, and her walking away from creating a friendship / supporting relationship is not bad, it is a decision that does not harm me and is acceptable in the face of life which is best for all. It shows where she is at in her life and decisions. That’s all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my relationship with someone to another’s relationship, that I ideally wanted, and wanted to create that. I realize that I used the other’s relationship as a goal, but reality showed me where I am with someone instead, which also shows that what I wanted was not possible, and that I cannot compare relationships because each relationship is unique.

I see I crave and desire a female friendship again where we love and accept each other, which can only start from me accepting and loving myself and being fulfilled by that. Not seeking external support or person for that.

Self-Commitment Statements:

I commit myself to practice and find ways / solutions to be at peace with people having issues / problems with me, as having problems with others shows there are problems with oneself towards oneself not resolved, as I realize in the end all must be one and equal and stand in everyone’s shoes without reaction.

I commit myself to let go of the need / want / desire to control myself to get to a future outcome I want, as I realize life is organic, unpredictable, including many factors from people and things.

I commit to honor where a person is in life, and to honor myself / my self-honesty process, and continue to build / walk it.

I commit myself to use the sadness as a means to embrace that which I am not giving myself – my own friendship / companionship, and to stop looking outside for it.

I commit myself to walk my own process of competition, where I discover what is healthy for me, despite people maybe not liking me or finding me a threat. I realize I can’t be friends with everyone, even though I’d like to be, as that is not realistic in this day and age in this world.

I commit myself to purify and see the word ‘’bad’’ as something unacceptable in the face of life that’s best for all, and good which is nurturing within life within what’s best for all.

I commit myself to be ok aiming for a goal in relationships, but to not get too frustrated if it doesn’t work out in a certain timeframe, or if a person genuinely doesn’t want to reach the same goal as you. I realize it’s ok to test things out and see if it’s a possibility, and to be flexible if it doesn’t work out or needs adjusting.

I commit myself to stop looking outside and towards other people to fulfill the needs in me, but find practical ways to fill those needs myself. Like finding a practical way to create companionship with me. What is self-companionship?

 

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

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Tracing the Source of the Conflict – 316

I went into the room, upset at the sudden change in dynamic between me and my partner. We got into a conflict which we were both stuck in. The middle of my chest was feeling like a tingling firecracker. I thought about going to a movie to give him some space, or on a walk, but I have done this before and I’d always end up coming back home in the same state and having to talk with my partner about what happened anyways. So I saw that it would be better to – instead of wasting time by giving my partner ”space” by going out, to just cut to the chase and talk to him about what happened.

So I sat down next to him and we together traced back to the moment that triggered my partner into his sudden change of state that effected me. We found out it was something specific I said yesterday, that in it’s nature was manipulative, and my partner could feel that / pick up on that, but didn’t know how to direct it. So he allowed himself to give into my manipulation / control and ended up getting angry and took it out on me the next day by acting manipulative / controlling, which I took as a shock and decided to speak up about it.

What I found out was that: it’s freaking hard to admit when you were or are being manipulative. It is a very shameful expression to live and be in when you step out of it and realize it, yet when you’re in it, you feel very powerful, but the consequences and harm it can do to people is so hard to face. However, I did face myself in that moment – even though it was hard to say it, that I was manipulating – it lead to us finding out that my partner actually has a really good sense in being able to pick up when people are manipulating, he just didn’t know how to deal with it when I was doing it.

So we made an agreement – next time you see me being manipulative, and you can pick up on it / sense it, to let me know so I can stop it in its tracks and snap out of it. We will see how it goes for next time, but this is my little tidbit of support for people who are in a relationship and may face moments of a partner manipulating the other. Perhaps you want to make an agreement by deciding on which words and methods that will help the partner snap out of their harmful behavior.  But some techniques may fail, and it does take both partners in the relationship to commit to finding the right method that works for you, so you can create and maintain a peaceful and harmonious relationship together.

Thanks for reading!

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Benefit of Pushing through your Comfort Zone – 315

jay-sadoff-1218931-unsplash.jpgI am back visiting my parents and it’s been interesting to settle into a routine and see old patterns emerge after a few days being back with them. One of the patterns I’ve been experiencing is a resistance to not share myself and my day with them. Like at the dinner table, I preferred to stay in my comfort zone of processing my day in my mind and just be in there eating.

But I saw specifically at the dinner table a point emerge in me where I wanted to share and express something about my day but saw the physical movement I had to do to do it. LOL and I reacted to the physical effort of having to speak! But since seeing it, I pushed through it anyway to see what would come. I actually wanted to share myself to my parents because I thought this could support in the development of our relationship as well. In a DIP buddy chat some time ago my buddy asked me what kind of relationship I want to develop with my parents which supported me to see the creation aspect one can create with another (that relationships don’t have to be stagnant but can do something more with them).

So at that dinner table, I shared information of what me and my partner did, and it was really like having to push through hard waters to do so, but once I shared, I got a response, and had to push myself again to share more. The backchat of ‘there is no point, this doesn’t matter, they don’t care tried to bring me down and they made the resistance stronger, but as I kept talking, they dissipated and I discovered my mom likes knowing what I did on my day!

So just a little note to myself to continue to share more of me and what I’ve done and learned with my mom as she has shown as genuine interest in me and my day. That pushing through the comfort zone of not wanting to talk at the dinner table is worth it as it supports in the building of my relationship with my mom – as well as relationship with me in showing me I can break limitations!

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

An Overload of Distraction Pleasures the Mind but Not Our Potentials – 314

jed-villejo-647973-unsplashRecently I realized how there is an overwhelming amount of distractions for us. Especially for me and those living in a elite positions where we have access to an unlimited selection of tv shows and movies at one’s disposal – not to mention high speed internet where one can go on and do whatever they want on there.

I’ve been questioning me and my position as an ‘elite’ lately. Meaning, me as someone who can – and does live at times – overly-indulgently. How essentially living and being in such a position is quite a good trap for the world system and consciousness in keeping us preoccupied by indulging constantly in these luxurious.

Like I have access to three tv streaming services, with a plethora of my favorite shows. It is almost too easy to just indulge and forget everything, and I am beginning to look at how these streaming services are designed to keep us elite humans entertained and happy while we forget and lose touch with the real problems going on in the world. There was a specific research article once that said those who are unhappy watch the most TV…

I see that it is us as the collectives fault within all of this. We are becoming a society where everything is given to us so quickly, and almost ‘free’ in a way that we forget what it means to create things with OUR OWN HANDS. Everything we seem to touch is a distraction and a way to divert ourselves and the mind from what we are really going through within.

Additionally –  it dawned on me that if I can’t sleep I’ll watch TV. I figured out it was a way for me to avoid things going on in me. It’s just too easy to try and divert yourself and problems by watching something engaging and entertaining, while the  things within are still not being resolved and will still affect me the coming day – until I do something about it, or I walk into my own consequence.

This is certainly a wake up call for me and I hope other people too when it comes to being more aware of who we are with the amount of entertainment, social media and online distractions we are participating in – as means to feel something other than what we are feeling within. To become more aware of why we are going to our phones, picking up the remote, or watching a movie and see how we can balance that out entertainment with practical work like taking care of the home, and oneself by figuring out how to deal with personal problems.

For me, the era of overly self-indulgence is coming to an end. I know I have a lot of work to do, and I don’t want to continue neglecting things that truly need to be taken care of. Will let you know how it goes! Thanks for reading.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Dropping the Tennis Racket / Not Participating in Competition – 313

yaron-richman-469602-unsplashSoooooooo I am currently in the process of building a non-profit. This is taking up a lot of time and ”heart space” – meaning, a lot of time where I utilize inner creativity to come up with ideas and a plan on how to move forward.

Unfortunately, you can’t walk in the system without their being competitors or organizations looking to take a piece of the pie- and sometimes they want to take your piece of the pie – what you were planning to eat, and they take some without asking.

Well I’m in a situation where someone/an organization is starting to copy our work, to the point where it is becoming quite obvious they are observing what we are doing, and using similar strategies as us.

I know this because I have watched this particular organization before my team launched ours and when we launched this particular organization started to change their content/marketing strategy in a way that looks similar to what we are doing. Unfortunately I have had a personal relationship in working with this former organization and did not leave on the best terms, and knowing who they are it’s not a surprise they want to try and be on top by taking some of our work.

I saw it coming and had predicted something like this, but when you really do see that the competition is true/they are copying one’s work, it is not pretty and really hit me in the face. Yes, perhaps it’s a form of flattery, or that it shows they have to use other peoples work to develop their own – but all in all, the only way I can move forward from this is to still stick to my instincts, my trust, my creativity, and turn off the noise by not watching them. Turn off the TV, sit in the quiet and take the time to really ask yourself ‘what do I want to do/create in this, truly?’

So I am dropping the tennis racket…  which I still remember was talked about in an old Desteni video – where just like participating in thoughts, or in a conflict with someone, going back and forth, like a tennis ball going back in forth in the court, with no real solution – to really stop the participation, be here, grounded, look to see how best to move forward, you got to drop the tennis racket and walk away.

So despite this mess I feel like I’m in, this situation has showed me how important it is to trust me and what I am doing – because clearly I am making an impressive impact if another organization is taking and using my work for them to gain success. It also does show they lack the spine or the ability to really come up with their own movement forward. But all in all, this is something not to bother myself with – but to keep walking forward, keeping myself centered and in line with what I want to do and create in this organization.

So TRUST is a big word for me to live in this venture. Trust that ‘everything will be ok’ not in an ignorance is bliss way, but that only cool things can come the more I walk as me, free from fears – walk in confidence and certainty (and integrity!!).

To be in the position I’m in and to have this type of awareness of what it means to walk in self-trust/confidence in business ventures could not be possible without Desteni and the community. I would not be here without them, so the least I can do is show my gratitude by being a person with integrity, working in self-trust towards what is best for all in this organization.

 

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Imagination Impressions & Physical Reality – 312

david-fanuel-620585-unsplashDo you ever daydream or imagine doing something impressive and then when you physically do the action its far different than what you imagined?

Something I’d like to share is that some time ago I imagined me dancing well to a particular song, believing that I could do well since I have background experience in dance.

Then when I actually watched a tutorial on how to dance to the song and physically tried out the moves I was hit by surprise to see how what I believed would be easy was not. I fumbled around with my arms and body trying to mimjc the dancer in the video. Reality gave me a taste of what is REAL because what I THOUGHT I was good at got totally squished when I applied this thought to physical reality.

Which is yet again another indication for me on how important it is to cross reference myself by physical living and actions. That if I for example believe myself to be nice it must be proven in the physical by how nice I take care of myself, my body and others. So physical reality really is that point of absolute truth of me and all of us really.

So this is a short blog on a realization I had that has helped me see nothing is in fact true unless proven and shown in reality. What I THINK and BELIEVE about myself, who I am and what I can do can only be validated if it is lived and proven in the physical.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Biting the Bullet, Working in the System – 311

guilherme-stecanella-589917-unsplash

Working in the system and having to be in it is difficult sometimes. I find especially after walking my process for some years and having developed skills of interacting with and seeing people as equals it is still difficult for me to be treated as less than or allow my bosses to project blame/avoid responsibility of their mistakes.

I have to be careful because sometimes I do blurt out or share what I see and I can see it kind of stirs them up. For example – I was able to show my boss how it was everyone’s collective fault on a point (because it was new and we never reached this form of territory) instead of allowing my boss to make it seem as if they were not responsible for it.

I realize as a Destonian and being involved in the Desteni group we do have opportunities and a space to share what we see and point out where we see another is projecting blame onto another. It is one thing to do in the group and another to apply it in the “real world”/system when many people have not yet learned what it means to own their mistakes and faults because of ego or fear of vulnerability.

I feel like as Destonians we really have to figure out how to work in the system and get along in it. For a while I could not understand “Be in the system but not of the system” means. Now I do – for me I define it as being able to with what I learned and applied in my process see where I can assist and direct me and others in the system/in my job that is best for everyone and doesn’t compromise me at the same time.

It is a lot of learning and figuring out which I do enjoy. I am starting to pick up where I went too far and/or what to correct next time in my job. Because I am not the boss and yet serving them, I have to be careful how I interact as to not threaten my position.

Tonight I would honestly not like to go to a work function because I have intense menstrual cramps and honestly don’t want to go but I know that I require to go to keep a good reputation at work. I am sure it would be consequential if I drop out of this event so I push to go tonight.

I know there are some sacrifices to make when it comes to working in the system, but sometimes you have to do things to keep a stable reputation and continue to get money coming in. It sucks but it’s something we have to do now. Just like having to hear your bosses talk shit about other people but you don’t have the authority or stand to direct it in a supportive way because it could harm your rep. It sucks but this also allows me to bring that stand in other projects and ventures I’m involved in where I don’t become a gossiper but can show another way of living/being to others.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation