What is Meaningful to You and Me – Day 309

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Some people find their religion to be a very meaningful thing in their life. This is what I have discovered upon watching a couple of friend’s Instagram Stories (Instastories) who are in the same church community and thus share a lot of activities that go on in their church.

At first I would react to it – and still to this day I have more sorting out to do – but I have taken it upon myself to finally ask what am I reacting to here? and I found it more has to do with my relationship to meaning.

My friends find church and religion to be meaningful – it is something that is a part of who they are, and it’s in their life. Their church and community mean a lot to them which is why they share/talk about it online unapologetically and openly.

For me, I find there are many things that are meaningful to me but don’t share them so openly and exuberantly like my friends do – and that is what’s missing. Is that I am not being honest with myself in that I would like to share with my friend about Desteni and how it’s a part of my life. It’s something that has been a part of my life for a long time, that is a part of me – and not sharing/revealing/being open about this is like I’m suppressing a huge part of who I am and it doesn’t feel well.

So my plan is to share with this one particular friend (who I connect very well with and has sort of become like a sister to me in a way) more of my life as a Destonian, because like church being a large part of her life, Desteni is like that to me (nix worshipping someone/something, though I do honor Life hehe).

From this, knowing my friend quite well, I need to plan accordingly since there is a large possibility she may get triggered/react not well if I talk about the Portal and beings on other side/afterlife, since it would challenge so much in her, so will look into how to word and explain things in a way where the essence and meaning of my life with Desteni is communicated…

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

 

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Projecting My Traits Unto Another & The Insight – 308

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Photo by Mitch Lensink on Unsplash

There is a woman in my life whom I react to. She to me is desperate, trying to find her ground and thus fails at being herself/authentic. Basically because she doesn’t know who she is. I react to her especially because I seem to be a trigger point for her where when I post something that is in competition with her project, she’ll post something to keep going. I am of course projecting all of this, as I cannot tell you 100% if what I am claiming is true, because I am not nor was ever in this woman’s shoes – I am merely INTERPRETING her.

Interestingly enough, when I see women I feel I am in competition with, post or share something, I want or usually take what they post, see what I can learn from it and make my post/work better. So I use them to catapult my success. BUT underneath MY MOVEMENT is fear.

Fear of falling out of line and no longer being in the popularity game. Fear of being out-won or less popular than my competition. Fear of my competition gloating and boasting and becoming egotistical thinking they’re better than me and seeing themselves like that. All aspects I live within that I’m projecting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear woman I don’t like, become more popular than me in social media.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that just because on is popular on social media does not mean they are popular and as well liked or loved in real life, where I realize when I made it to 12k followers I have never felt more alone, which shows it’s not about the number of followers or friends – but about who I am, and how I have not given me the chance or opportunity to develop a like/love towards me, and me alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be sure how to like me, separating myself from the word like because of a negative feel towards it – how I actually don’t like the word like because that to me means you’re bonded to something eternally if you like something, instead of realizing likes change over the years/moments/days and that I don’t have to ‘like’ all of me, because honestly I don’t – I don’t like all parts of me. So I realize I can use the word LIKE to cross-reference where in me am I not liking something about myself – like a habit, character trait, personality, etc and find ways/means to change it so I do like it/me.

Like can be practically used.

I commit myself to use the word LIKE as a cross-reference to see what I like about myself, and what I don’t like about myself.

I commit myself to strengthen my confidence by recognizing the genuine quality, traits and expressions I exude that I LIKE about myself, though being humble in not nor never comparing or seeing myself more than towards others.

I commit myself to utilize the word LIKE to pinpoint aspects of me I don’t like I can then work on to change me into an individual I am proud and happy in.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

The Reality of Being Unconditional – 307

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Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

In the Desteni community, a question was asked: How do you understand or see the word ‘unconditional’? Do you live this word? If so, How?

For me, being unconditional is like a god who loves you no matter who you are or what you do. They take you in and accept you completely.

I see this similarly to the physical EARTH – the physical takes us in and allows us as beings to exist and live on this Earth. Yet we are like blinded rats who harm the Earth and not take it into consideration the kind of pollution and destruction we cause onto it.

My physical BODY for example has dealt through a lot of binge eating and emotional reactions – some that would develop into panic attacks. Yet my body has not removed me or thrown me out or something lol. It still allows me to breathe and be here…

I also know the body does have its point where it will start showing signs of disease/problems/cancer over time as it cannot sustain itself and needs additional support. From what I read through Desteni – cancer for example is a result when the body turns against the being/the person occupying it because of the years of abuse the being placed on it.

Looking at this, it’s strange we see and interact with our body like it’s a stranger. Our lack of awareness of what’s really going on inside and the body’s limit does show how separate we really are from our physical and this physical existence.

For me it’s similar to a mother who birthed a child but then later down the line they no longer see the child as a part of them and abuses them without any care or consideration. This I believe we do unto our bodies; with the amount of harmful emotions, eating habits, physical harm etc we place on ourselves but our bodies are innocent and unconditional in allowing us to be in their vessel for us to live. We forget we are A PART OF OUR BODIES.

I say it’s time we start shifting our awareness to focus more on ourselves and the relationship we have with our bodies. Treating the body as a companion for life – as it realistically is – a body that carries us through life.

What I am doing is developing an awareness of how I talk and treat myself and finding ways on how to shift my self-treatment to self support. Much of my movement of this comes from what I am learning from Mind Body Innerverse and the Desteni Community I’m involved in. I could not be doing this if it weren’t for them!!

 

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Thank Goodness for DIP Buddies

niko-photos-333391-unsplashIn a state of overwhelming emotion I contacted my Desteni i Process* buddy and they supported me by being direct and sharing their personal experience with the point I was going through. This gave me the direction I needed to make a decision within myself about what I’m going to do about what I was struggling with. 

From this, I say, I am truly grateful to have access to my DIP buddy, to go to for these little ”emergencies” or in need of guidance outside of our regular chat days and times. However I do recognize the importance of not ABUSING that availability by going to them for things I know I can figure out first by myself.

In this specific case I was really struggling and other ways/means of working with it didn’t pull through, so I needed to talk to someone. And knowing my buddy’s availability and expertise on the point, I knew they could help.

At first I doubted if its “okay” to contact them when it’s not during a regularly scheduled chat, but because I didnt want to wait for our next chat, and was in a pretty difficult state, I just contacted them to see. 

For those walking the Desteni i Process – you have quite a gift with having a buddy who can be there for you, not just once a week, but more if needed. But like I said, be careful you don’t abuse the oppurtunity and take advantage of them… find a balance to work on things yourself and use other sources and people if need be. Our buddies have lives too, so they cannot be at our every beck and call 🙂 but they really are truly a “blessing”!

*What is the Desteni i Process? It’s a life coaching platform where you’ll learn essential life skills and practice simple common-sense tools such as self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application. Based on years of research & practice, developed with attention to detail, proven by hundreds of people and delivered to you comfortably through the web.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Being the Creator of my Own Stress – 306

alex-iby-221654-unsplashIt’s a funny title isn’t it? Being the creator of my own stress. But I realise I am…and reality showed me that with the following:

I was alone in my apartment. I usually work at home, so I was at the table doing my work. It was quiet outside with the occasional chatter of my neighbors. I got no demanding texts from my boss that triggered stress – I found the stress I had come from me PRESSURING myself in a sense of urgency and impatience to get my work done as soon as possible so I can move onto other things.

I became like an authoritarian, suppressing the life and voice of the calm, common sensical me and pushed and drove myself hard within rigidness and no mercy within my work. 

I found the back story or reason behind my personality – the honesty point being “I don’t like my work and this is not what I want to do. I have no choice but must do it” so within a state of helplessness (cause I have to do it) and anger (because I dont want to do it) I then push myself to do my work in a state of impatience and stress – wanting to get the work done as soon as possible so I can move onto things I want or need to do. 

Memories of doing math homework with my mother represents this point well for me. When she would help me with my math homework both of us would be angry and stressy because I had to do the homework (but didn’t know how to and needed my moms help) and both of us wanted to do other things but essentially felt locked down we had to do it. So my mother would get impatient with me (because I was slow/didnt get it) and I would get stressed/scared. 

The bottom line being: we were reacting accordingly because we didn’t want to do what was in front of us in the moment – but it had to get done – but we knew it was going to be a process and struggle and cause some discomfort in between. It was going to test our patience too. And we made it worse for ourselves reacting on top of what we were expecting – the struggle, strife and pain. 

And let’s be honest – no one wants to go through that. We rather avoid or cope or suppress from the hard painful things because we know if we jump in and walk in the challenging moments we are going to struggle, fall, maybe cry and punch our pillow – so who has time for that and wants to go through that? 

We see challenges and things we don’t want to do but must as these jaw clenching obstacles – but we make it worse for ourselves by REACTING towards what we have to do and thus create stress. 

We miss out on the journey itself if we are already reacting towards it.  The journey being the ups and downs, realizations, and yes experiencing the emotions that’s also a normal natural part when you embark on a journey. The key is to work through them as much as you can in every moment of breath.

This is something I’m still learning – is slowing down and being more attentive to what is going on internally while having to do work externally. For so long I would lose myself in work, in the moment, hardwired and driven I wouldn’t eat or drink. But now I’m learning how to balance being present internally and externally. 

Though it is hard if you are expected to act fast in the job. At this stage in my life my job does not require me to work and act fast that is something I created for myself and added all the stress to it.

Now I will be practicing slowing down as I work, and seeing what it’s like when I walk with me on the journey of work from my start time to end time.

I will also redefine the word JOURNEY since it will be a journey for me to walk my job Mon-Friday.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

 

The Most Impactful Moment for Me Started from Gossip – Day 305

Within the Desteni community there is a question making the rounds that I’ll answer here on my blog. That question is:

What was one of the most impactful moments in your life that transitioned you into a new path or way of looking at life? 

It’s not pleasant when the people you’re working with are talking behind your back. And if you know someone for a long time, you can start picking up on things when you know something is going on.

Our relationship got to a point where it became obvious a colleague had an issue about me and what I was doing, but talked about it to their friend. And because I was honestly scared of her, and saw myself as less than/not good enough, I did not think I should talk to her about it.

Eventually I made a mistake at work and essentially got (what I felt like) attacked and hounded by her and her friend. It was as if me making the mistake was a perfect moment for these people to kind of lay down their judgements on me to make me feel bad. It came as a shock, for sure to be treated like that – but I saw it as the too late point of many moments that accumulated between us that were not confronted and resolved.

Well from that moment on (and after leaving this working project), I dedicated my life to building courage, instinct and confrontation skills – so when I start picking up on these subtle signs and clues that something may be ”off” from someone – I have the ability to go up to them and ask them about it.

OR if I have a problem with someone, I first understand what it is – why am I reacting to them? BEFORE I confront them / talk to them otherwise I KNOW who I will be in the confrontation will not be calm and clear and I may regret saying something.

The latter, in stopping myself before I confront someone in reaction is something I’ve been practicing after listening to many EQAFE interviews. They would emphasize putting a gaurd in front of your mouth, and taking that time or breath or break to collect yourself before confronting something or someone.

This has been a principle I’ve been practicing for about 2 years now – this awareness of being more attentive to the energy reactions (of emotions like anger or fear) towards someone/something and finding ways to prevent myself from acting within that energy reaction – BECAUSE: If I act within the reaction, I am not directive principle. I did not say ”I am going to be angry about this,” no, the energy would be god in this instance and bring up the trigger without my doing. So the key here is to become aware of the triggers and emotions that automatically come up without me deciding to, and taking a breath, and asking myself questions FIRST to understand my triggers and myself before I make the next step (talking to someone, for example).

I hope this all makes sense! Let me know if you have any questions or comments 🙂

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

 

 

Day 304: Fulfillment

Today I had a gynecology exam – a yearly check up. I got a Pap smear which is to check if a woman has abnormal cells that could be potentially linked to pre-cancerous or cancerous cells.

The doctor said if there is anything concerning they will call me. But if I don’t get a call that meand everything is ok. As someone who has a tendency to go to worst case scenario, the situation trigger a fear of getting a phone call because that would indicate bad news.

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Photo by Joanna Nix on Unsplash

I walked self forgiveness on the point of getting a call and potentially having cancer. I discovered behind the fears was a truth that I have not been using my time as best I could – that I can do more and if I get cancer that’s kind of leaning to a point of my time coming to an end. And if my time is coming to an end I will regret a lot of not sharing, living and giving back – things I could and can do when healthy and well. 

So within that I used constructive imagination to imagine me having cancer – and how within cancer how I would be making the best of my time – meaning I would push to share more, work on me more, nurture my relationship with myself and my husband, and funnily enough make my home into a beautiful place. 

So the word FULFILLMENT came through from this point. Where I then asked myself how can I fufill my life more? And I saw it was: sharing me / expressing me more with others, working deeply on myself on traumatic events througu Mind Constricts, and making my home into a beautiful place. I know I can do more and it’s a new commitment I’m starting for myself.

 

Additional Resources:

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation