285. A Personal Note on ”The Maker of Matter’

full_the-maker-of-matter-reptilians-part-562Essential real substantial change happens in the every day life moments. Otherwise we build and create more problems for ourselves because we are afraid of taking 100% responsibility for ourselves.

After listening to the Reptilians interview called Maker of Matter, I realize I am the Maker, I make and decide to live out/experience/act on my thoughts, insecurities without doing anything about it but allow myself to continue dragging through points without actually taking them on due to me personally wanting to keep me in a self-victimized helpless state. If I keep myself in that state it is as though I don’t have to take responsibility cause I am “so helpless! I’m in such a victimized state! Oh I have to do this and that! Oh no! Look at how shitty my life turned out to be…look at how these people and these situations/things left me in the state I am!” It’s not real and just an avoidance to taking full responsibility of who I am in realizing I have allowed events to unfold as is and I have created myself and my process as is up to this point because of acting/re-acting in a state of helplessness, self-victimization, “it’s not my fault! They did this to me!!” It’s bullshit really lol.

So realizing and identifying these two aspects in me of experiencing helplessness and self-victimization and the belief that I am not responsible nor capable enough to take responsibility for myself is just an excuse, an avoidance mechanism to not walk outside of the box and change, in my every day moments. Cool I flagged these two points – victimization and helplessness cause now I can see these are my “downfalls” and “weaknesses” that actually when they come up I can then move me to empower myself to learn more about who I am in these points and find the solution to change.

 

Additional Support

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

284. Adjust / Adjusting in the Moment

chalis007-189517I had made plans and envisioned doing some cleaning in a particular area of work and I calculated I could get all the cleaning and organizing done right in time for me to go home but then my coworker came through and said for me to do another job and then do the planned cleaning job later. So in me I had felt/faced like a rattle/shake in me of “what?! I cant…I had already planned this and that and it’s going to go perfectly cause then I’ll be done at 2:00!” LOL perfect opportunity for me to face my programming and to look and live the word ADJUST because it was exactly what I had to do — I had to say yes, give in and do the job asked of me, but then later down the line actually found a better solution for me to get my original job done and get out of work in time!

So here I will be walking the word ADJUST – specifically in relation to moments I plan and expect something to happen or manifest according to me but then something in my reality changes and so I must ADJUST me as a shift to move on to something new and unexpected, trusting me I will do and be my self honest best in the moment.

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist having to move and shift from my plans because that moment that challenged my programming of staying in the box / my comfort zone. I realize planning is cool but not make it an absolute – be open to flexibility and accept the possibility the plans may change without my control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist adjusting myself, my mind and my body to be flexible or something completely different that is asked or opens up for me in the moment due to me already making the decision “this is what I’m going to do, exactly and precisely and absolutely” creating and imprinting me into a rigid self that prevents me from opening up and expanding myself in flexibility

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be open to the probabilities, potentialities and possibilities that things I plan may not go entirely according to plan, and that’s ok – as I realize that this is LIFE – SHIT HAPPENS, LIFE HAPPENS, and you got to move, adjust, change. I realize life is not stagnant nor rigid – it is always moving, expanding and growing and is not limited to a set structure and stays like that. We would most likely be sitting still the rest of our existence if that were so lol so I realize the necessity of being open, flexible and expansive in my life / process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not want to” adjust/move/change when I am asked to do so or the oppurtunity presents itself because that moment/opportunity challenges me and my programming and pushes me out of my comfort zone.  I realize getting out of our comfort zones is a form of support and growth for us to step out of being directed by our mind to directing ourselves in principle of what is best for self/all

Self-Commitment Statements:

I commit myself to be open to flexibility and possibilities of change in my plans

I commit myself to stop being so rigid with my planning and instead be/live/expect FLEXIBILITY and things may just happen in my life I have not expected 

When and as someone or something asks me to do something or join them in with something and I react in rigidness/don’t want to – I stop and I breathe. I realize rigidness keeps me locked in my minds programming and thus I commit to expand and push me out of my programming/comfort zones by assessing if I self honestly can move/adjust me in the moment with what is required/requested of me.

Additional Support

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

283. Business Partners, Enemies and Money

business enemies partners moneyI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an ”enemies’‘ list in my head of people I don’t like, that I believe have somehow wronged me in life and deserve to somehow get revenge from me

I commit myself to stop creating secret lists of people I like and don’t like and to stop locking me and them in labels / definitions, and simply work and clear the reactions I experience towards them all, so I stand equal and one with each and every single on of them without movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even think and believe revenge is an acceptable form of getting back at someone, instead of realizing the best form of revenge is actually changing myself in a way that ends spite and nastiness, as being able to stand up and show/share who I am and how I changed for the better to inspire/show those I have placed on my enemies list how to change weaknesses into strengths and live in a best for everyone.

This I believe is the best form of revenge — is actually taking the insecurities, the regrets, and using them to live, to grow, to change and to become a better, more mature individual that can stand in integrity for oneself and all. No more do I allow myself to give into revenge or the desire for revenge since this form only perpetuates separation, conflict and destruction within oneself and one’s world.

I commit myself to stop justifying revenge as the best way to get back at someone since I realize it only perpetuates competition, separation, war, conflict, and destruction

I commit myself to change me into a better person, one who doesn’t want to seek revenge on others but instead uses situations/mishaps as points of learning, understanding, growing and expanding myself

I commit myself to start practicing being an individual who lives with integrity – clear of any form of hate or revenge for others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel quite distraught and angry thinking my enemy won – she got what she wanted – the project I created, and thus  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel really turbulent of emotional pain towards having lost something I created and built and wanted for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what I had created and built and had given away to someone else to be responsible for was made by and through me within the small little decisions of giving my power, my authority away to someone/something I saw/believe was better than me at handling the project, instead of standing and working equal with them and creating a better relationship of trust and communication with them. So I realize the reason why I left and gave the project to my business partner is because I did not feel worthy or good enough of handling it, due to personal insecurities and not knowing how to build an effective business relationship with them

I commit myself to – whenever I started a project, to clarify for myself what I want, to make sure I am clear in what I am going to do and the obstacles I may encounter from it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to my business partner because they were — according to my beliefs – liked by everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my business partner in seeing them as better than me through the idea they are more free-flowing and sociable than me, and thus more liked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that free-flowing, sociable people are the most likable people instead of realizing this is an idea I formed in my mind due to me being attracted to people who are of such nature – that I personally like people who are free flowing and sociable/who communicate a lot. I realize these are words I would like to live for myself, since I am most attracted to them

When and as I see myself feel inferior to another, I stop and I breathe. I realize they are representing something to me I do not feel I am yet, and thus I commit myself to USE what I see in them as words to redefine, live, build and express within me

I commit myself to redefine and live the words free-flowing and sociable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto my partner for the audacity to start projects without my confirmation/approval, instead of realizing I had also done things without their approval, and this is because we had never started/made an agreement on how to decide/approve on projects and work together as equals, because I had never decided who I am with this project and what I want to do with it – my partner was more clear with what they wanted to do with it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to start a business agreement/contract with my business partner highlighting exactly what our roles/responsibilities are and that we must talk with each other before approving new decisions – that it is imperative we create a strong communicative relationship of constant support in order to move forward

I commit myself to when I start a project, to be clear in exactly what I plan to do with it and where I would like to take it and if people involve, who should they be and what kind of relationship must I create with them in principle of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry within the thought that  I lost my project to my business partner because I believe they are going to make a lot of money with the project – more money than me. I realize I had seen this project as potential to make a lot of profit and so felt protective in wanting it all – money, fame, recognition, all to myself and thus did not want to share with anyone, instead of letting that desire go in realizing as the project grew, a team needed to be built, thus sharing of responsibilities and being open to other’s suggestions, ideas and perspectives should be welcomed.

I commit myself to redefine, live and express the word SHARE

I commit myself to redefine my relationship to money where it is no longer based on energy but practicality

I also realize I had not properly received nor educated myself on how to effectively deal with others, whether in business or casual settings. Also it shows I have not developed/created a stable, understanding relationship with me, which is most needed when living and sharing this world with others

I commit myself to build, and develop an effective relationship with me, which will eventually outflow into effective relationships with others

 

Additional Support

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

 

 

282. Fulfillment

tim-mossholder-2676Fulfillment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unfilled and unhappy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people and environments determine my fulfillment and happiness instead of realizing that by believing in that, I will forever be unhappy/unfilled as external/exterior forces will never be able to give/create the fulfillment and happiness I want / need

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider how happiness and fulfillment is really an ”inside job,” that can only truly be created/manifested in/as self honesty as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unhappy and unfilled in moments I perceive to be difficult — such as when people talk to me in ways I perceive as being inconsiderate / mean / unkind – words and ways that I don’t like where I allow it to affect me in a negative internal level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take in people’s words and actions personally – where if they say something in which I perceive to be mean / inconsiderate I make it personal and attach it to the self-victimization personality where I feel bad about myself and blame my experiences on the other person instead of realizing how people act and speak to me is only a reflection of how they speak/act towards THEMSELVES and thus their words/behaviors cannot affect me unless I allow them to affect me!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I am not happy and why I cannot enjoy myself due to the conditions I work in and people I work with using justification to place blame outside of myself that it’s other people’s faults and the system for my misery instead of realizing I can enjoy me and express me in all conditions. I realize I separated myself way too much to out there – meaning I have placed my focus too much for too long outside of myself – blaming people, the environments and my situation for my unhappiness and unfulfillment, not considering or finding ways to come back in touch with me, and find inner joy and peace within me wherever I am

I commit myself to find fulfillment through the in breath and out breath and the realization I have a choice to decide who I am going to be

I commit myself to forgive, change, move and apply a living word when I see myself blame or feel down about my life/situation/people in my life as I realize I have a choice to – despite hardships – find the joy in little things

I commit myself to STOP thinking/believing/throwing blame on others for making me miserable and bring the point back to me to see where I have shifted out of myself and implement a new word I can enjoy/live in

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

281. Affection

jordan-whitt-145327Affection:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect affection to love, and believe if I do not get/receive affection from others, I am not loved. I realized love is only is but a word and real love is in action/deeds towards self and others as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of victimization and pity when I think/believe I have not received much affection from my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to firmly believe I am not loved, by anyone, instead of realizing I have defined love as someone having FEELINGS for you, positive feelings instead of living word as actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deeply desire to be touched instead of touching myself, deeply in ways only I know I can touch/be touched

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to physically express affection to/for me through self massage of feet, or simply hugging me, to show me, I am here for me, I love me and I show me that love, that ”I am here for me,” through self-hugs and massage (like feet)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel neglected by others in my life through the idea I am neglected because I am not or have not been given enough affection

I firmly believe love to be shown through affection. What is the kind of affection I would like? I would like a real hug of appreciation, of recognition of I am here, a real touch of endearment, feeling whole, nurtured. I realize I can make myself whole, nurture myself … I know I like being touched, so I should touch me more, simply as a point of self-recognition and affection, of ”I am here for you,” no matter what – I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a extreme state of neglect, worthlessness and lifeless towards the idea/belief I was never given affection by my mother instead of realizing how this is is manipulative and I do not know for sure if my mom has never given me affection through all her moments with me – thus I stop giving into the self-pity/self-victimization as I realize the times/moments with my mom is gone – as I am separate from her physically and I can only nurture and support me with/from affection as physical expression of touch to show me that I am here for me – that I love me – that I am ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss my parents and wish my parents to hug me and give me affection/touch as expressions of care, that they are here for me instead of standing as my own rock, the parents I want to be and hug me/embrace me

I commit myself to hug me as a way to show and indicate to myself that I am here for me through thick and thin – what I go through, I am here and will be there/”here” for me, even if I am alone, I have me and can hug me as I please and need.

I commit myself to – when I feel the need to be nurtured or to feel like I need something/someone when I am feeling low/alone, to hug me or touch me/massage me as indication that I am here for me, and will support/guide me as necessary to do what I need to do in this day/moment

Living Word – Redefinition of Affection: A physical touching/holding/hugging of (self’s) body as an act of appreciation/hereness/support for self – as a physical reminder to self is here for self, through thick and thin, and will support/guide self as necessary until self is complete/whole

 

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

 

280. Compliment Me… Make Me Feel Better

william-stitt-151774Depend on others to give me compliments to make me feel better about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend/expect/need people to give me compliments and make me feel better when I am online or when I post something because I have connected that to it making me feel better about myself and validating/justifying the idea that I am an okay person, there is nothing bad/wrong with me.  I realize such experiences of feeling better/good about myself from compliments/positive and supportive comments only last temporarily and are thus not a solution for long term happiness/self-acceptance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that receiving compliments from others are more important than developing and being self-acceptance in it’s pure form/expression. I realize the only true form of self-love/self-acceptance is if self develops, lives and IS it absolutely/completely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling bad for myself/of myself if I don’t receive the compliments I wanted/needed/expected to receive, because I have for some reason in my life decided that other’s words and comments are more valuable/important than my words I decide to live, express, move and become. I realize that by wanting/needing/expecting certain words/compliments from people to make me feel better only separates me more from truly developing a healthy relationship with me, self-love and self-acceptance

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to develop self-love and self-acceptance. I realize the only way to truly develop these words is to see where/how I am not living them – like what memories/experiences are defining me that are keeping me stuck where I seek love/acceptance through others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from being self-love and self-acceptance as who I am, as my own unique expression and understanding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others saying things to me that hurt ‘my feelings’ instead of realizing I can only feel hurt or fear getting hurt from certain words/sayings from people if I actually believe/give value to what people say about me/to me and somehow live those words/expressions myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as a bad person, for what I have done or who I am, not realizing that which I fear are points I have not yet resolved or forgiven, but still hold onto and define as me – things I am embarrassed about or ashamed about but have not yet faced. This I realize is the key to actually getting to self-acceptance/self-love is to face the dark side of me, the mistakes, consequences, unawareness, actions I have made through spite and/or emotions and FORGIVE MYSELF OF THEM, bringing these points to understanding and change

I commit myself to identify all the memories I am ashamed or embarrassed to look at because I realize by facing them, understanding who I was in the memory, how I created myself to be that, and forgive them, I open/allow me the opportunity to change and redefine who I am – become a new me I can be proud of

Additional Support

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

279. UPTIGHT

jeffrey-wegrzyn-183858Do you ever fear others telling you are this and that? Like fear having people say this or that word about you? I discovered the fear of being called ”uptight” recently and decided to open up my relationship to the word here in this blog.

Within this is the fear of others defining, seeing and judging me as uptight because according to me, these characteristics are negative things to be, that people don’t like it, hey, even I don’t like it when others are what I define as ”uptight.”

I realized what I fear people saying/calling/judging me are words I fear becoming and also to confront me on where I’m living/acting out those words, because of my judgements towards them. So it’s really a matter of understanding and clearing the word in me and see if it can be turned into word of support.

My definition of Uptight: can’t relax, constantly stressed and only focused/obsessed on one thing, and because of that can disregard or not consider others because you’re so focused/obsessed/driven in stress and fear over this one thing and only wanting to get it done.

How I lived the word uptight: I was uptight with a project I managed with other women, wanting and trying to make it perfect… my only focus was on the project and making sure it’s going well with no problems. I existed in fear of things going wrong and fucking up so my time more focused on managing, building the project and doing things for the project than getting to know people within it.

So I was uptight because I felt like it was my sole/prime responsibility to take care of the project, like a mother but I was uptight because I was on it constantly, fixing it, managing it, changing things, fixing things asap or urging people to fix things asap. It was my obsession, my drive because it was my creation and I felt responsible for making it the best project ever. Yet I did not use the time equally to balance my work/effort I put in the project to developing and establishing better relationships with everyone to make sure all is cool. This is a lesson for me to learn – to not be so driven in FEAR and so focused on PERFECTING a project/creation, but to accept that it will not and can not ever be perfect and fit what you want. Best to work well with the team and learn as you go and laugh (and learn) at the mistakes and just move forward.

So I will walk self forgiveness where I forgive me for being uptight and even forgiving the emotional connections and words to being uptight.

my definition of the word ”uptight,” -someone who is bitchy and unable to relax because they are obsessed and/or stressed about something and will in that stress act out mean/bitchy to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who are to me “uptight” 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word “uptight”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who live the word uptight

I commit myself to realize being uptight is combination of emotions and thoughts that self builds to live/express to be unable to relax, and exist/live out in emotions like stress, fear and anger.

I commit myself to realize that when people go into uptightness it’s mostly because they have not understood their own creation/making of getting there, and do not have the awareness nor tools on how to get them out of that state, thus –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people  when I see them as UPTIGHT – which is someone who is stressed and/or unable to relax and thus they are mean/bitchy/inconsiderate to others, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that they are living out emotions/stress from the definition of the word without awareness of how they created themselves there in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards being perceived as someone who is uptight because I define being uptight as someone who is bitchy and acts bitchy to others and I fear being like that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if you are uptight you are a bad person, because of how you treat others from/through living uptightness, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uptight, to be seen or defined by others as being uptight because I have given the word/expression a bad/negative definition/label

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being uptight to being bad/a bad person by justifying how you treat others because of your uptightness is bad and makes you a bad person – instead of realizing that many factors and reasons are behind why a person acts out and is the way they are when living uptightness – that they are unaware of it, nor have the tools or capability to move/walk themselves out of it, or unable to understand themselves in the relationship towards being uptight. So within this I am humble in realizing when people are uptight it’s because they have no tools or skills or awareness of understanding how to move/get out of it, so instead just walk/live the uptightness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uptight because if I am uptight I am bitchy, and I fear being bitchy, instead of embracing the bitchiness and understanding myself in relation to the word/expression.

I commit myself to walk and understand who am I as uptightness so I am able to understand how to walk out of it and into a more supportive living word/expression that I can show and teach to all

I commit myself to understand who I am towards bitchiness within living/being uptight and my fear of being bitchy/uptight

This I will continue in my next blog post. Thanks for reading.

EQAFE Support:

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Additional Support

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships