I see the importance of self-agreement in relationships, because if you are not taking responsibility of stuff coming up in you, that is going to influence who you are in the relationship. And for example, if you allow little moments of backchat or judgements about your partner to slip by without direction, this is going to eventually accumulate into you becoming emotional over something ”seemingly small,” that will create a large conflict or argument that could have been prevented if you took responsibility of your part within it all.
I learned this the hard way by observing how me and my partner’s largest conflicts would happen on the weekend, when we are not at work and spending a lot of time together. We questioned why this is so – why can’t we enjoy the weekend together, and it makes sense to reason that: during the week, when we get home from work, we allow emotional reactions and experiences towards each other and the environment we are living in to come up and we don’t direct or do anything about it. When we don’t do anything about them, it’s the weekend and we’re with each other for long periods of time, the reactions accumulate to such an extent that they have to be released, so a big fight is created/manifested so a release can happen, but it’s not a ”good” release – cause emotional mind shit can come up – creating more problems, using up a lot of time and energy from individuals to go through. This could have been prevented if both people simply took responsibility of what came up in them over time.
Take for example a situation where I saw my partner reacted to something I said. I wanted to speak up and share my perspective of where I was coming from, to see if that could clear the air / make him understand more, but I allowed a specific memory of me speaking up to my partner and it not going well to influence me to NOT to speak up and share myself.
So I locked myself in this past memory experience, succumbed into insecurity, and didn’t speak up/share myself because I assumed my partner was going to be/act in the same way as before and that I was going to go into insecurity. So I projected the past onto the present. Since I held onto the past and justified that this present moment is going to be the same as it was in the past, I also locked/enslaved my partner in the present moment by believing who he is now is just who he was in the past, ”even if I speak up – he will not change, or hear me,” thus perpetuating my idea I have of him from that past memory onto the present moment, which could have been a NEW moment, a NEW chance to see what is possible if I allowed myself to simply take responsibility of who I was in the memory and move myself forward from that.
So I wanted to share this to show to everyone how important it is to create and stick to a self-agreement with yourself – an agreement you make with yourself that you will do your best to take responsibility of every thought, emotional reaction/feeling, backchat, justification, memory, internal conversation that comes up within you toward your partner (and also everything else in general, but specially right now it’s about your partner) and forgive yourself of this point, and decide/commit on a correction and/or living word you will from now on live/do from that point on. This is what I am practicing/walking myself, to be more diligent with because I know what happens when I don’t take responsibility and its not pretty – the consequences only lead to seperation and destruction in a relationship – so I’d rather follow through with my self-agreement of taking responsibility for any shit I exist in my relationship with my partner, to learn and grow from that, so that I can enjoy me and be me with them.
School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words
DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course
EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise
Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships