264. From Reacting in Relationships to Taking Responsibility

taking-responsibility-in-relationshipsI see the importance of self-agreement in relationships, because if you are not taking responsibility of stuff coming up in you, that is going to influence who you are in the relationship. And for example, if you allow little moments of backchat or judgements about your partner to slip by without direction, this is going to eventually accumulate into you becoming emotional over something ”seemingly small,” that will create a large conflict or argument that could have been prevented if you took responsibility of your part within it all.

I learned this the hard way by observing how me and my partner’s largest conflicts would happen on the weekend, when we are not at work and spending a lot of time together. We questioned why this is so – why can’t we enjoy the weekend together, and it makes sense to reason that: during the week, when we get home from work, we allow emotional reactions and experiences towards each other and the environment we are living in to come up and we don’t direct or do anything about it. When we don’t do anything about them, it’s the weekend and we’re with each other for long periods of time, the reactions accumulate to such an extent that they have to be released, so a big fight is created/manifested so a release can happen, but it’s not a ”good” release – cause emotional mind shit can come up – creating more problems, using up a lot of time and energy from individuals to go through. This could have been prevented if both people simply took responsibility of what came up in them over time.

Take for example a situation where I saw my partner reacted to something I said. I wanted to speak up and share my perspective of where I was coming from, to see if that could clear the air / make him understand more, but I allowed a specific memory of me speaking up to my partner and it not going well to influence me to NOT to speak up and share myself.

So I locked myself in this past memory experience, succumbed into insecurity, and didn’t speak up/share myself because I assumed my partner was going to be/act in the same way as before and that I was going to go into insecurity. So I projected the past onto the present. Since I held onto the past and justified that this present moment is going to be the same as it was in the past, I also locked/enslaved my partner in the present moment by believing who he is now is just who he was in the past, ”even if I speak up – he will not change, or hear me,” thus perpetuating my idea I have of him from that past memory onto the present moment, which could have been a NEW moment, a NEW chance to see what is possible if I allowed myself to simply take responsibility of who I was in the memory and move myself forward from that. 

So I wanted to share this to show to everyone how important it is to create and stick to a self-agreement with yourself – an agreement you make with yourself that you will do your best to take responsibility of every thought, emotional reaction/feeling, backchat, justification, memory, internal conversation that comes up within you toward your partner (and also everything else in general, but specially right now it’s about your partner) and forgive yourself of this point, and decide/commit on a correction and/or living word you will from now on live/do from that point on. This is what I am practicing/walking myself, to be more diligent with because I know what happens when I don’t take responsibility and its not pretty – the consequences only lead to seperation and destruction in a relationship – so I’d rather follow through with my self-agreement of taking responsibility for any shit I exist in my relationship with my partner, to learn and grow from that, so that I can enjoy me and be me with them.

Supportive Recordings:

Relationship Reactions

Reaction Dimension

Fighting Over Spilt Milk

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

 

 

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262. Nix Competition & Create Together

 

A photo by Gonzalo Arnaiz. unsplash.com/photos/Nd63Kscv2XIContinuing from: Walking through Competition

There is NO EQUALITY existent in competition. No rival teams or companies wants to come together, because if they do, there is no winner, no one can be better than another, there is no energy to fuel… and the ego doesn’t like that! The ego wants to be number one, at the top. It wants to feel good, to win. To win/be at the top is comforting cause then you know your survival is set, but its not guaranteed for the rest of your life – you always have to keep an eye on the competition to make sure you don’t get bumped off the throne. So you have to be vigilant. Geez, who wants to live that way for the rest of their lives? Living in such a way of being on guard and ready to attack/fight is a waste of energy that could have been put into something more productive and considerate for the world.

What’s the point to be number one if what you miss is equality and working together with others in creating a better product/system/organisation that supports all? 

It’s not easy to drop the ego…to drop the desire/want to win and be at the top. But it’s funny cause you really can’t be guaranteed to stay at the top, so the whole process of wanting and striving to get to the top is an ILLUSION because you spend your time and energy getting to this ”top” that isn’t really real nor a guarantee since you are fighting with others, to either gain the most money, fame or status, and yet even if you were at the top, you can’t be comfortable there, because as life shows, there will be something better, more creative and unique that will step in the way and take over your position eventually. That is the game of life currently – you can’t win, even if you think you won, you really didn’t. So really got to ask yourself, where are you going with this game and are you walking towards creating a world best for yourself and all, or are you continuing in the creation of a world of seperation, fighting, wars, and hate?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically want to take down, belittle, make fun of, reject, and talk shit about X because I see them as my competitor and want to do whatever I can to prevent them from succeeding me.  I realize if I act on this automatic desire/behaviors, I fuel the existence of seperation, hate and fear of survival.

When and as I see myself want to talk shit, belittle, talk down, reject anything I see is my competitor/having similar nature of my company/product/etc, I stop and I breathe. I realize if I act upon these things I will create the very existence I want to stop and change (ie: abuse, hate, war and conflict) therefore I commit to shift my focus and attention away from pre-programming bashing, hating, putting down – because that’s obviously led us to no where good and onto myself and thus shift who I am within/towards competition to direct me in purifying my relationship with competiton

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear X taking my followers/customers all to themselves, thus leaving me bankrupt or empty with no fuel to keep my company/product/etc going. I see, realize and understand I fear losing my company/product/etc’s survival, because if I don’t keep it going, it will affect my survival of/as ego, status, power, or money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already perceive any company/group/product similar in nature to my creation/product/company/etc to be and feel an automatic threat to my creation/product/company/etc’s existence, fearing actually for it’s loss/survival as survival is not absolutely guaranteed. So I see, realize and understand I fear my creation’s/product/company’s existence when I see competition or other products/companies/etc similar to mine cause I think that there can only be ONE GOOD one, a better/the best one

When and as I see myself fear X taking my followers/customers away from me, I stop and I breathe. I realize if I continue participating in this I am fueling even more fear and paranoia that will affect not only my relationship with X but also with others who work with me and my relationship with my own company/product/business, because if I exist in fear as the Mind Consciousness System, I am not here, grounded, stable, being here with me.

…to be continued

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships