Make or Break Relationship Patterns – 321

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Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid of people, especially dear friends of mine, who won’t like me anymore due to me making mistakes that affect them negatively, over and over. I realize I am thinking of 2 examples in which I have possibly upset my friend that I have not forgiven myself for nor corrected that I am afraid will make or break our relationship. I realize I tend to go into ‘make or break our relationship’ with other women due to how I was brought up, where my mother would show signs of neglect and abandonment if she didn’t like how I was acting or being. Also, my sister would hold grudges if I did things she didn’t like. So I realize the pattern I fear exists within me and my upbringing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequences of living out ‘make it or break the relationship’ by having secret, hidden standards against someone, particular every woman in my life, instead of realizing how I actually fear women doing that towards me, towards the mistakes I make that affect them, because that is how my mother has acted upon me and I hated it. I realize I can choose to be someone else, who does not act upon ‘make it or break it relationship’ standard, after a few attempts that have disturbed me from someone, instead of questioning how can I give this person another chance, putting myself in their shoes, to see what I and we can learn together as a point of forgiveness, and how we can continue our relationship together (though I realize the case of severe abuse one should leave the relationship but that doesn’t apply to me)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I fear my friend already turning her back against me because I have made a mistake that affected her and others, similar to how I have felt when I have done something consequential towards my mother. I realize in both those situations I was NOT FULLY AWARE of the consequences of my actions that have contributed to harming or affecting my mother/friend, because I was wrapped up in energy at the time. I realize my point of responsibility was that I was overcome by emotion (fear) and acted within and upon that, and so, by identifying who I was within the energy before I acted upon it and affected others, I can correct myself for next time.

Self-Commitment Statements:

I commit myself to not take on the behavior of my mother who will abandon and/or neglect a woman just because she does something, my mother, judges as bad and unforgivable.

I commit myself to live the correction of seeing where I can continue a relationship with a woman, despite her acting or walking actions I deem as unacceptable, because perhaps that person may need assistance and support of understanding and walking out of that very point (and also because I like being friends with everyone, and don’t want to ever have a grudge or be in a poor stand with someone unless it’s best for all)

I commit myself to live and apply the word CHANCE when I encounter a situation where either I or another woman has made a mistake that has affected us negatively, to see how I can perhaps regain trust, and give understanding, and prove correction to both myself and another after I’ve made the mistake

I commit myself to seek understanding, compassion, and space of forgiveness to correct myself from my mistakes, that have affected me and others, as I realize true correction must come from a space of healing, compassion, understanding and the will to live the correction.

I commit myself to give myself the healing space and opportunity to identify what emotions/energy I go into that influence me to act in ways that become consequential to everyone (such as me going into the boss mode, bossing people around when I am in fear)

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

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Looks Don’t Matter – Presence Does – 319

actionvance-711841-unsplashI attended an event the other day in which I had to volunteer, as part of an agreement I made with the non-profit I’m involved. This one particular event had a woman who is wife to the head of the building. Her prescense was fierce, determined, certain, confident and headstrong. She either stood with her legs straight together and arms folded, or legs out and hands holding her hips. She naturally displayed power poses, always with her chin up.

My friend first brought me to become aware of these positions, and I couldn’t help but study her, as I admire women who stand in/as power and confidence, being unauthentically themselves. From what I know of her, she is a mother of four, works in social work, and always has to present herself in a room full of men. She has developed and become a woman who stands assertively, and what I find additionally awesome is that she doesn’t do a lot for her face or makeup – her hair is natural, she wears some lipstick but that’s it. I noticed it is more who she is/her prescense that is more powerful than her looks.

This entire scenario supported me to relax a bit when it comes to worrying about my face/how I look, but that it’s more how I CARRY MYSELF that is important. From this I have become inspired to work more on how I carry myself (my posture, how I feel about me, etc) than placing importance on the outside of me (ie: looking a certain way).

It’s refreshing, and also relaxes me to realize looks don’t matter so much in the end. I have grown up believing looks are all that matters in life for a girl/woman, especially when finding a mate. Fortunately we live in a time when women’s survival is not so much determined by who chooses us as mates/if we are suitable for a man (except some cultures that do) but that women can lead successful, healthy and happy lives without having to worry about their looks.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Neglecting the Physical Body & Correction – 318

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This is post I will be utilizing the tools of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Commitment statements from the Desteni community to work through the point of neglecting my body and health.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my self-expression by going into guilt for not being able to be well enough to go into work. I realize I have placed work above health, in that I am not happy with myself that I can’t work and please my co-workers due to my physical health affecting my capacity to work. I realize the physical body rules all – even work – and that the physical must be honored and taken care of, otherwise if one’s physical health fails, then that obviously will impair one’s ability to work and live in some ways.

I commit myself to realize that the physical body rules all – in that, how I live, breathe, act and am in this physical world is due to my body, and so it must be honored and treated as the god it is otherwise my capacity to live and work effectively will decline

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be BLIND to the fact that I can get by working and putting pressure on myself to perform well and high in everything I do and neglect my body, in terms of giving it the rest, nutrition, exercise and self-care it needs. I realize by ignoring and being blind to my body, I ignore a large, extremely important part of myself. That I do not only function as the mind, but that my body, is a extension of me, my beingness and must also equally be taken care of. I realize that a BALANCE must be in order – where I am able to be aware of myself as my emotions/thoughts/feelings, my body as the physical in terms of pain – instead of the focus only being on me/my mind and what I am doing on the OUTSIDE.

I commit myself to realize that if I neglect my body, I neglect one of the most important aspects of myself and actually my body, the physical will time and time again remind me of my neglect (through pains, illness, etc) as a reason to show what must be priority – that it must be taken care of and considered all the time, as I realize I cannot function properly in this world without a functioning, stable body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can get by taking medicine for the rest of my life as a point of dependency, that this medicine will carry me through life, instead of realizing how my mind as me evolves, new points in my body evolves which may not accompany the medicine I’m taking, thus I will always be on a journey of exploring and understanding what works for me, as there is no one-fits-all-solution to the health issues I face. I realize I must equally work on my own mind points – otherwise I won’t be able to equally assist my physical points. I realize that in order to truly heal, I need to work on my mind points equally to the physical points. Can’t just be one, but to healing holistically, all aspects of me, mind, body, and being/‘’spirit’’.

I commit myself to REMEMBER every sick I go through an illness or health issue, that I cannot just take care of the physical aspect by depending on medicine for the rest of my life – and if I do I will lead a miserable life, depending on others while I lose directing my own life and seeing what works for me, because what I also exist in, within the mind exasperates the health problem, and can even create more problems if I don’t solve them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting down to the nitty gritty details of my points connected to my health issues, and my relationship with health, because it means I will change and actually may be in a better state than I am

I commit myself to realize there is no state of perfection, physically at this time in existence, and that the most simple best thing I can do is to take care of myself day by day, and stop projecting a unrealistic version of me and my health

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a stable, healthy state as I know and believe I won’t always be like this. I realize there is truth to that – even if I am at my prime, I am still susceptible to colds, flus, viruses, accidents, so it’s more that I need to be ok with not being physically perfect, and accepting that these things may happen but it’s not something to fear about, but accept, since it’s a part of life, and there will always be pains, and body points, no matter how fit or healthy I may be. I realize it’s more of me needing to focus on the present and how I can support myself in the present, in giving the tender, love and care me and my body need on a day-to-day basis. As everyday is going to be different, and me and my body will need unique things everyday that must be attended to.

I commit myself to tend to me and my body by recognizing the daily needs they require, and take it easy by practicing listening and responding to these needs everyday – like for emotions that need resolutions to write/forgive them, and physical needs like hunger to feed myself. I also commit myself to take this remembrance process slow and not beat myself up if I forget or don’t do as well as I imagined I’d do.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

When Your Plan to Turn a Competitor into a Friendship Doesn’t Work Out – 317

Yesterday I had a meeting with someone who I had difficulty with within the journalism world for some time. She and I have been the major competitors of each other, and I thought it was about time I sit down with her, to get to know her and learn more about who she is and her intentions. This is because I wanted to finally be clear of some assumptions I had of her, and thought we could create a potential friendship and ultimately be cool with each other.

I made sure before I did meet her to clear myself as much as possible with Self-Forgiveness and direction, but still was nervous and apprehensive about our meeting.

Generally, the meeting was fine. I got to learn more about her intentions which have to do with survival and providing her own source of income through her work. This made sense to me as to why she is very competitive and seems to have issue with me as her other competitor. The problem was, was that I expected us to be cool and friends at the end, but it didn’t turn out as so – the ending was brief and superficial, and it left me nauseous. Knowing that despite our meeting and me trying to show and share more about myself so I can open the door for her to see the kind of relationship I’d like to create for us didn’t work. I realized that I can’t change someone, no matter what I do or how much I may work on myself, or open the door to my heart – that person has to make the decision to change and allow me into their lives.

My disappointment came from the fact that I expected us to be friends and cool at the end, as I mentioned before, because that’s what happened to my friend and I wanted that. But it seemed like on her end it wasn’t possible. It’s quite sad that two women, who yes, use to or are currently competitors, can’t put things down to rest and create a relationship that supports one another. I know I must honor their process and their decisions, but it does suck.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate women not wanting to be friends with me, as it shows me that I must let go of control and the desire / want for people to like me and want to be cool / friends with me. I see, realize and understand I have a problem with conflict, and people genuinely not liking me or having issues with me, because somehow somewhere to me that means something is wrong with me. I also realize I have the false idea that everyone should like me, and that if they don’t, something is wrong with me, as I should automatically be liked by everyone. I realize that is a survival mechanism I picked up from my mother, who strives to be liked and will ”bend her own back” to please and like, even if it’s borderline abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear upon realizing that even despite sharing and showing myself, my heart, that another won’t forgive me or accept me or want to lay things to rest / water under the bridge, that the person still holds onto a grudge or suspicion about me, which I now realize and understand is normal, in that with getting to understand their intentions, survival and financial security is most important and I have been made a threat to them in their minds, thus only they can work that point out themselves, despite my attempts showing I would rather create a friendship/partnership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and allow the sadness to influence me and my expression, because I am not certain how to direct reality of a woman-friendship born out of suspicion, threat and fear is still prevalent in another and thus cannot be changed, and thus I cannot get my desired, or potential outcome of being cool / at peace with someone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make peace with the fact that we will both remain separate and not friends, and thus natural competitors in the world system, and that I am and have been redefining my form of competition into something healthy, and that is something I must walk alone. That I must find a way to be ok with failing in my attempts of not being friends with a competitor from the world system. I also realize it is up to them to be cool / friends with me, after I attempted so, and can only leave the door open for them from here forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and become sad seeing the potential of women being cool / friends / supporters and not enemies / competitors / vicious with each other is a process I can only walk alone, to establish and create and be in myself, where I then become the living example of a woman with no issues towards anyone else, and that I am able to stand one and equal with every individual without reaction. That I realize I must be the change I wish to see in the world, by literally living it as an example, and being it through living words and actual real-time change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge X as bad for not wanting to be cool or friends with me, as I realize I cannot judge X’s decision, because X’s reasons come from a source of survival, needing security, and perhaps feeling threatened in between it all. I realize there is always a reason why someone does something, and that I have no right nor power to judge their actions and decisions. I can see more of their character, what they exist in, accept and allow, but it doesn’t make them better or less than me on a existential level. I redefine ”bad” as being unacceptable in the face of life within what is best for all, and her walking away from creating a friendship / supporting relationship is not bad, it is a decision that does not harm me and is acceptable in the face of life which is best for all. It shows where she is at in her life and decisions. That’s all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my relationship with someone to another’s relationship, that I ideally wanted, and wanted to create that. I realize that I used the other’s relationship as a goal, but reality showed me where I am with someone instead, which also shows that what I wanted was not possible, and that I cannot compare relationships because each relationship is unique.

I see I crave and desire a female friendship again where we love and accept each other, which can only start from me accepting and loving myself and being fulfilled by that. Not seeking external support or person for that.

Self-Commitment Statements:

I commit myself to practice and find ways / solutions to be at peace with people having issues / problems with me, as having problems with others shows there are problems with oneself towards oneself not resolved, as I realize in the end all must be one and equal and stand in everyone’s shoes without reaction.

I commit myself to let go of the need / want / desire to control myself to get to a future outcome I want, as I realize life is organic, unpredictable, including many factors from people and things.

I commit to honor where a person is in life, and to honor myself / my self-honesty process, and continue to build / walk it.

I commit myself to use the sadness as a means to embrace that which I am not giving myself – my own friendship / companionship, and to stop looking outside for it.

I commit myself to walk my own process of competition, where I discover what is healthy for me, despite people maybe not liking me or finding me a threat. I realize I can’t be friends with everyone, even though I’d like to be, as that is not realistic in this day and age in this world.

I commit myself to purify and see the word ‘’bad’’ as something unacceptable in the face of life that’s best for all, and good which is nurturing within life within what’s best for all.

I commit myself to be ok aiming for a goal in relationships, but to not get too frustrated if it doesn’t work out in a certain timeframe, or if a person genuinely doesn’t want to reach the same goal as you. I realize it’s ok to test things out and see if it’s a possibility, and to be flexible if it doesn’t work out or needs adjusting.

I commit myself to stop looking outside and towards other people to fulfill the needs in me, but find practical ways to fill those needs myself. Like finding a practical way to create companionship with me. What is self-companionship?

 

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Tracing the Source of the Conflict – 316

I went into the room, upset at the sudden change in dynamic between me and my partner. We got into a conflict which we were both stuck in. The middle of my chest was feeling like a tingling firecracker. I thought about going to a movie to give him some space, or on a walk, but I have done this before and I’d always end up coming back home in the same state and having to talk with my partner about what happened anyways. So I saw that it would be better to – instead of wasting time by giving my partner ”space” by going out, to just cut to the chase and talk to him about what happened.

So I sat down next to him and we together traced back to the moment that triggered my partner into his sudden change of state that effected me. We found out it was something specific I said yesterday, that in it’s nature was manipulative, and my partner could feel that / pick up on that, but didn’t know how to direct it. So he allowed himself to give into my manipulation / control and ended up getting angry and took it out on me the next day by acting manipulative / controlling, which I took as a shock and decided to speak up about it.

What I found out was that: it’s freaking hard to admit when you were or are being manipulative. It is a very shameful expression to live and be in when you step out of it and realize it, yet when you’re in it, you feel very powerful, but the consequences and harm it can do to people is so hard to face. However, I did face myself in that moment – even though it was hard to say it, that I was manipulating – it lead to us finding out that my partner actually has a really good sense in being able to pick up when people are manipulating, he just didn’t know how to deal with it when I was doing it.

So we made an agreement – next time you see me being manipulative, and you can pick up on it / sense it, to let me know so I can stop it in its tracks and snap out of it. We will see how it goes for next time, but this is my little tidbit of support for people who are in a relationship and may face moments of a partner manipulating the other. Perhaps you want to make an agreement by deciding on which words and methods that will help the partner snap out of their harmful behavior.  But some techniques may fail, and it does take both partners in the relationship to commit to finding the right method that works for you, so you can create and maintain a peaceful and harmonious relationship together.

Thanks for reading!

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Benefit of Pushing through your Comfort Zone – 315

jay-sadoff-1218931-unsplash.jpgI am back visiting my parents and it’s been interesting to settle into a routine and see old patterns emerge after a few days being back with them. One of the patterns I’ve been experiencing is a resistance to not share myself and my day with them. Like at the dinner table, I preferred to stay in my comfort zone of processing my day in my mind and just be in there eating.

But I saw specifically at the dinner table a point emerge in me where I wanted to share and express something about my day but saw the physical movement I had to do to do it. LOL and I reacted to the physical effort of having to speak! But since seeing it, I pushed through it anyway to see what would come. I actually wanted to share myself to my parents because I thought this could support in the development of our relationship as well. In a DIP buddy chat some time ago my buddy asked me what kind of relationship I want to develop with my parents which supported me to see the creation aspect one can create with another (that relationships don’t have to be stagnant but can do something more with them).

So at that dinner table, I shared information of what me and my partner did, and it was really like having to push through hard waters to do so, but once I shared, I got a response, and had to push myself again to share more. The backchat of ‘there is no point, this doesn’t matter, they don’t care tried to bring me down and they made the resistance stronger, but as I kept talking, they dissipated and I discovered my mom likes knowing what I did on my day!

So just a little note to myself to continue to share more of me and what I’ve done and learned with my mom as she has shown as genuine interest in me and my day. That pushing through the comfort zone of not wanting to talk at the dinner table is worth it as it supports in the building of my relationship with my mom – as well as relationship with me in showing me I can break limitations!

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

An Overload of Distraction Pleasures the Mind but Not Our Potentials – 314

jed-villejo-647973-unsplashRecently I realized how there is an overwhelming amount of distractions for us. Especially for me and those living in a elite positions where we have access to an unlimited selection of tv shows and movies at one’s disposal – not to mention high speed internet where one can go on and do whatever they want on there.

I’ve been questioning me and my position as an ‘elite’ lately. Meaning, me as someone who can – and does live at times – overly-indulgently. How essentially living and being in such a position is quite a good trap for the world system and consciousness in keeping us preoccupied by indulging constantly in these luxurious.

Like I have access to three tv streaming services, with a plethora of my favorite shows. It is almost too easy to just indulge and forget everything, and I am beginning to look at how these streaming services are designed to keep us elite humans entertained and happy while we forget and lose touch with the real problems going on in the world. There was a specific research article once that said those who are unhappy watch the most TV…

I see that it is us as the collectives fault within all of this. We are becoming a society where everything is given to us so quickly, and almost ‘free’ in a way that we forget what it means to create things with OUR OWN HANDS. Everything we seem to touch is a distraction and a way to divert ourselves and the mind from what we are really going through within.

Additionally –  it dawned on me that if I can’t sleep I’ll watch TV. I figured out it was a way for me to avoid things going on in me. It’s just too easy to try and divert yourself and problems by watching something engaging and entertaining, while the  things within are still not being resolved and will still affect me the coming day – until I do something about it, or I walk into my own consequence.

This is certainly a wake up call for me and I hope other people too when it comes to being more aware of who we are with the amount of entertainment, social media and online distractions we are participating in – as means to feel something other than what we are feeling within. To become more aware of why we are going to our phones, picking up the remote, or watching a movie and see how we can balance that out entertainment with practical work like taking care of the home, and oneself by figuring out how to deal with personal problems.

For me, the era of overly self-indulgence is coming to an end. I know I have a lot of work to do, and I don’t want to continue neglecting things that truly need to be taken care of. Will let you know how it goes! Thanks for reading.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation