Overwhelmingness is a Bitch but Can Be Directed – 327

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Overwhelmingness. A sneaky little bitch that can suck you in without you even being aware about it!

That is what has been happening to me, over the last couple of months. I knew in a way,  I was in it, but I allowed other factors and points in my life to take precedence over sorting this little bugger out.

It started a month ago when I noticed I started to slack in my sharings and posts here on this blog. Making an effort to post as consistently as I can while updating and making my presence known in the Desteni community is important to me.

But I started to allow excuses to come up, seemingly little ones, and on top of that, an energy, which has been illustrated well in the Overwhelming recordings on EQAFE, started to take over, like a waterfall of what I describe an over flood of emotions where I felt helpless and like I can’t do anything. So I would just wait it out, allowing myself to not actively push and do anything about it. Seeing if this approach could work in letting it be, walking with it, not doing anything about it.

But as 2 months have shown, this allowance of having the overwhelming emotion just ‘be’ in me did not do anything constructively for me. In fact, I have been feeling a little ‘dead’ inside, and depressed, and low. Expanding myself, and my personal growth slowed down and felt like I just stopped caring for a while.

Finally, as I have given myself the space to do so, I started to get back in EQAFE, and into the Overwhelmed series, getting back in touch with myself with the interest to start walking my process more. Realizing that this feeling of being overwhelmed is a defense mechanism the mind uses when you are not reacting as much as it wants you to. It makes total sense because my life has become more calmer and in a way, drama-free (yay!) but doesn’t mean it’s not going to be drama-free within, as long as I don’t become absolute director of the mind.

So this is a note to self, to not allow this overwhelmed bugger get the best of me, but utilize the support EQAFE has been showing me to walk this point so I can get back to a more steady, consistent walk in my process of self-awareness, self-transformation and self-growth.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone on Holiday – 324

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My partner and I are vacationing in a small town in Greece. It’s really interesting to observe and be present with reactions when entering a new place/country.

For me especially, at the beginning of my holiday, I was in a constant state of dissatisfaction and criticism. I could feel the reactions towards the accommodation, and location creep up in me, and instead of suppressing, I allowed them to come up. Just be with them. I knew these were comfort zones being challenged, and that being here was actually a good/supportive thing. There were a lot of realities present that I wasn’t prepared for when coming to Greece, but were necessary to experience: poor plumbing, power outages, having to walk up and down hills to get to the market or places (if you don’t have a car), having to buy water bottles because tap water is unsafe, having to see stray cats who aren’t neutered, with their babies, and are thin/hungry.

In a way, this experience has been extremely humbling for me. I realize I need these reality checks every now and then because I can get so caught up in my life in Austria and its comforts, I take advantage of that. I sometimes forget about how life is for other people and animals around the world.

Being here in Greece has put my survival into perspective. I have to think about if I have enough water bottles, whether I should go out at certain times of the day because it’s so hot, be careful with cooking and handling local water. Also, I have to be more in tune with myself and my surroundings because there are wild plants, bugs, and animals to be aware of.

This sort of ”wildness” as I can describe is very good for me to experience, to get back to life/reality and see how things really are in this world. Getting out of my comfort zone on holiday is cool.

While some things are harder here in Greece, compared to where I live in Austria, the people are exceptionally warm, open and friendly with you, as a stranger. It’s really nice and different than what I face in Austria. Plus, there is natural beauty all around, from the cypress and palm trees, mountains, the sea/beaches, and the interesting birds and wildlife.

I find it really healthy for oneself to go off to a foreign place from time to time and really get involved, dive in deep with how things are, and live life like the locals. It will certainly challenge your comfort zones and bring new perspectives on how to live and enjoy life.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Eradicating the Worst of Me – 323

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when I see my former competitors still make success and money for themselves, as I secretly fear that they have or will be taking my place in terms of the area we both have competed in. I realize I have secretly competed against them to make sure I was at the top. Now since I have stopped playing that game, the drive to crush/replace/destroy needs to be corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to crush, destroy, and annihilate my competitors so that I am on the only one in my field/on top and thus no threat is upon me, where I can breathe and just be me. I realize only in an Equal Money System could I truly rest and be at peace with my financial situation, and me, as my needs would be taken care of financially forever/my whole life, and thus there would be no fear of someone threatening to upstage me as my survival would already beset by an external force supporting me. And that I could just be me and whoever and however I express myself, I still have a secured survival.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take the anger, the righteous, and seemingly ‘power’ I experience in wanting to crush/destroy/annihilate my competitors and use that to create a better life for myself, and everyone involved by actually working on my mind in eradicating/destroying the worst of me that I see/hate in others and this world.

I commit myself to take the hatred, anger, righteousness, and feeling of power I have towards people and things in my world and turn it towards myself in eradicating/deleting/getting rid of the worst shit within me.

I commit myself to realize an Equal Money System can get started by me no longer serving the ‘survival of the fittest’ mindset of wanting to crush my competitors and instead strive to live for a better world where all are taken care of, financially for their well-being and just existing in this life.

I commit myself to explore what living for/as an Equal Money System truly is, and how to practically live that type of existence by eradicating the old programming/ways of myself and former generations that are evil/corrupt/screwed up.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Being Responsible for Others: Working with Interns – 322

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I had the privilege of being a supervisor for a pair of interns this summer, for an organization I volunteer at. While some people may groan and fuss about having to watch a couple of college students all summer, I found it exceptionally rewarding.

Mostly because they were fresh faces with fresh perspectives on things in life. It was really great to get to know them as individuals and see where their strengths and talents lie.

For example, our first meeting we simply got to know each other and our personality types. We talked about our astrological signs, our Enneagram numbers and whether we side more on the introvert or extrovert side. So the first impression was that everyone understood where each person was, self-honestly, and from there I got to determine what type of work I could give them, where they could thrive.

Of course, this was a learning process, as I first started to give the male intern work on graphic design because he was more of the art type who had a love of the finer things in life. However, I saw that I was excluding the opportunity for the female intern to take on the job too, so I then decided to assign her some tasks with graphic design. I knew she and I discussed beforehand that she never really worked with graphics, but lo and behold, after much tinkering around, she designed some pretty amazing things and I think became proud of herself.

Eventually though as shit started to hit the fan between me and my co-founder in regards to finances and drama at the location we were at, I started to see our unit as a family. A family that needs to stay strong and stable amidst the turmoil going on. I soon started to see the interns as children. Where my co-founder and I were like the parents and that the emotions and shit we were experiencing towards things happening on the outside, could seep into our relationship with the interns.

Eventually, it got to the point where I had to became the sole ‘parent’ or person who had to keep everything together and became entirely responsible for the ‘kids’/interns. It was no fun and I still have to deal with reactions with this point, but I could really see the intrinsic responsibility that comes forth when you allow people to work with you and walk with you in your life, that you see every day. That they (the interns) started to pick up on subtleties and changes going on between me and my co-founder and started to ask about it.

I then took the liberty of being honest and direct with what was going on behind the scenes, in a way that didn’t reveal everything but enough for them to understand the stuff that can happen in an organization. And from this, I also realized the importance of the co-founders needing to stick together, but also the truth that: running a business or organization with a friend may not be the best idea. It certainly is not working for me.

I also realized for myself, after many mistakes, that I am best to do projects alone, by myself, being my own boss and CEO. This has inspired me to take on a new venture/project that is currently in the making, that is more aligned to me. Where no one is boss except me.

So, to sum this all up – when you take responsibility for a set of interns, my suggestion is to realize you are responsible for them in a way, similar to a parent, in that they do look up to you for guidance and instruction. They still have a lot of learning in life (as we all do), but since you are the supervisor, you need to consider who you are, your actions, and how you handle things – especially when shit hits the fan. Would you like the interns to take on these characteristics you’ve been displaying and have them apply it later in their life? Because that’s how supervisors are supposed to act?

For example, when shit hits the fan are you going to freak out in front of everyone or are you going to sit down and start brainstorming for solutions? This is what I had to do because I had no choice. I could not show the interns that being and feeling defeated in the face of the system and giving up on the organization is the way to go. You have to keep moving on until you tested all options and see that it is best in the end. Overall it’s important that you show your interns, or whoever is with you, to not give up. Even if that means you have to take on a load for a while until things settle down.

I could not have come to such stability and drive for solutions if it were not for the Desteni tools and community. I truly believe walking my process with them made me become a more pragmatic, practical, less emotional, and commonsensical person.

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Make or Break Relationship Patterns – 321

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Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid of people, especially dear friends of mine, who won’t like me anymore due to me making mistakes that affect them negatively, over and over. I realize I am thinking of 2 examples in which I have possibly upset my friend that I have not forgiven myself for nor corrected that I am afraid will make or break our relationship. I realize I tend to go into ‘make or break our relationship’ with other women due to how I was brought up, where my mother would show signs of neglect and abandonment if she didn’t like how I was acting or being. Also, my sister would hold grudges if I did things she didn’t like. So I realize the pattern I fear exists within me and my upbringing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequences of living out ‘make it or break the relationship’ by having secret, hidden standards against someone, particular every woman in my life, instead of realizing how I actually fear women doing that towards me, towards the mistakes I make that affect them, because that is how my mother has acted upon me and I hated it. I realize I can choose to be someone else, who does not act upon ‘make it or break it relationship’ standard, after a few attempts that have disturbed me from someone, instead of questioning how can I give this person another chance, putting myself in their shoes, to see what I and we can learn together as a point of forgiveness, and how we can continue our relationship together (though I realize the case of severe abuse one should leave the relationship but that doesn’t apply to me)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I fear my friend already turning her back against me because I have made a mistake that affected her and others, similar to how I have felt when I have done something consequential towards my mother. I realize in both those situations I was NOT FULLY AWARE of the consequences of my actions that have contributed to harming or affecting my mother/friend, because I was wrapped up in energy at the time. I realize my point of responsibility was that I was overcome by emotion (fear) and acted within and upon that, and so, by identifying who I was within the energy before I acted upon it and affected others, I can correct myself for next time.

Self-Commitment Statements:

I commit myself to not take on the behavior of my mother who will abandon and/or neglect a woman just because she does something, my mother, judges as bad and unforgivable.

I commit myself to live the correction of seeing where I can continue a relationship with a woman, despite her acting or walking actions I deem as unacceptable, because perhaps that person may need assistance and support of understanding and walking out of that very point (and also because I like being friends with everyone, and don’t want to ever have a grudge or be in a poor stand with someone unless it’s best for all)

I commit myself to live and apply the word CHANCE when I encounter a situation where either I or another woman has made a mistake that has affected us negatively, to see how I can perhaps regain trust, and give understanding, and prove correction to both myself and another after I’ve made the mistake

I commit myself to seek understanding, compassion, and space of forgiveness to correct myself from my mistakes, that have affected me and others, as I realize true correction must come from a space of healing, compassion, understanding and the will to live the correction.

I commit myself to give myself the healing space and opportunity to identify what emotions/energy I go into that influence me to act in ways that become consequential to everyone (such as me going into the boss mode, bossing people around when I am in fear)

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Looks Don’t Matter – Presence Does – 319

actionvance-711841-unsplashI attended an event the other day in which I had to volunteer, as part of an agreement I made with the non-profit I’m involved. This one particular event had a woman who is wife to the head of the building. Her prescense was fierce, determined, certain, confident and headstrong. She either stood with her legs straight together and arms folded, or legs out and hands holding her hips. She naturally displayed power poses, always with her chin up.

My friend first brought me to become aware of these positions, and I couldn’t help but study her, as I admire women who stand in/as power and confidence, being unauthentically themselves. From what I know of her, she is a mother of four, works in social work, and always has to present herself in a room full of men. She has developed and become a woman who stands assertively, and what I find additionally awesome is that she doesn’t do a lot for her face or makeup – her hair is natural, she wears some lipstick but that’s it. I noticed it is more who she is/her prescense that is more powerful than her looks.

This entire scenario supported me to relax a bit when it comes to worrying about my face/how I look, but that it’s more how I CARRY MYSELF that is important. From this I have become inspired to work more on how I carry myself (my posture, how I feel about me, etc) than placing importance on the outside of me (ie: looking a certain way).

It’s refreshing, and also relaxes me to realize looks don’t matter so much in the end. I have grown up believing looks are all that matters in life for a girl/woman, especially when finding a mate. Fortunately we live in a time when women’s survival is not so much determined by who chooses us as mates/if we are suitable for a man (except some cultures that do) but that women can lead successful, healthy and happy lives without having to worry about their looks.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Neglecting the Physical Body & Correction – 318

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This is post I will be utilizing the tools of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Commitment statements from the Desteni community to work through the point of neglecting my body and health.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my self-expression by going into guilt for not being able to be well enough to go into work. I realize I have placed work above health, in that I am not happy with myself that I can’t work and please my co-workers due to my physical health affecting my capacity to work. I realize the physical body rules all – even work – and that the physical must be honored and taken care of, otherwise if one’s physical health fails, then that obviously will impair one’s ability to work and live in some ways.

I commit myself to realize that the physical body rules all – in that, how I live, breathe, act and am in this physical world is due to my body, and so it must be honored and treated as the god it is otherwise my capacity to live and work effectively will decline

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be BLIND to the fact that I can get by working and putting pressure on myself to perform well and high in everything I do and neglect my body, in terms of giving it the rest, nutrition, exercise and self-care it needs. I realize by ignoring and being blind to my body, I ignore a large, extremely important part of myself. That I do not only function as the mind, but that my body, is a extension of me, my beingness and must also equally be taken care of. I realize that a BALANCE must be in order – where I am able to be aware of myself as my emotions/thoughts/feelings, my body as the physical in terms of pain – instead of the focus only being on me/my mind and what I am doing on the OUTSIDE.

I commit myself to realize that if I neglect my body, I neglect one of the most important aspects of myself and actually my body, the physical will time and time again remind me of my neglect (through pains, illness, etc) as a reason to show what must be priority – that it must be taken care of and considered all the time, as I realize I cannot function properly in this world without a functioning, stable body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can get by taking medicine for the rest of my life as a point of dependency, that this medicine will carry me through life, instead of realizing how my mind as me evolves, new points in my body evolves which may not accompany the medicine I’m taking, thus I will always be on a journey of exploring and understanding what works for me, as there is no one-fits-all-solution to the health issues I face. I realize I must equally work on my own mind points – otherwise I won’t be able to equally assist my physical points. I realize that in order to truly heal, I need to work on my mind points equally to the physical points. Can’t just be one, but to healing holistically, all aspects of me, mind, body, and being/‘’spirit’’.

I commit myself to REMEMBER every sick I go through an illness or health issue, that I cannot just take care of the physical aspect by depending on medicine for the rest of my life – and if I do I will lead a miserable life, depending on others while I lose directing my own life and seeing what works for me, because what I also exist in, within the mind exasperates the health problem, and can even create more problems if I don’t solve them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting down to the nitty gritty details of my points connected to my health issues, and my relationship with health, because it means I will change and actually may be in a better state than I am

I commit myself to realize there is no state of perfection, physically at this time in existence, and that the most simple best thing I can do is to take care of myself day by day, and stop projecting a unrealistic version of me and my health

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a stable, healthy state as I know and believe I won’t always be like this. I realize there is truth to that – even if I am at my prime, I am still susceptible to colds, flus, viruses, accidents, so it’s more that I need to be ok with not being physically perfect, and accepting that these things may happen but it’s not something to fear about, but accept, since it’s a part of life, and there will always be pains, and body points, no matter how fit or healthy I may be. I realize it’s more of me needing to focus on the present and how I can support myself in the present, in giving the tender, love and care me and my body need on a day-to-day basis. As everyday is going to be different, and me and my body will need unique things everyday that must be attended to.

I commit myself to tend to me and my body by recognizing the daily needs they require, and take it easy by practicing listening and responding to these needs everyday – like for emotions that need resolutions to write/forgive them, and physical needs like hunger to feed myself. I also commit myself to take this remembrance process slow and not beat myself up if I forget or don’t do as well as I imagined I’d do.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation