255. From Spoiled to Responsible with Money

photo-1434123700504-d8cfba6a12c8Before I was careless about money. I had major credit card debt, and had the attitude that I will eventually pay it off later, everything is ok, as I continued to go shopping and buy whatever I wanted and needed. 

I lived with my parents up to my late 20’s and was quite spoiled in that I didn’t have to pay for rent or my car.

Because I didn’t have that responsibility, I hadn’t necessarily developed the awareness and or had education on how to be responsible with money and doing future planning. I just bought what I wanted, easily. I never told my parents about my credit card debt – I kept that quiet cause I didn’t think it was a big issue. I was apathetic and in denial with my finances. I didn’t think I could be affected with it. The reality of debt hit me hard when I was planning to get married, and planning to move overseas to be with my partner, and I realized I have actual money to pay off, otherwise it’s going to stay stuck with me, even overseas. I did have my partner help me out, but through babysitting and odd jobs I eventually paid it off.

When I left my job to officially live with my partner, I became financially dependent on him, and my partner grew up in a household where money was precious, and the father especially made sure that they never went over their spendings, or had debt. The family saved a lot of money over the years and only bought what they needed, so they were always extremely careful with money. They only bought the essentials, and they only bought food they needed and only went out to a restaurant once a year. So how my partner grew up in regards to money and spending/using money was SO DIFFERENT than how I spent/used money.

Because of our different backgrounds with money, my partner and I had a LOT of conflicts about it, and I went into these temper tantrums when I wanted something he saw as unnecessary and excessive. It got to the point where I would have these emotional outbursts in public when I couldn’t get what I wanted. It was very embarrassing cause my partner would say to STOP IT, cause I was being loud and embarrassing myself. I did not know the extent of my emotional possessions until it was too late and I had already acted out from them. I forgave myself of my behavior in public, committing myself to become more aware of who I am when it comes to my behavior with getting things I want, slowing down and acting in a way that I would be proud of.

I knew I had a problem at that point. I knew that I had to work it out. I found the main reason of my initial instability was the transition of coming from a spoiled, free-flowing buy whatever you want lifestyle to suddenly becoming financially dependent with someone on a limited budget was a bit extreme for me, which opened up intense emotions and behaviors in me.

Dealing with my emotional outbursts/temper tantrums using real time application was tough because the energy experience was so strong, and made me feel powerful in that if I acted on the temper tantrum I believed I would get what I wanted. But actually my partner would stand his ground and not allow it, would reason with me on why what I wanted was not necessary, or that we can’t afford it. He did this over and over again (stood his ground) until I realized how I need to let these emotions go because my behaviors were futile, and I didn’t actually want to be like this. 

I had to accept my reality of where I was at, and my position, and that I have everything I need to survive and live comfortably on, even if I am not 100% happy with it. It took a LONG time for me to accept this reality.

Eventually when I got full time work, my partner and I collectively had more money, and this allowed us to get an apartment and become more responsible with our assets. We realized we needed to come up with a more structured way of using money, so we agreed on a monthly allowance, where we got the same budge of allowance equally with our individual freedom to buy what we wanted within our allowance, and then the rest of the money would go to the apartment, bills, and savings. This has worked out quite well.

Sometimes I still experience the emotional conflict of whether to buy something or not… should I get it…I really want it … within a particular  energy of desire — what really supports me is taking a deep breath, and asking myself self-honestly‚”do I need this, will I actually use this?” using constructive imagination to place myself in the future with the item, in determining if it would be used, and what the consequences would be if I were to buy this item. I wasn’t perfect with this – I stumbled and bought some things too much, and had to face my partner about it, since my spendings came from our money pot, but over time, the more I stopped myself from buying unnecessary items, asking myself questions within self-honesty, I got more stable with what I wanted and over time understood what I needed, and became happy and proud with my choices.

So here’s a breakdown of what supported me over the years walking from being irresponsible with money, to responsible:

What supported me

  • Oberserving, learning, and appreciating the simplistic lifestyle of my partner’s family by allowing myself to listen and remain humble to where my partner was coming from, his suggestions on saving money and how to work with it, taking the best points and using it with our finances
  • Getting a job, and being responsible with my paycheck in giving some money to bills, etc
  • Making the agreement with my partner that my money is his money, and vice versa, meaning that all of our money goes into a collective pot for the both of us
    • We sat down and wrote out a plan on how much money goes to rent, bills, etc, how much to use as allowance, how much to savings, holiday, etc, and it took me like 3 months to settle in with this plan, cause sometimes I would overspend, but me and my partner always went back to our agreement, and I would remind myself again and again of the agreement, and if I fell/overspent on something, I had to face my partner about it, and the consequence would allow me to pick myself back up and commit to be better for next month. 
    • Yes I originally got upset about the limited budget, but I realized this is what I need to make myself responsible. This is real life and ”I need this discipline.”  Over time I realized that if I wanted some nice shoes, I see if I can wait a month, and if I can’t wait, cause I need them for a special event, etc, I to talk to my partner about it, and see if he can help me or if we can take a certain amount of money out of my allowance every month to pay for it, so its about communicating and working with my partner
  • Allowing my partner to be the manager of our finances where he directs the money to the appropriate bills and resources since he has the most stable relationship with money and knows when not to overspend.

If it wasn’t for my partner, who stood his ground, and saw the importance of keeping to our budget, of being responsible for money, and for me, allowing myself to listen to his suggestions, to have that ability in me to become humble, and to find solutions through my time participating in Desteni and applying the tools, I wouldn’t be who I am today. So I am very grateful.

Additional Resources:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

252. Noticing My Movements

photo-1451933371645-a3029668b979I have had a cold the last few days, which supported me to slow down, and observe more of my movements and how I interact in my daily environment.

At home, something as simple as making tea ends up not so graceful and aligned. Like pouring water into a cup from a water heater — I ended up missing the water going into the cup and allowed it to drop onto the counter. This showed me my misalignment with the cup, the water heater and the water itself. I saw this behavior, and saw my lack of care in this moment, which led to me missing a moment with the cup and pouring some water on the counter. This is a habit I tend to do where I will spill things because I do not give what I am doing 100% of my care and attention. I have ”other things I need to do,” that I give more value to instead of what I’m doing in the moment.

Looking at it ideally, I should give everything I do in the moment equal attention value. Who I am in the moment, and what I am doing should be given this, because what I am doing is a part of me and my living experience. If I am not here, giving care, consideration and attention to what I am doing and suppose to be doing because my priorities and/or focus is somewhere ”else” (a.k.a in my mind) then I am missing moments, moments right here in front of me, moments OF ME, where I am with me. If I am not with me, and what I am doing, reality will show me the misalignments (like pouring water onto the counter instead of in the cup).

Self-Forgiveness, Self-Realizations & Commitment Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention and value to things outside of me, like tasks I need to do in the near future instead of giving attention and value to what I am doing right now in this moment

From this, I realize that when I miss a moment of what I am doing in the moment, I miss a moment with me and what is in front of me

I commit myself to move my focus to me and what I am doing in the moment, in breath, and whenever I see me shift away from reality and into the mind, I bring myself gently back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what I need to do in the future/near future than what I am doing NOW, not realizing it is the NOW that determines the future and who I will be in the future, because if I am not here with me and what I am doing in the present moment, I am communicating to myself and reality that I cannot be trusted that I will be here/present in the moments in the future, which is why it is necessary and of greatest support to be here with me, in what I am doing in the moment

I commit myself to apply care and consideration to every task I do by being present while working with it, giving it my attention and taking care of it as I see it most supportive/best, since that also supports me in working equal with my reality and what I’m doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care or consider what I am doing in this moment now, such as pouring water in a cup,through living the backchat ”I don’t want to do this, I want to do something else…” which then shows by spilling water, or not closing lids on bottles properly, instead of realizing how within not giving my full attention to what I am doing in the moment, I am creating consequences and existing in personal preferences of self-interest instead of acting simply as a being in care of life and doing my job at it’s best within the moment.

From this I also realize how fun I can make it living in the moment and deciding for myself how I want to move and direct me in the task that will create a supportive outcome and job well done that I can be satisfied with

When and as I see myself think ”I don’t want to do this, I want to do something else…”I stop and I breathe. I realize I am existing in personal preferences of self-interest and instead shift myself and my awareness to what the moment and task in front of me requires of me, and from there, act on it within care and consideration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in apathy towards the small and seemingly unimportant tasks, like kitchen work, closing the lid on a bottle, and doing such tasks half heartedly – with no care and consideration to do it properly because I have given other tasks priority and importance than the objects and tasks I am doing right now

From this I realize how I fuel inequality to happen, where I give more attention and care to one thing while another not so much, when it should be that I give care and consideration to all things equally in everything I do. Where I do the tasks properly and in alignment with physical reality needs.

I think it is ok to have important tasks be priority, but it should not cloud me in my mind when I doing something else – because my focus should be what I am doing now, and doing it to the best of my ability. I should not just put in the best effort in only priority tasks, but in all tasks, the great and the small – that way I am living and applying equality for all life/things.

I commit myself to give attention and value to every task I do equally, since all items and jobs here should be treated in care, consideration and support

I commit myself to do the best I can in the jobs and tasks I am involved in, staying in the present moment, being here with me in my living experience.

 

Additional Resources:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

250. Is Air Pollution Cool?

FullSizeRenderA photo on Instagram caught my eye recently — Kendall Jenner, a popular American celebrity posted a photo of her sitting outside looking at the L.A. skyline, with”morning smog” as the caption.

I was looking at how she is positioned, in a black leather jacket with the word ”GANGSTERS” on the back, with her bare legs crossed, looking relaxed in her chair. It’s in  a way symbolic to me, showing the clash between illusion and reality, placing more emphasis on how cool Kendall looks than the (serious) matter of hand.

Los Angeles is known as having the worst air quality in the United States“Air pollution is a major cause of disease and death. When dirty air blankets our cities the most vulnerable urban populations—the youngest, oldest and poorest—are impacted the most,” says Dr Flavia Bustreo, WHO Assistant-Director General, Family, Women and Children’s Health. 

On social media one can find some of the most beautiful photos and artwork that are seem separate from reality due to the usage of photo editors, filters and nice words, creating a illusion separate from reality.  

Movies do this all the time, where the world is falling apart, but the good looking actor or actress will save the day, and with the music and specific moves they make the destruction of the city or world look cool, like there is an attractiveness about it. I say it’s a point of distraction for us to be more focused and preoccupied with how someone looks/moves, and how that makes us feel than the actual problem at hand.

We’ve become so separate and apathetic to the real world problems that exist today because our focus and addiction goes to what makes us feel good or give us positive feelings. Celebrities, good looks, sex, money – these factors trigger positive feelings in us that can make us insensitive to what really matters in this world.  In addition to this, we don’t understand how to deal with our inner reality – and because we don’t know how to deal with our internal reality of conflicting emotions and unresolved issues- it’s so much easier to feel good and find ways to stay in that state as much as we can.

I think this photo of Kendall is a good representation of the separation we feel we have towards the world – where the illusion of looking/being cool supersedes the seriousness of reality. It’s as if we are like Kendall in this photo – on the outside of the world looking in, separate from the problem, being nonchalant in the matter, instead of realizing we are participating in the problem and equally responsible for it.  

The good news is, we can actually find solutions to these problems – both internally and externally, and the best way to start is with oneself first, purifying the pollution inside of us to then equally purify the pollution without.

You can start that here.

 

Additional Support:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships