The 4 Evils of Women – 326

One point I am actively working to be more aware of and change is who I am in relation to women. This is because for most of my life I have participated and been involved in situations with women that would end up keeping me in states of regret, spite, holding grudges, obsession, anger, etc.

Generally speaking, anything surrounding the topic of women and womanhood and being involved in women’s groups are weak points within me. Partly this is due to my past and also in my generational line both my mother and grandmother have had issues with women (the sins of the father quote is right on this one).

I’ve re-listened to the EQAFE recordings War of Women recently – specifically the last two which highlighted the ”4 Evils of Women” – which are: Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement.

Listen to the Recording: War of Women below ↓

full_war-of-women-death-research-part-1

It makes a lot of sense that these 4 words are what women participate in the most. What is always common is the putting down of oneself (through judgement) feeling threatened and wanting to one up someone (through competition), crumbling within self when comparing or seeing someone is better than you at something (comparison), and despising a person and possibly changing your behavior to hurt them/gossip about them because you want what they want (jealousy).

Now take all of that and put it in a group of women, and you got a shit storm. Even though women are more subtle and quiet in their actions, many of those ”evils” fuel on a constant basis and keep women in a state of self-abuse – unless you are within a group of women, like Destonians, who are actively working on themselves and standing as a support for oneself and another.

Yet, even Destonian women (like myself) are not perfect and fall at times. Like me, where despite learning A LOT and stopping participating as much as possible in Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement, it still comes up and seeps into my life.

I know the ill-effects participating in those words have on one’s wellbeing and mental state. It’s not pretty, and my theory is that a lot of it also comes from how one was raised and the relationship a women has or had with their mother. Mothers are usually our primary caregivers, and who we look up to. The mother is connected to the feminine expression and feminine qualities within us all.

My theory is that if the relationship with the mother is tainted because the mother is tainted: ie: she compares herself to other women, or judges her own daughter because of her own insecurities, etc, the daughter will also end up like her, broken, unless she has made a conscious choice to NOT be like that and actively works on herself to do so.

Otherwise, if you put broken, insecure women together, you can imagine the kind of abuse that can happen. Realities shows like the Kardashians and the Housewives of Orange Country are examples. Gossip, deceiving, and betrayal are outflows of participating in Comparison, Competition, Judgement and Jealousy within oneself and one’s world.

That’s why it’s so important to start a new revolution per sey, of women, where women really actively work on themselves and take leadership of understanding their emotions and their pain, guilt and trauma they’ve endured in the past, and do something constructive about it.

I do see a wave of self love, self care and support coming forth in social media, which is great and already a great first step. My suggestion, as the second step, is for us as women to start becoming more aware of our relationship with ourselves and how we are participating in the ”4 evils” so we can purify ourselves, re-define the words, and live a new life free of self-abuse.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

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251. Creating an Effective Facebook Community

photo-1455734729978-db1ae4f687fcA year and a half ago I was sitting by my computer one day with questions on where to find this specific clothing piece. I was 6 months in living in a European country and was still not use to doing research to answer my questions in another language. I realized that the Facebook groups I was a part of had people who provided what I describe as insensitive and sarcastic remarks, and the last thing I wanted as a person still struggling in a foreign country was people to treat me unkindly when I ask them questions.

So I decided to create my own Facebook group for women only, because many of the questions I had were female-related, and I was not comfortable asking such questions publicly were men were present and people were free to comment in whatever (harmful) nature they wanted without consequences.

I made sure that when I created the women’s group I set in guidelines: First it was going to be a closed group, so only women can come. This closed-group also allows for women to feel safe asking personal questions women can relate and respond to.

The second guideline I created was that this was a safe space for women to ask questions and get answers, so please treat another the way you want to be treated.  Any form of abuse will not be tolerated.

The guidelines were inspired through my time being an admin for the Porn and Masurbation Addiction Support group that emphasized being a safe space for people to share their struggles and support each other, and the admins did what they could to welcome them, and give them gentle yet firm support/advice.

Those guidelines of support is what led to the incredible growth of the women’s group. Within 1.5 years we reached 5,000 women in our group. Me and 4 other admins still stick to making sure the group runs smoothly and conflicts are directed accordingly, and over time I’ve received positive comments about the group, how it changed their life, how many friends they made…It’s been really cool to hear it, but I don’t allow myself to go into ego over it, because I know it’s not just me who made it what it is – it is also the other organizers who helped me, as well as the women/members themselves that continue to support and help each other out and stick to the principles/guidelines.

There has been talk about a men’s group, but no one has yet to step up to the plate. Perhaps it is more difficult for men to create such a group because to open up and share your struggles, or ask personal questions in front of other men supersedes the ego, and in society, men are suppose to be seen as strong and any point of vulnerability is a sign of ‚‘weakness.’’  It is such a shame this can hinder people from seeking support…

But I’d like to add that when I first created the group I was so hesitant to start sharing it in the other Facebook communities. I was afraid of the feedback and people making fun of me or potential backlash from men.  But my starting point in creating it was based on a need and from that need I saw having this group would not only support me, but other women too, especially those in the same boat as me (a foreigner/immigrant of another country).  I said ‚‘ok let’s do this,’’ and just started to promote and share it in the expat communities. Already by that first day I had women write to me ‚‘great initiative!’’ So I knew with that feedback I could keep going 🙂

Throughout the months the demand for women to meet each other was apparent. The first event was held at a restaurant and over 30 women came. It took a lot of me to sit and wait to meet strangers, but the more I talked and allowed myself to open up and get to know other people, the more bold I became, in asking questions and introducing myself to people I don’t know. From there, I established connections, made new friends and became more comfortable living in my new home city.

So it’s been a little over a year now and from walking the creation of this women’s group, I now see myself as a more bold, outgoing, assertive and directive person. Sure, I still have my point of insecurities and social awkwardness, but it was through applying the principle of self-support, not only for myself, but for others, that really made me jump into the deep end.

I want to thank the community Desteni for introducing to me the principles of living what is best for all/self, and to the people who have supported me/shown me what it means to care about others and life. Without meeting you I wouldn’t be who I am today. Thank you so much!

 

Additional Support:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships