The 4 Evils of Women – 326

One point I am actively working to be more aware of and change is who I am in relation to women. This is because for most of my life I have participated and been involved in situations with women that would end up keeping me in states of regret, spite, holding grudges, obsession, anger, etc.

Generally speaking, anything surrounding the topic of women and womanhood and being involved in women’s groups are weak points within me. Partly this is due to my past and also in my generational line both my mother and grandmother have had issues with women (the sins of the father quote is right on this one).

I’ve re-listened to the EQAFE recordings War of Women recently – specifically the last two which highlighted the ”4 Evils of Women” – which are: Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement.

Listen to the Recording: War of Women below ↓

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It makes a lot of sense that these 4 words are what women participate in the most. What is always common is the putting down of oneself (through judgement) feeling threatened and wanting to one up someone (through competition), crumbling within self when comparing or seeing someone is better than you at something (comparison), and despising a person and possibly changing your behavior to hurt them/gossip about them because you want what they want (jealousy).

Now take all of that and put it in a group of women, and you got a shit storm. Even though women are more subtle and quiet in their actions, many of those ”evils” fuel on a constant basis and keep women in a state of self-abuse – unless you are within a group of women, like Destonians, who are actively working on themselves and standing as a support for oneself and another.

Yet, even Destonian women (like myself) are not perfect and fall at times. Like me, where despite learning A LOT and stopping participating as much as possible in Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement, it still comes up and seeps into my life.

I know the ill-effects participating in those words have on one’s wellbeing and mental state. It’s not pretty, and my theory is that a lot of it also comes from how one was raised and the relationship a women has or had with their mother. Mothers are usually our primary caregivers, and who we look up to. The mother is connected to the feminine expression and feminine qualities within us all.

My theory is that if the relationship with the mother is tainted because the mother is tainted: ie: she compares herself to other women, or judges her own daughter because of her own insecurities, etc, the daughter will also end up like her, broken, unless she has made a conscious choice to NOT be like that and actively works on herself to do so.

Otherwise, if you put broken, insecure women together, you can imagine the kind of abuse that can happen. Realities shows like the Kardashians and the Housewives of Orange Country are examples. Gossip, deceiving, and betrayal are outflows of participating in Comparison, Competition, Judgement and Jealousy within oneself and one’s world.

That’s why it’s so important to start a new revolution per sey, of women, where women really actively work on themselves and take leadership of understanding their emotions and their pain, guilt and trauma they’ve endured in the past, and do something constructive about it.

I do see a wave of self love, self care and support coming forth in social media, which is great and already a great first step. My suggestion, as the second step, is for us as women to start becoming more aware of our relationship with ourselves and how we are participating in the ”4 evils” so we can purify ourselves, re-define the words, and live a new life free of self-abuse.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

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When Your Plan to Turn a Competitor into a Friendship Doesn’t Work Out – 317

Yesterday I had a meeting with someone who I had difficulty with within the journalism world for some time. She and I have been the major competitors of each other, and I thought it was about time I sit down with her, to get to know her and learn more about who she is and her intentions. This is because I wanted to finally be clear of some assumptions I had of her, and thought we could create a potential friendship and ultimately be cool with each other.

I made sure before I did meet her to clear myself as much as possible with Self-Forgiveness and direction, but still was nervous and apprehensive about our meeting.

Generally, the meeting was fine. I got to learn more about her intentions which have to do with survival and providing her own source of income through her work. This made sense to me as to why she is very competitive and seems to have issue with me as her other competitor. The problem was, was that I expected us to be cool and friends at the end, but it didn’t turn out as so – the ending was brief and superficial, and it left me nauseous. Knowing that despite our meeting and me trying to show and share more about myself so I can open the door for her to see the kind of relationship I’d like to create for us didn’t work. I realized that I can’t change someone, no matter what I do or how much I may work on myself, or open the door to my heart – that person has to make the decision to change and allow me into their lives.

My disappointment came from the fact that I expected us to be friends and cool at the end, as I mentioned before, because that’s what happened to my friend and I wanted that. But it seemed like on her end it wasn’t possible. It’s quite sad that two women, who yes, use to or are currently competitors, can’t put things down to rest and create a relationship that supports one another. I know I must honor their process and their decisions, but it does suck.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate women not wanting to be friends with me, as it shows me that I must let go of control and the desire / want for people to like me and want to be cool / friends with me. I see, realize and understand I have a problem with conflict, and people genuinely not liking me or having issues with me, because somehow somewhere to me that means something is wrong with me. I also realize I have the false idea that everyone should like me, and that if they don’t, something is wrong with me, as I should automatically be liked by everyone. I realize that is a survival mechanism I picked up from my mother, who strives to be liked and will ”bend her own back” to please and like, even if it’s borderline abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear upon realizing that even despite sharing and showing myself, my heart, that another won’t forgive me or accept me or want to lay things to rest / water under the bridge, that the person still holds onto a grudge or suspicion about me, which I now realize and understand is normal, in that with getting to understand their intentions, survival and financial security is most important and I have been made a threat to them in their minds, thus only they can work that point out themselves, despite my attempts showing I would rather create a friendship/partnership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and allow the sadness to influence me and my expression, because I am not certain how to direct reality of a woman-friendship born out of suspicion, threat and fear is still prevalent in another and thus cannot be changed, and thus I cannot get my desired, or potential outcome of being cool / at peace with someone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make peace with the fact that we will both remain separate and not friends, and thus natural competitors in the world system, and that I am and have been redefining my form of competition into something healthy, and that is something I must walk alone. That I must find a way to be ok with failing in my attempts of not being friends with a competitor from the world system. I also realize it is up to them to be cool / friends with me, after I attempted so, and can only leave the door open for them from here forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and become sad seeing the potential of women being cool / friends / supporters and not enemies / competitors / vicious with each other is a process I can only walk alone, to establish and create and be in myself, where I then become the living example of a woman with no issues towards anyone else, and that I am able to stand one and equal with every individual without reaction. That I realize I must be the change I wish to see in the world, by literally living it as an example, and being it through living words and actual real-time change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge X as bad for not wanting to be cool or friends with me, as I realize I cannot judge X’s decision, because X’s reasons come from a source of survival, needing security, and perhaps feeling threatened in between it all. I realize there is always a reason why someone does something, and that I have no right nor power to judge their actions and decisions. I can see more of their character, what they exist in, accept and allow, but it doesn’t make them better or less than me on a existential level. I redefine ”bad” as being unacceptable in the face of life within what is best for all, and her walking away from creating a friendship / supporting relationship is not bad, it is a decision that does not harm me and is acceptable in the face of life which is best for all. It shows where she is at in her life and decisions. That’s all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my relationship with someone to another’s relationship, that I ideally wanted, and wanted to create that. I realize that I used the other’s relationship as a goal, but reality showed me where I am with someone instead, which also shows that what I wanted was not possible, and that I cannot compare relationships because each relationship is unique.

I see I crave and desire a female friendship again where we love and accept each other, which can only start from me accepting and loving myself and being fulfilled by that. Not seeking external support or person for that.

Self-Commitment Statements:

I commit myself to practice and find ways / solutions to be at peace with people having issues / problems with me, as having problems with others shows there are problems with oneself towards oneself not resolved, as I realize in the end all must be one and equal and stand in everyone’s shoes without reaction.

I commit myself to let go of the need / want / desire to control myself to get to a future outcome I want, as I realize life is organic, unpredictable, including many factors from people and things.

I commit to honor where a person is in life, and to honor myself / my self-honesty process, and continue to build / walk it.

I commit myself to use the sadness as a means to embrace that which I am not giving myself – my own friendship / companionship, and to stop looking outside for it.

I commit myself to walk my own process of competition, where I discover what is healthy for me, despite people maybe not liking me or finding me a threat. I realize I can’t be friends with everyone, even though I’d like to be, as that is not realistic in this day and age in this world.

I commit myself to purify and see the word ‘’bad’’ as something unacceptable in the face of life that’s best for all, and good which is nurturing within life within what’s best for all.

I commit myself to be ok aiming for a goal in relationships, but to not get too frustrated if it doesn’t work out in a certain timeframe, or if a person genuinely doesn’t want to reach the same goal as you. I realize it’s ok to test things out and see if it’s a possibility, and to be flexible if it doesn’t work out or needs adjusting.

I commit myself to stop looking outside and towards other people to fulfill the needs in me, but find practical ways to fill those needs myself. Like finding a practical way to create companionship with me. What is self-companionship?

 

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

279. UPTIGHT

jeffrey-wegrzyn-183858Do you ever fear others telling you are this and that? Like fear having people say this or that word about you? I discovered the fear of being called ”uptight” recently and decided to open up my relationship to the word here in this blog.

Within this is the fear of others defining, seeing and judging me as uptight because according to me, these characteristics are negative things to be, that people don’t like it, hey, even I don’t like it when others are what I define as ”uptight.”

I realized what I fear people saying/calling/judging me are words I fear becoming and also to confront me on where I’m living/acting out those words, because of my judgements towards them. So it’s really a matter of understanding and clearing the word in me and see if it can be turned into word of support.

My definition of Uptight: can’t relax, constantly stressed and only focused/obsessed on one thing, and because of that can disregard or not consider others because you’re so focused/obsessed/driven in stress and fear over this one thing and only wanting to get it done.

How I lived the word uptight: I was uptight with a project I managed with other women, wanting and trying to make it perfect… my only focus was on the project and making sure it’s going well with no problems. I existed in fear of things going wrong and fucking up so my time more focused on managing, building the project and doing things for the project than getting to know people within it.

So I was uptight because I felt like it was my sole/prime responsibility to take care of the project, like a mother but I was uptight because I was on it constantly, fixing it, managing it, changing things, fixing things asap or urging people to fix things asap. It was my obsession, my drive because it was my creation and I felt responsible for making it the best project ever. Yet I did not use the time equally to balance my work/effort I put in the project to developing and establishing better relationships with everyone to make sure all is cool. This is a lesson for me to learn – to not be so driven in FEAR and so focused on PERFECTING a project/creation, but to accept that it will not and can not ever be perfect and fit what you want. Best to work well with the team and learn as you go and laugh (and learn) at the mistakes and just move forward.

So I will walk self forgiveness where I forgive me for being uptight and even forgiving the emotional connections and words to being uptight.

my definition of the word ”uptight,” -someone who is bitchy and unable to relax because they are obsessed and/or stressed about something and will in that stress act out mean/bitchy to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who are to me “uptight” 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word “uptight”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who live the word uptight

I commit myself to realize being uptight is combination of emotions and thoughts that self builds to live/express to be unable to relax, and exist/live out in emotions like stress, fear and anger.

I commit myself to realize that when people go into uptightness it’s mostly because they have not understood their own creation/making of getting there, and do not have the awareness nor tools on how to get them out of that state, thus –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people  when I see them as UPTIGHT – which is someone who is stressed and/or unable to relax and thus they are mean/bitchy/inconsiderate to others, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that they are living out emotions/stress from the definition of the word without awareness of how they created themselves there in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards being perceived as someone who is uptight because I define being uptight as someone who is bitchy and acts bitchy to others and I fear being like that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if you are uptight you are a bad person, because of how you treat others from/through living uptightness, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uptight, to be seen or defined by others as being uptight because I have given the word/expression a bad/negative definition/label

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being uptight to being bad/a bad person by justifying how you treat others because of your uptightness is bad and makes you a bad person – instead of realizing that many factors and reasons are behind why a person acts out and is the way they are when living uptightness – that they are unaware of it, nor have the tools or capability to move/walk themselves out of it, or unable to understand themselves in the relationship towards being uptight. So within this I am humble in realizing when people are uptight it’s because they have no tools or skills or awareness of understanding how to move/get out of it, so instead just walk/live the uptightness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uptight because if I am uptight I am bitchy, and I fear being bitchy, instead of embracing the bitchiness and understanding myself in relation to the word/expression.

I commit myself to walk and understand who am I as uptightness so I am able to understand how to walk out of it and into a more supportive living word/expression that I can show and teach to all

I commit myself to understand who I am towards bitchiness within living/being uptight and my fear of being bitchy/uptight

This I will continue in my next blog post. Thanks for reading.

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Additional Support

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256. Men – Part 1

photo-1454625191319-786c05137ef5I was flipping through a yearbook and saw photo of a male classmate who use to be very nice to me. I had a movement in me, opened it up through Self-Forgiveness, and wanted to explore it deeper here… 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable towards men/males being nice to me, since I am suspicious that they really do not mean to be so, genuinely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief and idea that most to all men are really not nice, genuinely, and that they are really mean

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify that men/males really are just mean by using examples of my past, and memories of when I perceived males to be mean/not so nice, either to me or to people in general

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear men, especially men who are nice to me because I don’t believe them to be really nice, and that they either have hidden intentions (which is why they are nice) or that they are not really nice but putting on a face

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not believe in one man’s ”nice’expression/could not believe one man to suddenly be nice to me after not seeing him for a long time, because he had for the majority of my life, been ”mean”/not nice to me, to the point of bullying, from which I can see I haven’t forgiven yet

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have been holding onto memories of situations and interactions with men/certain men in the past, who have treated me (in what I perceive) as unkindly, and not nice and used those interactions to support and justification the idea/belief all men are really not nice or mean, due to what I’ve experienced with them in the past, carrying these beliefs with me as a point of protection from feeling/getting hurt by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘hate’ men for being mean to women, instead of seeing how I have in a way am taking sides against them and separating myself from the

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give me and my self-worth/voice away to the fear I have towards males and what they may say or do to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear men call me fat, and/or ugly because if they call me these things I will believe them and take their words personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to the words from a man, then from me and who/how I see myself, believe of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and find myself inferior and not good enough for men, instead of questioning where and when did I allow myself to give my self-worth to them? since I realize that I have given my power and my self-worth to men and their words and judgements towards me and women

I commit myself to investigate when and where did it begin where I shifted my self-worth to the words and actions of men, and why, so I can forgive each point of self-seperation and align myself back into self-acceptance and self-worth

I commit myself to purify my relationship to the words ”fat” and ”ugly” so if IF I am called those words, I know my relationship to them and do not take words personally, but know where to stand with myself with/from those words

I commit myself to forgive and release the attachments I have defined myself towards my own memories towards men while creating my new relationship with who I am and where I stand with men, and their words/behaviors towards me