The 4 Evils of Women – 326

One point I am actively working to be more aware of and change is who I am in relation to women. This is because for most of my life I have participated and been involved in situations with women that would end up keeping me in states of regret, spite, holding grudges, obsession, anger, etc.

Generally speaking, anything surrounding the topic of women and womanhood and being involved in women’s groups are weak points within me. Partly this is due to my past and also in my generational line both my mother and grandmother have had issues with women (the sins of the father quote is right on this one).

I’ve re-listened to the EQAFE recordings War of Women recently – specifically the last two which highlighted the ”4 Evils of Women” – which are: Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement.

Listen to the Recording: War of Women below ↓

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It makes a lot of sense that these 4 words are what women participate in the most. What is always common is the putting down of oneself (through judgement) feeling threatened and wanting to one up someone (through competition), crumbling within self when comparing or seeing someone is better than you at something (comparison), and despising a person and possibly changing your behavior to hurt them/gossip about them because you want what they want (jealousy).

Now take all of that and put it in a group of women, and you got a shit storm. Even though women are more subtle and quiet in their actions, many of those ”evils” fuel on a constant basis and keep women in a state of self-abuse – unless you are within a group of women, like Destonians, who are actively working on themselves and standing as a support for oneself and another.

Yet, even Destonian women (like myself) are not perfect and fall at times. Like me, where despite learning A LOT and stopping participating as much as possible in Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement, it still comes up and seeps into my life.

I know the ill-effects participating in those words have on one’s wellbeing and mental state. It’s not pretty, and my theory is that a lot of it also comes from how one was raised and the relationship a women has or had with their mother. Mothers are usually our primary caregivers, and who we look up to. The mother is connected to the feminine expression and feminine qualities within us all.

My theory is that if the relationship with the mother is tainted because the mother is tainted: ie: she compares herself to other women, or judges her own daughter because of her own insecurities, etc, the daughter will also end up like her, broken, unless she has made a conscious choice to NOT be like that and actively works on herself to do so.

Otherwise, if you put broken, insecure women together, you can imagine the kind of abuse that can happen. Realities shows like the Kardashians and the Housewives of Orange Country are examples. Gossip, deceiving, and betrayal are outflows of participating in Comparison, Competition, Judgement and Jealousy within oneself and one’s world.

That’s why it’s so important to start a new revolution per sey, of women, where women really actively work on themselves and take leadership of understanding their emotions and their pain, guilt and trauma they’ve endured in the past, and do something constructive about it.

I do see a wave of self love, self care and support coming forth in social media, which is great and already a great first step. My suggestion, as the second step, is for us as women to start becoming more aware of our relationship with ourselves and how we are participating in the ”4 evils” so we can purify ourselves, re-define the words, and live a new life free of self-abuse.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Being Responsible for Others: Working with Interns – 322

working with interns emotional support

I had the privilege of being a supervisor for a pair of interns this summer, for an organization I volunteer at. While some people may groan and fuss about having to watch a couple of college students all summer, I found it exceptionally rewarding.

Mostly because they were fresh faces with fresh perspectives on things in life. It was really great to get to know them as individuals and see where their strengths and talents lie.

For example, our first meeting we simply got to know each other and our personality types. We talked about our astrological signs, our Enneagram numbers and whether we side more on the introvert or extrovert side. So the first impression was that everyone understood where each person was, self-honestly, and from there I got to determine what type of work I could give them, where they could thrive.

Of course, this was a learning process, as I first started to give the male intern work on graphic design because he was more of the art type who had a love of the finer things in life. However, I saw that I was excluding the opportunity for the female intern to take on the job too, so I then decided to assign her some tasks with graphic design. I knew she and I discussed beforehand that she never really worked with graphics, but lo and behold, after much tinkering around, she designed some pretty amazing things and I think became proud of herself.

Eventually though as shit started to hit the fan between me and my co-founder in regards to finances and drama at the location we were at, I started to see our unit as a family. A family that needs to stay strong and stable amidst the turmoil going on. I soon started to see the interns as children. Where my co-founder and I were like the parents and that the emotions and shit we were experiencing towards things happening on the outside, could seep into our relationship with the interns.

Eventually, it got to the point where I had to became the sole ‘parent’ or person who had to keep everything together and became entirely responsible for the ‘kids’/interns. It was no fun and I still have to deal with reactions with this point, but I could really see the intrinsic responsibility that comes forth when you allow people to work with you and walk with you in your life, that you see every day. That they (the interns) started to pick up on subtleties and changes going on between me and my co-founder and started to ask about it.

I then took the liberty of being honest and direct with what was going on behind the scenes, in a way that didn’t reveal everything but enough for them to understand the stuff that can happen in an organization. And from this, I also realized the importance of the co-founders needing to stick together, but also the truth that: running a business or organization with a friend may not be the best idea. It certainly is not working for me.

I also realized for myself, after many mistakes, that I am best to do projects alone, by myself, being my own boss and CEO. This has inspired me to take on a new venture/project that is currently in the making, that is more aligned to me. Where no one is boss except me.

So, to sum this all up – when you take responsibility for a set of interns, my suggestion is to realize you are responsible for them in a way, similar to a parent, in that they do look up to you for guidance and instruction. They still have a lot of learning in life (as we all do), but since you are the supervisor, you need to consider who you are, your actions, and how you handle things – especially when shit hits the fan. Would you like the interns to take on these characteristics you’ve been displaying and have them apply it later in their life? Because that’s how supervisors are supposed to act?

For example, when shit hits the fan are you going to freak out in front of everyone or are you going to sit down and start brainstorming for solutions? This is what I had to do because I had no choice. I could not show the interns that being and feeling defeated in the face of the system and giving up on the organization is the way to go. You have to keep moving on until you tested all options and see that it is best in the end. Overall it’s important that you show your interns, or whoever is with you, to not give up. Even if that means you have to take on a load for a while until things settle down.

I could not have come to such stability and drive for solutions if it were not for the Desteni tools and community. I truly believe walking my process with them made me become a more pragmatic, practical, less emotional, and commonsensical person.

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

Day 301: Starting Somewhere

michael-dam-258165About a year ago I requested a private interview through EQAFE about my position working with children and what to do with my life. My beingness came through and basically emphasized to me to just start somewhere – do something to get my ”feet wet” and exploring, and if I end up not liking what I’m doing then I try something else, OR something else may open up that I prefer to go into.

So it was through those words ”just start somewhere,” and realizing just because I start somewhere doesn’t mean I’ll forever be locked in it, but that by starting somewhere will allow me to get to other doors I can walk into / explore as well …

And so – I utilized that support and now a year later I am now moving into a direction that I am really excited about – something  I couldn’t have predicted or imagined but I got here because I took a step and I did something – I started to stay after school tutoring children for free with some behavioral issues. Over time, through walking this I was able to find more of where my passions lay, and a goal I would like to bring into manifestation within the coming years.

My partner who struggled with what to do with himself is also starting to find more of a direction. He began dabbling in painting and martial arts, and by getting involved in these activities, he is creating exceptional work and creating his own martial arts process (noting down his realizations in a notebook he would like to publish in a blog someday and make something out of it).

All of this with what my partner and I walked couldn’t have happened without a couple of things:

  1. From the support of beings through the Portal – through EQAFE / individual consultations from them and through people in the Desteni community. They helped us settle a foundation within ourselves.
  2. The decision within ourselves to do it – to do something – even if it as small as picking up your head and going to that class 3 times a week, or staying at work an additional 3 hours 3 times a week to help out children to see if this is an area you want to work in… it really does come down to deciding on something to do, even if it is small, and just do it – commit to maybe 30 days or a month of doing it consistently to see / assess if this is something you want to do. But do SOMETHING because you may never know where life will take you.

I also want to recommend the interview From Drifter to Settler on EQAFE. Anu talks specifically about just getting out and doing something – no matter how simple it is. So he really confirmed the support I got a year ago through the Portal – and he is saying it this time for the public!!!

So as a person who started simple, you can do it too!! And if you need any help in deciding what to do or what to start with, just write to me 🙂

 

Recommended Resources:

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

291. Opening Yourself & Others Through Sharing

rawpixel-com-351766Today a friend of mine told me that her favorite subject in school was biology and her plan is to go to school to study more into it.  Later on that evening I asked myself the question: what subject did I like most in school? I scanned my memories from middle school – high school and saw “nothing” – more of a ‘dislike’ of school in general due to my shyness and relationship to the education system. So I moved to my college years and identified two subjects: a Persuasion class where we studied Greek philosophers and techniques on how to persuade people / the masses, and a Family communication class. 

From this I shared with my partner a memory of an assignment I had to do in my Family Communication class – I had to ask a family member to “rate” my physical attractiveness and my partner and I discussed how fucked up the assignment was (LOL). Then we discussed how we would respond as parents if our child had us do this assignment…we got the ball rolling discussing this point, and then after some moments of pause my partner then shared a memory from his time in high school and then we talked about that. Then I realized he was sharing a memory / time from his school days – a topic I use to request to please share but he’d draw a blank.

To explain more: I use to, in a way “force” or push my partner to share memories of when he was at school, because I was curious who he was at that time, but it was unnatural and my guy didn’t know what to say. This is similar to when me and him were on the Desteni farm and would ask people “tell me a story about Bernard” and they wouldn’t have a story – it was only when they shared themselves that a memory or timeline of something Bernard said or did would come up and they’d share. 

So I learned you can’t really force people to share something that is not HERE — the sharing must come naturally and by the decision of the person (whether they want to share in the first place or not). 

Featured Recording in Relation to this Blog: Sharing Ourselves in Conversations – Life Review

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In our lives and in our relationships with other people, we have developed the way that we communicate quite strangely: We tend to speak only about ourselves, about our own opinions and views, so that conversations become a competition wherein each person is trying to make their opinion the dominant one that squashes all other people’s opinions.

What would our interactions be like if we stopped this cycle and actually started to actively listen to and hear what other people have to say – and not just pretend to?

Purchase the recording here.

 

 

 

Recommended Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

287. Dropping Ideas of People & Getting to Know Yourself

averie-woodard-111832Perhaps we watch someone on Youtube or see photos of people and over time create these ideas and assumptions of who they are and must be in reality, but then we actually meet them we see so many other expressions and aspects of them.

I had a cool burst of my bubble as of late where I didn’t realize I had these ideas of certain people living on the Desteni Farm – like ideas of their expression and who they are as a person. It was through actually meeting them and spending time with them did I get to see other aspects and expressions of them I hadn’t even considered or seen before which actually supported me to see how limited I was in my perception of these people.

For example, let’s say you had the idea that this person is really tough and that was all you saw and thought of them to be, but then meeting them you realize they have a soft side to them.

So from realizing this that I tend to see people quite narrowly, by only categorizing them into a few words, this allowed me to see that I am also limiting myself in me, where I define me quite narrowly as well, like a few expressions instead of exploring more expressions of me.

I also want to add that upon meeting these people a part of me/my mind did not want to accept these other expressions I saw in them… a part of me didn’t want to let go of the ideas I had and ACCEPT the NEW… the REALITY.

So I would suggest for anyone reading this is if you have these ideas and assumptions of how a person is – drop them and actually talk to them more, get to know them, expand your awareness and understanding of them, as well as equally understanding where are you limiting in yourself in believing you are only this and this kind of person… and to see what other expressions we can develop or be in who we are.

So from this I will explore more of these self-definitions I’ve been holding onto of me and seeing what words I can use to develop myself.

Suggested Resources:

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

257. A Kiss Driven by Love

photo-1444839368740-f0d3572f8067I found some writings on the experience of Love I’d like to share, where within the experience of love, one moves themselves to kiss someone:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand I was being moved by consciousness energy of love, which is the polarity of fear

When and as I see myself be moved or want to move from / as the energetic experience of “love,” I stop and breathe. I realize I had been allowing myself to move me based on feelings as energetic experiences from consciousness, instead of moving me within awareness and a decision of kissing the person.

So I commit to STOP me from moving through/as/within consciousness energy of love, take a step back, breathe and assess what would be best for me now as a living being not defined/moved by consciousness. I can redefine and live the word “Directive” – directing me towards what I see best.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that being moved to kiss someone out of feelings of “love” shows me where I’m still at in my process – that I was not aware of how I moved myself according to feelings as consciousness energy, even when it feels so good – that is the point of these feelings is to control and direct one to do things from it, and as long as you participate in it, you are a slave and making a statement to yourself you accept being driven by consciousness as energy experience of emotions and feelings

When or while I see myself be moved or want to move to kiss someone based on feelings of love, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am making a statement to myself and Life that I would still be a slave to energy as consciousness (and not my own decison and awareness) if I give in and move myself to do this- that I still accept and allow myself to be driven by energy as consciousness of feelings and emotions if I continue to move/exist in a state or mind possession of energy like “love”. From this, I commit myself to STOP participating in the energy experience of love the moment I see myself exist/experience it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the emotion/polarity experience of love is fear and be moved by that

When and as I see myself exist in the enegertic experience of love, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am participating in energy as consciousness of emotions and feelings and am now on the feeling side of the polarity…so I commit myself to stop, and use directiveness to move me as awareness of what I should do and who to be in this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by the energetic consciousness of polarity of LOVE- which is (positive) feelings

I commit myself to remind me (when/while I’m in/experiencing feelings of love) “oops I’m going into positive feelings now, which is part of consciousness energy and polarity. I will myself to not move from this but question where is this experience coming from?” And move me to source it and change by identifying what needs to be changed in the moment (ie: identifying the words/expressions of Love and becoming the words I have separated myself from, or simply breathing until the energy dissapates)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to act on the feeling of love, as consciousness energy because it “feels so good,” Not realizing if I give into the feeling and allow myself to be possessed/taken over by this emotional experience, I am allowing myself to drop/weaken me and my stand in the face of feelings, like love and be directed/moved by it.

I see that there is a “weakness” in me of moving and allowing me to be directed by/thru positive energy, simply showing that I have (created) a relationship with positive feelings where I seek to live/experience them or be/want to move myself in them that require to be understood, directed and changed

I commit myself to become more aware of who I am in the face of positive feelings and experiences since I realize I have created a relationship to them, and from this awareness, practice stopping and standing in/as a point of authority by not moving with or in positive experiences, and not seeking to gain positive experiences, but simply be with me here, in breath with my body

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize if I am experiencing, being directed and/or moved by consciousness energy of feelings (like love) I am existing in polarity of consciousness and need to get myself out of that state otherwise I am trapping myself in the polarity construct of emotions and feelings

When I see myself be moved or possessed in the feeling-experience of love, I stop and I breathe. I realize this feeling is from polarity of energy as consciousness which means it’s opposite is fear and so I commit myself to stop my participation and allowance of being driven in consciousness as energy states of mind/being, to breathe through the feelings to stabilize/ground myself, and instead use the energies as cross reference of where I’m at and what words or underlying points I still need to work on

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize behind the energetic consciousness of feelings towards X are simply WORDS I separated from myself that X represents and triggers for me, thus-

I commit myself to identify the words as expressions I separated myself from and find how use them in me and my life through the redefining and living process presented through SOUL

 

Additional Resources:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

251. Creating an Effective Facebook Community

photo-1455734729978-db1ae4f687fcA year and a half ago I was sitting by my computer one day with questions on where to find this specific clothing piece. I was 6 months in living in a European country and was still not use to doing research to answer my questions in another language. I realized that the Facebook groups I was a part of had people who provided what I describe as insensitive and sarcastic remarks, and the last thing I wanted as a person still struggling in a foreign country was people to treat me unkindly when I ask them questions.

So I decided to create my own Facebook group for women only, because many of the questions I had were female-related, and I was not comfortable asking such questions publicly were men were present and people were free to comment in whatever (harmful) nature they wanted without consequences.

I made sure that when I created the women’s group I set in guidelines: First it was going to be a closed group, so only women can come. This closed-group also allows for women to feel safe asking personal questions women can relate and respond to.

The second guideline I created was that this was a safe space for women to ask questions and get answers, so please treat another the way you want to be treated.  Any form of abuse will not be tolerated.

The guidelines were inspired through my time being an admin for the Porn and Masurbation Addiction Support group that emphasized being a safe space for people to share their struggles and support each other, and the admins did what they could to welcome them, and give them gentle yet firm support/advice.

Those guidelines of support is what led to the incredible growth of the women’s group. Within 1.5 years we reached 5,000 women in our group. Me and 4 other admins still stick to making sure the group runs smoothly and conflicts are directed accordingly, and over time I’ve received positive comments about the group, how it changed their life, how many friends they made…It’s been really cool to hear it, but I don’t allow myself to go into ego over it, because I know it’s not just me who made it what it is – it is also the other organizers who helped me, as well as the women/members themselves that continue to support and help each other out and stick to the principles/guidelines.

There has been talk about a men’s group, but no one has yet to step up to the plate. Perhaps it is more difficult for men to create such a group because to open up and share your struggles, or ask personal questions in front of other men supersedes the ego, and in society, men are suppose to be seen as strong and any point of vulnerability is a sign of ‚‘weakness.’’  It is such a shame this can hinder people from seeking support…

But I’d like to add that when I first created the group I was so hesitant to start sharing it in the other Facebook communities. I was afraid of the feedback and people making fun of me or potential backlash from men.  But my starting point in creating it was based on a need and from that need I saw having this group would not only support me, but other women too, especially those in the same boat as me (a foreigner/immigrant of another country).  I said ‚‘ok let’s do this,’’ and just started to promote and share it in the expat communities. Already by that first day I had women write to me ‚‘great initiative!’’ So I knew with that feedback I could keep going 🙂

Throughout the months the demand for women to meet each other was apparent. The first event was held at a restaurant and over 30 women came. It took a lot of me to sit and wait to meet strangers, but the more I talked and allowed myself to open up and get to know other people, the more bold I became, in asking questions and introducing myself to people I don’t know. From there, I established connections, made new friends and became more comfortable living in my new home city.

So it’s been a little over a year now and from walking the creation of this women’s group, I now see myself as a more bold, outgoing, assertive and directive person. Sure, I still have my point of insecurities and social awkwardness, but it was through applying the principle of self-support, not only for myself, but for others, that really made me jump into the deep end.

I want to thank the community Desteni for introducing to me the principles of living what is best for all/self, and to the people who have supported me/shown me what it means to care about others and life. Without meeting you I wouldn’t be who I am today. Thank you so much!

 

Additional Support:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

 

Day 3: Gossip

s1ihvbg5tbi-ben-whiteMy sister’s friend came over to drop off his stuff for a party that will be happening.  When he left I made a remark about him to my mother, and realized I was gossiping about him and became very uncomfortable.   I did not like what I was doing.  Gossiping does not support anyone in this world, and actually results in conflict and separation from ourselves as others. I did not consider putting myself in the shoes of the person I was gossiping about and see that what I was doing was not cool. So I found the pattern I participated in as unacceptable and not what is best for all.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another by speaking about them in gossip, instead of realizing that I am one and equal to them, and that they are me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and the person by speaking about them in separation of myself in self interest as ego without the consideration of placing myself in the shoes of who I gossiped about.  I realize that if I were to place my shoes in the person I was gossiping about I would not like it.

From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through believing I am superior to them, think that I have permission and ‘the right’ to talk about them in such a way that I do not have to consider the consequences of my words – the consequences being that which I accept and allow to exist within me, I am accepting and allowing to exist in others and in this world, and so, by allowing myself to gossip, I am allowing others to gossip about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak gossip as verbal diarrhea, words that are do not support/bringing forth a world best for all, but actually are words of shit that talk shit about others that support shit in this world.



Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself gossip or about to gossip about others, I STOP, I breathe and walk away/do not participate in the conversation because I realize that this is not who I am and would not like to be. I realize that gossiping does not support me or anyone in this world as it only breeds separation and conflict and does not support bringing forth a world best for all.


Self Commitment Statement:

I commit myself to investigate patterns based in superiority/inferiority existent within myself/my world and support myself in writing out the pattern and utilize self forgiveness and corrective statements to script a new program to walk and apply for myself that is best for all.


I commit myself to stop the abusive form of gossip by not participating in it and stopping myself when I see I am participating in it.

 


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For additional support – Read these Blogs!


 
YouTube Video:
Buy The Mp3 on Gossip:
Life-review-facing-gossip
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