271. Standing up to Teenagers?

rgj-nu_qwjm-haley-phelpsToday I had to remind two pre-teen girls in front of their friends to clean up the mess they left for a mouse cage they cleaned today at school. It is through the school philosophy the students (and teachers!) need to clean up after themselves. Though the girls basically tried to skirt around doing this – coming up with answers like the cleaning man should do it…basically finding a way out of it. I reacted to their laziness and blamed this generation for being inconsiderate, spoiled and lazy.

I know not all children / pre-teens are like this, but I have encountered several of them in the school establishment I work at.

The problem was that I caved in and let the point go because I didn’t know how else to direct them. I gave up on them, on the point because I was scared of being firm with them and was also scared of them refusing to help me even despite me being very firm and standing up to them.  I ended up cleaning their mess, though I regret it because they really should have done it.

From this, I have considered if many parents do this – they don’t know how to be firm and stand up in assertiveness to their children in showing them what they need to do in consideration of themselves and others, so they end up doing the work for them, and thus this allows the child to go through life having adults or people doing things for them…


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having pre-teens / teens stand up to me and say no on something I need them to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pre-teens / teens make fun of me in front of others / their peers instead of realizing this could only happen if they allow it and are not alone – because if they were alone, it is most unlikely they would make fun of me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the power of ‘strength in numbers’ meaning, that 2 or more individuals who agree and stand together on a point, will continue to stand/live out that point, such as for example, refusing to help out the community by cleaning up after themselves, so they stand together on the point, refusing to help, thus making it harder for the adult / other individual to move / suggest / push them to do what is required / needed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this upcoming generation of pre-teens and teenagers through defining / labeling them as lazy, spoiled and inconsiderate – not realizing they are the product of our (adults) collective acceptance and allowance of how we participate, and exist in through and as the mind consciousness system – meaning, this generation is  but a result of how we as adults are existing within towards our internal and external experiences towards our personal lives and this world system

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be quite thorough and clear to the pre-teens / teenagers about what is required of them to do – such as explaining to them the philosophy and requirements of participating in the school environment, that it is expected of them to clean up after themselves because everyone else does, so to please finish what they started, instead of allowing someone else to do their job for them. Also, within this I realize that if they do not listen to me I can go to additional support / other teachers to help me with this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb into fear of ridiculing myself in front of pre-teens / teenagers who were not listening to me / doing what I suggested they do because I was afraid of being ridiculed or made to look stupid in front of them. I see I am afraid of looking weak in their eyes, where they will call me names or make fun of how I look – not realizing these fears indicate WEAKNESSES I still need to strengthen within me.

I also realize that I should have pulled the two pre-teen girls aside to talk to them privately because then perhaps their friends’s presence would not influence them. I do think friend’s and status / ego is a big importance in a pre-teen / teens life (unfortunately) which can influence their interaction with adults or doing things they self-honestly need to do. If only we could have  base foundation of relationships within self-support and self-honesty then it would be really cool. To get there, it takes us adults to stand as living examples for our children, the youngsters – showing and teaching what it means to live and co-exist with living things.


I commit myself to stand as a living example for our youth, showing them what it means to live / be considerate, motivated, expressive and kind in this world by first doing it and living it through me.

I commit myself to communicate myself thoroughly in explaining why something needs to be done so the individual(s) can understand more clearly – and communicate myself until I am clear within me and I said everything that needed to be said / expressed

I commit myself to walk / work through my weaknesses as personal insecurities towards how I look and am within me

I commit myself to consider the friend-factor when asking a pre-teen / teen to do something – that friends do have a major influence on them, so to place more consideration of this point of external influence of decisions the pre-teen / teen makes for themselves

I commit myself to show and teach the youth how to speak up and stand up independently for what you believe in and stand for, as to not compromise yourself by first not compromising myself / not giving in to points / weaknesses that come forth from my mind. I work on this practically by identifying intimately with myself my weaknesses so I can then work towards BUILDING/STRENGTHENING those weaknesses myself.



Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

267. Locked up and How to Get out

photo-1476546516819-c57acd71045cI had a dream last night that I got access into an American government facility and found out that they’ve locked up this alien / creature from another planet for decades. I had lots of fears towards this point I’d like to bring it out in the open with Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be terrified of aliens through the idea aliens only want to harm us / humanity which I have gathered from movies and alien-conspiracy theories and stories, forming and creating fears towards them in my mind instead of considering how I am locking myself within fear / paranoia toward the point instead of common sense reasoning that I am here, and I have the ability and control of me and my mind, who I am and what I accept and allow within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having an alien be locked up by/from the American government due to the other fear that if released they are going to kill those around them or destroy humanity instead of seeing behind all of this is fear and paranoia are ideas that aliens will do this if free on this earth – all of this coming from movies instead of cross-referencing with myself if this is what I should put my energy and focus towards since I realize what is of utmost importance is who I am within what I am doing in my life

I realize it was through movies and alien abduction stories I became fearful of aliens and what they have done or could do to us, instead of doing proper research through Desteni and EQAFE on what the relationship / status is with aliens for real now.

I realize within the principle of equality and oneness, aliens/foreign species are not separate nor higher / better than me in fact – they are simply another form of existing/being

I commit myself to ground my relationship with aliens / alien species through proper research on EQAFE and Desteni

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to speak up for the alien in my dream, questioning the caretakers on how it is being treated, standing with and for the life of the alien, despite who the alien could be – it is equal to the life I have in me

I commit myself to shift my focus to seeing and realizing the life that is in me is in each living thing that is here, and that I should stand up for that life / potential in all of us, especially when I see it is being suppressed / caged / locked up. This in itself is empowering for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards the alien being treated like or less than an animal caged up in a zoo – with no consideration of who that animal / alien is and what would be best for them, not seeing, realizing and understanding how this representation of an alien / animal locked up from humans represents points where I lock myself up in ways within my mind

What terrified me the most in the dream was the thought of the alien locked in the box having to exist in torment and suffering for years upon years with no way out, they are for as long as possible in this box, and the humans around them probably find enjoyment in that, maybe abuse it, and/or don’t care about the creature.

Looking at my relationship with my body and mind – who I am and the mind, doesn’t my body deal with the torment and suffering of what I allow my mind to do to it through my participation in consciousness of thoughts, emotional experiences, etc… instead of standing equal to and one with my body/the life source since participating in consciousness actually harms the body since the mind has to source physical energy from the body / physical life source to create consciousness energy and continue it’s existence.

Isn’t this abuse also what we see on an external / global level with animal abuse, forests being cut down for palm oil, pollution – physical consequences of harming the Earth because we are doing the same to ourselves and our bodies — keeping us locked in with our thoughts, emotions, backchats, internal conversations – a cycle of self-abuse, self-enslavement instead of self-freedom and equality with the physical body. Gosh, that’s tough to see and hear. But necessary, cause this is the only way we can change and free ourselves.

Then aren’t I locking myself in a cage when I don’t direct my thoughts, emotions, feelings, backchats, internal conversations, energetic experiences – thinking and believing these limitations and self-definitions are who I am and will always be?

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I am the locked up creature I fear every time I participate in self-definitions, beliefs, ideas, thoughts, emotional experiences from me as my consciousness because I am caging myself like an animal in a zoo in self-limitation and dis-empowerment instead of setting myself free by facing each consciousness point, understanding it, forgiving it, seeing the common sense / realizations / who I really and changing myself though self-corrective application and / or words

I commit myself to remember that every consciousness point that comes up within me is a signal for me to take responsibility to change. If I don’t know HOW to direct a consciousness point, I either write about it to understand and find the solution, or do research, or talk to someone (my DIP buddy, the Desteni forum, the Portal, etc).

I commit myself to assist and support me in this journey to Life which is actually the journey to self-freedom from the mind consciousness system by understanding exactly how my mind works, how to walk through it, and walk through it to finally release myself from the systems of the mind into a real, free being


EQAFE interview for support on this topic:

Aliens Speaking

Mind as the Reverse of the Physical

Sound Frequency Implants

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

258. Being Dishonest with Friends & How to Change That

photo-1461720486092-b6ee3f33d726I am in charge of organizing a day trip to a city and the tour guide I was talking to mentioned that we can visit a wine museum and then drink some wine. She mentioned ‘’you will like this…’’ and I was uncomfortable because I actually don’t drink and enjoy wine but because I enjoyed talking to her, she was nice to me and I liked her I did not want to speak up or ruin the talk cause I worried she would not like me or that she would suddenly be upset or concerned herself that she needs to change the tour. Which is then why I mentioned she should send me her information so I should look for it. I said to her ‘’I am excited – this seems fun,’’ without a mention about the wine part.

I find it really would have been no problem to mention briefly that I don’t drink but perhaps we can find a way to cater/please the other women to drink wine themselves. I don’t think this would have ruined/damaged our friendship but simply expanded her awareness of me.

I realize that when I like someone (a woman as potential friendship) and she likes me to, that I want to hold/keep that relationship as so, since I can see that I have a desire to have a close, secure and intimate relationship with a woman, where I can call them my best/good friend and they do the same as me, and we do things that I have desired/wanted from a female friendship of being liked, going out, having fun together. I realize though it rarely works this way – where female friendships can’t be so ideal because of the extent of the MCS, we can’t trust anyone, even our best friends can turn their backs on us. The only and best stable/secure relationship one can have is with ourselves, but even that is a process to walk to gain self-trust. So this craving for a deep, long-lasting female relationship perhaps comes from a lack of self-intimacy within and/or childhood points where I have had difficulty maintaining female friendships (and had problems with them for quite some time)…

If I could go back, what I would have done was: When N mentions the wine drinking and museum visit, and especially after she mentions ‘’you would like that!’’ I gently say ‘’ahh, actually I don’t drink alcohol, but maybe we can include that as an option for women to do…?’’ and see where that takes us.

Self-Forgiveness and Self Corrective/Commitment Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak up and state that I don’t drink alcohol due to the fear of N judging me or suddenly not liking me as much as I believe she does already

When and as I see myself fear being judged or be not liked by someone by stating that I don’t drink alcohol, I stop and I breath. I realize what do I have to lose if I stand up and speak up for myself and where I stand? It would be worse for me to fall within the face of fear instead of standing up for who I am and what I drink and don’t drink. So, I commit myself to stand up instead of falling in fear of being judged if I don’t drink alcohol, and simply state it as so. The only thing to lose is a friend/potential friend and if they don’t want to be my friend cause I don’t drink alcohol, then that is better for me cause it shows to me they are not willing to get to know me and see what more I have to offer/be than alcohol (and I don’t want to be with such people anyways).

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I would compromise myself to have someone like me more, and from this I realize that one of my weaknesses and desires is to have an idealized friendship with a female, where I feel loved/liked and a part of something

I commit myself to stop compromising myself for an idealized friendship as I realize what I want is basically impossible and I cannot get it through compromising myself – but actually redefining and creating myself. So, I commit myself to redefine myself into an individual who stands up for who they are and the decisions they make (ie: no alcohol).

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question ‘’what do I have to lose?’’ by being honest with N in showing to her my stance with alcohol within confidence and I realize because I didn’t speak up regarding this point, I still am not confident in speaking up about it in front of others due to fear of being excluded or not liked by people

When and as I see myself fear being excluded or not liked by people due to me speaking up about not drinking alcohol, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the only thing I have to lose is a few people who are not really worth it in the long run if they are not willing to get to know me/be with me due to my choice in alcohol. I realize I still have my partner who is like me in not drinking alcohol, so really there is nothing to lose. I commit myself to question ‘’what do I have to lose?’’ when I catch myself in moments of fear of being disliked or excluded for speaking up about my drinking choices as I realize I really have nothing to lose as my survival is ok/I have money, and I have a committed partner willing to walk his life with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold/keep/maintain a stable relationship with a woman the moment I know she finds interest in me as a friend, since I realize there is desire to have a close, secure relationship with a female where I can know for a fact they are my good friend and will always be so, instead of realizing this desire cannot in fact be so since relationships change over time and only if one has formed a deep connection with someone than that can be possible but in this day and age and our relationship with the MCS, it is basically impossible to have such a deep, pure female friendship/relationship

When and as I see myself desire a deep friendship with another woman, I stop and I breathe. I realize this relationship to manifest is impossible, as I first need to establish/have a deep, intimate relationship with myself, and that even despite me having a friendship with someone, one cannot be trusted entirely due to our relationships with the mind, and existing in the secret mind and backchats, etc. So I commit myself to let the female-friendship desire go as I also realize it’s perhaps due to childhood memories and instead embrace who I am here and appreciate the support and partnership I have with my partner as well as those in the Desteni community for always being there.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize this deep friendship I’ve been craving/desiring comes from situations in which I would see, define and be jealous of how close and connected my friend S was to her other friend, where they were like sisters and so similar to each other, they were so natural in who they were and because of that connected and formed a deep bond/relationship, something I haven’t had with a woman, but my partner. I realize they were a special in case in that most children are unable to form such a close bond with someone, so early in life in school years. Only certain children are able to connect very well in such a way, and so I should not take that situation personally as I realize they were a special case, and more children have been like me, yet I am grateful I do have a connection like that now with my partner.

I commit myself to make peace with the fact that the two girls who I envied and wanted a friendship with were a special particular case showing the rarity yet uniqueness of having such a friendship existent on a school level, since it is quite rare, and in turn what I have witnessed I am appreciative of it, seeing the potential that friendships can have, and also grateful in my life that I have a connected, quite deep relationship with my partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave/desire such a female relationship where we are similar and together all the time and because of that, dependable on each other, not realizing the points behind it such as: hiding behind a relationship, the fear of being alone, and the compromising effect of not being able to stand alone and speak up for oneself. I see, realize and understand many female friendships have women/girls who tend to hide within them to feel safe and included.

When and as I see myself crave/desire a female friendship, I stop and I breathe. I realize many female friendships existent today are based on self-dishonest and for hiding oneself to not feel excluded and/or cause the relationship supports a personality of theirs. I commit myself to identify what words are within female friendships that I like and would like to incorporate into my life, and see how I can practically do that for myself, in my relationship with me and my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can simply enjoy the company of other women, and that forming a deep bond/connection with someone is a process to walk to establish self-trust and intimacy, similar to how it was to create a bond with my partner

I commit myself to practice enjoying me in the company of women, and to not expect/desire/want a deep friendship out of it, but to simply enjoy the presence of another as me
Additional Resources:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships