Being Responsible for Others: Working with Interns – 322

working with interns emotional support

I had the privilege of being a supervisor for a pair of interns this summer, for an organization I volunteer at. While some people may groan and fuss about having to watch a couple of college students all summer, I found it exceptionally rewarding.

Mostly because they were fresh faces with fresh perspectives on things in life. It was really great to get to know them as individuals and see where their strengths and talents lie.

For example, our first meeting we simply got to know each other and our personality types. We talked about our astrological signs, our Enneagram numbers and whether we side more on the introvert or extrovert side. So the first impression was that everyone understood where each person was, self-honestly, and from there I got to determine what type of work I could give them, where they could thrive.

Of course, this was a learning process, as I first started to give the male intern work on graphic design because he was more of the art type who had a love of the finer things in life. However, I saw that I was excluding the opportunity for the female intern to take on the job too, so I then decided to assign her some tasks with graphic design. I knew she and I discussed beforehand that she never really worked with graphics, but lo and behold, after much tinkering around, she designed some pretty amazing things and I think became proud of herself.

Eventually though as shit started to hit the fan between me and my co-founder in regards to finances and drama at the location we were at, I started to see our unit as a family. A family that needs to stay strong and stable amidst the turmoil going on. I soon started to see the interns as children. Where my co-founder and I were like the parents and that the emotions and shit we were experiencing towards things happening on the outside, could seep into our relationship with the interns.

Eventually, it got to the point where I had to became the sole ‘parent’ or person who had to keep everything together and became entirely responsible for the ‘kids’/interns. It was no fun and I still have to deal with reactions with this point, but I could really see the intrinsic responsibility that comes forth when you allow people to work with you and walk with you in your life, that you see every day. That they (the interns) started to pick up on subtleties and changes going on between me and my co-founder and started to ask about it.

I then took the liberty of being honest and direct with what was going on behind the scenes, in a way that didn’t reveal everything but enough for them to understand the stuff that can happen in an organization. And from this, I also realized the importance of the co-founders needing to stick together, but also the truth that: running a business or organization with a friend may not be the best idea. It certainly is not working for me.

I also realized for myself, after many mistakes, that I am best to do projects alone, by myself, being my own boss and CEO. This has inspired me to take on a new venture/project that is currently in the making, that is more aligned to me. Where no one is boss except me.

So, to sum this all up – when you take responsibility for a set of interns, my suggestion is to realize you are responsible for them in a way, similar to a parent, in that they do look up to you for guidance and instruction. They still have a lot of learning in life (as we all do), but since you are the supervisor, you need to consider who you are, your actions, and how you handle things – especially when shit hits the fan. Would you like the interns to take on these characteristics you’ve been displaying and have them apply it later in their life? Because that’s how supervisors are supposed to act?

For example, when shit hits the fan are you going to freak out in front of everyone or are you going to sit down and start brainstorming for solutions? This is what I had to do because I had no choice. I could not show the interns that being and feeling defeated in the face of the system and giving up on the organization is the way to go. You have to keep moving on until you tested all options and see that it is best in the end. Overall it’s important that you show your interns, or whoever is with you, to not give up. Even if that means you have to take on a load for a while until things settle down.

I could not have come to such stability and drive for solutions if it were not for the Desteni tools and community. I truly believe walking my process with them made me become a more pragmatic, practical, less emotional, and commonsensical person.

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

293. Where Am I Responsible for This?

jc-bonassin-311020If you’re in a relationship, perhaps for you and your partner there are some topics of discussion that can get a bit heated. The other day I reacted intensely over a money point between me and my partner. As we took a break and I was with myself in the kitchen a memory of me on the farm came up, where I was sitting with individuals during an EQAFE recording and someone shared that when they were blaming their ex for what happened in the relationship they would ask themself “ok but where is my responsibility in all of this…” From that memory I saw/realized that whatever the situation/problem is between a couple, it is never about ONE PERSON – each person in the relationship had a part, a responsibility in the manifestation of the problem.

So when I was reminded of that moment in the memory I asked myself: ok, where is my responsibility in this (conflict)? Meaning, what part, or what steps did I take to get us to this point? This question grounded me into seeing my responsibility of the matter, the little parts I made and played that got us to the situation I’m in.

It was within the question that also in a way, diffused energy of the point, because the question was geared towards me, which gave me the opportunity to self-honesty assess where I played my part in the matter. Now, since I see my responsibility / what I’ve done that contributed to the money point, I know what to look out for and work on in my relationship with money with my partner.

 

Recommended Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

255. From Spoiled to Responsible with Money

photo-1434123700504-d8cfba6a12c8Before I was careless about money. I had major credit card debt, and had the attitude that I will eventually pay it off later, everything is ok, as I continued to go shopping and buy whatever I wanted and needed. 

I lived with my parents up to my late 20’s and was quite spoiled in that I didn’t have to pay for rent or my car.

Because I didn’t have that responsibility, I hadn’t necessarily developed the awareness and or had education on how to be responsible with money and doing future planning. I just bought what I wanted, easily. I never told my parents about my credit card debt – I kept that quiet cause I didn’t think it was a big issue. I was apathetic and in denial with my finances. I didn’t think I could be affected with it. The reality of debt hit me hard when I was planning to get married, and planning to move overseas to be with my partner, and I realized I have actual money to pay off, otherwise it’s going to stay stuck with me, even overseas. I did have my partner help me out, but through babysitting and odd jobs I eventually paid it off.

When I left my job to officially live with my partner, I became financially dependent on him, and my partner grew up in a household where money was precious, and the father especially made sure that they never went over their spendings, or had debt. The family saved a lot of money over the years and only bought what they needed, so they were always extremely careful with money. They only bought the essentials, and they only bought food they needed and only went out to a restaurant once a year. So how my partner grew up in regards to money and spending/using money was SO DIFFERENT than how I spent/used money.

Because of our different backgrounds with money, my partner and I had a LOT of conflicts about it, and I went into these temper tantrums when I wanted something he saw as unnecessary and excessive. It got to the point where I would have these emotional outbursts in public when I couldn’t get what I wanted. It was very embarrassing cause my partner would say to STOP IT, cause I was being loud and embarrassing myself. I did not know the extent of my emotional possessions until it was too late and I had already acted out from them. I forgave myself of my behavior in public, committing myself to become more aware of who I am when it comes to my behavior with getting things I want, slowing down and acting in a way that I would be proud of.

I knew I had a problem at that point. I knew that I had to work it out. I found the main reason of my initial instability was the transition of coming from a spoiled, free-flowing buy whatever you want lifestyle to suddenly becoming financially dependent with someone on a limited budget was a bit extreme for me, which opened up intense emotions and behaviors in me.

Dealing with my emotional outbursts/temper tantrums using real time application was tough because the energy experience was so strong, and made me feel powerful in that if I acted on the temper tantrum I believed I would get what I wanted. But actually my partner would stand his ground and not allow it, would reason with me on why what I wanted was not necessary, or that we can’t afford it. He did this over and over again (stood his ground) until I realized how I need to let these emotions go because my behaviors were futile, and I didn’t actually want to be like this. 

I had to accept my reality of where I was at, and my position, and that I have everything I need to survive and live comfortably on, even if I am not 100% happy with it. It took a LONG time for me to accept this reality.

Eventually when I got full time work, my partner and I collectively had more money, and this allowed us to get an apartment and become more responsible with our assets. We realized we needed to come up with a more structured way of using money, so we agreed on a monthly allowance, where we got the same budge of allowance equally with our individual freedom to buy what we wanted within our allowance, and then the rest of the money would go to the apartment, bills, and savings. This has worked out quite well.

Sometimes I still experience the emotional conflict of whether to buy something or not… should I get it…I really want it … within a particular  energy of desire — what really supports me is taking a deep breath, and asking myself self-honestly‚”do I need this, will I actually use this?” using constructive imagination to place myself in the future with the item, in determining if it would be used, and what the consequences would be if I were to buy this item. I wasn’t perfect with this – I stumbled and bought some things too much, and had to face my partner about it, since my spendings came from our money pot, but over time, the more I stopped myself from buying unnecessary items, asking myself questions within self-honesty, I got more stable with what I wanted and over time understood what I needed, and became happy and proud with my choices.

So here’s a breakdown of what supported me over the years walking from being irresponsible with money, to responsible:

What supported me

  • Oberserving, learning, and appreciating the simplistic lifestyle of my partner’s family by allowing myself to listen and remain humble to where my partner was coming from, his suggestions on saving money and how to work with it, taking the best points and using it with our finances
  • Getting a job, and being responsible with my paycheck in giving some money to bills, etc
  • Making the agreement with my partner that my money is his money, and vice versa, meaning that all of our money goes into a collective pot for the both of us
    • We sat down and wrote out a plan on how much money goes to rent, bills, etc, how much to use as allowance, how much to savings, holiday, etc, and it took me like 3 months to settle in with this plan, cause sometimes I would overspend, but me and my partner always went back to our agreement, and I would remind myself again and again of the agreement, and if I fell/overspent on something, I had to face my partner about it, and the consequence would allow me to pick myself back up and commit to be better for next month. 
    • Yes I originally got upset about the limited budget, but I realized this is what I need to make myself responsible. This is real life and ”I need this discipline.”  Over time I realized that if I wanted some nice shoes, I see if I can wait a month, and if I can’t wait, cause I need them for a special event, etc, I to talk to my partner about it, and see if he can help me or if we can take a certain amount of money out of my allowance every month to pay for it, so its about communicating and working with my partner
  • Allowing my partner to be the manager of our finances where he directs the money to the appropriate bills and resources since he has the most stable relationship with money and knows when not to overspend.

If it wasn’t for my partner, who stood his ground, and saw the importance of keeping to our budget, of being responsible for money, and for me, allowing myself to listen to his suggestions, to have that ability in me to become humble, and to find solutions through my time participating in Desteni and applying the tools, I wouldn’t be who I am today. So I am very grateful.

Additional Resources:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

250. Is Air Pollution Cool?

FullSizeRenderA photo on Instagram caught my eye recently — Kendall Jenner, a popular American celebrity posted a photo of her sitting outside looking at the L.A. skyline, with”morning smog” as the caption.

I was looking at how she is positioned, in a black leather jacket with the word ”GANGSTERS” on the back, with her bare legs crossed, looking relaxed in her chair. It’s in  a way symbolic to me, showing the clash between illusion and reality, placing more emphasis on how cool Kendall looks than the (serious) matter of hand.

Los Angeles is known as having the worst air quality in the United States“Air pollution is a major cause of disease and death. When dirty air blankets our cities the most vulnerable urban populations—the youngest, oldest and poorest—are impacted the most,” says Dr Flavia Bustreo, WHO Assistant-Director General, Family, Women and Children’s Health. 

On social media one can find some of the most beautiful photos and artwork that are seem separate from reality due to the usage of photo editors, filters and nice words, creating a illusion separate from reality.  

Movies do this all the time, where the world is falling apart, but the good looking actor or actress will save the day, and with the music and specific moves they make the destruction of the city or world look cool, like there is an attractiveness about it. I say it’s a point of distraction for us to be more focused and preoccupied with how someone looks/moves, and how that makes us feel than the actual problem at hand.

We’ve become so separate and apathetic to the real world problems that exist today because our focus and addiction goes to what makes us feel good or give us positive feelings. Celebrities, good looks, sex, money – these factors trigger positive feelings in us that can make us insensitive to what really matters in this world.  In addition to this, we don’t understand how to deal with our inner reality – and because we don’t know how to deal with our internal reality of conflicting emotions and unresolved issues- it’s so much easier to feel good and find ways to stay in that state as much as we can.

I think this photo of Kendall is a good representation of the separation we feel we have towards the world – where the illusion of looking/being cool supersedes the seriousness of reality. It’s as if we are like Kendall in this photo – on the outside of the world looking in, separate from the problem, being nonchalant in the matter, instead of realizing we are participating in the problem and equally responsible for it.  

The good news is, we can actually find solutions to these problems – both internally and externally, and the best way to start is with oneself first, purifying the pollution inside of us to then equally purify the pollution without.

You can start that here.

 

Additional Support:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships