Being the Creator of my Own Stress – 306

alex-iby-221654-unsplashIt’s a funny title isn’t it? Being the creator of my own stress. But I realise I am…and reality showed me that with the following:

I was alone in my apartment. I usually work at home, so I was at the table doing my work. It was quiet outside with the occasional chatter of my neighbors. I got no demanding texts from my boss that triggered stress – I found the stress I had come from me PRESSURING myself in a sense of urgency and impatience to get my work done as soon as possible so I can move onto other things.

I became like an authoritarian, suppressing the life and voice of the calm, common sensical me and pushed and drove myself hard within rigidness and no mercy within my work. 

I found the back story or reason behind my personality – the honesty point being “I don’t like my work and this is not what I want to do. I have no choice but must do it” so within a state of helplessness (cause I have to do it) and anger (because I dont want to do it) I then push myself to do my work in a state of impatience and stress – wanting to get the work done as soon as possible so I can move onto things I want or need to do. 

Memories of doing math homework with my mother represents this point well for me. When she would help me with my math homework both of us would be angry and stressy because I had to do the homework (but didn’t know how to and needed my moms help) and both of us wanted to do other things but essentially felt locked down we had to do it. So my mother would get impatient with me (because I was slow/didnt get it) and I would get stressed/scared. 

The bottom line being: we were reacting accordingly because we didn’t want to do what was in front of us in the moment – but it had to get done – but we knew it was going to be a process and struggle and cause some discomfort in between. It was going to test our patience too. And we made it worse for ourselves reacting on top of what we were expecting – the struggle, strife and pain. 

And let’s be honest – no one wants to go through that. We rather avoid or cope or suppress from the hard painful things because we know if we jump in and walk in the challenging moments we are going to struggle, fall, maybe cry and punch our pillow – so who has time for that and wants to go through that? 

We see challenges and things we don’t want to do but must as these jaw clenching obstacles – but we make it worse for ourselves by REACTING towards what we have to do and thus create stress. 

We miss out on the journey itself if we are already reacting towards it.  The journey being the ups and downs, realizations, and yes experiencing the emotions that’s also a normal natural part when you embark on a journey. The key is to work through them as much as you can in every moment of breath.

This is something I’m still learning – is slowing down and being more attentive to what is going on internally while having to do work externally. For so long I would lose myself in work, in the moment, hardwired and driven I wouldn’t eat or drink. But now I’m learning how to balance being present internally and externally. 

Though it is hard if you are expected to act fast in the job. At this stage in my life my job does not require me to work and act fast that is something I created for myself and added all the stress to it.

Now I will be practicing slowing down as I work, and seeing what it’s like when I walk with me on the journey of work from my start time to end time.

I will also redefine the word JOURNEY since it will be a journey for me to walk my job Mon-Friday.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

 

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263. The Me in Process

photo-1427324301858-41039f1e0c32I’ve been inspired by Dan’s blog: Self-Agreement and Anna’s Living the Word Me, so will write a similar topic of my own 🙂

ME has also been a word I’ve been using as a bridge-support-word when I see myself in a consciousness mind point, such as backchat, and I want to go into the self-sabotage point of giving up/not directing myself, so I’ve been practicing when I see myself in this self-sabotage mind consciousness system point, I bring up the word ME, in the agreement and realization I actually as ME want to do this/walk this process/want to suppot me and stop this sabotage.

So I will move from consciousness as existing in backchats for example, to bringing up the word ME, in establishing that starting point of doing this process for me, (because it’s actually something I want to do!!! I want to better myself, create a better me, better life for me and all) and then I move myself to the appropriate self-forgiveness.

I will share some Self-Forgiveness that came up for me when I was experiencing fear. I looked at ME and saw what would be most supportive was to write out SF tonight:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process in fear because I don’t want to end up in consequence of NOT walking it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that if I fear consequence for not walking process, and walk as that fear, then my starting point is not real, not for me, genuinely and thus walking process from/within fear will not work in the end

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting or being given the chance to walk process again because of the idea I already fucked up, instead of accepting my position here, and realizing I am still here, breathing, thus I still have the opportunity to walk and correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like process is so daunting, and scary due to the absoluteness that it entails, meaning, you either walk process for yourself or not, and that when you face life you must stand equal/absolute to it or not, and that is it. I realize it is so because life will not accept anything less of itself, and it’s about time life comes through in existence, and that actually, it is best for me and for all to stand up for life, because it is what I want and for everyone to have!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the absoluteness of life because to me that means no more deceiving, bullshitting, hiding, avoiding, but taking responsibility and directing yourself to/as your utmost of what you can be. I realize it is so easy to fall into the trap of self-interest because I’ve/we’ve been existing as such for SO MANY YEARS it is going to take dedication and commitment to create oneself into/as Life. I realize I must embrace and accept what is here, as me, as the manifestation of me as the world, as what I see and from that ACCEPTANCE, can then move and change

Acceptance has been a word I’ve been living today – accepting my reality, accepting process and where I’m at. I know once you get to that point of acceptance, you can only move forward to change.

I commit to actually really walk me within self-support, self-love, doing this process for me, for real, changing myself that will support in changing the world

I commit myself to live the word ACCEPTANCE – accepting my reality as is, accepting where I am as is, because it is REAL in fact, and because who I am in the moment is real, and what I see in reality is real, I must accept it as is yet MOVE myself from this acceptance into self-change, practically by walking through each point/thought/backchat personality of my mind that does not serve me, nor support me in creating my best self, and move into correcting the past and creating new

I commit myself to use the word ME as a bridge between self-sabotage and support, where when I see myself want to avoid, blame, justify and/or hide from not taking responsibility of my mind/directing my points, I use the word ME as the reminder of why I want to walk this process, and as that Me of/as self-support, move to the necessary forgiveness, writing, or whatever I see supportive in the moment. I do this process for ME, as what is best for ME and all.

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

261. Living Interdependence

photo-1419717567666-6e559d5e0339Living the word Interdependence, I define/see it for myself as a balance between depending on myself to walk through/handle a point, and then asking for help/support from others when need be. So, when there is a problem, I assess if I did what I could to work on the problem or whether I need to ask/get some additional help/support. It’s really a Self-Honesty assessment of what one needs to do that will support self the most.

In a case where I have been stuck in a point for quite some time without any lead-way/movement I knew I had to speak up to my DIP Buddy about it. It was a very vulnerable experience because what I exposed was something I had difficulty mustering the courage for, yet when it was shared what came forth was a conversation that opened up deeper dimensions I was not fully aware of.

The deeper dimensions actually did not have to do with the point I originally talked about, but a personality/way of existing influencing me from moving forward with the original point. I would not have found out about it unless it was through my chat with my DIP Buddy since I had difficulty finding it by myself through writing and self-introspection. This is also why it is said you can’t walk process alone… even if you *think* you can handle a point, and you honestly can’t, then you must reach out, because there are people willing to help and be there for you (like a DIP buddy), and the more you resist or don’t open up, you are just making your life experiences worse by shoving and suppressing the points.

So, using and living the word interdependence in one’s life is quite cool as it gives a good foundation for self to live self-dependency (walking through a point alone) but also being open to depend/ask for help from others. 

I suggest for those in DIP who struggle to open up with their buddy on issues you feel stuck on, to gift yourself the vulnerability to open up and ask for support since this will help you more than you realize — so if you are self-honestly struggling and need help, reach out. Your buddy is there for you and are meant to give support for you to move and create the person you want to be.

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships