256. Men – Part 1

photo-1454625191319-786c05137ef5I was flipping through a yearbook and saw photo of a male classmate who use to be very nice to me. I had a movement in me, opened it up through Self-Forgiveness, and wanted to explore it deeper here… 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable towards men/males being nice to me, since I am suspicious that they really do not mean to be so, genuinely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief and idea that most to all men are really not nice, genuinely, and that they are really mean

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify that men/males really are just mean by using examples of my past, and memories of when I perceived males to be mean/not so nice, either to me or to people in general

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear men, especially men who are nice to me because I don’t believe them to be really nice, and that they either have hidden intentions (which is why they are nice) or that they are not really nice but putting on a face

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not believe in one man’s ”nice’expression/could not believe one man to suddenly be nice to me after not seeing him for a long time, because he had for the majority of my life, been ”mean”/not nice to me, to the point of bullying, from which I can see I haven’t forgiven yet

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have been holding onto memories of situations and interactions with men/certain men in the past, who have treated me (in what I perceive) as unkindly, and not nice and used those interactions to support and justification the idea/belief all men are really not nice or mean, due to what I’ve experienced with them in the past, carrying these beliefs with me as a point of protection from feeling/getting hurt by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘hate’ men for being mean to women, instead of seeing how I have in a way am taking sides against them and separating myself from the

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give me and my self-worth/voice away to the fear I have towards males and what they may say or do to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear men call me fat, and/or ugly because if they call me these things I will believe them and take their words personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to the words from a man, then from me and who/how I see myself, believe of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and find myself inferior and not good enough for men, instead of questioning where and when did I allow myself to give my self-worth to them? since I realize that I have given my power and my self-worth to men and their words and judgements towards me and women

I commit myself to investigate when and where did it begin where I shifted my self-worth to the words and actions of men, and why, so I can forgive each point of self-seperation and align myself back into self-acceptance and self-worth

I commit myself to purify my relationship to the words ”fat” and ”ugly” so if IF I am called those words, I know my relationship to them and do not take words personally, but know where to stand with myself with/from those words

I commit myself to forgive and release the attachments I have defined myself towards my own memories towards men while creating my new relationship with who I am and where I stand with men, and their words/behaviors towards me

251. Creating an Effective Facebook Community

photo-1455734729978-db1ae4f687fcA year and a half ago I was sitting by my computer one day with questions on where to find this specific clothing piece. I was 6 months in living in a European country and was still not use to doing research to answer my questions in another language. I realized that the Facebook groups I was a part of had people who provided what I describe as insensitive and sarcastic remarks, and the last thing I wanted as a person still struggling in a foreign country was people to treat me unkindly when I ask them questions.

So I decided to create my own Facebook group for women only, because many of the questions I had were female-related, and I was not comfortable asking such questions publicly were men were present and people were free to comment in whatever (harmful) nature they wanted without consequences.

I made sure that when I created the women’s group I set in guidelines: First it was going to be a closed group, so only women can come. This closed-group also allows for women to feel safe asking personal questions women can relate and respond to.

The second guideline I created was that this was a safe space for women to ask questions and get answers, so please treat another the way you want to be treated.  Any form of abuse will not be tolerated.

The guidelines were inspired through my time being an admin for the Porn and Masurbation Addiction Support group that emphasized being a safe space for people to share their struggles and support each other, and the admins did what they could to welcome them, and give them gentle yet firm support/advice.

Those guidelines of support is what led to the incredible growth of the women’s group. Within 1.5 years we reached 5,000 women in our group. Me and 4 other admins still stick to making sure the group runs smoothly and conflicts are directed accordingly, and over time I’ve received positive comments about the group, how it changed their life, how many friends they made…It’s been really cool to hear it, but I don’t allow myself to go into ego over it, because I know it’s not just me who made it what it is – it is also the other organizers who helped me, as well as the women/members themselves that continue to support and help each other out and stick to the principles/guidelines.

There has been talk about a men’s group, but no one has yet to step up to the plate. Perhaps it is more difficult for men to create such a group because to open up and share your struggles, or ask personal questions in front of other men supersedes the ego, and in society, men are suppose to be seen as strong and any point of vulnerability is a sign of ‚‘weakness.’’  It is such a shame this can hinder people from seeking support…

But I’d like to add that when I first created the group I was so hesitant to start sharing it in the other Facebook communities. I was afraid of the feedback and people making fun of me or potential backlash from men.  But my starting point in creating it was based on a need and from that need I saw having this group would not only support me, but other women too, especially those in the same boat as me (a foreigner/immigrant of another country).  I said ‚‘ok let’s do this,’’ and just started to promote and share it in the expat communities. Already by that first day I had women write to me ‚‘great initiative!’’ So I knew with that feedback I could keep going 🙂

Throughout the months the demand for women to meet each other was apparent. The first event was held at a restaurant and over 30 women came. It took a lot of me to sit and wait to meet strangers, but the more I talked and allowed myself to open up and get to know other people, the more bold I became, in asking questions and introducing myself to people I don’t know. From there, I established connections, made new friends and became more comfortable living in my new home city.

So it’s been a little over a year now and from walking the creation of this women’s group, I now see myself as a more bold, outgoing, assertive and directive person. Sure, I still have my point of insecurities and social awkwardness, but it was through applying the principle of self-support, not only for myself, but for others, that really made me jump into the deep end.

I want to thank the community Desteni for introducing to me the principles of living what is best for all/self, and to the people who have supported me/shown me what it means to care about others and life. Without meeting you I wouldn’t be who I am today. Thank you so much!

 

Additional Support:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships