Tracing the Source of the Conflict – 316

I went into the room, upset at the sudden change in dynamic between me and my partner. We got into a conflict which we were both stuck in. The middle of my chest was feeling like a tingling firecracker. I thought about going to a movie to give him some space, or on a walk, but I have done this before and I’d always end up coming back home in the same state and having to talk with my partner about what happened anyways. So I saw that it would be better to – instead of wasting time by giving my partner ”space” by going out, to just cut to the chase and talk to him about what happened.

So I sat down next to him and we together traced back to the moment that triggered my partner into his sudden change of state that effected me. We found out it was something specific I said yesterday, that in it’s nature was manipulative, and my partner could feel that / pick up on that, but didn’t know how to direct it. So he allowed himself to give into my manipulation / control and ended up getting angry and took it out on me the next day by acting manipulative / controlling, which I took as a shock and decided to speak up about it.

What I found out was that: it’s freaking hard to admit when you were or are being manipulative. It is a very shameful expression to live and be in when you step out of it and realize it, yet when you’re in it, you feel very powerful, but the consequences and harm it can do to people is so hard to face. However, I did face myself in that moment – even though it was hard to say it, that I was manipulating – it lead to us finding out that my partner actually has a really good sense in being able to pick up when people are manipulating, he just didn’t know how to deal with it when I was doing it.

So we made an agreement – next time you see me being manipulative, and you can pick up on it / sense it, to let me know so I can stop it in its tracks and snap out of it. We will see how it goes for next time, but this is my little tidbit of support for people who are in a relationship and may face moments of a partner manipulating the other. Perhaps you want to make an agreement by deciding on which words and methods that will help the partner snap out of their harmful behavior.  But some techniques may fail, and it does take both partners in the relationship to commit to finding the right method that works for you, so you can create and maintain a peaceful and harmonious relationship together.

Thanks for reading!

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

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Projecting My Traits Unto Another & The Insight – 308

mitch-lensink-699301-unsplash

Photo by Mitch Lensink on Unsplash

There is a woman in my life whom I react to. She to me is desperate, trying to find her ground and thus fails at being herself/authentic. Basically because she doesn’t know who she is. I react to her especially because I seem to be a trigger point for her where when I post something that is in competition with her project, she’ll post something to keep going. I am of course projecting all of this, as I cannot tell you 100% if what I am claiming is true, because I am not nor was ever in this woman’s shoes – I am merely INTERPRETING her.

Interestingly enough, when I see women I feel I am in competition with, post or share something, I want or usually take what they post, see what I can learn from it and make my post/work better. So I use them to catapult my success. BUT underneath MY MOVEMENT is fear.

Fear of falling out of line and no longer being in the popularity game. Fear of being out-won or less popular than my competition. Fear of my competition gloating and boasting and becoming egotistical thinking they’re better than me and seeing themselves like that. All aspects I live within that I’m projecting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear woman I don’t like, become more popular than me in social media.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that just because on is popular on social media does not mean they are popular and as well liked or loved in real life, where I realize when I made it to 12k followers I have never felt more alone, which shows it’s not about the number of followers or friends – but about who I am, and how I have not given me the chance or opportunity to develop a like/love towards me, and me alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be sure how to like me, separating myself from the word like because of a negative feel towards it – how I actually don’t like the word like because that to me means you’re bonded to something eternally if you like something, instead of realizing likes change over the years/moments/days and that I don’t have to ‘like’ all of me, because honestly I don’t – I don’t like all parts of me. So I realize I can use the word LIKE to cross-reference where in me am I not liking something about myself – like a habit, character trait, personality, etc and find ways/means to change it so I do like it/me.

Like can be practically used.

I commit myself to use the word LIKE as a cross-reference to see what I like about myself, and what I don’t like about myself.

I commit myself to strengthen my confidence by recognizing the genuine quality, traits and expressions I exude that I LIKE about myself, though being humble in not nor never comparing or seeing myself more than towards others.

I commit myself to utilize the word LIKE to pinpoint aspects of me I don’t like I can then work on to change me into an individual I am proud and happy in.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

300. Being in My Original Home & Culture – Part 3, Being an Equal Participant in Conversations

priscilla-du-preez-234138Something I noticed while being with friends and family on my trip, is that people do SEE me – and may be able to see parts of me I’m not yet aware of, so I’ve been pushing to become more aware of myself around others, and question who I am with them.

This realization came forth after having a friend reveal to me she was concerned about my weight loss the months before I moved but was too afraid to say anything. Then another friend was happy I quit my job because she saw how unhappy I was but wasn’t sure if she should say anything. So there I saw that people are aware of things I may not want them to be aware of or see, but it’s there in reality. People do probably see more of me than I may realize but don’t say anything…

So – just the other day I realized I have a tendency to kind of sit back and let people talk, and just be there to agree with them, or nod or make short comments without much conversing / engaging myself. I sort of place myself in the back seat in conversations with people, as if I’m not as important as them.

I notice this behavior when my cousin was talking the majority of the time and having my mom sit next to me acting in the same manner, I saw I took this point on from / through her. In that moment I decided I didn’t want to be like that – I wanted to show my cousin I was also an equal participant in the conversation, because if I share and add onto the conversation I am also showing another I am interested and here with them. This I would also like for myself – to have someone equally engaging / talking / being here with me in a conversation.

So I’ve been practicing the words share and engage – where I try to find windows of opportunities in conversation that I relate to / connect with, and share who I am with it, or a story or something – that way I am making my presence known and being with the people in the conversation…showing them ”hey I’m here with you guys, also sharing!!”

My cousin for example was talking about the type of beef we were eating, and I added in how my partner was just today asking where to get such beef in the city, and then the conversation continued and more people joined in. So it was cool to get the ball rolling and people sharing and adding their input / perspectives and not just keeping it at a standstill.

It’s been an interesting process so far because: before speaking / sharing I have to push through some initial shyness and resistance, but I push because I want to prove to myself I CAN engage in a conversation, I CAN be here with others, and make my presence known – showing people I am with them in the convo, being an equal participant, and enjoying myself in it.

 

Recommended Resources:

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

296. Redefining & Living the word NURTURE

guilherme-stecanella-370459The way that I start redefining a word is using my voice: I first make sure I have no expectations or ideas of what the new definition of the word will be and then sound the word – I speak the word out-loud as is and then use my body to see what the word says to me.

For example with the word nurture: When I spoke it out-loud I could feel how me and my body experienced the word – it is like a falling back into something comforting that is always there — as if you were to fall back and something will always catch you – that kind of support. I then looked where in my world is something like that and found Self-Forgiveness is like that – it is an eternal tool of support that will always be there, and that I can use it whenever I feel scared or down or upset or chaotic or uncertain in myself.

So then I basically redefined Nurture as the self-forgiveness principle – a tool / placement of support always there to be utilized when I need strength / guidance / support. Then how I started living it was – when I would feel chaotic / overwhelmed in myself, I would apply Self-Forgiveness that would support me in gaining self-strength / guidance / realization. Then interestingly enough I got the flu that week when I applied the word. It seemed like Life was testing me with what nurture is in physical reality 🙂 

So this sounding of the word application is what I do now with other words I want to redefine and live. So far I redefined the words Writing, Patience, and Resistance  – and each one is very unique and unlike anything I ever expected.

I feel like now I’m finally getting the process of redefining and living words. Before I really struggled with it, but then allowed myself to try other ways and means to see how I can practically live and understand it. So far the sounding-way seems to be working, and I keep a physical notebook with me where I document the new words and how I’m going to practically live it in my life. This allows me to go back and adjust/tweak the words and my living as needed.

Please check out the material on SOUL for more explanations and guidance on how to redefine and live WORDS.

 

Recommended Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

294. System Relationships & Who to Trust

josh-applegate-327763Something I notice in myself is the tendency to share too much personal info with friends/people ”I think” I can confide to, yet what I’ve recently noticed is information I’ve shared a few months ago on a point got spread / passed around through my social circle that I didn’t want spread.

Within this I have realized the best forms of sharing such personal information is between myself and my partner. Before I did not even THINK or consider my partner to be someone I could share things with, but through support from certain individuals walking process and a particular EQAFE recording I have now become more specific with who I share points with and am focusing more on developing a intimate relationship with my partner, where we will be there for each other no matter what and can provide a safe space for ourselves to share and gain support.

Ever since experiencing gossip of me shared in my inner circle, I have been creating a relationship of the following:

With co-workers, in the work environment: Living the word PROFESSIONAL and SUPERFICIAL. ”Small talk discussions” such as weather and clothes, but nothing too personal that is in a way, ”inappropriate” to the work environment and can harm my professional reputation. I’ve found especially in my environment, one piece of personal information gets spread within hours to the entire building, and people may not look at you or treat you the same way again. It is pretty serious, and I don’t think there is much awareness or education on how to be professional and separate your personal life from work. (Thank you to my DIP buddy for walking these words with me!).

With friends: To be honest, I have been letting go of people as of late – being extremely picky with who I spend my time with. I do not want to waste time meeting people, or going to parties and events I don’t need to go to, that is not aligned with who I am, or who I want to be. With ”friends of the system” I have to be extremely careful of how much I share because it has been shown we can’t trust that our friends can keep a secret, even if you FEEL they can, and they say they can, you don’t know and can’t trust that absolutely. Something between you and them can happen months or years down and BOOM all that personal information is exposed. This is why creating an agreement with yourself or another is so important because then you have that space to write out or discuss your most personal points, feelings, issues in a space meant for support and you develop a deep bond and strong trust of a lifetime.

So for me, with friends / system friends – for me it’s best to keep things FRIENDLY — sharing news and updates on life that will not be something I regret later down the line. This is a tricky area that I’m currently ”feeling out” and walking myself…

I suggest if you can, to look at your social areas in life and categorize them – work environment people, friends, family, partner – see and decide who you want to be in each of those social groups in life as well as the words within them. This is a new process I am starting for myself I am quite excited about 🙂

 

Recommended Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

282. Fulfillment

tim-mossholder-2676Fulfillment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unfilled and unhappy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people and environments determine my fulfillment and happiness instead of realizing that by believing in that, I will forever be unhappy/unfilled as external/exterior forces will never be able to give/create the fulfillment and happiness I want / need

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider how happiness and fulfillment is really an ”inside job,” that can only truly be created/manifested in/as self honesty as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unhappy and unfilled in moments I perceive to be difficult — such as when people talk to me in ways I perceive as being inconsiderate / mean / unkind – words and ways that I don’t like where I allow it to affect me in a negative internal level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take in people’s words and actions personally – where if they say something in which I perceive to be mean / inconsiderate I make it personal and attach it to the self-victimization personality where I feel bad about myself and blame my experiences on the other person instead of realizing how people act and speak to me is only a reflection of how they speak/act towards THEMSELVES and thus their words/behaviors cannot affect me unless I allow them to affect me!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I am not happy and why I cannot enjoy myself due to the conditions I work in and people I work with using justification to place blame outside of myself that it’s other people’s faults and the system for my misery instead of realizing I can enjoy me and express me in all conditions. I realize I separated myself way too much to out there – meaning I have placed my focus too much for too long outside of myself – blaming people, the environments and my situation for my unhappiness and unfulfillment, not considering or finding ways to come back in touch with me, and find inner joy and peace within me wherever I am

I commit myself to find fulfillment through the in breath and out breath and the realization I have a choice to decide who I am going to be

I commit myself to forgive, change, move and apply a living word when I see myself blame or feel down about my life/situation/people in my life as I realize I have a choice to – despite hardships – find the joy in little things

I commit myself to STOP thinking/believing/throwing blame on others for making me miserable and bring the point back to me to see where I have shifted out of myself and implement a new word I can enjoy/live in

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

281. Affection

jordan-whitt-145327Affection:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect affection to love, and believe if I do not get/receive affection from others, I am not loved. I realized love is only is but a word and real love is in action/deeds towards self and others as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of victimization and pity when I think/believe I have not received much affection from my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to firmly believe I am not loved, by anyone, instead of realizing I have defined love as someone having FEELINGS for you, positive feelings instead of living word as actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deeply desire to be touched instead of touching myself, deeply in ways only I know I can touch/be touched

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to physically express affection to/for me through self massage of feet, or simply hugging me, to show me, I am here for me, I love me and I show me that love, that ”I am here for me,” through self-hugs and massage (like feet)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel neglected by others in my life through the idea I am neglected because I am not or have not been given enough affection

I firmly believe love to be shown through affection. What is the kind of affection I would like? I would like a real hug of appreciation, of recognition of I am here, a real touch of endearment, feeling whole, nurtured. I realize I can make myself whole, nurture myself … I know I like being touched, so I should touch me more, simply as a point of self-recognition and affection, of ”I am here for you,” no matter what – I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a extreme state of neglect, worthlessness and lifeless towards the idea/belief I was never given affection by my mother instead of realizing how this is is manipulative and I do not know for sure if my mom has never given me affection through all her moments with me – thus I stop giving into the self-pity/self-victimization as I realize the times/moments with my mom is gone – as I am separate from her physically and I can only nurture and support me with/from affection as physical expression of touch to show me that I am here for me – that I love me – that I am ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss my parents and wish my parents to hug me and give me affection/touch as expressions of care, that they are here for me instead of standing as my own rock, the parents I want to be and hug me/embrace me

I commit myself to hug me as a way to show and indicate to myself that I am here for me through thick and thin – what I go through, I am here and will be there/”here” for me, even if I am alone, I have me and can hug me as I please and need.

I commit myself to – when I feel the need to be nurtured or to feel like I need something/someone when I am feeling low/alone, to hug me or touch me/massage me as indication that I am here for me, and will support/guide me as necessary to do what I need to do in this day/moment

Living Word – Redefinition of Affection: A physical touching/holding/hugging of (self’s) body as an act of appreciation/hereness/support for self – as a physical reminder to self is here for self, through thick and thin, and will support/guide self as necessary until self is complete/whole

 

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships