Working in the system and having to be in it is difficult sometimes. I find especially after walking my process for some years and having developed skills of interacting with and seeing people as equals it is still difficult for me to be treated as less than or allow my bosses to project blame/avoid responsibility of their mistakes.
I have to be careful because sometimes I do blurt out or share what I see and I can see it kind of stirs them up. For example – I was able to show my boss how it was everyone’s collective fault on a point (because it was new and we never reached this form of territory) instead of allowing my boss to make it seem as if they were not responsible for it.
I realize as a Destonian and being involved in the Desteni group we do have opportunities and a space to share what we see and point out where we see another is projecting blame onto another. It is one thing to do in the group and another to apply it in the “real world”/system when many people have not yet learned what it means to own their mistakes and faults because of ego or fear of vulnerability.
I feel like as Destonians we really have to figure out how to work in the system and get along in it. For a while I could not understand “Be in the system but not of the system” means. Now I do – for me I define it as being able to with what I learned and applied in my process see where I can assist and direct me and others in the system/in my job that is best for everyone and doesn’t compromise me at the same time.
It is a lot of learning and figuring out which I do enjoy. I am starting to pick up where I went too far and/or what to correct next time in my job. Because I am not the boss and yet serving them, I have to be careful how I interact as to not threaten my position.
Tonight I would honestly not like to go to a work function because I have intense menstrual cramps and honestly don’t want to go but I know that I require to go to keep a good reputation at work. I am sure it would be consequential if I drop out of this event so I push to go tonight.
I know there are some sacrifices to make when it comes to working in the system, but sometimes you have to do things to keep a stable reputation and continue to get money coming in. It sucks but it’s something we have to do now. Just like having to hear your bosses talk shit about other people but you don’t have the authority or stand to direct it in a supportive way because it could harm your rep. It sucks but this also allows me to bring that stand in other projects and ventures I’m involved in where I don’t become a gossiper but can show another way of living/being to others.
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