The 4 Evils of Women – 326

One point I am actively working to be more aware of and change is who I am in relation to women. This is because for most of my life I have participated and been involved in situations with women that would end up keeping me in states of regret, spite, holding grudges, obsession, anger, etc.

Generally speaking, anything surrounding the topic of women and womanhood and being involved in women’s groups are weak points within me. Partly this is due to my past and also in my generational line both my mother and grandmother have had issues with women (the sins of the father quote is right on this one).

I’ve re-listened to the EQAFE recordings War of Women recently – specifically the last two which highlighted the ”4 Evils of Women” – which are: Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement.

Listen to the Recording: War of Women below ↓

full_war-of-women-death-research-part-1

It makes a lot of sense that these 4 words are what women participate in the most. What is always common is the putting down of oneself (through judgement) feeling threatened and wanting to one up someone (through competition), crumbling within self when comparing or seeing someone is better than you at something (comparison), and despising a person and possibly changing your behavior to hurt them/gossip about them because you want what they want (jealousy).

Now take all of that and put it in a group of women, and you got a shit storm. Even though women are more subtle and quiet in their actions, many of those ”evils” fuel on a constant basis and keep women in a state of self-abuse – unless you are within a group of women, like Destonians, who are actively working on themselves and standing as a support for oneself and another.

Yet, even Destonian women (like myself) are not perfect and fall at times. Like me, where despite learning A LOT and stopping participating as much as possible in Comparison, Competition, Jealousy and Judgement, it still comes up and seeps into my life.

I know the ill-effects participating in those words have on one’s wellbeing and mental state. It’s not pretty, and my theory is that a lot of it also comes from how one was raised and the relationship a women has or had with their mother. Mothers are usually our primary caregivers, and who we look up to. The mother is connected to the feminine expression and feminine qualities within us all.

My theory is that if the relationship with the mother is tainted because the mother is tainted: ie: she compares herself to other women, or judges her own daughter because of her own insecurities, etc, the daughter will also end up like her, broken, unless she has made a conscious choice to NOT be like that and actively works on herself to do so.

Otherwise, if you put broken, insecure women together, you can imagine the kind of abuse that can happen. Realities shows like the Kardashians and the Housewives of Orange Country are examples. Gossip, deceiving, and betrayal are outflows of participating in Comparison, Competition, Judgement and Jealousy within oneself and one’s world.

That’s why it’s so important to start a new revolution per sey, of women, where women really actively work on themselves and take leadership of understanding their emotions and their pain, guilt and trauma they’ve endured in the past, and do something constructive about it.

I do see a wave of self love, self care and support coming forth in social media, which is great and already a great first step. My suggestion, as the second step, is for us as women to start becoming more aware of our relationship with ourselves and how we are participating in the ”4 evils” so we can purify ourselves, re-define the words, and live a new life free of self-abuse.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Day 301: Starting Somewhere

michael-dam-258165About a year ago I requested a private interview through EQAFE about my position working with children and what to do with my life. My beingness came through and basically emphasized to me to just start somewhere – do something to get my ”feet wet” and exploring, and if I end up not liking what I’m doing then I try something else, OR something else may open up that I prefer to go into.

So it was through those words ”just start somewhere,” and realizing just because I start somewhere doesn’t mean I’ll forever be locked in it, but that by starting somewhere will allow me to get to other doors I can walk into / explore as well …

And so – I utilized that support and now a year later I am now moving into a direction that I am really excited about – something  I couldn’t have predicted or imagined but I got here because I took a step and I did something – I started to stay after school tutoring children for free with some behavioral issues. Over time, through walking this I was able to find more of where my passions lay, and a goal I would like to bring into manifestation within the coming years.

My partner who struggled with what to do with himself is also starting to find more of a direction. He began dabbling in painting and martial arts, and by getting involved in these activities, he is creating exceptional work and creating his own martial arts process (noting down his realizations in a notebook he would like to publish in a blog someday and make something out of it).

All of this with what my partner and I walked couldn’t have happened without a couple of things:

  1. From the support of beings through the Portal – through EQAFE / individual consultations from them and through people in the Desteni community. They helped us settle a foundation within ourselves.
  2. The decision within ourselves to do it – to do something – even if it as small as picking up your head and going to that class 3 times a week, or staying at work an additional 3 hours 3 times a week to help out children to see if this is an area you want to work in… it really does come down to deciding on something to do, even if it is small, and just do it – commit to maybe 30 days or a month of doing it consistently to see / assess if this is something you want to do. But do SOMETHING because you may never know where life will take you.

I also want to recommend the interview From Drifter to Settler on EQAFE. Anu talks specifically about just getting out and doing something – no matter how simple it is. So he really confirmed the support I got a year ago through the Portal – and he is saying it this time for the public!!!

So as a person who started simple, you can do it too!! And if you need any help in deciding what to do or what to start with, just write to me 🙂

 

Recommended Resources:

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

293. Where Am I Responsible for This?

jc-bonassin-311020If you’re in a relationship, perhaps for you and your partner there are some topics of discussion that can get a bit heated. The other day I reacted intensely over a money point between me and my partner. As we took a break and I was with myself in the kitchen a memory of me on the farm came up, where I was sitting with individuals during an EQAFE recording and someone shared that when they were blaming their ex for what happened in the relationship they would ask themself “ok but where is my responsibility in all of this…” From that memory I saw/realized that whatever the situation/problem is between a couple, it is never about ONE PERSON – each person in the relationship had a part, a responsibility in the manifestation of the problem.

So when I was reminded of that moment in the memory I asked myself: ok, where is my responsibility in this (conflict)? Meaning, what part, or what steps did I take to get us to this point? This question grounded me into seeing my responsibility of the matter, the little parts I made and played that got us to the situation I’m in.

It was within the question that also in a way, diffused energy of the point, because the question was geared towards me, which gave me the opportunity to self-honesty assess where I played my part in the matter. Now, since I see my responsibility / what I’ve done that contributed to the money point, I know what to look out for and work on in my relationship with money with my partner.

 

Recommended Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

292. Response to: Considering the Small Things

full_considering-the-small-and-not-so-small-things-with-the-goatI listened to a fascinating recording called Considering the Small and Not So Small Things with the Goat. Sunette with her gift, portalled a goat and well.. there were many surprises in the recording, so I won’t spoil them for you 🙂

Instead I’ll share what I’ll be taking from this recording, and that is humanity needs guidance and support to become more aware about the small things and moments of living, of existing, and BEING. So we as Destonians — people walking a process of understanding who we are as a being and mind / consciousness, have the “advantage” — or the responsibility in a way — to when we can, share the lessons, insights, stories, and/or realizations that have worked for us or changed us, so individuals in NEED of support and guidance will benefit… it may just make their day or be a stepping stone into a huge change for their life.

I mean not sharing what I’ve walked, realized and changed in myself is counter productive of this process. So I will be walking my self honesty in sharing more of me not only for others, but for myself as well. I realize I can’t do something for others if I am not doing this for myself too. I genuinely do enjoy sharing what I see,  realize and do, but sometimes I allow other things to get in the way so I’m going to see how I can prioritize my sharings throughout the week and post more. 

Thank you for reading.

 

Recommended Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

286. Wholesome Embrace as Living Expression

christiana-rivers-217056I listened to the recording on EQAFE called The Simplicity of Taste. One point that was brought forward was identifying the words that you experience when you taste food.  Eating a juicy orange could for example conjure up the words ”bubbly excitement,” within you and the next step would see where have you experienced a bubbly excitement  in your life, and where can you apply and live that in your life.

I played with this approach today while eating a slice of pizza. It was a large, greasy cheesy slice with spinach on top and as I ate it the words ”wholesome embrace” came through me. In me I asked where have I experienced this word in my life? Then a memory popped up of my uncle who I use to visit every year, and he was very affectionate and he use to really hug me, hold me and embrace me, wholesomely. It was a very nice embrace, and I really enjoyed his affectionate expression towards me.

Upon seeing this remembrance and connection to the words ”wholesome embrace” the pizza held for me, I walked a forgiveness line to re-align / merge the expression my uncle expressed / lived back into me, where I then made an internal commitment statement to wholesomely embrace my partner, family and friends with a big hug when I greet them, just as my uncle did. Within that I also gained gratefulness – gratefulness my uncle lived and expressed this word and being affectionate towards me, because he was the only family member who did this, so he was very unique in that expression.

The steps I walked in the process was:

  1. Eat the food (lol)
  2. As you eat the food, what experience as words would you say this food brings up in you? (ie: ”Bubbly excitement” ”Wholesome embrace”)
  3. Once you identify the words – where in your life have you experienced this word, or what memories come forth connected to this experience?
  4. Walk a self-forgiveness process to re-align the word / living expression back to yourself and gain clarity on where or how you can use it in your life nowadays
  5. Be clear on how exactly you will live this word in your life, stick to it until it becomes second-nature in you and have fun!

So this was a technique I used from the EQAFE recording The Simplicity of Taste … maybe you want to try it out yourself 🙂

 

Suggested Resources:

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

285. A Personal Note on ”The Maker of Matter’

full_the-maker-of-matter-reptilians-part-562Essential real substantial change happens in the every day life moments. Otherwise we build and create more problems for ourselves because we are afraid of taking 100% responsibility for ourselves.

After listening to the Reptilians interview called Maker of Matter, I realize I am the Maker, I make and decide to live out/experience/act on my thoughts, insecurities without doing anything about it but allow myself to continue dragging through points without actually taking them on due to me personally wanting to keep me in a self-victimized helpless state. If I keep myself in that state it is as though I don’t have to take responsibility cause I am “so helpless! I’m in such a victimized state! Oh I have to do this and that! Oh no! Look at how shitty my life turned out to be…look at how these people and these situations/things left me in the state I am!” It’s not real and just an avoidance to taking full responsibility of who I am in realizing I have allowed events to unfold as is and I have created myself and my process as is up to this point because of acting/re-acting in a state of helplessness, self-victimization, “it’s not my fault! They did this to me!!” It’s bullshit really lol.

So realizing and identifying these two aspects in me of experiencing helplessness and self-victimization and the belief that I am not responsible nor capable enough to take responsibility for myself is just an excuse, an avoidance mechanism to not walk outside of the box and change, in my every day moments. Cool I flagged these two points – victimization and helplessness cause now I can see these are my “downfalls” and “weaknesses” that actually when they come up I can then move me to empower myself to learn more about who I am in these points and find the solution to change.

 

Additional Support

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

268. How to Support Yourself When You Have a Cold

photo-1447154705288-7175737fb73cI developed a pretty nasty cold that left me quite tired and weak the last few days. I knew there was an EQAFE recording on the nature of Colds/Flus so I made sure to listen to it the day I stayed home from work.

‘’The Evolution of the Common Cold’’ by the Future of Consciousness is a fascinating recording that highlights the dimensions of these particular viruses and why they are becoming stronger and longer lasting in humanity.  I was able to gain support on what mind dimensions to specifically work on when I have a cold or flu, and how to support oneself physically during this time.

It was most interesting when the being in the recording mentioned the typical excuses we make when sick like ‘’Oh I’m too sick to do writing, or self-forgiveness,’’ and how this is not so because our beingness, which is buried deep down within us and suppressed by our Mind Consciousness System is not sick, is still intact and able to be supported with the necessary Self-Forgiveness, Writing and Self-Corrective Application. 

This ordeal reminded me of my teenager years, when I was sick I would use the time to watch tons of TV and justify this was ok because ‘’I’m sick.’’ There is also the emotional dimension of going into self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself and existing in a victimized state which was also mentioned by Kristina through her blog, where you want to ask others to do things for you because you are ‘’so sick,’’ or ‘’can’ do it,’’ when you know you are capable to an extent.

So I’d like to thank EQAFE for it’s support on the recording.  Being sick is actually a great time to work with emotional memories and points that have been emphasized the last couple of months, and best to sort them out during your sick-period due so that way when/if you get a cold or flu again, it will not be so intense as before.

So, coming from watching tons of TV and becoming needy around people when sick, I shifted my focus more on taking care of myself through giving my physical body the nutrition and medicinal support it needs as well as the self care for my self/beingness with the self-purification tools of writing, forgiveness, self-corrective applications, and living words.

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

 

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255. From Spoiled to Responsible with Money

photo-1434123700504-d8cfba6a12c8Before I was careless about money. I had major credit card debt, and had the attitude that I will eventually pay it off later, everything is ok, as I continued to go shopping and buy whatever I wanted and needed. 

I lived with my parents up to my late 20’s and was quite spoiled in that I didn’t have to pay for rent or my car.

Because I didn’t have that responsibility, I hadn’t necessarily developed the awareness and or had education on how to be responsible with money and doing future planning. I just bought what I wanted, easily. I never told my parents about my credit card debt – I kept that quiet cause I didn’t think it was a big issue. I was apathetic and in denial with my finances. I didn’t think I could be affected with it. The reality of debt hit me hard when I was planning to get married, and planning to move overseas to be with my partner, and I realized I have actual money to pay off, otherwise it’s going to stay stuck with me, even overseas. I did have my partner help me out, but through babysitting and odd jobs I eventually paid it off.

When I left my job to officially live with my partner, I became financially dependent on him, and my partner grew up in a household where money was precious, and the father especially made sure that they never went over their spendings, or had debt. The family saved a lot of money over the years and only bought what they needed, so they were always extremely careful with money. They only bought the essentials, and they only bought food they needed and only went out to a restaurant once a year. So how my partner grew up in regards to money and spending/using money was SO DIFFERENT than how I spent/used money.

Because of our different backgrounds with money, my partner and I had a LOT of conflicts about it, and I went into these temper tantrums when I wanted something he saw as unnecessary and excessive. It got to the point where I would have these emotional outbursts in public when I couldn’t get what I wanted. It was very embarrassing cause my partner would say to STOP IT, cause I was being loud and embarrassing myself. I did not know the extent of my emotional possessions until it was too late and I had already acted out from them. I forgave myself of my behavior in public, committing myself to become more aware of who I am when it comes to my behavior with getting things I want, slowing down and acting in a way that I would be proud of.

I knew I had a problem at that point. I knew that I had to work it out. I found the main reason of my initial instability was the transition of coming from a spoiled, free-flowing buy whatever you want lifestyle to suddenly becoming financially dependent with someone on a limited budget was a bit extreme for me, which opened up intense emotions and behaviors in me.

Dealing with my emotional outbursts/temper tantrums using real time application was tough because the energy experience was so strong, and made me feel powerful in that if I acted on the temper tantrum I believed I would get what I wanted. But actually my partner would stand his ground and not allow it, would reason with me on why what I wanted was not necessary, or that we can’t afford it. He did this over and over again (stood his ground) until I realized how I need to let these emotions go because my behaviors were futile, and I didn’t actually want to be like this. 

I had to accept my reality of where I was at, and my position, and that I have everything I need to survive and live comfortably on, even if I am not 100% happy with it. It took a LONG time for me to accept this reality.

Eventually when I got full time work, my partner and I collectively had more money, and this allowed us to get an apartment and become more responsible with our assets. We realized we needed to come up with a more structured way of using money, so we agreed on a monthly allowance, where we got the same budge of allowance equally with our individual freedom to buy what we wanted within our allowance, and then the rest of the money would go to the apartment, bills, and savings. This has worked out quite well.

Sometimes I still experience the emotional conflict of whether to buy something or not… should I get it…I really want it … within a particular  energy of desire — what really supports me is taking a deep breath, and asking myself self-honestly‚”do I need this, will I actually use this?” using constructive imagination to place myself in the future with the item, in determining if it would be used, and what the consequences would be if I were to buy this item. I wasn’t perfect with this – I stumbled and bought some things too much, and had to face my partner about it, since my spendings came from our money pot, but over time, the more I stopped myself from buying unnecessary items, asking myself questions within self-honesty, I got more stable with what I wanted and over time understood what I needed, and became happy and proud with my choices.

So here’s a breakdown of what supported me over the years walking from being irresponsible with money, to responsible:

What supported me

  • Oberserving, learning, and appreciating the simplistic lifestyle of my partner’s family by allowing myself to listen and remain humble to where my partner was coming from, his suggestions on saving money and how to work with it, taking the best points and using it with our finances
  • Getting a job, and being responsible with my paycheck in giving some money to bills, etc
  • Making the agreement with my partner that my money is his money, and vice versa, meaning that all of our money goes into a collective pot for the both of us
    • We sat down and wrote out a plan on how much money goes to rent, bills, etc, how much to use as allowance, how much to savings, holiday, etc, and it took me like 3 months to settle in with this plan, cause sometimes I would overspend, but me and my partner always went back to our agreement, and I would remind myself again and again of the agreement, and if I fell/overspent on something, I had to face my partner about it, and the consequence would allow me to pick myself back up and commit to be better for next month. 
    • Yes I originally got upset about the limited budget, but I realized this is what I need to make myself responsible. This is real life and ”I need this discipline.”  Over time I realized that if I wanted some nice shoes, I see if I can wait a month, and if I can’t wait, cause I need them for a special event, etc, I to talk to my partner about it, and see if he can help me or if we can take a certain amount of money out of my allowance every month to pay for it, so its about communicating and working with my partner
  • Allowing my partner to be the manager of our finances where he directs the money to the appropriate bills and resources since he has the most stable relationship with money and knows when not to overspend.

If it wasn’t for my partner, who stood his ground, and saw the importance of keeping to our budget, of being responsible for money, and for me, allowing myself to listen to his suggestions, to have that ability in me to become humble, and to find solutions through my time participating in Desteni and applying the tools, I wouldn’t be who I am today. So I am very grateful.

Additional Resources:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

249. To Go or Not to Go?

to go or not to go desteniI have the opportunity to go to the Desteni farm during my three week break this summer, but certain events happened in my life, where my partner is unable to go to the farm now due to school projects/graduation, and also that my dad has been going through serious health issues the last three months that has been hard on my mom. I have been experiencing conflict on what I should do – should I go to the farm, or should I spend my vacation seeing my dad and helping my mom? Can I forgive myself for going home and not to the farm? Can I forgive myself for going to farm and not go home?

So I use constructive imagination to place me at the farm – what are the experiences and thoughts coming up? I do the same by imagining at home in USA…

Here I walk the process:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at not being at the farm because I think that if I were at the farm I would have my process quantified and become faster to transcend, placing dependence on the farm people to make me move more in my process, not realizing I can move me as effectively as long as I am self-honest and self-motivated

I commit to stop fearing not going to the farm because of the belief if I don’t go I can’t quantify my process, because I realize I am depending on the farm people to help me quantify my process instead of realizing I can quantify my process by every moment taking responsibility for who I am, becoming directive principle, not allowing the mind to control/direct/influence me, but always strive to find solutions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to not being at the farm because I believe the farm is going to help me transcend points better and also help me quantify my process much faster and because I am not there I fear losing the time that could have helped me walk and quantify process

I commit myself to stop depending on the farm people to help me or save me or quantify me in my process. I can only quantify if I walk consistently, in dedication, using the resources and time I have to work on myself

from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I wont make process and cant make process if I don’t go to the farm this year because I believe this is a special year where I am finally coming to grips on myself and my mind, and really working on myself and my process, and that this farm visit is what I need and if I cannot be there/go there I will lose the opp. to really move and finalize my commitment to life, instead of realizing I can make the commitment to life right here right now, it is a decision to live and act in all ways what is best for all. so I realize I can ‘easily’ become committed and walk my process without visiting the farm, it just is a matter of commitment, and dedication and consistency

I commit myself to stand within my commitment to life, which is a commitment to myself, my real self, and walk myself to my real self, no matter what

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not going to the farm this year because I believe I will never be able to go or be invited after this opp. because I fear that they wont allow me to come anymore instead of realizing I am only unable to come if I stop my DIP participation completely and my participation in the group completely and/or that my standing is not genuine

I commit myself to stop regretting not going to the farm, because I honestly know that the farm will still be there/remain and I am welcome as long as I continue to support myself and be there for myself and others/Destonians


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty when I think about/imagine my mother being all alone, helpless, sad and shaken and in need of emotional support, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into feeling emotional, with emotions of helplessness and sadness myself regarding this situation

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself with imaginations, as I realize me participating in these imaginations are not real/do in fact show me what my mom will go through, but only generate/feed me to become even more emotional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to cry thinking that my mom needs me and I can’t ‘be there’ for her emotionally, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I need to be with me, I need to give myself stability and the acceptance of where I am now and that I can only support as much as I can to my mother at this time, and the best support I can give to my mother is to be stable inside myself

I commit myself to remember and apply stability when I see myself become emotional when it comes to the situation with my father, and to also practice remaining stable when I talk to my mother, always focusing on solutions, not giving into the emotions and imaginations of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect guilt to an image/projection of my mom helpless, sad, hunched shoulders, in need of me to be there for her, to take care of her and the house, not realizing these are images and I cannot believe them, but only actually speak to my mother in real time to see if there is something I can do

I see, realize and understand that I am manipulated with guilt, due to the idea that I must and should be with family during these difficult times, not actually ASKING the people directly involved (my mom, and dad) if they do really need my physical support

I commit to ask my mother directly if she needs my support this summer, and determine by her answer the best course for me to take

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to cry out of helplessness because I am far away from my mom and I cant be with her now, making this situation/ordeal emotional and difficult for myself. I realize I am manipulating myself again to pity myself and manipulate myself into the emotion of helplessness, when in fact, this is how my life is rolling out, and how my family’s life is rolling out, and I can only do what I can do within the limitations I have, so I must accept this

I commit myself to accept where I am now, accept the limitation that I am living abroad/far away from my family and cannot physically be with them unless it is a dire emergency, then I can see them soon, otherwise I can organize my time to come see them during my vacation time

I also feel like it would be my fault if I don’t go, that my moms misery is my fault somehow, that I need to comfort her–

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself perceive it to be my fault for my mother’s misery, instead of realizing she is responsible for her experiences and I can only show her through my words and phone calls how to be stable, how to find solutions

I commit myself to stand in stability and support within myself during this time with my family, to when I interact with my family, to do so as stable as I can, knowing that I must take responsibility of me and my emotions before I am able to take responsibility of another’s mind/emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear it being my fault my mom sinks into a low depression and becomes so incapable of handling herself and her emotions, she becomes insane/mentally unstable, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mother’s mental health to deteriorate rapidly to such an extent she becomes disabled and vegetative and I am left full of regret, because I think if I were physically there to help her with and through this process with my dad, she would be ok

I see, realize and understand only under such mental distress can this happen, and is only if the person does not know how to handle their mind and life events. I also realize this is a paranoia point and a little over-exagerrated, but also a worst case scenario, and that it would not be my fault for my mother to become mentally unstable/insane since I am not responsible for her own thoughts/emotions, etc, but I am responsible for myself and who I am with my mother.

I commit myself to stop manipulating me with imaginations and projections of my mom going crazy/becoming emotional unstable, since this only leads me to further generation of energy/mind illusions where within my participation I claim/show I give my value to the mind than reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must save my mom from this difficult situation by being there for her, thinking and believing being there with some physically can make the person feel better, but from my experience of being with her during a difficult time, it did not actually help, thus showing it is up to each one to decide how they are going to be and experience themselves, no matter the support and advice is given – it is up to self on how to move forward/be

I commit myself to remember that no matter the amount of support I give to another, it is up to them to decide how to use it/apply it, and that I cannot force them or save them from something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless in my situation, where I am unable to be with my family physically due to physical limitations of living abroad/far away and unable to take the time off of work now

I commit myself to check in with my mom to see how I may be able to assist, so that I cross-reference with reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on being with my family because I think that if I were there with them, things would be/get better, instead of realizing this is an idea I have and that it has been shown the last time I was there when my dad was sick, was that despite my presence, things did not get better- my mom still worried and my dad continued to get sick

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad about not being there for my family, being there to help cook meals for/with my mom, doing chores, things necessary to support a person to keep going and living in life

I see, realize and understand it gives me joy to help another, to be of service to another when another is in need and I am available, especially to my mom, though going into an emotional state of sadness/longing does not support me and my current situation now, but only supports the generation of energy within the mind consciousness system

I commit myself to stop giving into the emotions of sadness and longing, wishing to be with my mom now, helping her, and instead-accept the situation and that I will see her in a couple of months

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going home to USA because I think it’s going to be boring, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate me into believing if I go to USA it will be boring, with one computer, quiet, not much to do around the area, instead of realizing I fear facing the reality of my life at home

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself into believing that USA is going to be boring, because I know I can utilize my time and opp. there to make it a supportive environment for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my father, my home, because of memories that are attached/connected to my home in USA not realizing how I am holding myself hostage, making myself inferior to these fears instead of taking them one by one, understanding them, walking through them, and finding ways to empower myself from/through them

I commit myself to utilize the fears I have of going back home, taking them one by one, understanding them, and finding ways to empower myself through/from them

This was a long one. Thanks for reading!

248. Self Worth & Celebrities

7FMZC77KOOI faced a situation where I met someone I define as a celebrity. This individual has several thousand fans on their social media and they travel all over the world. This person actually came up and talked to me, and there were movements in me where I questioned why this person is talking to me, doubting myself and my self worth. I breathed and pushed through the self-doubts/reactions to talk and express me with this person, but it was difficult. As much as I tried my best, I saw the need to bring this point into writing for understanding and self-correction, because I know I will meet such people again, and I want to be stable and comfortable to express myself.

Self-Forgiveness & Self-Corrective/Commitment Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel extremely uncomfortable in my body when talking to M through reacting to the thought ”how come she is talking to me? What is she doing?” within the nature of self-worthlessness and inferiority

I commit myself to embrace each person that comes into contact with me, allowing myself to engage in the conversation/interaction within self-expression as me, letting go of any thoughts/concerns/reactions through a breath and forgiveness in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare me/my self worth to M by comparing the success she has with her hobby/career and the success I have in my life and job and judge who is better/more successful through the FOLLOWERS one has on social media, by seeing them as a celebrity, and thus seeing myself less than/inferior/not as good enough as them

From this, I commit myself to redefine the word celebrity, to release the connections and emotions and feelings I have towards the word because I have greatly polarized the word within me and allow myself to be influenced/directed by it

I also realize that M works in A SEPARATE BUSINESS/VENTURE THAN ME, so we work in different professions that require different skills and executions with our jobs, so there is no point to even compare our successes since a school job’s success is different than a social media job’s success. Also, it does not make sense to compare my self worth to success in one’s job/career, since the living word of Self-Worth has NOTHING TO DO WITH CAREER AND SYSTEM SUCCESS, but I have connected it as such!

I commit myself to redefine the word Self-Worth, clearing attachments the word has to success in the system and redefining it so I live self-worth within me and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited when I see someone I define as a ”celebrity” as if they are someone ”special” separate from me, not realizing how I allowed myself to see and define them as ”special”/more than me in which I then perceived/saw me as not good enough/unworthy to be talked to

When and as I see myself become excited when I see/encounter a celebrity, I stop and I breathe. I realize and remind myself they are equal to me and that I have allowed society’s value of such people being more special than me to influence me, thus I now commit myself to take a breath, acknowledge their presence, say ”cool” to myself I am with them and not allow me and my self worth to be affected by their presence through self-direction of any movements in me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough in the face of a celebrity, and that a celebrity/person who has many fans/followers should not talk to me because I am not equal to them in their success. I realize that celebrities who have millions of followers have that because of the career they are in/chose to be, that the industry is set up to allow them to have that type of fame, and does not define them as more or less of an individual in comparison to all other humans on this planet. So even if I had a million followers it doesn’t realistically make me any more or less than any other individual on this planet. Being a celebrity has it’s own construct/way of existing, and is different than other jobs in this world.

I commit myself to stay grounded when in the presence of celebrities, realizing their career is set up/constructed so that they do gain many followers and fans in order for the entertainment industry to continue thriving

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I am ”not a celebrity”- a person with a large following/many fans, then I am not worthy to talk to or be in the presence of them, instead of realizing how I am not acknowledging my own equality and self-worth when in the presence of these people because in all honesty and reality these people are people, just like me, I am equal to them, it’s just that we as citizens of the world allowed these people to be given added value to look/be perceived they are MORE than us

I commit myself to live the word ”equality,” when I am with celebrities/people with a large amount of followers/fans, as a reminder of standing equal to them, not allowing myself to fall within self-inferiority/worthlessness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the extent to which society/general world system places special value on celebrities, where then we as people make perceive them as godly, unreal, not of this world as a method of distraction from us to not see, realize and understand our own equality and worth and how we are being fooled by the entertainment industry, all in the name of profit/cooperation gaining money. I realize that if more people see that celebrities are just people, the entertainment industry would be threatened

I commit myself to bring forth common sense and awareness to those who see/deem celebrities as better than them/separate from them, and share the realization that we are equal to them but the industry does not want us to see that or else their system will be threatened

So how does this relate to my personal life, when I come into contact with people who I see as ”celebrities?” First of all, I need to accept my equality to them — that I am equal to them, that they are just like me — they have thoughts, emotions, personal problems and have bodily functions like us. I also need to gain a better understanding of who I am with the word celebrity, and align my self-worth to life.

I will continue more on who I am with celebrities in the next post. Thanks for reading!

 

Additional Support:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships