Being the Creator of my Own Stress – 306

alex-iby-221654-unsplashIt’s a funny title isn’t it? Being the creator of my own stress. But I realise I am…and reality showed me that with the following:

I was alone in my apartment. I usually work at home, so I was at the table doing my work. It was quiet outside with the occasional chatter of my neighbors. I got no demanding texts from my boss that triggered stress – I found the stress I had come from me PRESSURING myself in a sense of urgency and impatience to get my work done as soon as possible so I can move onto other things.

I became like an authoritarian, suppressing the life and voice of the calm, common sensical me and pushed and drove myself hard within rigidness and no mercy within my work. 

I found the back story or reason behind my personality – the honesty point being “I don’t like my work and this is not what I want to do. I have no choice but must do it” so within a state of helplessness (cause I have to do it) and anger (because I dont want to do it) I then push myself to do my work in a state of impatience and stress – wanting to get the work done as soon as possible so I can move onto things I want or need to do. 

Memories of doing math homework with my mother represents this point well for me. When she would help me with my math homework both of us would be angry and stressy because I had to do the homework (but didn’t know how to and needed my moms help) and both of us wanted to do other things but essentially felt locked down we had to do it. So my mother would get impatient with me (because I was slow/didnt get it) and I would get stressed/scared. 

The bottom line being: we were reacting accordingly because we didn’t want to do what was in front of us in the moment – but it had to get done – but we knew it was going to be a process and struggle and cause some discomfort in between. It was going to test our patience too. And we made it worse for ourselves reacting on top of what we were expecting – the struggle, strife and pain. 

And let’s be honest – no one wants to go through that. We rather avoid or cope or suppress from the hard painful things because we know if we jump in and walk in the challenging moments we are going to struggle, fall, maybe cry and punch our pillow – so who has time for that and wants to go through that? 

We see challenges and things we don’t want to do but must as these jaw clenching obstacles – but we make it worse for ourselves by REACTING towards what we have to do and thus create stress. 

We miss out on the journey itself if we are already reacting towards it.  The journey being the ups and downs, realizations, and yes experiencing the emotions that’s also a normal natural part when you embark on a journey. The key is to work through them as much as you can in every moment of breath.

This is something I’m still learning – is slowing down and being more attentive to what is going on internally while having to do work externally. For so long I would lose myself in work, in the moment, hardwired and driven I wouldn’t eat or drink. But now I’m learning how to balance being present internally and externally. 

Though it is hard if you are expected to act fast in the job. At this stage in my life my job does not require me to work and act fast that is something I created for myself and added all the stress to it.

Now I will be practicing slowing down as I work, and seeing what it’s like when I walk with me on the journey of work from my start time to end time.

I will also redefine the word JOURNEY since it will be a journey for me to walk my job Mon-Friday.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

 

282. Fulfillment

tim-mossholder-2676Fulfillment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unfilled and unhappy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people and environments determine my fulfillment and happiness instead of realizing that by believing in that, I will forever be unhappy/unfilled as external/exterior forces will never be able to give/create the fulfillment and happiness I want / need

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider how happiness and fulfillment is really an ”inside job,” that can only truly be created/manifested in/as self honesty as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unhappy and unfilled in moments I perceive to be difficult — such as when people talk to me in ways I perceive as being inconsiderate / mean / unkind – words and ways that I don’t like where I allow it to affect me in a negative internal level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take in people’s words and actions personally – where if they say something in which I perceive to be mean / inconsiderate I make it personal and attach it to the self-victimization personality where I feel bad about myself and blame my experiences on the other person instead of realizing how people act and speak to me is only a reflection of how they speak/act towards THEMSELVES and thus their words/behaviors cannot affect me unless I allow them to affect me!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I am not happy and why I cannot enjoy myself due to the conditions I work in and people I work with using justification to place blame outside of myself that it’s other people’s faults and the system for my misery instead of realizing I can enjoy me and express me in all conditions. I realize I separated myself way too much to out there – meaning I have placed my focus too much for too long outside of myself – blaming people, the environments and my situation for my unhappiness and unfulfillment, not considering or finding ways to come back in touch with me, and find inner joy and peace within me wherever I am

I commit myself to find fulfillment through the in breath and out breath and the realization I have a choice to decide who I am going to be

I commit myself to forgive, change, move and apply a living word when I see myself blame or feel down about my life/situation/people in my life as I realize I have a choice to – despite hardships – find the joy in little things

I commit myself to STOP thinking/believing/throwing blame on others for making me miserable and bring the point back to me to see where I have shifted out of myself and implement a new word I can enjoy/live in

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships