285. A Personal Note on ”The Maker of Matter’

full_the-maker-of-matter-reptilians-part-562Essential real substantial change happens in the every day life moments. Otherwise we build and create more problems for ourselves because we are afraid of taking 100% responsibility for ourselves.

After listening to the Reptilians interview called Maker of Matter, I realize I am the Maker, I make and decide to live out/experience/act on my thoughts, insecurities without doing anything about it but allow myself to continue dragging through points without actually taking them on due to me personally wanting to keep me in a self-victimized helpless state. If I keep myself in that state it is as though I don’t have to take responsibility cause I am “so helpless! I’m in such a victimized state! Oh I have to do this and that! Oh no! Look at how shitty my life turned out to be…look at how these people and these situations/things left me in the state I am!” It’s not real and just an avoidance to taking full responsibility of who I am in realizing I have allowed events to unfold as is and I have created myself and my process as is up to this point because of acting/re-acting in a state of helplessness, self-victimization, “it’s not my fault! They did this to me!!” It’s bullshit really lol.

So realizing and identifying these two aspects in me of experiencing helplessness and self-victimization and the belief that I am not responsible nor capable enough to take responsibility for myself is just an excuse, an avoidance mechanism to not walk outside of the box and change, in my every day moments. Cool I flagged these two points – victimization and helplessness cause now I can see these are my “downfalls” and “weaknesses” that actually when they come up I can then move me to empower myself to learn more about who I am in these points and find the solution to change.

 

Additional Support

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

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269. Suppressing vs. Responding

4jpbgzpsnzs-jake-melaraOne of the key points I am taking away from EQAFE’s recording Time is the Present We Gift Ourselves – Part 3 is on suppression and the impact it has on your self, body and life.

I see I am allowing suppressions to exist in me, a pattern I have accepted and allowed to live and become through my family. Most specifically in regards to fears, or points coming up that I feel unable to direct and handle. This is because I have yet to find a way to handle/direct these points. And it’s so easy to just suppress/shove the point away, deceiving yourself temporarily in the belief that it’s not there anymore and won’t come up again, but it does come up in some way or another as an indication that this point needs to be faced, directed and resolved.  

From this, the word RESPOND comes up — how do I RESPOND when fears/points come up in me, and is this a supportive RESPONSE?

A fear I don’t know / have the skill or ability to handle / direct: My Response = Suppress it

So I see that when fears/points I have not yet handled or found a way/solution to direct come up, I RESPOND by shoving and suppressing them, because that is a behavior I accepted and allowed from what I picked up from family and so, this suppression-response has become an automated pattern in me. However, I know the consequences of this – the more I suppress/deny/hide/shove the fears, the more the suppressions will build in me and it will come out in other ways – perhaps through not sleeping well, or panic attacks, or emotional outbursts, and in worst cases, illness and dis-ease.

The best way forward I see for me is to create my Response of fears/points from Suppressing to Embracing, and from that Embracing, Respond to what I need to do to direct / change myself from it. 

So, instead of suppressing a point/fear, embrace/take the point/fear and look at how to best handle it (ie: do I need to write/open it up to understand it more, do I need to do research, do I need to talk to someone, do I need to walk self-forgiveness, etc). Because each point is individual/unique, it requires it’s own unique/individual response / way of being handled / directed and changed.

So I am going to play with this point – to instead of suppressing the point, embrace it, understand it, see what needs to be developed to change it, so it no longer haunts me or direct me anymore. 

A fear I don’t know / have the skill or ability to handle / direct: My New Response = Embrace it, Understand it, Find what I need to Develop to Direct / Change myself from it, and Live the Change

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

267. Clearing Judgements on People Who Drop out of School

photo-1417577792096-106a2c4e353dI noticed family programming in me that I accepted and allowed to exist and influence who I am when it comes to career and education…

I grew up in a household where education and going to college is important. You basically have no choice and must go to college, or else you will get hounded and judged by family, and it is actually looked down upon in my family and with my other aunts and uncles, so it is also an ego/image point that family members maintain by making sure their children follow through in going to school / college– because it’s all about looking good in front of the family.

This means that if you drop out or go an alternative route, this will not good look in the eyes of family. This is looked down upon, and you look low-class / less than what you should be / look like.

It’s really screwed up because that means we define each other by education and status instead of who one is, as a human being / beingness expression. Especially when it is in family, which is meant to be an intimate, safe group for individuals to develop and grow, this is not the case in real life when survival, ego and status is more important than the individual and their potential. Quite sad, but there is that potential in all of us to change.

Self-Forgiveness:

Judgement on dropping out / not finishing college* (*University can also be used instead of college)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people who drop out of college

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and label people who drop out of college as bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what does it mean to be a bad person, and does it really make/define someone as bad if they drop out of school? I realize how limited I am in defining who or what someone is bad based on a decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down upon people who drop out of college or not finish school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted by people who drop out of college or do not complete school by thinking they are scum and should be ashamed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people who drop out of school to those who work in fast food restaurants or clean toilets for a living, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and see people less than me who work in fast food restaurants or clean toilets because the job they do is not favorable and also looked down in society

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those who drop out of college / don’t finish school are disgusting and scum and should be disregarded

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am better and have the right to judge people who drop out of college or don’t finish college instead of seeing, realizing and understanding there are many reasons and factors as to why someone drops out / does not finish, so best to understand them than judging them so quickly

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that college is not for everyone in this world, and that just because someone doesn’t go to college or drops out of it does not make them anymore less than everyone else on this planet. It simply indicates that they made a choice and there is no need to judge them on this choice since the choice is made by each one individually

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and believe people who drop out / don’t finish college are weak and are someone to look down upon in shame, instead of realizing how I have no right to do this / be this and actually I should be the one shamed because I do not in fact know the reasons and factors as to why this person dropped out / did not finish school yet I judge so quickly and think of myself as better than them for it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that just because someone didn’t finish school / dropped out does not make them less than me, and –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the other person as less than me / not good enough in my mind when I think about how they didn’t finish school / dropped out of college, where in my mind I place them a level below me and I look down at them from a level above

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and humble with the person who dropped out of college / did not finish school and support them as much as I would want to be supported in this life

We are so quick to judge than understanding others for the decisions they make. Let’s start the stopping of judgements and shift our focus in understanding and helping each other develop into our utmost potentials.

I commit myself to live in humbleness instead of superiority when I am with people I typically react in superiority towards and get to know these people so I can see more of who one is

I commit myself to understand the reasons and factors behind why a person dropped out of college / school within understanding and humbleness

I commit myself to remind me that just because someone drops out of college does not mean that they are less than me because we are all equal here on this planet, regardless of education and status. We are all living human beings sharing this planet together

I commit myself to realize and remind myself that another’s decision to drop out of school does NOT define them who they are totally – and that who they are is much more than this decision

.

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

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263. The Me in Process

photo-1427324301858-41039f1e0c32I’ve been inspired by Dan’s blog: Self-Agreement and Anna’s Living the Word Me, so will write a similar topic of my own 🙂

ME has also been a word I’ve been using as a bridge-support-word when I see myself in a consciousness mind point, such as backchat, and I want to go into the self-sabotage point of giving up/not directing myself, so I’ve been practicing when I see myself in this self-sabotage mind consciousness system point, I bring up the word ME, in the agreement and realization I actually as ME want to do this/walk this process/want to suppot me and stop this sabotage.

So I will move from consciousness as existing in backchats for example, to bringing up the word ME, in establishing that starting point of doing this process for me, (because it’s actually something I want to do!!! I want to better myself, create a better me, better life for me and all) and then I move myself to the appropriate self-forgiveness.

I will share some Self-Forgiveness that came up for me when I was experiencing fear. I looked at ME and saw what would be most supportive was to write out SF tonight:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process in fear because I don’t want to end up in consequence of NOT walking it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that if I fear consequence for not walking process, and walk as that fear, then my starting point is not real, not for me, genuinely and thus walking process from/within fear will not work in the end

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting or being given the chance to walk process again because of the idea I already fucked up, instead of accepting my position here, and realizing I am still here, breathing, thus I still have the opportunity to walk and correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like process is so daunting, and scary due to the absoluteness that it entails, meaning, you either walk process for yourself or not, and that when you face life you must stand equal/absolute to it or not, and that is it. I realize it is so because life will not accept anything less of itself, and it’s about time life comes through in existence, and that actually, it is best for me and for all to stand up for life, because it is what I want and for everyone to have!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the absoluteness of life because to me that means no more deceiving, bullshitting, hiding, avoiding, but taking responsibility and directing yourself to/as your utmost of what you can be. I realize it is so easy to fall into the trap of self-interest because I’ve/we’ve been existing as such for SO MANY YEARS it is going to take dedication and commitment to create oneself into/as Life. I realize I must embrace and accept what is here, as me, as the manifestation of me as the world, as what I see and from that ACCEPTANCE, can then move and change

Acceptance has been a word I’ve been living today – accepting my reality, accepting process and where I’m at. I know once you get to that point of acceptance, you can only move forward to change.

I commit to actually really walk me within self-support, self-love, doing this process for me, for real, changing myself that will support in changing the world

I commit myself to live the word ACCEPTANCE – accepting my reality as is, accepting where I am as is, because it is REAL in fact, and because who I am in the moment is real, and what I see in reality is real, I must accept it as is yet MOVE myself from this acceptance into self-change, practically by walking through each point/thought/backchat personality of my mind that does not serve me, nor support me in creating my best self, and move into correcting the past and creating new

I commit myself to use the word ME as a bridge between self-sabotage and support, where when I see myself want to avoid, blame, justify and/or hide from not taking responsibility of my mind/directing my points, I use the word ME as the reminder of why I want to walk this process, and as that Me of/as self-support, move to the necessary forgiveness, writing, or whatever I see supportive in the moment. I do this process for ME, as what is best for ME and all.

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships