300. Being in My Original Home & Culture – Part 3, Being an Equal Participant in Conversations

priscilla-du-preez-234138Something I noticed while being with friends and family on my trip, is that people do SEE me – and may be able to see parts of me I’m not yet aware of, so I’ve been pushing to become more aware of myself around others, and question who I am with them.

This realization came forth after having a friend reveal to me she was concerned about my weight loss the months before I moved but was too afraid to say anything. Then another friend was happy I quit my job because she saw how unhappy I was but wasn’t sure if she should say anything. So there I saw that people are aware of things I may not want them to be aware of or see, but it’s there in reality. People do probably see more of me than I may realize but don’t say anything…

So – just the other day I realized I have a tendency to kind of sit back and let people talk, and just be there to agree with them, or nod or make short comments without much conversing / engaging myself. I sort of place myself in the back seat in conversations with people, as if I’m not as important as them.

I notice this behavior when my cousin was talking the majority of the time and having my mom sit next to me acting in the same manner, I saw I took this point on from / through her. In that moment I decided I didn’t want to be like that – I wanted to show my cousin I was also an equal participant in the conversation, because if I share and add onto the conversation I am also showing another I am interested and here with them. This I would also like for myself – to have someone equally engaging / talking / being here with me in a conversation.

So I’ve been practicing the words share and engage – where I try to find windows of opportunities in conversation that I relate to / connect with, and share who I am with it, or a story or something – that way I am making my presence known and being with the people in the conversation…showing them ”hey I’m here with you guys, also sharing!!”

My cousin for example was talking about the type of beef we were eating, and I added in how my partner was just today asking where to get such beef in the city, and then the conversation continued and more people joined in. So it was cool to get the ball rolling and people sharing and adding their input / perspectives and not just keeping it at a standstill.

It’s been an interesting process so far because: before speaking / sharing I have to push through some initial shyness and resistance, but I push because I want to prove to myself I CAN engage in a conversation, I CAN be here with others, and make my presence known – showing people I am with them in the convo, being an equal participant, and enjoying myself in it.


Recommended Resources:

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

252. Noticing My Movements

photo-1451933371645-a3029668b979I have had a cold the last few days, which supported me to slow down, and observe more of my movements and how I interact in my daily environment.

At home, something as simple as making tea ends up not so graceful and aligned. Like pouring water into a cup from a water heater — I ended up missing the water going into the cup and allowed it to drop onto the counter. This showed me my misalignment with the cup, the water heater and the water itself. I saw this behavior, and saw my lack of care in this moment, which led to me missing a moment with the cup and pouring some water on the counter. This is a habit I tend to do where I will spill things because I do not give what I am doing 100% of my care and attention. I have ”other things I need to do,” that I give more value to instead of what I’m doing in the moment.

Looking at it ideally, I should give everything I do in the moment equal attention value. Who I am in the moment, and what I am doing should be given this, because what I am doing is a part of me and my living experience. If I am not here, giving care, consideration and attention to what I am doing and suppose to be doing because my priorities and/or focus is somewhere ”else” (a.k.a in my mind) then I am missing moments, moments right here in front of me, moments OF ME, where I am with me. If I am not with me, and what I am doing, reality will show me the misalignments (like pouring water onto the counter instead of in the cup).

Self-Forgiveness, Self-Realizations & Commitment Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention and value to things outside of me, like tasks I need to do in the near future instead of giving attention and value to what I am doing right now in this moment

From this, I realize that when I miss a moment of what I am doing in the moment, I miss a moment with me and what is in front of me

I commit myself to move my focus to me and what I am doing in the moment, in breath, and whenever I see me shift away from reality and into the mind, I bring myself gently back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what I need to do in the future/near future than what I am doing NOW, not realizing it is the NOW that determines the future and who I will be in the future, because if I am not here with me and what I am doing in the present moment, I am communicating to myself and reality that I cannot be trusted that I will be here/present in the moments in the future, which is why it is necessary and of greatest support to be here with me, in what I am doing in the moment

I commit myself to apply care and consideration to every task I do by being present while working with it, giving it my attention and taking care of it as I see it most supportive/best, since that also supports me in working equal with my reality and what I’m doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care or consider what I am doing in this moment now, such as pouring water in a cup,through living the backchat ”I don’t want to do this, I want to do something else…” which then shows by spilling water, or not closing lids on bottles properly, instead of realizing how within not giving my full attention to what I am doing in the moment, I am creating consequences and existing in personal preferences of self-interest instead of acting simply as a being in care of life and doing my job at it’s best within the moment.

From this I also realize how fun I can make it living in the moment and deciding for myself how I want to move and direct me in the task that will create a supportive outcome and job well done that I can be satisfied with

When and as I see myself think ”I don’t want to do this, I want to do something else…”I stop and I breathe. I realize I am existing in personal preferences of self-interest and instead shift myself and my awareness to what the moment and task in front of me requires of me, and from there, act on it within care and consideration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in apathy towards the small and seemingly unimportant tasks, like kitchen work, closing the lid on a bottle, and doing such tasks half heartedly – with no care and consideration to do it properly because I have given other tasks priority and importance than the objects and tasks I am doing right now

From this I realize how I fuel inequality to happen, where I give more attention and care to one thing while another not so much, when it should be that I give care and consideration to all things equally in everything I do. Where I do the tasks properly and in alignment with physical reality needs.

I think it is ok to have important tasks be priority, but it should not cloud me in my mind when I doing something else – because my focus should be what I am doing now, and doing it to the best of my ability. I should not just put in the best effort in only priority tasks, but in all tasks, the great and the small – that way I am living and applying equality for all life/things.

I commit myself to give attention and value to every task I do equally, since all items and jobs here should be treated in care, consideration and support

I commit myself to do the best I can in the jobs and tasks I am involved in, staying in the present moment, being here with me in my living experience.


Additional Resources:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships