Eradicating the Worst of Me – 323

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when I see my former competitors still make success and money for themselves, as I secretly fear that they have or will be taking my place in terms of the area we both have competed in. I realize I have secretly competed against them to make sure I was at the top. Now since I have stopped playing that game, the drive to crush/replace/destroy needs to be corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to crush, destroy, and annihilate my competitors so that I am on the only one in my field/on top and thus no threat is upon me, where I can breathe and just be me. I realize only in an Equal Money System could I truly rest and be at peace with my financial situation, and me, as my needs would be taken care of financially forever/my whole life, and thus there would be no fear of someone threatening to upstage me as my survival would already beset by an external force supporting me. And that I could just be me and whoever and however I express myself, I still have a secured survival.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take the anger, the righteous, and seemingly ‘power’ I experience in wanting to crush/destroy/annihilate my competitors and use that to create a better life for myself, and everyone involved by actually working on my mind in eradicating/destroying the worst of me that I see/hate in others and this world.

I commit myself to take the hatred, anger, righteousness, and feeling of power I have towards people and things in my world and turn it towards myself in eradicating/deleting/getting rid of the worst shit within me.

I commit myself to realize an Equal Money System can get started by me no longer serving the ‘survival of the fittest’ mindset of wanting to crush my competitors and instead strive to live for a better world where all are taken care of, financially for their well-being and just existing in this life.

I commit myself to explore what living for/as an Equal Money System truly is, and how to practically live that type of existence by eradicating the old programming/ways of myself and former generations that are evil/corrupt/screwed up.

 

Additional Resources:

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material

Destonians – Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation

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281. Affection

jordan-whitt-145327Affection:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect affection to love, and believe if I do not get/receive affection from others, I am not loved. I realized love is only is but a word and real love is in action/deeds towards self and others as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of victimization and pity when I think/believe I have not received much affection from my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to firmly believe I am not loved, by anyone, instead of realizing I have defined love as someone having FEELINGS for you, positive feelings instead of living word as actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deeply desire to be touched instead of touching myself, deeply in ways only I know I can touch/be touched

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to physically express affection to/for me through self massage of feet, or simply hugging me, to show me, I am here for me, I love me and I show me that love, that ”I am here for me,” through self-hugs and massage (like feet)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel neglected by others in my life through the idea I am neglected because I am not or have not been given enough affection

I firmly believe love to be shown through affection. What is the kind of affection I would like? I would like a real hug of appreciation, of recognition of I am here, a real touch of endearment, feeling whole, nurtured. I realize I can make myself whole, nurture myself … I know I like being touched, so I should touch me more, simply as a point of self-recognition and affection, of ”I am here for you,” no matter what – I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a extreme state of neglect, worthlessness and lifeless towards the idea/belief I was never given affection by my mother instead of realizing how this is is manipulative and I do not know for sure if my mom has never given me affection through all her moments with me – thus I stop giving into the self-pity/self-victimization as I realize the times/moments with my mom is gone – as I am separate from her physically and I can only nurture and support me with/from affection as physical expression of touch to show me that I am here for me – that I love me – that I am ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss my parents and wish my parents to hug me and give me affection/touch as expressions of care, that they are here for me instead of standing as my own rock, the parents I want to be and hug me/embrace me

I commit myself to hug me as a way to show and indicate to myself that I am here for me through thick and thin – what I go through, I am here and will be there/”here” for me, even if I am alone, I have me and can hug me as I please and need.

I commit myself to – when I feel the need to be nurtured or to feel like I need something/someone when I am feeling low/alone, to hug me or touch me/massage me as indication that I am here for me, and will support/guide me as necessary to do what I need to do in this day/moment

Living Word – Redefinition of Affection: A physical touching/holding/hugging of (self’s) body as an act of appreciation/hereness/support for self – as a physical reminder to self is here for self, through thick and thin, and will support/guide self as necessary until self is complete/whole

 

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

 

264. From Reacting in Relationships to Taking Responsibility

taking-responsibility-in-relationshipsI see the importance of self-agreement in relationships, because if you are not taking responsibility of stuff coming up in you, that is going to influence who you are in the relationship. And for example, if you allow little moments of backchat or judgements about your partner to slip by without direction, this is going to eventually accumulate into you becoming emotional over something ”seemingly small,” that will create a large conflict or argument that could have been prevented if you took responsibility of your part within it all.

I learned this the hard way by observing how me and my partner’s largest conflicts would happen on the weekend, when we are not at work and spending a lot of time together. We questioned why this is so – why can’t we enjoy the weekend together, and it makes sense to reason that: during the week, when we get home from work, we allow emotional reactions and experiences towards each other and the environment we are living in to come up and we don’t direct or do anything about it. When we don’t do anything about them, it’s the weekend and we’re with each other for long periods of time, the reactions accumulate to such an extent that they have to be released, so a big fight is created/manifested so a release can happen, but it’s not a ”good” release – cause emotional mind shit can come up – creating more problems, using up a lot of time and energy from individuals to go through. This could have been prevented if both people simply took responsibility of what came up in them over time.

Take for example a situation where I saw my partner reacted to something I said. I wanted to speak up and share my perspective of where I was coming from, to see if that could clear the air / make him understand more, but I allowed a specific memory of me speaking up to my partner and it not going well to influence me to NOT to speak up and share myself.

So I locked myself in this past memory experience, succumbed into insecurity, and didn’t speak up/share myself because I assumed my partner was going to be/act in the same way as before and that I was going to go into insecurity. So I projected the past onto the present. Since I held onto the past and justified that this present moment is going to be the same as it was in the past, I also locked/enslaved my partner in the present moment by believing who he is now is just who he was in the past, ”even if I speak up – he will not change, or hear me,” thus perpetuating my idea I have of him from that past memory onto the present moment, which could have been a NEW moment, a NEW chance to see what is possible if I allowed myself to simply take responsibility of who I was in the memory and move myself forward from that. 

So I wanted to share this to show to everyone how important it is to create and stick to a self-agreement with yourself – an agreement you make with yourself that you will do your best to take responsibility of every thought, emotional reaction/feeling, backchat, justification, memory, internal conversation that comes up within you toward your partner (and also everything else in general, but specially right now it’s about your partner) and forgive yourself of this point, and decide/commit on a correction and/or living word you will from now on live/do from that point on. This is what I am practicing/walking myself, to be more diligent with because I know what happens when I don’t take responsibility and its not pretty – the consequences only lead to seperation and destruction in a relationship – so I’d rather follow through with my self-agreement of taking responsibility for any shit I exist in my relationship with my partner, to learn and grow from that, so that I can enjoy me and be me with them.

Supportive Recordings:

Relationship Reactions

Reaction Dimension

Fighting Over Spilt Milk

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships