Day 179: How Nutrition Can Affect Getting Things Done

Today I saw the importance of nutrition, in keeping one’s body stable so one can ‘last’ throughout the day.

What I mean by this is:  I’ve noticed when I eat certain heavy foods with flour, meat and/or dairy my body goes into a reaction of tiredness and then I’m tired throughout most of my day. Like yesterday I went out to a popular Italian restaurant, and it’s been a while since I’ve been out and I allowed myself to indulge in some bread, soup and salad and was very surprised by how extremely tired I was minutes later, and this affected how I was around others.  When I had the opportunity I took a long nap and woke up still feeling very lethargic, ‘heavy’ almost ‘drugged’ as how I can describe it, and affected me at night while I studied.

Interestingly enough I read an article today where a nutritionist went on holiday in a small village in Northern Italy and observed the culture in which they have large lunches full of meats and cheese and then everyone takes a ‘siesta’ or nap for a few hours and all businesses and shops are closed during this time. She then explained how our body takes up a lot of energy to process and digests such diets heavy in meats and cheeses so it makes sense as to why the villagers take these naps. It’s funny cause I never really understood why some cultures take these naps in the day with even closing the business for a few hours until I read about this food-point.

So I observed this point in myself and realized how important it is for me to keep my body stable because it is quite sensitive in that if I overindulge my body instantly reacts, so it’s supportive to understand how much the body can take with certain foods. In my case I have an important exam coming up next week so I realize it’s best for me to keep my diet as simple as possible to try and maintain stability so I can walk these two weeks without problems of getting tired from eating cause I do need to put in my effort to studying.  I see nutrition being important if one has to study and stay focused with certain tasks or projects so giving self foods that is nutritious and supports the body is cool, otherwise one may not be able to work/perform as effectively or optimally as one can.

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Day 173: Feeling Left out With Friends

Man thinking on a train journey.
Man thinking on a train journey. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Continuing from:
Day 172: Going to a Party You Don’t Want to Go To

I am taking this memory apart and exposing points/patterns I accepted and allowed myself to exist in:

I was around 10, in the car with girls or “my friends” from my class. The girls were being loud in the car, talking. 
They sounded happy. I in my mind projected myself separate from them in the car, with me being a distance away from them while in reality I was tightly shoved by the window next to my friend

  • Idea/Belief to be separate from the girls due to an Experience that feels as if I am in fact separate from the girls as what they show/embody in their expression which in this case was ‘happiness’.
  • Accepting and allowing me to be, see and define me as separate from Happiness itself.
Within me I experienced what I defined as being “left out” feeling not included and within that sinking in a depression/sadness where it felt like a hole was in my solar plexus. 
  • Accepting and allowing me/Self to go into depression/sadness when/if I am is not part of something or believes to not be part of something.
  • Defining me and my experience according to being or not being ‘part’ of something.
  • Belief that something is wrong/flawed with me if I am not included/part of something (like the girls conversation and laughter) -> thus Self-Image, Self-Belief and Self-Acceptance Issues.
I then started thinking how I want to go home, be home, I wish I didn’t come, why did I come, I didn’t want to come… manipulating myself within this. 
  • Regret and Anger at myself for compromising me to go to the party while I did not really wanted to go and would have preferred to be somewhere else and do something else.
  • Backchat with where I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate me to continue existing within the experience of separation from happiness that was observed within the other girls instead of realizing that happiness is a living word that Self can live alone as for example enjoying me in mys body or in the presence/company of others, even simple things such as enjoying the air I breathe in and out and / or the scenery of my Physical Surrounding.
  • Accepting and allowing me to through the mind with backchat manipulate me into remain existing within this experience of depression and sadness due to the belief/acceptance that I am Separate from the characteristics/properties that the girls in the car represented which was happiness or a point of ‘belonging’/’being part of the group/’.
I longed to go home, and within that, felt the same way like who I was on the first day of school. I started to tear up and this was comforting as I tuned the outside noise around me and indulged within the crying.
  • Experience of Powerlessness and Helplessness and crying with regards to what I was experiencing, instead of seeing and realizing that I was just really accepting and allowing self to see/define/believe/accept me to be Separate from what was going on/the Moment(s) and characteristics that the girls were portraying/showing/resonating to/according to how I perceived the characteristics/moments of the girls interacting/talking with each other and laughing – and that the solution is as simple as forgiving me for separating myself from Happiness and whatever Characteristics I see/define myself to be separate from that the girls represented with their laughter and conversations. 
  • I did not realize that I was not really powerless and helpless but simply not accepting and allowing myself to embrace me as Happiness/Self-Enjoyment here and all the Characteristics that I believed/felt like I was lacking/not having that the girls were representing with their laughter and conversations and interactions with each other.
It was then my friend asked in what I perceived to be in a mean, criticizing voice: “are you crying?” I said no, thought about all the girls looking at me, waiting for my response so that they can jump onto judgements with their glances with each other. I felt embarrassed from all of this. I was caught from crying to where I perceived/thought I was seen like a baby, a wimp, and now all eyes are on me.

  • Fear of Humiliation/Being Humiliated by others
  • Fear of the opinion and judgement of others. 
  • Me being dependent on how others see, define and feel about me.
  • Accepting and allowing me to judge me as a wimp and baby for the act of crying or not feeling well emotionally and what I was experiencing due to all the things that were going on within my mind.
  • Fear of being vulnerable and other people being able to see that I am not feeling well.
  • Self-Accepted and allowed Self-Belief that if I cry or do not feel well emotionally/feeling-wise that that means that I am Inferior for Real, while that is not so at all but just a Self-Belief.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project me being physically  seperate from from my friends, placing them on one side and me being at the other, when in reality I was literally sitting next to them, sharing the same space with them, not realizing how I was manipulating myself into believing and perpetuating the idea that I am so separate from my friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from being here in the car, being here with my friends through participating and indulging in the mind of thoughts and ideas of being left out.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order to be included in the group I must act/participate and not expect others to make me feel/be included.  I see that in order to be included within the group I must participate in the group. Within this, I see I existed in self-interest within this desire of being included within the group without having to be equal to everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the idea and belief that I am being left out by physically representing this belief by turning my body away from my friends and not participating in the conversation, physically indicating that I don’t want to be involved with what’s going on.
So I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I am responsible for being left out of the group through first believing it so within my mind and then through my body language of turning away from my friends, crossing my arms and looking out the windowinstead of testing it out in fact by interacting/participating in reality.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to change my body language of dropping my arms, turning my body toward my friends to challenge the idea I created that I am being left out. I realize that within my mind I had been whining and manipulating myself into believing that I am left out, while all the while I was the one responsible for leaving myself out of the conversation/interaction with girls through my own body language and perceptions according to my mind.
Will continue in the next post…

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Day 169: Why Do I Feel So Tired When I Hang Out With Friends?

I notice that when I am around this friend of mine I end up feeling very tired and drained around her. Today when I was with her and she expressed herself I felt so tired it was if I couldn’t even talk. I had a chat with my partner today and he said he went through a similar point and it was because when he was with his friend/friends he compared himself to them and judged himself a lot. So I’m going to look at these points for me, especially judgments and beliefs I have when I am with my friend.

What I would like to do for myself is walk through this point of feeling suppressed/tired and unable to communicate/express myself around my friend and understand where this is coming from so I can get to the bottom of this and find ways/solutions to become comfortable expressing/being me around this friend.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become incredibly tired when I am around my friend

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so tired it is as if I cannot talk to my friend, instead of realizing I can talk, I am able to talk to my friend, the tiredness is an energy that FEELS so heavy it is as if I cannot talk, but I really physically can talk when I push through the energy, I have a physical sound voice and therefore, am able to use it to express me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if my voice won’t matter or count when I am with my friend through the belief/idea that she doesn’t really care what I say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get the idea that my friend doesn’t really care about what I say because of memories/moments in the past where she did not seem to have interest or care into what I was talking about/sharing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my friend’s behavior personally when I shared a personal insight/ point to her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my friend’s behavior of her interrupting me and looking for something she dropped in her car as a reason to justify why what I just said was not important

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret my friend’s acitons and behaviors as justifications why what I have said was not important because she essentially “ignored me”/did not respond or react to what I said

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my friend to react or respond to what I just shared and when she didn’t react/respond to what I shared, I took that personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my friend’s behaviors and actions towards not giving me her attention and responding to what I just shared personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I had shared to my friend as “not good enough” because my friend did something else instead of responding/adding to the discussion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that maybe what I said caused a resistance within her mind and that’s why she did something else than adding/responding to what I just shared instead of realizing that I do not know why she did what she did – I have no access to her mind – I only have access and responsibility to mine, and so I realize that as I understand myself and my mind more that I am also able to understand others and why they do the things they do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take one moment of my friend not responding to something I shared and add that to my reasons why I should not share or express myself, because what I say isn’t important and doesn’t matter – “she doesn’t care and there’s no point for me to share.”

I see, realize and understand that I am just as equal as her in sharing myself to another, and if another does not have anything to say to what I shared or if they do something else, then so be it – I should not take such things personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate me into believing that what I had shared and expressed to my friend wasn’t important or meant to be considered or listened to because her behavior of looking for something after I shared my point was not what I wanted or expected  

I shared an insight I had about the world and my friend did not respond but instead like interrupted me because she was preoccupied with something else and thus, did not even hear what I said. So within this, took that behavior personally, thought what I shared wasn’t important and got quite mad. I see that me reacting in anger towards this point shows that I also exist within this behavior toward others.

I will continue with this point in the next blog post.

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Day 93: Creator of Perceptual Tiredness

Today I woke up extremely tired, I couldn’t even open my eyes at first — it was very difficult. Throughout the day I remained tired and it became ‘worse’ when I allowed myself to think aboutit.  I noticed however that I seemed to be more ‘awake’ during times when I was eating or talking or being on the phone, but then I would allow myself to think back to how I was tired before and then the tiredness would hit me again.


When I had a break from work I decided to check out the Desteni forum on sleep and found this cool forum thread here  which also directed me to an article from Jack about Self-Forgiveness on Sleeping. 

Here are 3 Self-Forgiveness statements that stood out to me from the article:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think that if I sleep ‘less than’ I usually do – I will be tired the next morning – instead of realising that I am designing the very experience of tiredness in the morning through the perceptual belief/idea that less sleep equals tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea/belief of ‘less sleep than I usually have’ equals tiredness the next morning – which influence the experience of me within and throughout the entire day – instead of remaining here as the breath as me in every moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the mind is the directive principle of me – as it has the ability to induce perceptual tiredness, which is the mind consciousness systems’ ‘signal / sign’ that it requires regeneration and rejuvenation – which is done through sleeping 8 – 9 hours or more.


I realized after reading the article that I did create my experience of tiredness today. Last night I went to sleep much later than my usual bed time and I participated in backchat such as “I’m going to be so tired tomorrow” and what to do you know – the next morning I create that very experience of being “so tired.”

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of being tired through the idea I had in my mind that if I go to sleep later than I usually do I will be tired in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I think and / or believe I am going to be tired the next day, I am creating that very experience to manifest within my reality – such as for example like today– believing that since I went to bed later than usual I’m going to be extremely tired the entire day .

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to forgive me of the energy experience I created of “being tired” today after I realized the tiredness was in fact a belief I had within me that I created due to me believing that if I sleep less hours throughout the night I’m going to be extremely tired.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility of my tiredness that I created this morning due to an accepted and allowed belief that going to bed at a later time equals tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stop thinking about being tired and instead take responsibility of the point by breathing and focusing on what I need to do and not allow me to participate in backchat such as “I’m tired” “I’m so tired.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tired and continue to be tired throughout the day through my accepted and allowed belief and self-definition that I really am tired – instead of seeing that I created me as this experience through my own self-belief – therefore, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to take self-directive power in changing my starting point to that of self-support in assisting and supporting to stop participating in thoughts and backchat and beliefs about me being “tired” through self-forgiveness and walking commitment statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse “I’m tired” to put myself in a state of victimization, perceiving that I’m not responsible for being tired but that sleeping less hours than normal is to blame, instead of realizing I am the creator of my internal experiences, therefore, whatever I participate, believe and define myself as exists within me and is my responsibility as I created it through accepted and allowed self-beliefs and definitions.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the Mind uses sleep to rejuvenate and replenish itself as systems and therefore, the perceived “tiredness” I experienced is simply the Mind indicating it requires more sleep to rejuvenate and replenish itself. Therefore, I realize that sticking to breath and not allowing self to participate in the mind of thoughts and backchat about being tired is essential in pushing through the perceptual tiredness from the Mind.

When and as I see myself think / say “I’m going to be so tired tomorrow” because I’m going to sleep later than usual, I stop, I breathe and I forgive myself because I realize that I am creating what I believe me to experience tomorrow through the idea / belief that less sleep and / or going to bed at a later time equals tiredness the next day. Therefore – I commit myself to stop myself when I see I am going into that self-belief towards being tired the next day by saying “No, I will not accept and allow myself to participate in that. I realize that the Mind wants me to sleep more so it can have its systems get replenished when me as my physical body only requires 4-6 hours of sleep and that’s it.”

I commit myself to stop participation in back-chats of self-beliefs of “I’m so tired” and “I’m going to be so tired tomorrow” as I see, realize and understand that I’m the creator of my perceptual tiredness and if I continue to believe in the backchat I will actually create the experience of how I define “tiredness” and will have to face the consequences which will not be nice, so, I realize it’s best to take responsibility the moment the backchat of self-belief comes up before it manifests as consequences for me to face.

I commit myself to practice sticking to breath when I experience tiredness and focus on the physical, doing physical tasks, being here.

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Image Source: Self-Defeat by Andrew Gable || DesteniArtists
Postponement Character – Reaction Dimension SF – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 166 | An Artists Journey To Life http://bit.ly/RVIBlO