230. Insights about Alzheimer’s

I watched the movie Still Alice in preparation for my participation in the Desteni Movie Night Hangout with Joana and Marlen.

One of the first points that came up for me while watching the movie was what would I do if I knew I have early-onset Alzheimers?  If I knew I had limited time to remember certain people, knowledge and information, memories of my life I would write as much as I could down either on a notebook or in a blog to record what I found most important. What I find most important to note down is life lessons I’ve had, realizations and insights I’ve found of myself and the world,  regrets I have, and anything else that I think would benefit others to learn from me since all would be fading away soon. So I would basically want to create a legacy for people, something in which they can take my words of ”wisdom” so to speak in which they can use it to improve or better their lives.

Then I would find ways in which I could somehow assist and support me during the Alzheimers.Because I know it can be very stressful dealing with the disease, I would like to somehow prepare the people around me to show me or read me certain material from Desteni if I end up having an emotional breakdown when I have that disease for example. Because I won’t be able to remember the information on how to forgive myself in that moment, maybe the people around me can do that for me — walk and support me with helpful information in that moment (this is similar to what Marlen shared in the Hangout where she supported another with the Alzheimer’s disease).

Another point that came up while watching the movie was who would I be if my partner would have Alzheimers? Because in the movie Alice’s husband started to drift away from her, and this bugged me a lot.  Those who have Alzheimers need people closest to them to support them with daily tasks and responsibilities. I would like to think I’d be there unconditionally for my partner 100% because I care about them and would not want them to suffer or struggle. However, even despite them not having Alzheimers right now I am faced with the reality of who I am as a partner daily through my interactions with them and can say I am not yet satisfied as making the absolute statement I am the best partner I can be for them because of the extent to the thoughts, memories and reactions I am aware I still require to sort through, align and correct.

While I do suggest you watch the movie Still Alice, also take a listen to EQAFE’s recording on Alzheimers and what actually contributes to the development of the disease.

What in the mind-physical relationship create/manifest the consequence of Alzheimer’s?

What does the existence of Alzheimer’s say about the extent of the dependency on the mind-physical relationship? 
How does the mind, influence/affect the fabric of the physical to manifest Alzheimer’s?

Also, Joana and Marlen share cool insights and techniques with me in the Hangout for those who have family or friends with the illness.

Thanks for reading. See you next time!

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
8Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships

226. Who Am I if I Just Want to Please Others?

Continuing from:
Day 224: To become a Leader…
Day 225: Fear of Being Disliked

I read through my previous blog and saw how easily I have connected talking to women to wanting to become friends with them, and giving value into that point, like when I talk to other women around my age or those I connect with, there is this desire to become friends with them or have a close relationship-friendship with them. I am also considering this may be in relation to fear of being alone, but that is a separate point I will look into later.

I attended a meeting and met three women I haven’t seen in a few days and there was the desire to have them like me. I can see I was afraid they were going to judge me and from that judgement not like me if I did not keep up with a smile and nice words.

What if for example they didn’t like me?

To imagine this scenario, I can see I would be very concerned and worried cause I would want to know WHY they don’t like me. Why do I care about WHY they don’t like me? Because maybe I could change or learn something about how I am around people that I may need to use when I walk into social situations with other women, cause I want to make sure that when I interact with others that what I am doing and saying is okay and will be accepted and approved in the group.

So here I can see a few points: One is that behind the worry and concern I want to create and change myself into someone who is perfect in every way so that whoever I talk to, I speak and express in a way that will create an outcome where they will like me, entirely, within everything I say and do.

Now looking at this point, that is so unrealistic. Even if I were to be self-honest, and do what I see is best, and speak in common sense, I may trigger some movements or reactions in others and so, those reactions and movements are for self to take responsibility for, and that they may not like me for that, for triggering points in them.

The point I see here is that I would want to shape myself according to what I think and perceive would please other people, but my god, then where am I in this equation? Meaning, if my intention is to be someone that pleases another, then I don’t even give myself the space to express me when I speak to others, but that I communicate to others based on how I think they would want me to communicate and be to them. So I would be giving up my self expression just to please or benefit other’s and their minds. I can see how I have existed in this point for most of my life, is this tendency to change and shape myself and my words in a way so that people will like me, or that I will please them and their minds enough where they will see me in a positive way/light.

So now comes my question is how to be me when I am around others? To express and be me and share my words and common sense, expressing me while taking my words, actions and others into consideration to create an outflow best for all without the fear of other’s reactions.

So it’s like the age-old question: Who are you?

Who am I if I have been someone who pleases others and shapes myself to please others just so I can avoid conflict, people not liking me, and being alone? Who am I as a leader, expressing and changing myself according to what other people want from me and think of me?

Will continue more in the next blog…

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Rela

225: Fear of Being Disliked

One of the points I want to focus on tonight is how as an organizer of a women’s group I have a fear of being disliked, or not liked by other women of the group.

This is something I have observed today when I met with one of my co-organizers and upon meeting her there was there very slight unsettling feeling/experience within me where I really had this desire to be liked by her, worrying and wondering if she likes me. I would observe her behavior, and for example when I saw she crossed her leg closest to mine over her other leg I took it as a sign that she was closing herself off to me and I went into a worry over what I did or what I may have been or looked like that made her close herself off at me. Thoughts within insecurity, worry and concern start coming up, where I question myself, and then thoughts of self-judgement and belief of ”I am awkward,” in relationships come up…I saw what I was doing in the moment and I knew this was a programmed pattern, that I did not have to believe in it, I saw the bullshit of it and I did not give into it completely, but I knew that the point was still there, I knew that the underlying problem/point of the fear of the women disliking me is what needs to be investigated.

If I am to be a solid, stable organizer of a group the least of my concerns should be about whether someone ”likes me,” I know it should not take over my awareness, me being here, organizing and interacting with the members in the group, but it currently exists in me so I am here to look into it.

So I will first begin with Self-Forgiveness over my interaction today with another woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, worry and concern over another’s behavior where they crossed their closest leg to me over their knee because I believe that is a sign they are closing themselves off to me and I took that personally thinking I did something that made them feel uncomfortable because that is not what I want them to be — I want them to be comfortable with me, yet I did not realize that I did not take into consideration that the other does not know me as well I do so they walk their own process of being comfortable with me thus I assist and support myself to simply do what I can to be myself within consideration of who I am in this moment with another

When and as I see another cross their leg away from me and I go into thinking they don’t like me, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I only get this idea because of psychology information that this behavior means the person is closing themselves off, or in the case of males, they are in ego, but that I should not take such information to heart and personally, because I realize that I am giving too much attention and concern over whether another person likes me instead of focusing on what matters and what the issue is at hand and whether I am being supportive to myself another, so from this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to simply let this fear/worry/concern over another’s crossed behavior go and simply focus on what matters, which is the physical, what’s going on in the physical and who I am in this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take another’s behavior personally where I interpret I am the reason they are closing themselves off to me, that somehow it is my fault that they are like this not realizing that I cannot expect another to like me immediately and warm up to me immediately — each has their own process to walk of self-comfortability in interaction with others and the best I can do is to be as stable and supportive as possible for myself and another

I commit myself to assist and support myself to remind myself when I am with others and see myself fall into insecurity, worry and concern over why another’s behavior is not looking so open and warm to me, to not take it personally, because I know I want them to be open and like me, but I cannot expect that they will be like this since they are in their own process, so I let the worry/concern go and just focus on me and what’s going on in the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I did something wrong to make the other person not like me or be as open to me as I would like them to be, giving so much attention/worry/concern over another I am not even looking at me and who I am giving my power to: my mind of worry and concern about others instead of focusing on me and who I am and whether I want to be like this

When and as I see myself go so quick into worrying that I may have caused another to be upset with me — that I am the reason why they don’t like me or is not open with me, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am giving my energy and attention to too much worry and concern over others instead of assessing for myself who I am in this moment and if what I am doing and being is supportive. From this I commit myself to assist and support myself to stabilize myself through times where I give my power away to concern/worry about others by directing myself to who I want to be in this moment, which is someone who doesn’t give a shit about what others think of them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be awkward because I believe and have this idea I am not good with friends, that I cannot keep a long friendship, I cannot have or get a connection with another female because I am ‘just awkward’ not realizing that I want and desire a cookie-cutter friendship that I have seen personally and on TV/magazines where girls are just so close with each other and do everything together, like sisters, but as friends, and I realize that is what I had wanted as a child, and I envied two girls who had that connection and life/friendship with each other and I wanted that because I really believed that is what would fulfill me in that moment, is that sort of friendship/connection, not realizing that such connections/friendships are limited and to only fill a void that is a result of self separating words from self, which means I have many words to realign myself to become fulfilled within me, in fact

I commit myself to assist and support myself to redefine FRIENDSHIP and also see what words I have separated myself from that I see female friendships possess that I want to stand and live equal to

When and as I see myself believe me to be awkward around female relationships/friendships as a form of judgement, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am not 100% comfortable with myself around others, like females, and this is because I have some past issues to work with when it comes to female friendships, so I use this opportunity to assist and support myself to stabilize myself while interacting with females and work with my friendship points so that I am stable and comfortable with myself when I interact with other women

Will continue in the next blog post…

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding Consciousness, the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Day 215: The Fear that Drives My Stress in Work

I am working on a project currently and my stress levels have been very high. Who I am within and walking this project has been stressed, and I see it beneficial to actually write out the problem so I can find a solution for myself. I do see that it is a personality pattern I’m holding onto and existing as, but it needs to be deprogrammed because it is causing stress within me and my body where my breathing becomes shallow, my chest constricts and I pressure myself into expectations of what needs to be done within a certain period of time instead of actually walking this project step by step, stopping projections and just being here.

This requires me to re-define and walk the word PATIENCE as well as understanding this personality-system more. So let me start.

I react in fear towards the idea that this project needs to be completed today, but this is actually irrational because this project is large and thus requires a lot of time to build. Then I have this idea that I cannot relax, I need to be stressed about this because I’m afraid if I relax my job will not be completed to the level or extent I think/believe it would be if I were stressed. This comes from an idea of when I was in school around middle school age when I would work for hours on a school project, constantly focused and in a state of stress and really thinking that that is what drives me to do my best. One example is that in high school during lunch I realized a paper for Spanish class was due next class so within the 45 minutes I had I typed up a complete paper and got an A on it. So from there I thought and believed that I can do good on these projects IF I remain in a certain state of mind, which in my case, is a particular form of STRESS.

The stress is specific. It is like a constant focus, a drive within that comes from a fear, fear of losing out, and I do not let me take a break unless it’s bathroom or food, but I am in a ‘zone’ or state of mind where I am driven by this fear and push as this stress to do my best work.

This way of working, while stressed, can really push an individual to do many things, however, the stress and pressure from the mind involved in the body is not supportive. So how can I create a relationship to the work I do to make it stress-free and also do my best work without that energy of fear? I first need to de-program this point, so here is Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards the idea that my project needs to be completed today because of the fear that if it isn’t than someone else’s project similar to mine might come into manifestation/fruition and be better

When and as I see myself react in fear to the idea that I must finish my project today/soon, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the fear because I realize that this project needs to be walked step by step and will be built through time to become a project with my work imvolved, thus I realize this project will take time and will not be done in a day or week, but will take an accumulation of days and work for it to be substantial

I commit myself to walk this project step by step, one point at a time, breathing through and letting go/forgiving any fears or ideas that come up towards this point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another’s project may be ‘better’ than mine because I fear losing out in having more attention, fame, and money instead of realizing my starting point is more geared towards self-interest instead of genuine intent of doing this project for me in assisting and supporting me to expand within who I am and what I do

When ans as I see myself go into fearing another’s project to be or eventually become better than mine, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back to the reason why I started this project, that it is a project I want to do for me and others to better assist those in the country I am living in, thus I commit myself to forgive/let go of desires of my project becoming the best because I realize then my whole starting point is in competition/fear and not genuine support, so I commit to practice sticking to my starting point of doing this project for/as me instead of others/in separation of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire so much to be famous and to have a lot of money with my project so I can feel comfortable and safe with my life, knowing that I have enough money to buy whatever I may need to fit my needs and desires so I don’t live a life in fear and survival

When and as I see myself desire to be famous and to have enough money to live comfortably, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the desire as I realize it is coming from a fear of survival, so I commit myself to remind myself of my financial stability/that I have all I need and to stop allowing myself to go off in thoughts of worry and fear of not being able to make enough or have enough money since I see I do have enough to live comfortably at this stage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I need to move fast with this project or else I won’t be able to gain the attention and possible profit I may get if I were to be slow with it or not get it by the end of the week instead of realizing that I fear losing money and oppurtunites that ‘could have been’ if I have just gotten them done sooner

When and as I see myself desire to move FAST because I fear losing out on an opportunity that can bring me wealth and/or fame, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in this fear because I realize it is a program to keep me in a continuous state of stress and I realize that does not help me or my body, so I commit myself to simply work on the project for/as me in self-enjoyment and expansion and embrace any oppurtunites that may come, not think or wish about them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear finding out that my project is not good enough or not completed in enough time because another has created an even better project than me and recieves the attention, fame and money that I have wanted with this and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing out on an opportunity of attention, fame and money

When and as I see myself fear or project another having or creating a better project than me and receiving more attention/fame/money than me, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in fear or projections of this point since I realize they do nothing but drive me into stress and competition, so from this I commit myself to stop giving in or feeding into projections or fears of someone doing a better job on the project than me and focus on this project is assisting and supporting myself to expand in my skills and awareness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration the many other individuals involved with similar projects as me, many of them coming before me and already having successful projects publicly available and praised and within this I see a desire is existent within me where I want to be at the ‘top’ so I am the ‘best’ because I want to feel ‘safe’ with where I’m at in terms of financial stability

I commit myself to remain humble within my project-process by focusing on expanding my skills

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myslf to see, realize and understand how I exist within a fear of losing money or not having enough money and fearing that the money I ask to borrow or recieve from another will go away

I commit myself to investigate the fear of losing money, not having enough money and fearing the money I ask to borrow from or receive will go away through self-honesty, writing and self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to a memory where I waited in line for several hours to buy concert tickets with a huge desire and stress to getting really good seats only to realize after waiting in line so long they don’t take credit card so I had to go to the machine and take out cash, thus losing my opportunity to get good seats at the concert I really wanted to go to and having to wait back in line again and then finding out they only had lawn seats available, and within this —

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so angry, incredibly angry at not getting what I wanted because of not having the information or knowledge that the box office only accepts cash because I was stressed to begin with seeing all the people in line, and even projecting and imagining all the other girls my age standing in line for tickets and how it is such a competition to get good seats and how it’s ‘not fair’ I couldn’t get good seats after waiting in line for so long and wanting so badly to get good seats so I could be close to my favorite singer. I see, realize and understand that because I lost my oppurtunity to be ‘first’ and get really good seats compared to other girls, I really reacted in anger because my whole starting point was to be first so I could get the best seat, and within this I see, realize and understand I had been angry over the fact I was stressing out over something beyond my control in that I cannot have my desires manifest the way I want them to, I must take reality into consideration and that thousands of girls were probably in my situation, wanting the best seat at the concert and waiting several hours in line to get them, so even if I were first or in the beginning of the line does not mean I will get better seats than other girls around the country also in lines. I realize that this entire world system lives and breathes competition, it is what we have programmed ourselves in because of FEAR of LOSING OUT/MISSING OUT/NOT SURVIVING

I commit myself to understand and find solutions to stopping the competition that exists within me since I realize it comes from fears of losing out/missing out/survival and thus I allow it to drive me into stress and acting out in certain ways towards my work and what I do.

I also see, realize and understand there is a drive within me of COMPETITION, of wanting to be the BEST and getting to things FIRST, because if you are FIRST you are the BEST and at THE TOP. So, I can see this drive and stress within is from competition, wanting to have the best project, fearing to lose out on opportunities.

Funny how I associate being competitive to being a male, so not wanting to acknowledge or identify within myself this ‘competitive streak’ within me of wanting to be the best/be at the top. Fascinating this opened up!

More to be continued. Thanks for reading.

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Day 214: The Problem with Alcohol at Parties

I got invited to a party the other day and I was really looking forward to checking it out there. It was going to be my first party here in Vienna and I was going to meet many internationals also living in this city. I was also able to bring my partner with me which was cool.

When I got there I noticed that the party was basically held in a restaurant with many tables and chairs set up with a bar but no dance floor. So basically everyone there was simply talking and drinking alcohol, and that was it.

I see it as a shame that we as humanity allow ourselves to set up and participate in these parties where we all resort to drinking alcohol because that is how we see ‘fun’ but I don’t see fun as that. I see fun at parties as being able to be oneself, express oneself with others, dance around, have interesting conversations with people without being influenced by alcohol, but we have over time programmed and conditioned ourselves throughout our history as humans in this world/society to connect alcohol to ‘fitting in,’ ‘having fun’ or ‘partying’ while we suppress our own expression within this substance. In fact we can feel paralyzed/fearful around others and unable to be ourselves at parties/gatherings, that is why we give into alcohol to either ‘help’ us in loosening ourselves up/being relaxed within who we are, or bring out a more rambunctious outgoing side that we normally suppress in our day to day living.

This is why I find education on how to be able to be ourselves/bring out our self-expression around others and at parties without the need for alcohol/external substance is important because then we are directive principles, being able to be okay with ourselves, decide who we are and how we want to be/live in our lives instead of allowing a substance to decide for us or influence who we should be, feel and do. In this regard, one can take the  Desteni I Process ‘Lite’ course or go on the Desteni Forum to help one establish an awareness of becoming directive principle of your life.

I know me and my partner are a very rare couple compared to the many other couples and individuals in this world at parties because of our choice to not drink alcohol. We understand the impact and influence it has to not only our minds, but our bodies. If it is suggested or mandatory to order some drink at a party or dinner I order a non-alcohol drink like a fruit juice with soda water (it’s quite delicious, give it a shot sometime).

Here are some blogs in relation to the effects of alcohol on the mind and body and how to support yourself to stop the habit/addiction:

One Year of NO ALCOHOL
Alcohol, Drugs and Demon Possession
My Addiction to Alcohol, Sleeping Meds and Porn
Alcohol is the Corporate Psychologist
Where Does Your Responsibility Go When You’re Drunk?
Zero Point and Other Points – Alcohol 
Alcohol and Humanity — Intelligence?

Google Hangout Video:
What They Didn’t Tell You About Alcohol Addiction!

Forum Thread:
The Design of Alcohol

Interviews:
Alcohol in New Relationships
Alcohol Poisoning
Life Review: Words, Behavior, Alcohol
Death Research: Words, Behavior, Alcohol

”I have not had alcohol for a year and a bit more now, I have gone to a bar with friends and people from my past, and I just drank seltzer water and ice. They ask ‘what, you don’t drink anymore? why not?’ in great shock, this amused me somewhat, but also, I realize that this is just programmed behavior. We are so programmed to see people drinking, having alcohol be accepted as the way to relax and enjoy friends as it’s on every other commercial and pushed in tv and movies, but really if we have a self honest look, it’s just a way for corps. to make money while we go to shit. Many deaths are caused, people go out of control, no common sense is practiced, and its really all just bullshit and not needed. I realized I could be an example to show we don’t need to drink to enjoy here, alcohol is not needed to have a good time, and it can be stopped. I suggest use what has been said in this thread to write out self honestly why you drink. Drinking alcohol is an abuse to life and does nothing to support what is here and what is best for all.” –-Garbrielle on the Desteni Forum

Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Day 207: When I Lack Language Skills

I went to a hair salon. I wanted to get my haircut but was unsure if whether the workers there could speak English. When I entered I had a reaction of shame and embarrassment about me having to communicate to the greeter to tell them I have an appointment in English. Fortunately he answered back in English, but then when it was my time to meet my hairdresser I saw her hesitate and hang by this other hairdresser, then she and the hairdresser came up, and I was told my hairdresser didn’t know how to speak English so they were going to translate for her. I felt so ashamed. In the end, I was able to communicate a bit to her in German, and got my haircut, however the shame and embarrassment lingers within me.

Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Day 199: The word RELAX – Part 2

Continuation from Day 198: The word RELAX

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were to be relaxed my guard will be down, meaning my protection and defence mechanisms that are there to ‘prepare’ me for any ‘blows or attacks’ from others behaviours or reactions and from this I realize that allowing myself to relax will assist and support me in being more in ‘tune’ with how my body responds to my thoughts/emotions so I can face and work with what I see and am aware of – thus, being relax will support me in my process of self-awareness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea and belief that being relax is when you completely ‘let yourself go’ meaning not having any care of preparation for what you need to do or live in this world but sink into an ethereal state of ‘bliss’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being relaxed to being ignorant, where being relaxed within oneself and ‘letting go’ means to not be aware of this moment instead of realizing it is practically possible to be aware of oneself and let go of the tension/constrictions in one’s body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot relax in this world, that I always need to be ‘up and ready’ and ‘prepared’ for something to come my way, instead of realizing this is a personality I created where I “can’t relax” through justifying that I need to be ready/prepared for fear of something happening to me that can threaten my survival in this world and from this I realize that one can live in this world and be aware and prepared for whatever may come within a relaxed state in the body of breathing normally, letting go of tensions in the body and walking forgiveness and self-correction when one sees a mind point causing tension/constriction in the body

I will continue with more self-introspection and insight into the word RELAX as well as look into the Etymology definition and historical context of the word in the next blog post to come, thanks for reading.

DIP Lite FREE self-empowerment course: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

DIP Pro: http://desteniiprocess.com

Agreement course:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses/re…

More support: http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ…

DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Day 198: The word RELAX

Today I am going to begin walking the word RELAX and find how I can practically live this world in my day-to-day living. As I look at the word relax I already think to myself that this is something I can’t do. “I can’t relax” comes up, as well as the old self-definition of that because of my astrological birth chart and having my moon in Gemini it is impossible to relax because such Gemini’s cannot relax – they are always on the move, thinking.

There is also the fear of being able to relax because of this tendency that I have to be up and ready for something. That if I were to relax, that means my guard will be down and I won’t be prepared if something were to come, like for example someone asking me a question and I imagine me being relaxed and not having the answer for the person. So, now I am looking at school, where in school I could not relax because I had to be ‘prepared’ so to speak to give an answer or to speak/participate in class, so the idea of tightening my stomach and ‘being ready’ while in class comes up as well.

In the “real world” where I was working before, it was hard for me to relax because I had to be ready wherever I go, prepared with what I do. So I see relax as being able to let go of all the tension and tightening of the body and completely letting loose of any preparation or readiness that one needs to have to live/exist in the world. So I see it as basically impossible to ‘relax’ in my eyes because I believe I need to be prepared for something/anything every moment of breath. This ties into the system/world we live in today where we constantly are in survival mode – we need to get the money through our jobs or environment to survive/eat/drink/sleep in shelter, so I see it as one cannot relax in this world, one cannot really let their body ‘go,’ one has to ‘be ready and prepared for whatever may come.’ Looking at this, I do realize one can be both relaxed and prepared at the same time, walking through the world system and one’s daily life in such a way.

My current definition of relax is more of an idea or a picture of me completely letting every single tension and tightness within my body go and no longer allowing oneself to go into that point again, and within that I picture me as ‘relaxed’ walking or floating around aimlessly through life smiling, feeling ‘free’ however I can’t take care of myself or work in this world cause I am ‘too relaxed’ – I am not prepared or ready enough to do my work, I have let go of all the worries, concerns and tensions within me. LOL this is definitely an idea I have that I know does not align with reality, so I will walk self-forgiveness in releasing these ideas.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe automatically that relaxing is something I cannot do and use justifications like “it’s not who I am” and my astrological personality prevents me from doing so instead of realizing I can break out of my programming and actually practically live the word relax.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project me not being able to relax because “it’s not who I am,” and within that imagine me all fussy laying down and not being able to let go because all the thoughts and worries are in my mind that I am giving value and attention to and from this, I see, realize and understand that I am holding onto a belief that I cannot shut off my mind and simply be here, breathing and relaxing within myself and my body because of the excuse that the thoughts and worries in my mind are more important and must be given attention and from this I realize that all those thoughts and worries within my mind can be written down on paper so I can see and deal with them all instead of thinking and mulling in my mind about them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify that I cannot relax because I have to always be “up and ready” for something, not realizing that I can still find ways to practically prepare myself in this world and be relaxed within and as my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I can never relax because of a memory I have been holding onto where I blamed Mrs. P my high school teacher for not leaving me alone when she asked me a question when I didn’t know and stood there waiting for the right answer, pushing me to find it/remember it and I did not know and did not want to really know because I wanted to be ignored and invisible in class, and from there defined this experience as the reason why I can ‘never relax’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were to be relaxed my guard will be down, meaning my protection and defence mechanisms that are there to ‘prepare’ me for any ‘blows or attacks’ from others behaviours or reactions and from this I realize that allowing myself to relax will assist and support me in being more in ‘tune’ with how my body responds to my thoughts/emotions so I can face and work with what I see and am aware of – thus, being relax will support me in my process of self-awareness

Will continue in the next blog post…

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Day 195: Self-Correction for Judging Another’s Looks to Their Age

Continuing rom Day 194: Judgements over Looks & Age

I commit myself to practice stopping myself before I speak out positive judgements or opinions about how another looks according to their age to make them feel better because I realize I am doing nothing but putting on a band-aid to soothe any “cuts”  or insecurities they have so I stop myself through breathing and forgiving/letting go of the urge and moving on to what I need to do

I see, realize and understand that I made a mistake – a miss-take, where I spoke out of an urge to soothe or comfort another when really I should have breathed and continued to participate in the interaction.

When and as I see myself within me think/judge “she/he doesn’t look their age” positively, I stop, I breathe and I forgive the comment and let it go because I realize it’s a layer that will pop up time and time again because I conditioned myself to judge another positively if they ‘look good’ for their age, and commit to stop judgements towards myself and others as I realize how one looks depends on many factors and so, any judgements — positive or negative I have towards another is energy and must be forgiven

When and as I see the urge to say speak up after someone mentions their age in a tone of what I perceive to be shame or embarrassment to make them feel better, I stop, I breathe and I let the urge go and continue to hear what the person is saying and participate within the conversation if the opportunity comes up because I’ve gotten ideas from what I’ve seen on tv and in the world of women interacting with each other and complimenting each other when really it’s more of soothing fears and insecurities

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Day 194: Judgements Over Looks & Age

Memory: When I was at a bridal boutique and the worker said she was turning 32 and I had an experience of “I should say something” and I blurted out “oh you don’t look 32.” Then I reacted in guilt, shame and embarrassment. I know that what I said was not supportive because I was making a statement that if one is over 30/32 that one should look a certain way, and that within my comment it’s like I was saying she should be proud or feel better about how she looks for her age.

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another for how one looks according to their age instead of realizing that age is only a number and that a person’s looks/physical features depend on their diet, lifestyle, biology and environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obligated about having to say something/speak up when another shares their age in a manner/tone that I interpret as being shameful/embarrassing to make them feel better instead of realizing to compliment someone is a band-aid to make one feel temporary better and does not actually support me or them in developing and realizing self-confidence/self-acceptance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved and directed by the idea that I should compliment or comment to another woman that she doesn’t look her age since I’ve seen it before on tv and in life with women in my world interacting with other woman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that I need to compliment and make a positive comment toward another after they have given me such positive comments and compliments instead of accepting the comments and compliments, let them go and continue walking/being here in the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for saying to another woman that she doesn’t look her age because I thought what I did was wrong – that I should never comment about a woman’s age

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed after saying to another woman she doesn’t look like her age because I believed I made myself look stupid and ignorant since I have education and knowledge on how irrelevant it is to compliment another’s looks or age as this is not important in relation to who they are and what they have done in their life and so, I realize I was embarrassed because that ‘educated’ part of me was dropped and I perceived I looked stupid instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed about telling another woman she looks good for her age because the self-definition I had of myself of “I respect all woman and I don’t judge them for their age or looks” was not validated for myself since my actions went against ideas of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in shame over telling another woman she doesn’t look like her age because I knew I was implying that being at her age she should look older/different and thus she looks ‘good’ and from that, know that it was only fueling opinion that comes from a history of being fed by the media on what looks good, what doesn’t and how one must fear/react towards getting older and from this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the urge to speak up and ‘compliment’ the other woman on her looks by breathing and moving onto what I had to do next as I realize age is really not a big deal unless you give it value/make it a big deal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an opinion about another in how they look and that they do not look like ‘their age’ as if being a certain age means you look a certain way, instead of realizing this is complete B.S. and comes from when I read beauty magazines that said how one should start wearing anti-aging creams in their late twenties to start preventing wrinkles and that ‘turning 30’ is a really big deal because it will affect one’s looks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it’s customary for another woman to compliment/comment positively on how young another looks when their age is given instead of realizing participating in such comments/compliments only fuels and supports a system where people compare, compete, fear about their looks according to their age, fueling insecurity about oneself so corporations can make tons of money off products people buy to look and stay young

Will continue with more insights, self-corrective statements and commitments in the next blog post. Thanks for reading.


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