Day 216: Resistance to Letting Go of Stress

Continuation from:
The Fear that Drives my Stress in Work

So today I saw I was stressed, and within me I saw that I should walk forgiveness, and that I can walk forgiveness on this point, but then this belief backchat of ”it’s not going to work,” comes up followed with an experience/feeling of not wanting to do it, because I projected me doing it/saying the SF and it not completely working, and I have believed it, and I know that I am not honest and genuine within saying SF because I saw I was in the emotional experience and I knew that to get me out of the emotional experience to say SF but I didn’t want to, I had resistance. I didn’t see there to be a point to walk the SF. I saw it as an obligatory thing to do.

If I look at it, if I were to walk SF within the experience I would not want to because I would want to stay in that stress-experience of working because I think and believe it keeps me alert and going. I am afraid to lose my ability to work and to get things done to the best of my ability without this stress. So that is why I didn’t want to walk SF.

So my relationship to me with SF is misaligned. Looking at who I am within that stress experience, I like being in that state because I feel like I am working hard, it gives me or makes me feel like I have purpose with being so determined and working within what I do. I don’t want to let that experience go because I am afraid I will not be able to work as much or with that determination and focus as before. I project that with walking SF on the stress, I have an idea/expectation that it will all go away and thus I will be so relaxed and calm I will not have that determination, stress and focus within getting the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I ”should” walk self-forgiveness when I see myself stressed instead of realizing that self-forgiveness is a decision I make within the moment where I don’t allow myself to tell me what I should or should not do but simply make the decision and agreement within myself to DO/WALK self forgiveness whenever an emotional reaction comes up within me WITHOUT expectations or ideas about what MAY HAPPEN when I walk self forgiveness because I realize that self forgiveness is an unraveling where I will discover or find insights, realizations and/or solutions that wouldn’t come forth if I stayed within an emotional state, so thus it is essential to simply allow myself to when I say/speak self-forgiveness to do it within the starting point of forgiving myself of accepting and allowing myself to participate and become equal and one to an energy/mind consciousness point instead of standing equal and one to the physical, as Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal and one to my decisions within becoming and acting and living the real process of forgiving myself whenever an emotion or feeling as consciousness comes up

I commit myself to realign myself with self-forgiveness, where self-forgiveness becomes a part of me and my every day life and living so that whenever an emotional/feeling reaction or movement comes up within me I act immediately within correction of forgiving myself of the energetic experience, so I realize that to become and live self-forgiveness absolutely takes practice and consistency

I commit myself to start now in this moment, practice acting in the moment whenever an emotion/feeling or energetic experience comes up within me, that I forgive myself without expectations or ideas or projections of what may come or how I may feel after – to such ideas go and stay here in the moment and trust myself that the insights, realizations and solutions will come the more I become self-honest with myself in the moment, forgiving myself in becoming the mind consciousness point existent within me and realign myself back to earth/physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have allowed myself to create a personality within myself where I ”tell” myself what I should or should not do according to waking my process instead of becoming the directive principle of BECOMING the decision of immediately walking the correction process of forgiving myself when I am stressed

I commit myself to identify, bring up, unravel and change this process-personality of telling myself what I should or should not do within walking process through self-honest writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and to align myself into walking this process in self-honesty, without polarity of ”should and should nots”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgiving myself and letting go of the stress when I am stressed because I am afraid that if I let go of the stress then I won’t be able to be so determined and focus as I usually am when I am working hard and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not re-define the words ”Determined” and ”Focused” so I may live these words in my life without the stress or energetic/consciousness influence within my work

I commit myself to redefine for me the words ”Determined” and ”Focused” so I may live these words within my work/the work that I do

I realize that self-forgiveness will not assist me if my starting point to begin with is misaligned where who I am is not willing to forgive because I don’t want to forgive because I am holding onto a point or idea, where I don’t want to let go of it because I am afraid of losing a part of that stress, that is who I am within my work

I commit myself to understand this fear of not letting go of the stress through self-honest writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and give in to the thought that self-forgiveness is not going to work, creating a resistance or experience within me where I do not want to walk self-forgiveness, because I realize if I really do believe and think that I am this thought of ”self-forgiveness is not going to work” I am actually going to create a resistance or wall for myself towards walking self-forgiveness, thus I see, realize and understand that I am creating the actual resistance to walking self-forgiveness while I’m stressed by saying to myself – and believing to myself– ”self forgiveness is not going to work, ” so essentially trapping myself in this belief

So within this, I realize a few points: One is that if who I am is within the starting point of not wanting to walk self-forgiveness or release the point of stress within me, self-forgiveness is not going to work and I am not going to walk it. Then, when I give in, believe, become, and participate in the thought ”self forgiveness is not going to work” I am actually creating that resistance to self-forgiveness the more I say, think and believe it and from that, not want to walk self-forgiveness. SO, I am really the creator of my own experiences.

When and as I see myself say to myself or think ”self-forgiveness is not going to work” I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the thought because I realize I do not want to give in and become this thought or else I will create a wall of resistance where I will not want to walk self-forgiveness, where the process to walk self-forgiveness will become harder the more I give in, participate and believe in such a thought, so I commit myself to stop, breathe and not allow myself to give or participate in the thought but instead ”Catch” this point for myself where the mind is trying to grab my attention to become this thought so I can remain trap and not release myself from the mind

More on this to come, thanks for reading!

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Day 178: Self-Corrections on Wanting Positive Comments From Another About How I Look

Continuing from:
Day 177: Wanting to Get Positive Comments About How I Look From Another 

When and as I see myself want to go up to someone and say hi to them so I could gain positive attention and comments about how I look, to stop, breathe to clear my starting point because I understand I am doing this to ‘get something out of it’ of receiving positive feedback and comments from another to basically fill a void of me not accepting myself and I realize I have not yet accepted myself and so, I commit to walk the word self-acceptance through understanding what that word means to me, who am I within the word and how can I live it within my practical reality until I become it, in fact

I commit to write out each memory at a time thoroughly to clarify who I am within all points that exist in the memory and walk the process of releasing myself from the energetic/emotional attachments within each point through self-forgiveness and live the corrections I place for myself so I essentially become free from reacting to memories and living from memories

I commit myself to assist and support me with walking through my reactions towards my body and how it looks until I absolutely accept me as my body and how it is in physical form

I commit myself to walk all reactions in regards to who I was and how I looked back then when I was physically heavier/had more fat on my body and was stuck within a self-sabotaging pattern of binge eating through using and applying the Desteni tools

Check out these awesome sites that supported me:

Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Awesome Life & Living Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Day 177: Wanting to Get Positive Comments About How I Look from Another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the starting point of self-dishonesty of walking up to someone to say hi to them not out of genuine interest, but to receive positive comments from them about how I look because it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to receive and gain positive attention from another about how I look because the last time they saw me I was heavier and looked different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to change their minds about how they see and think about me now since I look different compared to how I look several months ago so they can forget all their thoughts and judgements about how I looked before instead of realizing this is a desire I have because I have uncomfortable memories of when they made comments about my weight/body and want them to go away.

So from this, I see, realize and understand that I want to hide and suppress memories that make me uncomfortable and I want to show how I look like to these people because I want them to forget all the thoughts and judgements they had of me instead of realizing thatI can’t make them forget all their thoughts or judgements of me but I sure as hell can assist myself to delete and let go of all the judgements and emotional attachments I told holds towards myself and my body (past and present) and each ‘uncomfortable’ memory I have. Therefore, I see, realize and understand it is my responsibility to walk through the ‘uncomfortable’ memories and release myself from the energies attached to them so I am clear with realizations and insights when/as I face these memories again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my body forward according to the desire of “I want them to see me” because I believe I ‘look good’ and want them to confirm that for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself by wanting others to validate and confirm to me that I look ‘good’ instead of simply accepting me here in how I look like in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold judgments towards myself about how I use to look like when I was heavier and when I was self-conscious about it and want to cover it up and replace the emotions and energetic experiences in relation to my body with positive feelings instead of realizing covering up or replacing negative energies or experiences with positive ones does not solve the underlying problem which is who I am in relation to my body unless I take on each point, understand it, forgive it and live the solution.

So again, to reiterate I realize that there are judgments, memories, beliefs and self-definitions about my body that I hold onto and unless they are understood and cleared, I will never be able to be completely comfortable with myself in my body. So I decide to walk through these points so I can become and live that absolute self-acceptance/self-comfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my body in such a way and keep it still in a specific position for a certain period of time so that another could take a ‘good look’ at me and give me a positive comment about how I look, instead of seeing my dishonest starting point of moving myself to gain something from another which means I perceive I lack that which I want and what I want is to feel good from this person giving me a compliment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in disappointment and anger because I did not get/gain what I wanted – a positive comment from another after I deliberately moved myself and showed myself to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will receive a positive comment from another when I show myself to them instead of questioning this kind of mindset within consideration of actual physical reality since the desires in my mind that I want manifested never in fact align perfectly in reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the backchat “I showed them this for nothing?” after moments of no positive comments/remarks about how I look from them instead of realizing how self-serving this statement is as it only considers me and how I want to get something out of another as I see how this pattern plays out in reality where corporations only care about themselves and the profit they make out of their products and will move/advertise/display their products in ways to manipulate consumers to buy their products

I will continue with self-corrective statements and self-commitment statements in the next blog post. Thanks for reading!

Check out these awesome sites that supported me:

Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Awesome Life & Living Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

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Day 25: No Strings Attached – Starting Over

I watched the movie No Strings Attached and it gave me a lot of perspective in regards to who and how I was in my previous relationship.
There was one part that stood out to me: it was when Natalie Portman’s character told Asthon Kutcher’s character that she misses him and wished they never broke up, but Ashton said that they never ‘started’ because they have been basically using each other for sex the whole time so they never started a ‘real’ relationship with each other.

That part sparked a memory/moment where I was in a relationship with my boyfriend at the time and came to a self honest point within myself where I realized how much ‘better off’ and relieved I would be if I was no longer with him, because I’ve seen how much shit I’ve allowed myself to experience and go through  and really wanted to stop and essentially “start over” with myself by putting the focus on me and take care of myself.

And so, today while seeing that memory, I realized that I did not follow through with that point- that point of ‘starting over’ by putting myself as the focal point of my life as a point of self support and self care.  So – with that point shared, here I reinstate the decision that I am starting over with myself in establishing a relationship with me– a relationship best for all – with the starting point of  self honest, self-care and support.

 * * *
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to start my process over in walking myself with the starting point of self honest self care and support through writing, self forgiveness, self corrective and commitment statements and breathing into becoming an effective, stable, self-supportive human being that is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what is best for me right now is establishing a relationship with myself  through getting to know me and explore me first before I am stable and comfortable to be with another in a relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be with someone right now, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all I ‘need’ is me and supporting me to that which is best for all/me, as effective and self-nourishing as possible so that I am able to be a stable point of support for myself and others. This is most important – for me to be my own ‘rock’ of support as I walk my process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the background, forgetting and denying me and my self worth, as I see that being who I am today is an accumulation of thoughts and beliefs that I have become in which I led myself to ignore, deny, suppress and sabotage myself in my journey to Life. Here I see that those beliefs are the reason why I have been waiting to write, to start process, hoping that someone or something outside of me would walk and write for me, instead of realizing no one is going to walk process for me, so through my own will, as a self will expression of Life, I walk process and do this for me.
I commit myself to walk the process of establishing an effective relationship with myself through self honesty, writing, self forgiveness, self corrective and commitment statements and breathing to become an effective, stable, self-supportive human being that is best for all since I realize that I am the only one who is able to provide the self-care I have been searching for!
I commit myself to get to “know me” through understanding who I am and what I’ve become, and investigate that which I would like to change within me that will be best for all and walk myself through the points in and as self support to change.
I commit myself to, when begin writing, make sure my starting point comes from self honest self support.
I commit myself to re-mind myself through common sense that what is best for me is to first establish a relationship with myself, because I see that I am not capable right now in being stable in a relationship and so, I walk me in getting to know me and change me into what is best for all which is best for me. I realize this will take time – and that change will not magically happen in one day, as this process I am walking is a process to walk in space-time, so I walk what I see is required to be walked and take on one point at a time.
I commit myself to put me ‘first’  in giving myself the attention and focus needed for me to walk my process effectively as that which is best for all.
Thanks.

Agreement

http://eqafe.com/embed/mmulcrone-life-review-the-search-for-myself                     Quantum-mind-self-awareness-step-1

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Additional Support:
Pauls Journey to Life – Deconstructing Myself in the Search for A Relationship
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