I have lost a considerable amount of weight due to having a bout of health issues, and because of this, find myself to be very self-conscious about going to work and having to face people with this sudden weight loss. When I saw the scale this morning that I lost 2 more pounds I immediately reacted in fear. A thought about being so skinny I was to become sick from it came up, however, from my food journal yesterday I saw that I did not eat a lot, and ate foods with low calories (cooked vegetables and yogurt, for example) so perhaps this is probably why I lost this weight.
The emotional and feeling contributions to this point is that I have for some time existed in a lot of fear about foods to eat, fear that some foods would trigger a sinus infection, or nausea leading to vomiting, or gastritis (inflammation of the stomach lining) because I feared getting ill/sick from these again, and what do you know, the more I feared, the more sick I became and/or the symptoms persisted. The Quantum Systematization Memories and Illness interviews assisted me in understanding how this all works.
It was only today did I realize: look, I need to stop fearing foods and getting sick. I haven’t been eating much and I’ve been really strict with myself because of that. Let me do some more research on how I can incorporate/add more foods to my diet. I need to nourish me more… I saw that I haven’t been nourishing me, on a mental and physical platform. I was within my mind in a state of fear/paranoia of being sick and fear of eating certain foods and then the physical where my stress/fear suppressed my appetite.
It took a chat with Sunette to have me realize the origin of my stress, or the starting point of why I have become so sick comes from a specific fear I have not yet sorted out. I looked at, if I had sorted this point out to begin with I wouldn’t have to go through all of this, but it’s irrelevant now, I have walked through my consequence. Now I walk this fear in personal writings and when clear/confident, will share publicly.
I also received assistance through a Chiropractor-Kinesiologist who flag pointed my spleen, which indicated low self-esteem, and upon doing research on the spleen through Chinese medicine and read that if one exist in a victimized state they can create sinus infections for example (and sinus infections were what was bothering me the most here). I found that fascinating because I do see where I have gone into a victimized state about personal matters in my life. I am gaining more understanding on my points, which is cool.
So let me first start with taking responsibility with this one point: find myself to be very self-conscious about going to work and having to face people with this sudden weight loss.
1. excessively aware of being observed by others.
2. conscious of oneself or one’s own being.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-conscious about going to work on Monday and having to face my co-workers because I am showing them me as my ‘changed’ body from the weight loss.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my co-workers to be concerned about my weight loss by asking me “are you okay?” because I think/believe me having lost weight is something to worried/asked about.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the more strict and fearful I am about the foods I put into my body, the more I deny me nourishment from a mental and physical level, and thus the more the body will be deprived of resources/nutrition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it’s embarrassing for me to lose so much weight in such a short period of time because it catches people’s attention and from that, “I’m the center of attention.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the center of attention in front of others at work because of my drastic weight loss.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others to question, think about or gossip about my weight loss in their minds.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to gain weight before I go back to work so than people will just see me as “normal.” I realize what I classify as “normal” is me at the weight I was before I got sick, so that means I am judging what I weigh now as “not normal” even though my weight is not a problem according to medical info online so it’s not like the weight I am now is abnormal/not healthy for me right now.
I will continue with this point in the next blog post. Thank you.
Check out other Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life
FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Free Downloads
FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
Equal Life Foundation
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise