238. Benefits of Finding Common Ground in People

I got invited to a birthday brunch today. Before such event I get a little nervous, not knowing what to expect, but then I re-mind myself I’ve been in these situations before and actually enjoy chatting and getting along with other people, and with that trust I calm down.

There was one women I was unsure of at the event — I didn’t know if she had a problem with me, and I had the idea she didn’t like me because of one behavior, but because I knew this kind of thinking (of whether she liked me or not) was a habit I usually obsess over, I utilized support from my partner to let it go and if she is there, simply say hi and I don’t have to talk to her (in other words, I don’t have to force myself to talk to her because of a need to please her or make her my friend).

Funny how things worked cause she ended up sitting next to me, and I was surprised at how different she was in comparison to the ideas I had about her. I found that the common ground between us was children — that she has a daughter and that I work in a school with children her’s daughters age, so I initiated a conversation about that and it turned out to be a cool chat where she gave me some information about the city I’m living in that I can now utilize in my life.

I was surprised by the helpful information I got from her, because I wasn’t expecting it, and from this I’ve realized that every new person I talk to in some way gives me a gift — whether it’s a connection to a job, or a person, or a new piece of information about the city I’m living in, every person I have interacted with has in some way given me something I can take and utilize to make improvements in my life.

So I suggest for everyone to not isolate oneself from people, because when you meet and chat with people you can gain information that may benefit your life, as well as serve as a connection to another person or to an opportunity. Find that little courage to simply go for it, strike up a conversation with someone, even if it’s a ”how are you?” and see where that leads. See where there is common ground, what the both of you can talk about. What you can relate to. This is especially important for people who live in a new city or town, to make connections and friends because it is through people you can gain information that can assist you in living a more comfortable life in a new environment.

I met with people I wouldn’t normally hang out with if I lived my old life back in the states but circumstances brought us together and we all have common ground when it comes to being of similar nationalities and cultures in a European city. This is what establishes connections and it feels good to have a network of people to go to for questions and support and to simply share the ups and downs. Meeting these people also helped me learn more about my city, got me in contact with certain people and really assisted me in making my new life comfortable.

But the key is you must be willing to open up and share with people. Not everything, but whatever you are comfortable within the topic and from this, points and information will open up you could never have predicted that can benefit you and your life.

Additional Support on:  
Benefits of Relationships, Making Friends, & Effective Communication

Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest

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237. What is the Solution to Inequality Between Teachers?

One of the observations I’ve made at my new job was that I am now able to sit-in at teacher‘s meetings and be able to talk about the students I am working with, and find ways to improve as a teacher with the other teachers. Since I am a teacher’s assistant, I first had the impression I would not have such access, or be equal to the other teachers in being able to sit in these meetings and discuss details about the students progress and any concerns related to the matter.

When I first encountered this I was surprised because at my last school job teacher assistants were not equal to teachers in being able to sit in these teacher meetings and discuss details about students or gain information on the student’s background and anything else that may be necessary to know.

I personally think that being a teacher or assistant one should be able to have as much information about one’s student as possible in order to gain more understanding on them so that they know how to work with them best. Information such as: where the student comes from, how they work, their relationship to their parents, etc is pretty important for teacher’s or assistants to know this or else the teacher and student relationship cannot be optimal.

So, to not get off topic, I now have the opportunity to sit in these teacher meetings and learn more about the individual students and how they work. Not only does this make me feel more connected with the team I’m working in, but I gain information about students that assist me in being able to find ways of working with them best. For example, gaining information from a teacher that student A is developmentally slower than the other children and so we together discuss activities that we can assist him with. Now since I know this student works at a slower pace and even comprehends information at a slower pace, I can now practice talking slower to him for example and being more patient with him. If I did not get this information I may have caused unnecessary friction and conflict between the both of us.

Being equal to a teacher at my new job is a complete turn over from my last job as an instructional aid where I was not allowed to sit in during teacher meetings to talk about the student I was working with. Since I worked one-on-one with a student of autism and spent the majority of my time with him at school, I believed I should have been able to attend the weekly teacher meetings, but because I was in a ”lower” position than the special-ed teacher, for some reason I was not allowed to attend these meetings. It really sucked cause being an instructional aide to a student, you are the number 1 supporter of that student — you must assist them with classwork and be their chaperone, and yet that number 1 person for the student is unable to attend teacher meetings to gain information and support on how best to work with them. Perhaps the reasons regarding having access to teacher meetings now is I work in a Montessori school as opposed to a public school, and I also work in Europe instead of the US.

What would be fantastic is if all teachers and staff working with students have these meetings where they discuss the child’s history and background in a supportive manner, giving each other tips and finding solutions on how to work with the child, so all adults are on the same page when it comes to this student and no one is left out.

A solution would be: One can start walking a process of equalizing oneself to the mind and correcting it within what is best for self, while working with the system in implementing solutions such as Living Income Guaranteed BECAUSE the world system won’t change unless we individually and collectively change — and it starts with self and one’s relationship to one’s mind first. (Image Source)

Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest

235. Got Money Problems in Your Relationship?

Today my partner and I went shopping for pillows and pillowcases. We found our pillows and then found a really soft, silky pillowcase that we really liked and wanted to get. We saw that the only way to purchase the pillowcase was to get it through as package which included the bed sheet too. However, once we saw the price my partner became iffy/uncertain to get it.

From there what happened was that I went into a reaction because I wanted to get this set/package because how I saw it was that we both really wanted it originally and that we could afford it. However, a flood of reactions came through because my husband wasn’t on the same page as me — he actually was looking at whether it is worth it to buy a pillow set like this at the price it was at.

From this, we both become reactive because we weren’t on the same page when it came to purchasing/not purchasing the pillow set. And in our relationship we have that tendency to react easily when it comes to money because we both grew up in different environments and different ways of working with money. For me, for example, coming from a family who would use the credit card a lot and become a little careless about spending whereas my partner’s family come from a mindset of saving every penny, and only buying necessities. So, money is certainty an issue and process we are both walking…

However, to get to my point, we were both obviously not on the same page and reactive. What I realized was that this would only continue (us being reactive and not coming to a solution/answer about the pillowcase point) unless we really talk this out and come up with a practical solution. But what I saw was that I could not get to that point of talking to my partner in stability, I knew what I had to do — I need to apply Self-Forgiveness and release myself of the emotions, otherwise I would end up speaking from/as reactions.

So I took a break from my partner and spoke Self-Forgiveness under my breath. As I spoke I realized I had such a huge desire to get this pillowcase and was angry my partner was not fulfilling this desire to immediately buy it. I was in self-interest, only considering my want and not what would be best for us.  Once I was stable and okay, I went back to my partner and shared with him what I realized. From there on our communication became stable and we were both cool with the decision we made.

So, I’d like to share that when it comes to not being on the same page with your partner and you need to solve a problem, to first apply self-forgiveness on your reactions towards the point and this allows common sense to open up within it and then you can share and work with your partner in finding a practical solution for the both of you. Self-Forgiveness is so cool, give it a shot sometime.

Thanks for reading.

Additional support with communication in relationships:

VIDEO: Communication in Relationships

(Image Source)

 Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest

234. What is Guaranteed in Life?

What is guaranteed in life? The last few weeks my partner and I’ve gone through some situations where we had to question this.

At my partner’s work there was a huge change to the system and how things run there, and that recently hired workers who signed their contracts and had faith that they will be working at the company suddenly got dropped and are no longer employed. Can you imagine what that must be like, after telling your wife, family and friends about this job, signing the contract, getting an apartment near work, and then hearing the news that you didn’t get it? My partner and I realized we cannot put our entire trust in the system and feel ”safe” in it because the possibility of getting dropped/fired/laid off, so best to do what we can in the job, learn from it, expand, grow and put some money in savings.

Then I signed a contract for a job and then 2 days later am told that the person I was meant to replace (because they were going to move to another country) decided to stay, BUT that I can work in another area of the school, thus being able to keep my job (whew).

Then we found an ideal apartment, were told to ”take our time to decide” on it, and then a few days later, on the day when we were going to see it a second time, and started talking about how we are going to decorate the apartment, we got a call that the owner decided to have another couple take the apartment. We had believed we were the only ones involved in the apartment point, had already planned what to do with it, and thus were completely shocked with the sudden turn of events. We now know we cannot be too relaxed about making decisions on apartments since it is competitive where we are living.

So, the point I’d like to bring across is: I’ve learned I cannot put 100% faith and trust into people and the system because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN/CHANGE, it can be unpredictable and it can be out of your control. Best thing to do is to stay grounded, don’t get your head up in the clouds of your mind, thinking, dreaming, imagining your new life with an apartment, job, etc. Stay real, practical and work with what is here (the system and how things are being run) and do some prevention like have some savings in your bank account just in case you were to suddenly lose your job.

I learned that crying, or freaking out/becoming emotional is absolutely pointless when you’re up against the system — we allowed the system to control us instead of working equal and one with it. For example, those tears are going to do nothing towards you getting another job…you have to go out and get it, or find the people to help you get it.

What CAN be guaranteed in life is the Living Income Guaranteed. I suggest you check it out HERE. 

(Image Source)

 
Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest

232. Opening Up Jealousy – Part 2 – Wants & Desires

 Continuing from:
231. Opening Up Jealousy – Part 1

”So how to stop nature of competition is to let go of primary self interest of wants, needs, desires and how you would manipulate your world and reality through and as jealousy.” –The Origin and Nature of Jealousy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want the same opportunities as X, meaning, the fame and the attention that they through their work/online activity
through attending luxurious events and going on paid trips and participating in activities that I find fun and exciting and become jealous of X because I am not able to do or experience what they do

From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous of X for being how they are, meaning – pretty and thin and attractive where they get opportunities to travel, go abroad and meet new people — things that I cannot physically be and do and from this I realize that X is only 1% of the people in this world who gets these opportunities, who has these events to attend to, who has the beauty/appearance and skills that gives them these glamorous/exciting/luxurious opportunities that I want but cannot have at the moment

From this I realize that because they are 1% the other 99% of this world live less-than-optimum lives considering the state of this world and the world economic system, that not everyone is able to enjoy and attend exciting/luxurious/glamorous events like X does, and within this I see, realize and understand that getting jealous over X and their travels/attendance to such glamorous/exciting/luxurious events only happens to the 1%, to the select few who get chosen/invited by select companies and organizations from which all of this then contributes to separation and the inequality that exists today where everyone else — the 99% — do not get to enjoy and attend these glamorous/luxurious/exciting events because they do not fit with what the company/organizations want/need

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at X and others who are able to attend free events where they get to eat free delicious food, try on free makeup/clothes at their liking, meet and greet with celebrities, travel to places for free, go to luxurious spas and hotels for free — basically, people who are able to live and taste the luxurious life because I want to be able to experience such a life but am not at this moment, as well as the majority of human beings in this world, and so from this I realize it is best to just let this go and to realize that  only opportunities come to the select few, the 1% while the other 99% have to work hard and go through much hardships to get by in life, which of course is not fair but this is how the world is and works currently…it is what we have allowed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at the thought that ”it could have been me” being able to explore and experience a luxurious life that I see X does, where they meet with skilled and famous people, travel to different countries free, go to different fancy hotels, where I think and believe that ”could have been me” if I were able to be in their shoes and do what they do, that I could have the same life as them if I were to change some things in my life, not realizing how they got to where they are now is due to many factors and opportunities that came into their life, many things and points that came together to get to where they are now that I cannot copy or imitate or reenact because it’s organic and unique and is what came to them, something which I cannot copy or get because it happened to them in its own unique way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally in anger to the thought ”It’s not fair that X gets to do that!” to the activities and events they get to explore and attend because I want to explore and travel and discover new places and meet new people, desires and wants that I want fulfilled however, with how current reality runs, especially since the money system does not allow everyone to live out and fulfill their dreams, I must come back to earth and remain practical and humble with what I’m doing, to focus more on how I can use my skills and voice to contribute to creating a world best for all, where all would be able to live a life of luxury as the final result, because yes, it is not fair/cool that 1% get to live fun exciting luxurious lives while the 99% live in less-than-optimal conditions and lives

So from this I see that I am reacting emotionally to the reality of inequality/unfairness of certain people being able to experience certain luxurious/glamorous/exciting lives because I know and believe I am just as capable and skilled as them to deserve to go to these places and experience a luxurious/exciting/glamorous life place myself in their shoes. I realize it is only a select few able to taste this kind of life, and if you are picked to attend such an event you are lucky out of the many, you are the ”fortunate” one. Yet in the end, these events– do they really matter? Sure you  had fun and it was exciting, but did anything substantial come out of it? We are all going to die someday and face what we’ve done… so is what I’m doing now going to benefit me and others and that which is best for all? Those are some questions I’m going to ask myself to keep myself within focus and humbleness towards what I’m doing in my life.

Self-Corrective Statements and Commitments to come.

(Image Source)

Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
8Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships

230. Insights about Alzheimer’s

I watched the movie Still Alice in preparation for my participation in the Desteni Movie Night Hangout with Joana and Marlen.

One of the first points that came up for me while watching the movie was what would I do if I knew I have early-onset Alzheimers?  If I knew I had limited time to remember certain people, knowledge and information, memories of my life I would write as much as I could down either on a notebook or in a blog to record what I found most important. What I find most important to note down is life lessons I’ve had, realizations and insights I’ve found of myself and the world,  regrets I have, and anything else that I think would benefit others to learn from me since all would be fading away soon. So I would basically want to create a legacy for people, something in which they can take my words of ”wisdom” so to speak in which they can use it to improve or better their lives.

Then I would find ways in which I could somehow assist and support me during the Alzheimers.Because I know it can be very stressful dealing with the disease, I would like to somehow prepare the people around me to show me or read me certain material from Desteni if I end up having an emotional breakdown when I have that disease for example. Because I won’t be able to remember the information on how to forgive myself in that moment, maybe the people around me can do that for me — walk and support me with helpful information in that moment (this is similar to what Marlen shared in the Hangout where she supported another with the Alzheimer’s disease).

Another point that came up while watching the movie was who would I be if my partner would have Alzheimers? Because in the movie Alice’s husband started to drift away from her, and this bugged me a lot.  Those who have Alzheimers need people closest to them to support them with daily tasks and responsibilities. I would like to think I’d be there unconditionally for my partner 100% because I care about them and would not want them to suffer or struggle. However, even despite them not having Alzheimers right now I am faced with the reality of who I am as a partner daily through my interactions with them and can say I am not yet satisfied as making the absolute statement I am the best partner I can be for them because of the extent to the thoughts, memories and reactions I am aware I still require to sort through, align and correct.

While I do suggest you watch the movie Still Alice, also take a listen to EQAFE’s recording on Alzheimers and what actually contributes to the development of the disease.

What in the mind-physical relationship create/manifest the consequence of Alzheimer’s?

What does the existence of Alzheimer’s say about the extent of the dependency on the mind-physical relationship? 
How does the mind, influence/affect the fabric of the physical to manifest Alzheimer’s?

Also, Joana and Marlen share cool insights and techniques with me in the Hangout for those who have family or friends with the illness.

Thanks for reading. See you next time!

(Image Source)

Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
8Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships

229. Generalizing Cultural Groups

In this 8 minute talk I share a realization I had about generalizing cultural groups and how the starting point of my words can have an influence on the outcome of my interactions with people.
Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships – See more at: http://michellesjourneytolife.blogspot.co.at/#sthash.57e1WQOh.dpuf