Self-Forgiveness on Fear of Losing Your Project/Business – 328

anh-nguyen-v-NBXj3Yv5o-unsplashI forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I become emotionally invested in a project/business, I also become emotionally attached and thus fear to lose it, which in time, I do. I realize from listening upon an EQAFE recording that the more you ‘love’ something/emotionally invest in to keep/have as your own, the emotion of fear of loss builds up in the background and if that’s not sorted/directed, you will over time, lose that which you ‘loved.’ I also realize love can only be tainted if fear of loss is in the background/behind the experience.

I commit myself to be mindful about what I become emotionally invested in, or become scared to lose, as I could slowly but surely create a situation in which I am about to or will lose the project/business.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I begin a business/project and continue to live and express within a starting point of fear (ie: it being taken me, stolen from me, etc) then my self and behavior will be driven by it, from a background ‘consciousness’ so to speak, and I will manifest for myself in physical reality what has been in the background, which I have been living from, which then confirms the fact I am the creator of my reality

I commit myself to stop having fears in the background within and towards any and every project/business I embark on, as any fear that is within me will influence how I act and will become, in which I will then create/manifest in some way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared of even starting a business/project for fear of losing it and having to endure the emotional experience about/from it due to past experiences instead of realizing I can prevent such repeating patterns in my life by identifying the repeating living patterns that exist within me and change them in strict self-honesty to make sure my intent is pure and without any emotion of fear

I commit myself to utilize the past experiences of emotional turmoil of losing projects/businesses in my life because of fear, to drive me in creating a more pure starting point, free of fear

…to be continued


Additional Resources:

Destonians– Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process – The Library of Existence – every question answered – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

236: ”My Job is So Hard: Let me Feel Bad About Myself”

I started a new job — it’s a lot of work and information processing and I have the tendency of emotionally reacting quite easily towards it. This is what I found and walked:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate me into thinking and believing I have such a hard job and that I should feel really bad for myself and within that want to cry out of self-pity and victimization so I can “feel bad for me”

I realize my labors, my work is something I am allowing myself to get really emotional about, by victimizing myself to continue existing in a self-state of pity and regret instead of allowing myself to face every emotion and feeling existent I have about work so I can understand what is “hurting me emotionally” where I go into such a victimized state

I commit myself to stop victimizing myself and stop talking or thinking of my job as something to feel pity/sorry about, because I realize I am making myself seem helpless, all as an excuse not to work through my problems in writing

I commit myself to stop feeding the systems in me– the emotional systems I have so deeply defined myself as (ie: “an emotional person”) by stopping my participation in emotions of victimization/helplessness towards work because I see that this means I need to stand up and work through my problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect emotional overwhelmingness to the thought “(my work) is so hard” where I allow myself to go into a state of victimization towards work/my job by slumping my shoulders as though I am helpless and stuck being in this emotional state and condition for the rest of my life

I realize what is making my job so hard is not the physical labor but the EMOTIONS that I am allowing to continue existing and cycling in me, the emotions and memories/situations I did not walk and deal with myself/find solutions for myself and where I kept myself in a self-pity/self-victimization state for no other reason than as an excuse to act out on self-sabotaging behaviors like eating a lot of sugar/junk food to “de-stress” at the end of the work day

I commit myself to assist and support myself to use writing as the platform to write out every problem and emotion that is about/bothering me about work and find solutions for myself so I do not come into work, leave work and think about work in an emotional state of mind, but that through writing I write out every single problem and instance I need to process/come to terms with and from this, assist me in finding solutions

I will continue in future posts — thanks

235. Got Money Problems in Your Relationship?

Today my partner and I went shopping for pillows and pillowcases. We found our pillows and then found a really soft, silky pillowcase that we really liked and wanted to get. We saw that the only way to purchase the pillowcase was to get it through as package which included the bed sheet too. However, once we saw the price my partner became iffy/uncertain to get it.

From there what happened was that I went into a reaction because I wanted to get this set/package because how I saw it was that we both really wanted it originally and that we could afford it. However, a flood of reactions came through because my husband wasn’t on the same page as me — he actually was looking at whether it is worth it to buy a pillow set like this at the price it was at.

From this, we both become reactive because we weren’t on the same page when it came to purchasing/not purchasing the pillow set. And in our relationship we have that tendency to react easily when it comes to money because we both grew up in different environments and different ways of working with money. For me, for example, coming from a family who would use the credit card a lot and become a little careless about spending whereas my partner’s family come from a mindset of saving every penny, and only buying necessities. So, money is certainty an issue and process we are both walking…

However, to get to my point, we were both obviously not on the same page and reactive. What I realized was that this would only continue (us being reactive and not coming to a solution/answer about the pillowcase point) unless we really talk this out and come up with a practical solution. But what I saw was that I could not get to that point of talking to my partner in stability, I knew what I had to do — I need to apply Self-Forgiveness and release myself of the emotions, otherwise I would end up speaking from/as reactions.

So I took a break from my partner and spoke Self-Forgiveness under my breath. As I spoke I realized I had such a huge desire to get this pillowcase and was angry my partner was not fulfilling this desire to immediately buy it. I was in self-interest, only considering my want and not what would be best for us.  Once I was stable and okay, I went back to my partner and shared with him what I realized. From there on our communication became stable and we were both cool with the decision we made.

So, I’d like to share that when it comes to not being on the same page with your partner and you need to solve a problem, to first apply self-forgiveness on your reactions towards the point and this allows common sense to open up within it and then you can share and work with your partner in finding a practical solution for the both of you. Self-Forgiveness is so cool, give it a shot sometime.

Thanks for reading.

Additional support with communication in relationships:

VIDEO: Communication in Relationships

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 Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest

232. Opening Up Jealousy – Part 2 – Wants & Desires

 Continuing from:
231. Opening Up Jealousy – Part 1

”So how to stop nature of competition is to let go of primary self interest of wants, needs, desires and how you would manipulate your world and reality through and as jealousy.” –The Origin and Nature of Jealousy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want the same opportunities as X, meaning, the fame and the attention that they through their work/online activity
through attending luxurious events and going on paid trips and participating in activities that I find fun and exciting and become jealous of X because I am not able to do or experience what they do

From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous of X for being how they are, meaning – pretty and thin and attractive where they get opportunities to travel, go abroad and meet new people — things that I cannot physically be and do and from this I realize that X is only 1% of the people in this world who gets these opportunities, who has these events to attend to, who has the beauty/appearance and skills that gives them these glamorous/exciting/luxurious opportunities that I want but cannot have at the moment

From this I realize that because they are 1% the other 99% of this world live less-than-optimum lives considering the state of this world and the world economic system, that not everyone is able to enjoy and attend exciting/luxurious/glamorous events like X does, and within this I see, realize and understand that getting jealous over X and their travels/attendance to such glamorous/exciting/luxurious events only happens to the 1%, to the select few who get chosen/invited by select companies and organizations from which all of this then contributes to separation and the inequality that exists today where everyone else — the 99% — do not get to enjoy and attend these glamorous/luxurious/exciting events because they do not fit with what the company/organizations want/need

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at X and others who are able to attend free events where they get to eat free delicious food, try on free makeup/clothes at their liking, meet and greet with celebrities, travel to places for free, go to luxurious spas and hotels for free — basically, people who are able to live and taste the luxurious life because I want to be able to experience such a life but am not at this moment, as well as the majority of human beings in this world, and so from this I realize it is best to just let this go and to realize that  only opportunities come to the select few, the 1% while the other 99% have to work hard and go through much hardships to get by in life, which of course is not fair but this is how the world is and works currently…it is what we have allowed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at the thought that ”it could have been me” being able to explore and experience a luxurious life that I see X does, where they meet with skilled and famous people, travel to different countries free, go to different fancy hotels, where I think and believe that ”could have been me” if I were able to be in their shoes and do what they do, that I could have the same life as them if I were to change some things in my life, not realizing how they got to where they are now is due to many factors and opportunities that came into their life, many things and points that came together to get to where they are now that I cannot copy or imitate or reenact because it’s organic and unique and is what came to them, something which I cannot copy or get because it happened to them in its own unique way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally in anger to the thought ”It’s not fair that X gets to do that!” to the activities and events they get to explore and attend because I want to explore and travel and discover new places and meet new people, desires and wants that I want fulfilled however, with how current reality runs, especially since the money system does not allow everyone to live out and fulfill their dreams, I must come back to earth and remain practical and humble with what I’m doing, to focus more on how I can use my skills and voice to contribute to creating a world best for all, where all would be able to live a life of luxury as the final result, because yes, it is not fair/cool that 1% get to live fun exciting luxurious lives while the 99% live in less-than-optimal conditions and lives

So from this I see that I am reacting emotionally to the reality of inequality/unfairness of certain people being able to experience certain luxurious/glamorous/exciting lives because I know and believe I am just as capable and skilled as them to deserve to go to these places and experience a luxurious/exciting/glamorous life place myself in their shoes. I realize it is only a select few able to taste this kind of life, and if you are picked to attend such an event you are lucky out of the many, you are the ”fortunate” one. Yet in the end, these events– do they really matter? Sure you  had fun and it was exciting, but did anything substantial come out of it? We are all going to die someday and face what we’ve done… so is what I’m doing now going to benefit me and others and that which is best for all? Those are some questions I’m going to ask myself to keep myself within focus and humbleness towards what I’m doing in my life.

Self-Corrective Statements and Commitments to come.

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
8Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships

230. Insights about Alzheimer’s

I watched the movie Still Alice in preparation for my participation in the Desteni Movie Night Hangout with Joana and Marlen.

One of the first points that came up for me while watching the movie was what would I do if I knew I have early-onset Alzheimers?  If I knew I had limited time to remember certain people, knowledge and information, memories of my life I would write as much as I could down either on a notebook or in a blog to record what I found most important. What I find most important to note down is life lessons I’ve had, realizations and insights I’ve found of myself and the world,  regrets I have, and anything else that I think would benefit others to learn from me since all would be fading away soon. So I would basically want to create a legacy for people, something in which they can take my words of ”wisdom” so to speak in which they can use it to improve or better their lives.

Then I would find ways in which I could somehow assist and support me during the Alzheimers.Because I know it can be very stressful dealing with the disease, I would like to somehow prepare the people around me to show me or read me certain material from Desteni if I end up having an emotional breakdown when I have that disease for example. Because I won’t be able to remember the information on how to forgive myself in that moment, maybe the people around me can do that for me — walk and support me with helpful information in that moment (this is similar to what Marlen shared in the Hangout where she supported another with the Alzheimer’s disease).

Another point that came up while watching the movie was who would I be if my partner would have Alzheimers? Because in the movie Alice’s husband started to drift away from her, and this bugged me a lot.  Those who have Alzheimers need people closest to them to support them with daily tasks and responsibilities. I would like to think I’d be there unconditionally for my partner 100% because I care about them and would not want them to suffer or struggle. However, even despite them not having Alzheimers right now I am faced with the reality of who I am as a partner daily through my interactions with them and can say I am not yet satisfied as making the absolute statement I am the best partner I can be for them because of the extent to the thoughts, memories and reactions I am aware I still require to sort through, align and correct.

While I do suggest you watch the movie Still Alice, also take a listen to EQAFE’s recording on Alzheimers and what actually contributes to the development of the disease.

What in the mind-physical relationship create/manifest the consequence of Alzheimer’s?

What does the existence of Alzheimer’s say about the extent of the dependency on the mind-physical relationship? 
How does the mind, influence/affect the fabric of the physical to manifest Alzheimer’s?

Also, Joana and Marlen share cool insights and techniques with me in the Hangout for those who have family or friends with the illness.

Thanks for reading. See you next time!

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
8Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships

227. Expressing and Standing in my Words

Continuation from:
Day 224: To become a Leader… 
Day 225: Fear of Being Disliked
Day 226: Who am I if I Just Want to Please Others?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so afraid about expressing myself and who I am really in front of others because I am afraid to be judged and criticized, thus indicating to me that I have yet to be able to stand in my own shoes and be able to stand within what I express/speak, because I realize if I am really 100% absolute in what I speak of and stand for, and am that exactly, then others words should not influence/effect me because I would know who I am

I commit myself to investigate the memories, thoughts and emotions that are hindering/preventing me from being able to stand within who I am and what I stand for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of speaking to friends about politics and how the world is really not a great place, that there is some serious shit we as humanity need to fix because I am afraid they are going to counter act or fight against what I speak and share because of memories of family members speaking up against what I have found in this world

I commit myself to walk through the memories and fears I have of when my mom and I got into a conflict after something I had intimatly expressed with her because I realize I found it to really be a vulnerable part of me that I hadn’t expressed with my mom before and did but then took her reactions/responses to what I’ve shared personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking about solutions to the world system to my mother because I fear she not agreeing with me, and actually making me feel like I’m dumb and stupid, not realizing only I can make myself feel that way, that I can only make me believe and feel stupid for speaking up

I commit myself to realize that what I stand for — which is a solution of creating a world best for all, which starts with changing the money system, is going to take a lot of courage and guts to stick with and stand for this since it goes against many people’s programming and thoughts about how the world works, but because I know it is the only way to really bring a world best for all, it is my responsibility as a human being to make sure that I am clear with what I stand for, to be that +1 of support, so that whatever anyone says to me I do not crumble into criticism or judgement, but stand with who I am and what I support

I do stand for a money system where all are taken care of, where all are provided enough financially to live comfortable lives. Of course that is not what we have today and many people may actually disagree with having such a system, but I would like one, and it takes courage to stand up for something like this because it is new, it is different, and is something that will make big differences in the lives of others, I simply can see that I have fears of hearing others words of disagreement and judgement towards what I stand for

Within this, I realize that the criticism, judgements and fears I’m afraid people are to say to me, like me being dumb or stupid for supporting such a cause/group/way is because I have personal connections, memories and associations to the words dumb and stupid, where I allow those words to really affect me and thus I require to redefine them, so from this, I commit myself to redefine the words DUMB and STUPID

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having others shut me down and criticize me, mocking me for what I stand for, not realizing I have yet to build the strength within me to be able to NOT allow others words get to me, and that this indicates that I require more education and understanding to strengthen and build myself and my stance so that when or if others ask questions, or criticize or judge what I have shared/expressed I have information and/or preparation on how to direct myself in such situations

I commit myself to assist and support me to build inner strength within what I stand and do, and I first do this by writing out what I stand for, and then work with how to stand with what I stand for and prepare myself for any back lash or conflict from others on my expression by understanding my weaknesses first so that I turn my weaknesses into strengths

Within this, I see, realize and understand I simply need to educate myself more on what exactly I stand for, and walk through any fears, emotions, and thoughts I have towards what others may think or say about what I stand for, to prepare myself and give myself direct on what I will do and say when/if situations of conflict or discussion occur, where I express myself completely within consideration of my words, behavior and interaction with others, so I do not compromise myself and stick to what I see is self-honest and best for all in the moment

I commit myself to educate myself more on my mind, the mind consciousness system in general, and solutions to our global money system so that I have more knowledge and information to support me in my decisions of where I stand and what I stand for

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships

225: Fear of Being Disliked

One of the points I want to focus on tonight is how as an organizer of a women’s group I have a fear of being disliked, or not liked by other women of the group.

This is something I have observed today when I met with one of my co-organizers and upon meeting her there was there very slight unsettling feeling/experience within me where I really had this desire to be liked by her, worrying and wondering if she likes me. I would observe her behavior, and for example when I saw she crossed her leg closest to mine over her other leg I took it as a sign that she was closing herself off to me and I went into a worry over what I did or what I may have been or looked like that made her close herself off at me. Thoughts within insecurity, worry and concern start coming up, where I question myself, and then thoughts of self-judgement and belief of ”I am awkward,” in relationships come up…I saw what I was doing in the moment and I knew this was a programmed pattern, that I did not have to believe in it, I saw the bullshit of it and I did not give into it completely, but I knew that the point was still there, I knew that the underlying problem/point of the fear of the women disliking me is what needs to be investigated.

If I am to be a solid, stable organizer of a group the least of my concerns should be about whether someone ”likes me,” I know it should not take over my awareness, me being here, organizing and interacting with the members in the group, but it currently exists in me so I am here to look into it.

So I will first begin with Self-Forgiveness over my interaction today with another woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, worry and concern over another’s behavior where they crossed their closest leg to me over their knee because I believe that is a sign they are closing themselves off to me and I took that personally thinking I did something that made them feel uncomfortable because that is not what I want them to be — I want them to be comfortable with me, yet I did not realize that I did not take into consideration that the other does not know me as well I do so they walk their own process of being comfortable with me thus I assist and support myself to simply do what I can to be myself within consideration of who I am in this moment with another

When and as I see another cross their leg away from me and I go into thinking they don’t like me, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I only get this idea because of psychology information that this behavior means the person is closing themselves off, or in the case of males, they are in ego, but that I should not take such information to heart and personally, because I realize that I am giving too much attention and concern over whether another person likes me instead of focusing on what matters and what the issue is at hand and whether I am being supportive to myself another, so from this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to simply let this fear/worry/concern over another’s crossed behavior go and simply focus on what matters, which is the physical, what’s going on in the physical and who I am in this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take another’s behavior personally where I interpret I am the reason they are closing themselves off to me, that somehow it is my fault that they are like this not realizing that I cannot expect another to like me immediately and warm up to me immediately — each has their own process to walk of self-comfortability in interaction with others and the best I can do is to be as stable and supportive as possible for myself and another

I commit myself to assist and support myself to remind myself when I am with others and see myself fall into insecurity, worry and concern over why another’s behavior is not looking so open and warm to me, to not take it personally, because I know I want them to be open and like me, but I cannot expect that they will be like this since they are in their own process, so I let the worry/concern go and just focus on me and what’s going on in the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I did something wrong to make the other person not like me or be as open to me as I would like them to be, giving so much attention/worry/concern over another I am not even looking at me and who I am giving my power to: my mind of worry and concern about others instead of focusing on me and who I am and whether I want to be like this

When and as I see myself go so quick into worrying that I may have caused another to be upset with me — that I am the reason why they don’t like me or is not open with me, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am giving my energy and attention to too much worry and concern over others instead of assessing for myself who I am in this moment and if what I am doing and being is supportive. From this I commit myself to assist and support myself to stabilize myself through times where I give my power away to concern/worry about others by directing myself to who I want to be in this moment, which is someone who doesn’t give a shit about what others think of them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be awkward because I believe and have this idea I am not good with friends, that I cannot keep a long friendship, I cannot have or get a connection with another female because I am ‘just awkward’ not realizing that I want and desire a cookie-cutter friendship that I have seen personally and on TV/magazines where girls are just so close with each other and do everything together, like sisters, but as friends, and I realize that is what I had wanted as a child, and I envied two girls who had that connection and life/friendship with each other and I wanted that because I really believed that is what would fulfill me in that moment, is that sort of friendship/connection, not realizing that such connections/friendships are limited and to only fill a void that is a result of self separating words from self, which means I have many words to realign myself to become fulfilled within me, in fact

I commit myself to assist and support myself to redefine FRIENDSHIP and also see what words I have separated myself from that I see female friendships possess that I want to stand and live equal to

When and as I see myself believe me to be awkward around female relationships/friendships as a form of judgement, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am not 100% comfortable with myself around others, like females, and this is because I have some past issues to work with when it comes to female friendships, so I use this opportunity to assist and support myself to stabilize myself while interacting with females and work with my friendship points so that I am stable and comfortable with myself when I interact with other women

Will continue in the next blog post…

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding Consciousness, the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools