263. The Me in Process

photo-1427324301858-41039f1e0c32I’ve been inspired by Dan’s blog: Self-Agreement and Anna’s Living the Word Me, so will write a similar topic of my own 🙂

ME has also been a word I’ve been using as a bridge-support-word when I see myself in a consciousness mind point, such as backchat, and I want to go into the self-sabotage point of giving up/not directing myself, so I’ve been practicing when I see myself in this self-sabotage mind consciousness system point, I bring up the word ME, in the agreement and realization I actually as ME want to do this/walk this process/want to suppot me and stop this sabotage.

So I will move from consciousness as existing in backchats for example, to bringing up the word ME, in establishing that starting point of doing this process for me, (because it’s actually something I want to do!!! I want to better myself, create a better me, better life for me and all) and then I move myself to the appropriate self-forgiveness.

I will share some Self-Forgiveness that came up for me when I was experiencing fear. I looked at ME and saw what would be most supportive was to write out SF tonight:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process in fear because I don’t want to end up in consequence of NOT walking it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that if I fear consequence for not walking process, and walk as that fear, then my starting point is not real, not for me, genuinely and thus walking process from/within fear will not work in the end

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting or being given the chance to walk process again because of the idea I already fucked up, instead of accepting my position here, and realizing I am still here, breathing, thus I still have the opportunity to walk and correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like process is so daunting, and scary due to the absoluteness that it entails, meaning, you either walk process for yourself or not, and that when you face life you must stand equal/absolute to it or not, and that is it. I realize it is so because life will not accept anything less of itself, and it’s about time life comes through in existence, and that actually, it is best for me and for all to stand up for life, because it is what I want and for everyone to have!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the absoluteness of life because to me that means no more deceiving, bullshitting, hiding, avoiding, but taking responsibility and directing yourself to/as your utmost of what you can be. I realize it is so easy to fall into the trap of self-interest because I’ve/we’ve been existing as such for SO MANY YEARS it is going to take dedication and commitment to create oneself into/as Life. I realize I must embrace and accept what is here, as me, as the manifestation of me as the world, as what I see and from that ACCEPTANCE, can then move and change

Acceptance has been a word I’ve been living today – accepting my reality, accepting process and where I’m at. I know once you get to that point of acceptance, you can only move forward to change.

I commit to actually really walk me within self-support, self-love, doing this process for me, for real, changing myself that will support in changing the world

I commit myself to live the word ACCEPTANCE – accepting my reality as is, accepting where I am as is, because it is REAL in fact, and because who I am in the moment is real, and what I see in reality is real, I must accept it as is yet MOVE myself from this acceptance into self-change, practically by walking through each point/thought/backchat personality of my mind that does not serve me, nor support me in creating my best self, and move into correcting the past and creating new

I commit myself to use the word ME as a bridge between self-sabotage and support, where when I see myself want to avoid, blame, justify and/or hide from not taking responsibility of my mind/directing my points, I use the word ME as the reminder of why I want to walk this process, and as that Me of/as self-support, move to the necessary forgiveness, writing, or whatever I see supportive in the moment. I do this process for ME, as what is best for ME and all.

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

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EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

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259. Is Sleeping in OK?

A photo by David Cohen. unsplash.com/photos/qghuLqyh3nEContinuing from: My Relationship with Sleep

Inspired by: Living Words – Discipline – Morning Routine – Self Forgiveness and Self Change – Day 521

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that sleeping in is ok and the consequence of that can be avoided or not faced

I commit myself to realize that I will in fact face all consequences from/as/in my life, whether here or in the hereafter, even if my mind makes it seem like I won’t – I commit myself to no longer give into the bullshit that if I sleep in I won’t face the consequences of that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying SF on sleeping in because I think what I did was bad – within and as self-judgement, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement that would be bestowed upon me upon realizing the consequential effects I made from sleeping in instead of realizing judging myself for sleeping in fuels self-destruction and problems rather than self-creation and finding solutions

I commit myself to stop judging myself if I sleep in and move immediately into living/becoming solution and assertiveness, not giving into the judgement but UNDERSTAND how I slipped/fell from the point and find another creative/innovative way to change/stop this point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself and my process seriously enough, where I think I can just sleep in for an hour or two and that doesn’t mean anything – when it actually does, the more I allow myself to sleep in based on self-interest to indulge in experiences, or to hide/escape reality, the more I abdicate my power to stand up and make decisions for me and allow the mind to control/dictate me

I commit myself to realize sleeping in and not using my time effectively to create Heaven on Earth within and without is serious and needs to be looked at immediately to be understood and changed so that I can move forward in creation

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to prepare me the night before on what may happen the next morning, meaning – when I wake up, what may be the reasons/justifications/excuses towards sleeping in, how good it ”Feels” and what I am going to do instead – so using my time to walk more of my process and create change in the education system. I thus should not let these reasons/justifications/excuses’ ’get the best of me’ to the extent where I make myself believe – from a sneaky mind manipulator point – that it is ok to sleep in, I won’t be harmed, I need sleep, or their won’t be consequences to face if I sleep in, when all the while I need to realize the more I sleep in, the more I time I lose that could have been used to walk more of my process into self-awareness, or to work on my ideas on changing the education system

I commit myself to remember/remind myself that the more I sleep in, the more time I lose to develop myself as an individual walking process, as well as working and creating change in the education system

I commit myself to challenge the reasons/excuses/justifications of sleeping in by actually doing the exact opposite, to prove to myself what is real and what is not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize, see and understand how I change who I am with sleeping in when the weather changes, and thus I require to simply adjust and re-align my stance to how and who I am going to be towards/with sleeping in all throughout the year – when every season changes and weather changes, I commit to stick to one stand, in Self-Honesty in principle, to sleep within the 4-6 range unless I Self Honesty need more — so no matter what the season is or whether it’s dark or light out when I wake up, me and my stand on who I am with rest/sleep will not change

I commit myself to find solutions on how to make getting out of bed comfortable and with ease/enjoyment instead of dread and resistance

I commit myself to stick to sleeping within the 4-6 hour range unless Self-Honestly unable to (sickness, physical exhaustion, etc)

I commit myself to pick me back up if I over sleep, and understand what happened and how I am going to change for the next time, to always no matter – stick to being as productive as I can be in/as self-support in the morning

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become and live motivation, existing in motivation to start my day, to walk my process, to change and to fulfill my role in changing the education system

I commit myself to redefine and live MOTIVATION for me in my life, especially when I wake up and am motivated to start my day

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

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EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

247. New Insights, New Surprises

It’s been an interesting journey so far walking my Mind Construct through the Desteni i Process Course and I’ve recently faced this point of walking a line or point I believe is similar to what I have already walked Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements on…

For example, I would face a line of information I believe I have already walked, or that this line is so similar to what I walked before. This backchat/belief would come up and say ”well, I already walked this dimension in the previous lines, so I don’t need to walk it again,” and I have the urge to delete it and give into the belief. But then I stop myself and question the very backchat/belief itself, and remind myself of a time when I did write to my buddy I don’t see it necessary for me to walk a dimension of this point because it seems so similar to what I walked before, and then my buddy wrote to just give it a try because there probably are dimensions that can only be revealed if you walk this point.

So I’ve been applying it, where when this backchat/belief comes up of ”this is similar to something I walked before/I don’t need to walk it,” I push through it and I actually walk through the point, I walk the SF, placing a point in confidence in myself that there is going to be a new insight to be revealed, and lo and behold, I do find a new insight or realization within the point!

So it’s been a cool point of support for me when I walk the timelines of my Mind Construct, where instead of giving into the backchat/belief that this point seems too repetitive and similar to other points I walked and there is no point to walk it, I challenge that and actually see/discover for myself there is something new to be discovered and revealed by walking the point.

From this, I will continue to utilize this realization in my process, where when a backchat or belief comes up about not having to walk through this point cause it’s similar to something else I walked, or there is no point to walk it, to actually push through and walk it, knowing that actually there will be something new to discover and be revealed to me about myself I haven’t seen before.

Also, I realized in this journey to life, in order to completely transcend the mind and become one and equal to the physical, one must be able to get to all corners of the mind, absolutely, where one has walked every point and every dimension absolutely, like become one’s own master of one’s mind, where one has seen, explored and directed ”all” of the mind layers needed to transcend the mind. And because Bernard, a human being like us, was able to transcend his mind, this means we can as well too.

 

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Day 216: Resistance to Letting Go of Stress

Continuation from:
The Fear that Drives my Stress in Work

So today I saw I was stressed, and within me I saw that I should walk forgiveness, and that I can walk forgiveness on this point, but then this belief backchat of ”it’s not going to work,” comes up followed with an experience/feeling of not wanting to do it, because I projected me doing it/saying the SF and it not completely working, and I have believed it, and I know that I am not honest and genuine within saying SF because I saw I was in the emotional experience and I knew that to get me out of the emotional experience to say SF but I didn’t want to, I had resistance. I didn’t see there to be a point to walk the SF. I saw it as an obligatory thing to do.

If I look at it, if I were to walk SF within the experience I would not want to because I would want to stay in that stress-experience of working because I think and believe it keeps me alert and going. I am afraid to lose my ability to work and to get things done to the best of my ability without this stress. So that is why I didn’t want to walk SF.

So my relationship to me with SF is misaligned. Looking at who I am within that stress experience, I like being in that state because I feel like I am working hard, it gives me or makes me feel like I have purpose with being so determined and working within what I do. I don’t want to let that experience go because I am afraid I will not be able to work as much or with that determination and focus as before. I project that with walking SF on the stress, I have an idea/expectation that it will all go away and thus I will be so relaxed and calm I will not have that determination, stress and focus within getting the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I ”should” walk self-forgiveness when I see myself stressed instead of realizing that self-forgiveness is a decision I make within the moment where I don’t allow myself to tell me what I should or should not do but simply make the decision and agreement within myself to DO/WALK self forgiveness whenever an emotional reaction comes up within me WITHOUT expectations or ideas about what MAY HAPPEN when I walk self forgiveness because I realize that self forgiveness is an unraveling where I will discover or find insights, realizations and/or solutions that wouldn’t come forth if I stayed within an emotional state, so thus it is essential to simply allow myself to when I say/speak self-forgiveness to do it within the starting point of forgiving myself of accepting and allowing myself to participate and become equal and one to an energy/mind consciousness point instead of standing equal and one to the physical, as Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal and one to my decisions within becoming and acting and living the real process of forgiving myself whenever an emotion or feeling as consciousness comes up

I commit myself to realign myself with self-forgiveness, where self-forgiveness becomes a part of me and my every day life and living so that whenever an emotional/feeling reaction or movement comes up within me I act immediately within correction of forgiving myself of the energetic experience, so I realize that to become and live self-forgiveness absolutely takes practice and consistency

I commit myself to start now in this moment, practice acting in the moment whenever an emotion/feeling or energetic experience comes up within me, that I forgive myself without expectations or ideas or projections of what may come or how I may feel after – to such ideas go and stay here in the moment and trust myself that the insights, realizations and solutions will come the more I become self-honest with myself in the moment, forgiving myself in becoming the mind consciousness point existent within me and realign myself back to earth/physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have allowed myself to create a personality within myself where I ”tell” myself what I should or should not do according to waking my process instead of becoming the directive principle of BECOMING the decision of immediately walking the correction process of forgiving myself when I am stressed

I commit myself to identify, bring up, unravel and change this process-personality of telling myself what I should or should not do within walking process through self-honest writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and to align myself into walking this process in self-honesty, without polarity of ”should and should nots”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgiving myself and letting go of the stress when I am stressed because I am afraid that if I let go of the stress then I won’t be able to be so determined and focus as I usually am when I am working hard and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not re-define the words ”Determined” and ”Focused” so I may live these words in my life without the stress or energetic/consciousness influence within my work

I commit myself to redefine for me the words ”Determined” and ”Focused” so I may live these words within my work/the work that I do

I realize that self-forgiveness will not assist me if my starting point to begin with is misaligned where who I am is not willing to forgive because I don’t want to forgive because I am holding onto a point or idea, where I don’t want to let go of it because I am afraid of losing a part of that stress, that is who I am within my work

I commit myself to understand this fear of not letting go of the stress through self-honest writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and give in to the thought that self-forgiveness is not going to work, creating a resistance or experience within me where I do not want to walk self-forgiveness, because I realize if I really do believe and think that I am this thought of ”self-forgiveness is not going to work” I am actually going to create a resistance or wall for myself towards walking self-forgiveness, thus I see, realize and understand that I am creating the actual resistance to walking self-forgiveness while I’m stressed by saying to myself – and believing to myself– ”self forgiveness is not going to work, ” so essentially trapping myself in this belief

So within this, I realize a few points: One is that if who I am is within the starting point of not wanting to walk self-forgiveness or release the point of stress within me, self-forgiveness is not going to work and I am not going to walk it. Then, when I give in, believe, become, and participate in the thought ”self forgiveness is not going to work” I am actually creating that resistance to self-forgiveness the more I say, think and believe it and from that, not want to walk self-forgiveness. SO, I am really the creator of my own experiences.

When and as I see myself say to myself or think ”self-forgiveness is not going to work” I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the thought because I realize I do not want to give in and become this thought or else I will create a wall of resistance where I will not want to walk self-forgiveness, where the process to walk self-forgiveness will become harder the more I give in, participate and believe in such a thought, so I commit myself to stop, breathe and not allow myself to give or participate in the thought but instead ”Catch” this point for myself where the mind is trying to grab my attention to become this thought so I can remain trap and not release myself from the mind

More on this to come, thanks for reading!

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Day 184: How I Allowed Another’s Words to Influence Me

Continuing from:    Surprise Text

The basic context of one memory I have is where I am nervous/anxious/uncomfortable around X and when I saw them and their mother last year.

This person sits on the couch and I didn’t want to sit by them yet don’t want to leave the room completely, so I sat by the table. I was afraid to leave or else they would make a comment or judge me about it and I would take it personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate within uncertainty about where to sit by not wanting to be too close where I have to be involved in the conversation and yet far away so I don’t appear cold instead of sorting out my problem in the first place: not wanting to be around this certain person

I realize that I have a resistance towards this person, which is why I didn’t want to sit or be near them. I wanted to essentially be cut out of the conversation because I didn’t know what to say and I was sure this person and I really couldn’t discuss anything since we don’t meet eye to eye on many topics. However, I realize they are showing something about me to me, when I react to what I see X is doing, that indicated I exist in that which I reacted in some way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncertain as to what to do while in the presence of this person because I have resistance to talk to them because I define who they are negatively and thus don’t want to be around them instead of realizing I am holding onto memories and using them to justify why this person is the way they is thus I have nothing to do with it, instead of realizing my responsibility towards this – that any thought, opinion or judgement I have towards another is what I need to take responsibility for as these things are abusive to life on earth

I realize that no judgement or thought or opinion is harmless – they contribute and support the mind consciousness system that is built on separation and resourcing energy from the physical to feed its existence in self-interest with no consideration of others and it is my participation within the MCS that cause consequences towards life on earth

Why do I fear this person? Oh yes, now I remember, they use to call me names! Yes, they use to call me ‘dork’ a lot…okay, so yes, they use to place judgements on me when I was younger, in my teenage years, online and also in person when I would for example express myself a certain way. I for example took a ‘selfie’ of myself once and there was a trash can full of trash in the background and someone pointed it out and then this person called me a ‘dork’ about it. I define ‘dork’ as someone being gullible and naïve and a bit stupid, like someone who does things without thinking first/considering things first and then the consequence is that this person looks stupid for what they did. When I was called that I would go in a state of negative energy, feeling ‘bad’ for myself.

In the dictionary dork is defined in two ways:
1. Slang. a silly, out-of-touch person who tends to look odd or behave ridiculously around others; a social misfit: If you make me wear that, I’ll look like a total dork! Synonyms: jerk, schmo; nerd, geek.
2. Slang: Vulgar. penis.

It’s interesting how I took another’s words and charged it with energy and defined myself according to what I percived being a ‘dork’ really is. I allowed it to effect who I was on a self-confidence level. I was young and this person was an older adult and I easily accepted/allowed their words and comments to define me.

So cool this point opened up cause I couldn’t understand why I feared this person so much/why I saw myself less than them and I see a part of this was because I had not let go of this point of being called names and judged by them when I was younger. I allowed myself to take that personally since I had no education or skills on how to develop self confidence.

Okay, this will be continued, thanks for reading…

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Day 147: Shoving Things Under the Rug

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shove things “under the rug” so to speak by not wanting to talk about or face a particular point that makes me uncomfortable because I realize that if I am to learn about, change and correct myself I have to face the point/problem head on, in my face, and I am afraid to experience the guilt and shame that comes along with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face a point that I know that if I take it head on, if I face it by myself and see the entire context of it, with all the points of it, that I essentially face me and all that I accepted and allowed myself to contribute to and participate towards that point that had happened, and I don’t want to face the guilt, and shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear facing guilt and shame if I were to look more into a point, thus being afraid of myself and what I may experience if I were to look more deeper into the point/problem that I’m existing as.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fear of facing myself, and fear of facing the shame and guilt is only an excuse/reason/justification to not face myself and walk this process to completion  understanding all and every single aspect/point of me and what I exist as, how I live and participate within this world and from that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my power, my self-responsibility to the mind of energy, as fears, as resistances to use as protection mechanisms so I don’t face myself and see  the point entirely as what I’m existing in.

From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing/facing self-guilt and shame because I have defined these experiences as negative, and thus want to keep away/stay away from the negative within me.

I forgive myself that  have accepted and allowed myself to fear me, to fear myself and what I may “feel” or experience within me if I were to see what I did, not realizing how self-interest that is for me to not want to face myself as a point of change which is Best for All, but rather “save face” and not face who I really am because I am afraid of what I may see, so I’d rather cover my own ass than help/assist myself to permanently change for me and all, thus, not taking into consideration all as me and the importance of including all as me within my process of self-realization and change .

So –  I am becoming aware of the extent to which I exist within self-interest, where I’d rather “save my ass/save face” to not face myself, my mistakes, and consequences. By not wanting to face what I have done, or to take responsibility, or “own up to my mistakes” is self-interest where only I am focusing on me and my life and not considering all others, as me and the point. By allowing myself to hold onto points, avoid facing them, not letting go/taking responsibility, I’m allowing others to do the same, and thus, the world continues as is where no one stands up and does something about themselves and this world.
I commit myself to walk this process within self-honesty.

I commit myself to walk myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to face myself, and see where I can change/correct myself to that which is something I can stand in and as within integrity and respect, where no shame or guilt is existent.

I commit myself to walk this process unconditionally, and if I find myself afraid to face a point, or resistant to face a point, to assist and support myself with the tools and resources I have available to understand the fears, the resistances and from there – push through them. 

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Day 138: Resistance to do Tasks of More Effort

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do a task/responsibility of less effort than doing something of more effort because doing something of less effort is easier instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I eventually have to do the task/responsibility that contains more effort, and therefore, pushing it away is useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing tasks/responsibilities of more effort because it’s easier and puts less stress on myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have defined doing tasks/responsibilities of more effort as “stressful.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define tasks/responsibilities of more effort as “stressful” and define tasks/responsibilities of less effort as “less stressful” because I have found that putting in mental effort where one has to really question, investigate, slow down oneself in one’s task/responsibility, considering all points, as being much effort.

I realize that I exist within resistance and this idea towards writing that writing is a huge effort to dissect/understand the mind, where I have to find every intricate part of myself as the mind through writing, which takes a lot of time and effort and patience, and there is within me this resistance to even walk it – to even go through it all because it is “so much” and already I see I Have given up from that, because it just seems “too much” and “so much” I don’t even want to put in the effort to understand find everything about and what exists within me in and as the mind because it’s just so much!!!! – this is backchat and imagination – me imagining my task to be impossible, so much, participating in a character that cries out in resistance “It’s so much!”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within resistance and this idea towards writing that writing is a huge effort to dissect and understand the mind because I had imagined going through intricate details of words from and as my mind on the computer and from that imagination, create a resistance and an idea towards writing being a huge effort instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that from the imagination, I defined writing to be a huge difficult task of such hard effort that I became resistant of doing the actual task in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have participated within the illusion/imagination of me scrolling down many intricate details of lines with words on the computer and from that, accepted and allowed myself to define that imagination as real and that that is what writing will be in reality because I believed it to be real instead of questioning this illusion/imagination if this is actually real – if writing really is a difficult task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add and create resistance from participating and believing in the imagination of me scrolling down intricate details of lines with words on the computer and from that believed the imagination/idea to be real.

I forgive myself that I havee accepted and allowed myself to believe in the idea that writing is difficult because of imagination I participated in of me scrolling down intricate details of lines with words on the computer and from that belief, define writing as difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing as difficult and from defining writing as difficult, created resistance towards actual writing in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect resistance to writing by defining writing as difficult, thus connecting resistance towards doing what I perceive is difficult or of much effort.

I see, realize and understand that I believed what my mind was showing me as imagination towards writing to be real because to me it seemed “true” and thus, defined writing to be difficult and created a resistance towards writing in physical-reality.


That is it for today. Will continue in the next post…

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