228. My Relationship with Alcohol – Part 1

I’ve been receiving invitations to events where it is encouraged to drink alcohol with people. Like for example being invited to a travel company party held at a local bar.  One insecurity is the fear people are going to judge me as strange for not drinking with them and this will prevent me from getting opportunities through them simply because ”I don’t fit in.” Within this I see it’s not just about me not drinking alcohol, it’s WHO I AM when I’m around others and my attitude toward not drinking alcohol.

People say they feel more relaxed and confident when they drink, and of course I’d like to be that — relaxed and comfortable in who I am/in my skin. But people resort to alcohol to get into this experience. I want to be able to attend these events and order a non-alcoholic drink and be comfortable and confident with me, interacting with new people. So it really isn’t about the alcohol, it’s more being confident and comfortable in me and with what I stand for.

Some time ago a young woman asked me ”you don’t drink alcohol?!” and within that I felt insecure about this point, believing that I’m weird for not drinking and from that have justified I am a ”rarity,” in a shameful, embarrassed manner, as if I didn’t make the decision myself but that something or someone told me not to drink. Thus I found out I have been in conflict with knowledge/information of the harmful effects of alcohol and the desire to fit in and feel confident by drinking alcohol. So this is what I will work on —my relationship with alcohol, because I want to continue in my stand of not drinking it but I must work through my memories and points in order to stand in my decision 100% without any emotional movement (fear, anxiety, etc) in me.

To be continued.

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Day 201: The Word Relax – Part 3

Continuation from:
The word Relax
The Word Relax – Part 2

I am walking a word redefinition where I am clearing all the memories, thoughts, emotions and feelings towards a word so as to lift the veil from how I saw the word with my own limited view, then see what the world actually is in this world system and then walk a redefinition process where I see how I can live this world as an expression of myself

My current definition of relax is more of an idea or a picture of me completely letting every single tension and tightness within my body go and no longer allowing oneself to go into that point again, and within that I picture me as ‘relaxed’ walking or floating around aimlessly through life smiling, feeling ‘free’ however I can’t take care of myself or work in this world cause I am ‘too relaxed’ – I am not prepared or ready enough to do my work, I have let go of all the worries, concerns and tensions within me. LOL this is definitely an idea I have that I know does not align with reality, so I will walk self-forgiveness in releasing these ideas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word RELAX to the idea that I completely let go of every tension and tightness in my body to the extent where I become listless, ethereal, floating and thus existing aimlessly in life in this experience of bliss

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word RELAX to the idea that I would be in constant bliss to the point where I am not around of my surroundings instead of realizing this is an idea I got from a movie where people were smoking pot and relaxing on the floor, were smiling and happy and from there I gathered/concluded that’s what being absolutely relaxed is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being relaxed to smoking pot through believing one can only relax if you smoke a joint instead of realizing this is an idea I created in the mind from an assumption that to be relaxed, in fact one can only get there to smoke point instead of realizing that one can become relaxed as a living expression without any chemicals/drugs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being so relaxed I become unaware of myself and my environment instead of realizing that would only be so if I were to take drugs, ingest chemicals, or allow myself to create such an experience within because I realize to be relaxed as a living expression within oneness and equality as what is best for all, one is always aware of oneself

I commit myself to let go of the ideas and associations that to be relaxed one has to smoke pot and assist and support myself to find out how to be relaxed as a physical expression of myself

I will continue with this redefinition word process in the next blog…thanks for reading!

Day 199: The word RELAX – Part 2

Continuation from Day 198: The word RELAX

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were to be relaxed my guard will be down, meaning my protection and defence mechanisms that are there to ‘prepare’ me for any ‘blows or attacks’ from others behaviours or reactions and from this I realize that allowing myself to relax will assist and support me in being more in ‘tune’ with how my body responds to my thoughts/emotions so I can face and work with what I see and am aware of – thus, being relax will support me in my process of self-awareness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea and belief that being relax is when you completely ‘let yourself go’ meaning not having any care of preparation for what you need to do or live in this world but sink into an ethereal state of ‘bliss’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being relaxed to being ignorant, where being relaxed within oneself and ‘letting go’ means to not be aware of this moment instead of realizing it is practically possible to be aware of oneself and let go of the tension/constrictions in one’s body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot relax in this world, that I always need to be ‘up and ready’ and ‘prepared’ for something to come my way, instead of realizing this is a personality I created where I “can’t relax” through justifying that I need to be ready/prepared for fear of something happening to me that can threaten my survival in this world and from this I realize that one can live in this world and be aware and prepared for whatever may come within a relaxed state in the body of breathing normally, letting go of tensions in the body and walking forgiveness and self-correction when one sees a mind point causing tension/constriction in the body

I will continue with more self-introspection and insight into the word RELAX as well as look into the Etymology definition and historical context of the word in the next blog post to come, thanks for reading.

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Day 192: Oh So Busy!

Lately I have been extremely busy getting plans in order for my move to another country as well as my upcoming wedding.  I had today while at my job been planning and looking too much into what I need to do and what to get in order instead of focusing on my job and what I need to do in the moment.

When I stopped for a moment and saw that I had a lot to walk I realized that the best way to handle or manage this point is to make a list and to look at what needs to get done first, and then the points that can be pushed to look at later will stay in the background while the important points get looked at first, basically. This had made the process a bit easier but I still see myself existing within reactions of stress where even my breathing becomes uneven and shallow and constricting.

I found that I have difficulty relaxing while working and planning all the things I need to do. I define the experience/moments of me planning and getting things in order as “busy” to the point where it’s like “I can’t breathe” or relax within me. I believe I cannot even relax while walking through all the steps necessary to complete the tasks, yet I “know” it is possible, I just have to live and become relaxed while I’m in a busy situation.  Because there is “so much to do” it is like only those things are the focus of my day and my process of understanding myself and the mind is put in back when really I should walk the tasks necessary while living/standing within the starting point of process/self-support, like no matter what I do I practice being aware of who I am in every moment.

So that is what I need to shift within myself, shift to an awareness of who I am and what I’m existing in WHILE I work on my plans and not separate myself from process/me.

Just because I am “busy” does not mean I have to create emotional reactions about it. I see I have done this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional reaction of stress toward being really busy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and believe that I must be stressed if I have a lot of things to do/am busy because of an idea I have that that is who you must be if you are busy because everyone I’ve seen/interacted with have existed within stress when they were busy, instead of realizing that I don’t have to exist within stress when I am busy, I can relax within myself and my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relaxing myself and my body because I believe I won’t be able to get the tasks/points done the same way if I were to be stressed, thus perceiving that I can only get my tasks/points done within a certain time frame if I am stressed instead of testing the point out for myself in practising to see if I am able to get my things done within a certain time frame while completely relaxed

So, this is a self-challenge I make for myself. I am going to from now on, relax my body when I see myself in a state of stress when I am busy working/planning on my move or wedding because what I see is that it will be better/more supportive for myself and my body to relax while working because stress and constrictive breathing actually causes health problems in the long-run, so best to use preventative care and relax, breath fully and slowly.

The specific relaxing technique I will use is: when I see myself clench/tense/tighten any muscle within my body, to immediately take a big breath in, breath out and release and let go the tenseness/tightness and continue breathing until I am no more tense but instead relaxed within my body. So no matter what I’m doing in my day and I see myself tense, I apply the correction for myself. Will see how this goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go and relaxing my body within a state of ease and comfort because I am afraid of losing that part of myself that works in stress since I’m so familiar and comfortable with it, I had made that a part of me instead of becoming a new way of living, changing the relationship in a more supportive way of breathing within my body, letting go of any fears or concerns in relation to getting the necessary points done and walk my day checking my list of things to do within a relaxed manner

Will continue with this point tomorrow, thank you for reading.

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Day 188: Fear of Flying Support

I spent the weekend in another state and thus had to fly. I walked writings in relation to the fear of flying before and realized the best I can do for myself is to relax my body, accept the moment and do my thing/keep busy while flying, because I have no control of the plane. Flying is just another form of transportation, like taking a train or a boat, except you are in the air and experience the occasional turbulence.

About turbulence… this was what I really didn’t like at first, and I would go into instant emotional reactions when I would feel the slightest bumps and dips of the plane and when it became more moderate would go into tons of stress. I began practicing to breathe, to stop projecting what may come and be here, allowing myself to “embrace” the turbulence so to speak, and this assisted and supported me in accepting it, allowing it to come and go. I understand that I can’t do anything about it, so I have to accept it.

Another point is also that I had the tendency to before flying to go into “what-if” scenarios while on the plane ride. After listening to the EQAFE interview Death Research: Plane Crash interviews I learned it’s best not to entertain these fears and I have found this type of participation/entertainment within the mind only perpetuates fear and does absolutely nothing to support me, but actually makes me feel “worse” or more nervous and anxious . So, I practiced with stopping participation by breathing and not allowing the particular thoughts to continue. I would tell myself I can only trust/embrace this moment, and take things moment by moment. It’s really the truth – I really can’t predict reality, I can’t tell you what’s going to happen in the next five minutes (unless I deliberately plan to do something) – reality is unpredictable so the best I see is to take things moment by moment – stop the projections and fears about flying and just be here in the moment, doing your thing.

To make myself relax on the plane, I would at times read a magazine or rest my eyes. I do suggest for those who are “nervous fliers” to do something you enjoy on the plane, that makes you relax and/or keeps you focused. Much time went by when I would read.

Medicine or medication can be a bridge to assist those nervous/anxious fliers. Flying can also make one a bit sick so sitting over the wing of the plane and/or taking motion-sickness pills may help.

In time to come I will add more support, but this is all I see at this moment. I have to get some unpacking done tonight now. Thanks for reading.

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