235. Got Money Problems in Your Relationship?

Today my partner and I went shopping for pillows and pillowcases. We found our pillows and then found a really soft, silky pillowcase that we really liked and wanted to get. We saw that the only way to purchase the pillowcase was to get it through as package which included the bed sheet too. However, once we saw the price my partner became iffy/uncertain to get it.

From there what happened was that I went into a reaction because I wanted to get this set/package because how I saw it was that we both really wanted it originally and that we could afford it. However, a flood of reactions came through because my husband wasn’t on the same page as me — he actually was looking at whether it is worth it to buy a pillow set like this at the price it was at.

From this, we both become reactive because we weren’t on the same page when it came to purchasing/not purchasing the pillow set. And in our relationship we have that tendency to react easily when it comes to money because we both grew up in different environments and different ways of working with money. For me, for example, coming from a family who would use the credit card a lot and become a little careless about spending whereas my partner’s family come from a mindset of saving every penny, and only buying necessities. So, money is certainty an issue and process we are both walking…

However, to get to my point, we were both obviously not on the same page and reactive. What I realized was that this would only continue (us being reactive and not coming to a solution/answer about the pillowcase point) unless we really talk this out and come up with a practical solution. But what I saw was that I could not get to that point of talking to my partner in stability, I knew what I had to do — I need to apply Self-Forgiveness and release myself of the emotions, otherwise I would end up speaking from/as reactions.

So I took a break from my partner and spoke Self-Forgiveness under my breath. As I spoke I realized I had such a huge desire to get this pillowcase and was angry my partner was not fulfilling this desire to immediately buy it. I was in self-interest, only considering my want and not what would be best for us.  Once I was stable and okay, I went back to my partner and shared with him what I realized. From there on our communication became stable and we were both cool with the decision we made.

So, I’d like to share that when it comes to not being on the same page with your partner and you need to solve a problem, to first apply self-forgiveness on your reactions towards the point and this allows common sense to open up within it and then you can share and work with your partner in finding a practical solution for the both of you. Self-Forgiveness is so cool, give it a shot sometime.

Thanks for reading.

Additional support with communication in relationships:

VIDEO: Communication in Relationships

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 Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest

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Day 124: Suppressing Sadness in Long Distance Relationship

 

 Today I was walking with my partner and a thought came up about how we will have to separate again and live in different countries in the near future. A feeling of sadness came up and I suppressed it to not experience it but it was still existent within me.  I also see that I am able to stay stable within myself while we are separated. However, a fear does come up of being alone without him.  I have had to separate from him twice this year because since we live in different countries we can only see each other every 3-6 months due to money/school/work, and the day we have to separate I would experience a great fear in my solar plexus, so I now want to look into and investigate this point of sadness and fear of separating from my partner.

I am going to walk self-forgiveness firstly on suppressing the experience of sadness to not look into it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and suppress the experience of sadness I had when I thought about having to separate from my partner instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that suppressing the sadness/experience will not make the experience go away eternally, it will come back unless it is effectively directed, so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to acknowledge the sadness for a moment and then direct myself in breath within self-commitment that I will take a look at this point through my writing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shove away negative experiences of sadness away in the back of my mind so I don’t experience it now, so I can ignore it, instead of realizing that ignoring these experiences is not the answer – flagging, paying attention to the experiences and directing it through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application is what needs to be used to understand and direct these experiences effectively. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shove away negative experiences/thoughts of sadness in the back of my mind because of the perception/idea/belief it’s too “uncomfortable” to look at/experience, which I see is how my mother would react when she was faced with negative images/words/experiences.  From this, I see, realize and understand that I must stand equal to my mind and face that which is existent within me to face/understand myself, so I must face the negative within me. I see, realize and understand that I have a process to walk to bring myself to stability in this physical reality.
I commit myself to investigate the negative experiences of fear and sadness I have of separating from my partner through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application so I can walk myself stable and be stable with who I am, alone.
I commit myself to stop suppressing emotions but breathe through them, acknowledge see them and use the Desteni tools to investigate further what they’re about/why they’re coming up/what do they say about me.
I commit myself to find solutions to assist and support me to become stable within myself and my process.

Day 113: Spending More Time on the Phone than with Our Partner

The study found we now spend more time on our smartphones than with our partner, with the average Brit spending two hours a day looking at their phone

From: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2333261/We-spend-MORE-time-phones-partner.html

We now spend more time on our smartphones than with our partner, according to a new study.

The average smartphone user tends to spend two hours (119 minutes) a day using their gadget.
Yet, the amount of time we spend with our other halves per day is just 97 minutes – a third less – on average.
David Johnson, (from mobile phone provider O2) said: “Smartphones are getting smarter all the time with huge leaps being made in technology. However, that’s also meant we’re now spending more time glued to the screen rather than gazing into our partners’ eyes
‘We’re seeing a new generation of phones that react more readily to their users and have truly become home entertainment devices.”   -DailyMail.co.uk

It’s common to see people, especially the youth on their cell phones/iPhones/iPads playing games, texting, checking up on social media — you get to know what’s new, what’s going on, what’s the latest drama, who’s dating who… and yet we can be so consumed with what’s going on in the cyber world we forget that there’s a real world in front of our eyes.

We need to shift our focus from/of consumerism and materialism to life and practical living. We are spending too much time on our phones/electronic devices and less time developing real relationships, real communication and practical living skills. I mean – just from listening to the Relationship Success interviews on EQAFE I realize there is so much to learn about relationships alone!

Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone treated each other the way they would like to be treated?  I say we need to reform our education system into a system Best for All where for example we have practical life-skills classes that provide assistance and support to everyone on how to effectively work with oneself and others in the environment.

Fortunately, there is a start: There is a free online life-skills course anyone can take.
Check it out here at: lite.desteniiprocess.com

Plus for those in relationships, there is an online course on developing effective communication, physical intimacy and practical living skills with your partner here at: http://desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships

Till next time…

Additional Support: 
Desteni
Desteni Forum
Desteni Wiki
DIP Lite (*Free* Self-Development / Self Improvement Course) 

Day 86: Hanging On When It’s Time to Go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself because I realize that I wasted time sitting with a friend and continued to stay with them for fear that if I go they will be mad at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a friend be mad at me if I were to speak up and tell them that I have nothing more to say and therefore I should go and do my things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should stick by my friend when they are dealing with their points to make them feel better instead of realizing that with all the support I give them, it is up to them to make the decision to stand up from their points and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get emotionally involved with another’s situation, allowing myself to participate in energetic experiences of highs and lows, not realizing that I am deciding and defining who I am and how I experience myself according to how another experiences themselves – meaning me believing “this is who I am and how I should experience myself because my friend is like this…”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to something outside of me because I realize once I do define who I am according to external/outside influences, I am compromising me and sabotaging moments of opportunity to stand up and live as self-directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to BREATHE by really being here with my body while assisting another and not accept and allow myself to participate in emotional experiences of energetic highs and lows while another is unstable.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stand up and have the courage to say that it’s time for me to go after assisting another in their point because I realize that there is nothing else to talk about and now it’s their responsibility and decision to take care and direct themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself and my time by remaining with my friend when I saw it was best for me to go and do my things but because I was afraid of them getting mad at me I continued to sit with them.

From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to face fearing conflict with and towards my friend due to a fear of facing the negativity and fears of me as my reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and backchat.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the conflict within me due to me not understanding exactly what is going on within me and how to deal with my points and direct myself. I see, realize and understand that writing, self forgiveness and self-corrective application will assist and support me in understanding who I am as the negative of thoughts, feelings, emotions, backchat, etc and I have programmed myself to fear the negative and automatically run and hide from such things.

More to come…


Day 60: I Need to Be Better Looking Than My Partner

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself not as attractive as X and from there, go into anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety thinking that I “should” look better than him and because I cannot “look” as “good” as I “should” from an idea I have in my Mind, I go into anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that woman need to look better than their man/partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I need to look better than my man because somehow I am less attractive than my man/partner to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be with a man who is less attractive than me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I got the idea that women want to look better than their man/partner from a college class, where I imprinted the idea that women seek out men/partners who are not as attractive as them so they can look better and feel better about themselves so I think that’s how I should be – I should be someone who has to find a partner/man that is not as good looking as me cause that’s just ‘how woman are.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less than/inadequate for my partner because I define and judge my partner as better looking than me, and also because he weighs less than me, I used that as an excuse as to why I am not good enough for him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were to weigh less than my man/partner than I will be better looking than him, and thus, it’ll be okay/acceptable to be with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am less than my man/partner and that I need a man who is less than me so I can feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to just accept and be okay with who I am and how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me as less than or not as good looking as my man/partner, and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others to talk behind my back because I am not as ‘good-looking’ as him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed looks/physical-appearance to make the decision as to who I am and how I feel/experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how stupid it is to participate and believe in this idea that I have to look better than my man/partner because it in no way takes into consideration who I am when I am with my partner, meaning, this idea is only is limited to physical appearance and does not take into consider the entirety of my relationship with my partner in how well we get along with each other and how much I enjoy myself with him therefore, I see, realize and understand that looks/physical appearance really cannot compare/go up against who I am in my relationship with my partner because the whole look/appearance point is quite a waste of time to worry/preoccupy myself about as I see that I am in a supportive relationship that does not ‘care’ per-se about appearance, as it’s about who we are within ourselves and each other — so that is what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to preoccupy myself in worrying about what people may think or say about me and my partner because due to how we look together, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that people are automatically going to judge me or see me as not good enough than my partner, when in fact, that is just ME judging myself and seeing myself as less than my man/partner because I have yet to accept me as how I look/am, and I am only projecting my fears/judgments out onto others, so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that those fears I have of people judging me as less than/not as good looking as my partner are simply my fears and judgments I have of myself that really just need to be stopped and let go of as they have no purpose here in terms of supporting me and the relationship I’m in.

So – I will expand more on how I see myself in terms of looks/my physical appearance in future blog posts to come. Now onto Self Corrective Commitments.

I commit myself to stop seeing/placing myself as less than my partner due to physical appearances by realizing that my relationship with my partner is more than just ‘looks’ but about how much I enjoy myself with him and that it’s a supportive relationship.

I commit myself to stop and let go of ideas that somehow I have to look better than my partner.

I commit myself to develop and work on self-acceptance and self-confidence so I can be okay and at peace in my own skin/body and use to the tools of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to assist me to get there.

I commit myself to stop allowing physical appearance to determine how I experience myself as I make the decision to determine who I am and how I experience myself.

Supportive Links:
*Free Course* Learn Essential Life Skills at DIP Lite

Free Interviews:



Day 57: Fear of Being Disliked By My Partner’s Mother


I will be walking Self Forgiveness in relation to a point that has opened up and that is fear of being disliked by my partner’s mother.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disliked by my partner’s mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to preoccupy myself with fears, thoughts and imagination play outs of how my partner’s mother may act, respond and/or react when she meets me and from there, imagine what would happen and how I would respond to her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give much value to what my partner’s mother may think of me, and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become intimidated by my partner’s mother by seeing myself less than/inferior to her and also, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my partner’s mother by perceiving the mother to be more than me and thus, superior to me, which I perceive and believe to be ‘intimidating.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my partner’s mother, instead of seeing that I haven’t met her yet, so I don’t know what she’s like and whether she likes me or doesn’t. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my partner’s mother’s opinions, thoughts and judgments of me really define who I am instead of realizing that I am the only one who is able to decide who I am and what I accept and allow because I have the self-power within to do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by my partner’s mother through fearing that if she judges me negatively or tells my partner that she doesn’t like me that somehow it will influence my relationship with my partner and that he will dislike me, therefore I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop fearing my partner disliking me if his mom dislikes me within the understanding that my partner had already communicated his stance about who he is and his relationship to me, so all I can really do is continue to walk with my partner and see what happens in our relationship.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop defining who I am according to how others may see/think/perceive me to be and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to develop self-acceptance within myself by walking the process of writing, self forgiveness, self honesty and self corrective application as an actual daily task of self-care. 

More Self Forgiveness to follow in the next blog post… thanks.


Additional Support:

* Free Course – Learn Essential Life Skills at DIP Lite.*  

Day 25: No Strings Attached – Starting Over

I watched the movie No Strings Attached and it gave me a lot of perspective in regards to who and how I was in my previous relationship.
There was one part that stood out to me: it was when Natalie Portman’s character told Asthon Kutcher’s character that she misses him and wished they never broke up, but Ashton said that they never ‘started’ because they have been basically using each other for sex the whole time so they never started a ‘real’ relationship with each other.

That part sparked a memory/moment where I was in a relationship with my boyfriend at the time and came to a self honest point within myself where I realized how much ‘better off’ and relieved I would be if I was no longer with him, because I’ve seen how much shit I’ve allowed myself to experience and go through  and really wanted to stop and essentially “start over” with myself by putting the focus on me and take care of myself.

And so, today while seeing that memory, I realized that I did not follow through with that point- that point of ‘starting over’ by putting myself as the focal point of my life as a point of self support and self care.  So – with that point shared, here I reinstate the decision that I am starting over with myself in establishing a relationship with me– a relationship best for all – with the starting point of  self honest, self-care and support.

 * * *
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to start my process over in walking myself with the starting point of self honest self care and support through writing, self forgiveness, self corrective and commitment statements and breathing into becoming an effective, stable, self-supportive human being that is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what is best for me right now is establishing a relationship with myself  through getting to know me and explore me first before I am stable and comfortable to be with another in a relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be with someone right now, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all I ‘need’ is me and supporting me to that which is best for all/me, as effective and self-nourishing as possible so that I am able to be a stable point of support for myself and others. This is most important – for me to be my own ‘rock’ of support as I walk my process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the background, forgetting and denying me and my self worth, as I see that being who I am today is an accumulation of thoughts and beliefs that I have become in which I led myself to ignore, deny, suppress and sabotage myself in my journey to Life. Here I see that those beliefs are the reason why I have been waiting to write, to start process, hoping that someone or something outside of me would walk and write for me, instead of realizing no one is going to walk process for me, so through my own will, as a self will expression of Life, I walk process and do this for me.
I commit myself to walk the process of establishing an effective relationship with myself through self honesty, writing, self forgiveness, self corrective and commitment statements and breathing to become an effective, stable, self-supportive human being that is best for all since I realize that I am the only one who is able to provide the self-care I have been searching for!
I commit myself to get to “know me” through understanding who I am and what I’ve become, and investigate that which I would like to change within me that will be best for all and walk myself through the points in and as self support to change.
I commit myself to, when begin writing, make sure my starting point comes from self honest self support.
I commit myself to re-mind myself through common sense that what is best for me is to first establish a relationship with myself, because I see that I am not capable right now in being stable in a relationship and so, I walk me in getting to know me and change me into what is best for all which is best for me. I realize this will take time – and that change will not magically happen in one day, as this process I am walking is a process to walk in space-time, so I walk what I see is required to be walked and take on one point at a time.
I commit myself to put me ‘first’  in giving myself the attention and focus needed for me to walk my process effectively as that which is best for all.
Thanks.

Agreement

http://eqafe.com/embed/mmulcrone-life-review-the-search-for-myself                     Quantum-mind-self-awareness-step-1

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Additional Support:
Pauls Journey to Life – Deconstructing Myself in the Search for A Relationship
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