230. Insights about Alzheimer’s

I watched the movie Still Alice in preparation for my participation in the Desteni Movie Night Hangout with Joana and Marlen.

One of the first points that came up for me while watching the movie was what would I do if I knew I have early-onset Alzheimers?  If I knew I had limited time to remember certain people, knowledge and information, memories of my life I would write as much as I could down either on a notebook or in a blog to record what I found most important. What I find most important to note down is life lessons I’ve had, realizations and insights I’ve found of myself and the world,  regrets I have, and anything else that I think would benefit others to learn from me since all would be fading away soon. So I would basically want to create a legacy for people, something in which they can take my words of ”wisdom” so to speak in which they can use it to improve or better their lives.

Then I would find ways in which I could somehow assist and support me during the Alzheimers.Because I know it can be very stressful dealing with the disease, I would like to somehow prepare the people around me to show me or read me certain material from Desteni if I end up having an emotional breakdown when I have that disease for example. Because I won’t be able to remember the information on how to forgive myself in that moment, maybe the people around me can do that for me — walk and support me with helpful information in that moment (this is similar to what Marlen shared in the Hangout where she supported another with the Alzheimer’s disease).

Another point that came up while watching the movie was who would I be if my partner would have Alzheimers? Because in the movie Alice’s husband started to drift away from her, and this bugged me a lot.  Those who have Alzheimers need people closest to them to support them with daily tasks and responsibilities. I would like to think I’d be there unconditionally for my partner 100% because I care about them and would not want them to suffer or struggle. However, even despite them not having Alzheimers right now I am faced with the reality of who I am as a partner daily through my interactions with them and can say I am not yet satisfied as making the absolute statement I am the best partner I can be for them because of the extent to the thoughts, memories and reactions I am aware I still require to sort through, align and correct.

While I do suggest you watch the movie Still Alice, also take a listen to EQAFE’s recording on Alzheimers and what actually contributes to the development of the disease.

What in the mind-physical relationship create/manifest the consequence of Alzheimer’s?

What does the existence of Alzheimer’s say about the extent of the dependency on the mind-physical relationship? 
How does the mind, influence/affect the fabric of the physical to manifest Alzheimer’s?

Also, Joana and Marlen share cool insights and techniques with me in the Hangout for those who have family or friends with the illness.

Thanks for reading. See you next time!

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
8Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships

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Day 218: Realizations from Being with Children

I got invited today as a potential candidate for an English pre-school to come in and play with the children for a few hours. This allowed me to meet the other staff members, get a good feel for the job to then be determined if I would be a good fit there.

While I was with these children, aged 1 1/2 to 3 years old, I had many realizations. Here are some I wrote down:

1) They’re cute, but don’t let that get to you.

I saw myself go into like the ‘awww she’s so cute’ point, thinking that this little girl is perfectly sweet and nice. But then I observed how this sweet looking little girl actually caused some problems in the class, biting children, hitting them. So the girl’s behavior was not aligned to an idea I had of her, and of course, this does not make her a ”bad girl” — she could have only picked up/acted on such behaviors from us (humanity, parents, caregivers, teachers, world).

So within this I realized the following: looks can be deceiving, and this even applies to our society and world in general, where in the media we can become so captivated by an actress or actor and think all these good things about them, but we really don’t know the reality of them, just like how we have ideas of ourselves, perhaps thinking we are good people because we give to charity, but not realizing how we give to charity because it makes us ”feel better” as a self-interest point instead of consideration that charities are simply band-aids and do not actually help the poor for the long-run, it only helps them temporarily. So basically I saw here how I need to stop easily assuming or interpreting how another is, based on how I ”think” they are according to how they look.

2) The ”mine” point:

I have seen instances of children saying the ”mine” and not wanting to share with others. Even the word ”mine” sounds like mind, lol.

I see this as where a child says ”mine” as a form of fear because what I interpreted when I went over to this girl and asked her if her doll is sleeping she said ”mine” and brought the doll closer to herself, so I wondered if maybe she thought I was going to take it from her, which also brings me to the point of survival of the fittest, how we fear losing money or things in our lives that can threaten our life. We are basically programmed to survive. I mean it’s in our DNA in a way — we must survive, because the world we live in today is built on competition and survival where we really cannot trust each other because our world is hostile, it is insecure, we do not have a secure monetary system based on consideration of all beings on the planet so that everyone, humans, animals even plants have all basic needs fulfilled to live on this planet, and because we don’t have this, we don’t have a secure world or monetary system — we are insecure, we are in fear all the time, we must live based in survival, ”working to survive,” essentially.

3) We need more education about how to work with children:

Some basic ”troublesome behaviors” of 2-3 year olds are pulling hair, screaming, basically acting out in ways that make the environment stressful for others. What we usually do is say ”stop, don’t do that” and if the behavior continues, we put them in the time out chair. The problem I see within that is that we don’t communicate to the children about their behavior, the consequences of it, how it effects the other person, and especially in the case of 2-3 year olds, this is very hard to communicate such things, to talk about consequences.

Their behaviors must then come from us, the caregivers, the parents, the teachers, because of how we exist within. For example, there is a blog from Leila on parenting and why babies throw temper tantrums, and it was pointed out that as a parent, when you really want to do something, but unable to and throw a tantrum about it in your mind, babies pick up on that and see how you accept and allow it, so then over time, babies then develop that temper tantrum tendency because of how we as parents or caregivers allowed it to exist in us.

We require more education on how to effectively work with children, and that does start with working with ourselves in understanding how we exist according to our minds because who we are/how we exist in the mind makes a big impact on our children.

Fortunately, as of late, there have been audio recordings on parenting and how to work with the mind so you as a parent, teacher or caregiver can learn how to become stable for your children. It’s on EQAFE.com — I definitely suggest you check it out.

Additional notes: I can see it for myself that when working with the young children it’s important to remain as stable as possible because if you allow yourself to go into reaction, it will affect how you speak, how you move, and how you are, and children will see it and pick up on it — they naturally look to us as examples so when we don’t breathe and sort our reactions out but allow them to remain within us, the kids will assume that reacting and holding onto reactions is okay and will then develop that pattern as they grow up. In general, children I have met are more easily able to let things go, which is cool.

That is what I have for today. Thanks for reading.

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Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Day 163: You Deny Me Sweets – You Make Me Mad


I’ve been doing some personal writings about the time I started to develop an eating problem when I was 15. I had a health problem at the time and a family member started to deny me certain foods to eat because of it. Foods like cakes, ice-cream, sweets I wasn’t allowed to eat. I knew this had to do because of my health problem but I would still react in anger towards them. I felt very helpless, like I had no choice or freedom to eat what I want. The family member it seemed like, had the upper hand, or the controlling hand, giving or rejecting me certain foods.

There was one time when this person and another family member were eating something that I wanted, yet I wasn’t allowed to have it. I remember erupting in anger because I found it wasn’t fair. I remember as my “retaliation” I did the silent treatment. I believed that if I showed my disapproval through the silent treatment I could get what I wanted, but this didn’t turn out so. I was essentially using a manipulation technique many people still use today to either make the other person feel bad or get something out of it. But, I didn’t get anything out of my silent treatment. I didn’t “win.” In fact, I made things worse for myself because I accumulated anger and energy within my body.

The problem within all of this though was that there was never a real communication between me and this family member about my health problem in the first place and the reason they weren’t allowing me to eat certain foods. If I could go back in time, I would have sat down with this family member and talked to them about the health problem and see what are some things I could change in my diet. That way we could work out the kinks and conflicts with the point and find something that would work for the both of us. I could also share/express to this person how I feel about this point. That way the person could see where I was coming from and maybe provide their point of view of things. If I had more direct, equal, and open communication with this family member, I wouldn’t react so much. However, growing up with this person, no such communication existed, and that’s because we haven’t really been taught how to communicate with each other effectively. I mean, the focus in our education system places more emphasis on remembering/regurgitating knowledge and information that is irrelevant to one’s current reality and not practical reality and how to best co-exist with others.

I will share more about this point to come, but I suggest we do a bit of re-education. The links below are awesome resources to get started.

Check out other Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Free Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Additional Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Equal Life Foundation
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

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Day 161: My Process of Gastritis

I have been to the ER three times within the past week due to something called Gastritis. In a nutshell, Gastritis is inflammation of the stomach lining that can be caused by stress, certain eating habits, or alcohol for example. I am finding the result of my Gastritis is from stress and the food I have been eating.

The first time I went to the ER I had no idea what was going on with my body and I reacted in fear and anxiety which caused my heart rate to shoot up and I became dizzy. Being in a foreign country while sick was stressful for me but I was fortunate to have my partner to translate and assist with the emergency room process. Also, the nurses and doctors spoke English, but I could not shake off the worry of something wrong happening to me. The doctor simply said I have Gastritis and gave me pills to take for 7 days. The next couple of days were a bit problematic having to fly back home to return to work while still feeling nauseas and stressed. A lot of points from there will be sorted in time to come.

The second time I went to the ER was for really bothersome chest pains that would come and go and they did not feel like the anxiety chest pains I would get. I panicked thinking something was wrong with my heart – “I am having a heart attack” but it turned out to be acid build-up/acid reflux from my Gastritis. This may havebeen caused from flying for 10 hours and eating plane food while being in a state of stress. I took Tums and Zantac to clear it up and it assisted me pretty well.

The third time I went to the ER was because I had severe vertigo and I had to leave work early because of it. My dad was able to drive me to get it checked up. When I was there the nurse checked my vitals and said my blood pressure was high. I reacted in anxiety towards that. I calmed myself down by realizing that if it was something serious I would be getting immediate medical attention so I can still breathe and stabalize myself. The doctor came by and said I had a Vertigo attack plus Gastritis. I wondered if what I ate the day before contributed to the gastritis and vertigo attack because what I ate was very fatty with sugar and was I ignorant in thinking I could eat it because I believed ‘I felt well’. The doctor claimed that what I ate the day before doesn’t affect who I am with Gastritis the next day, but there is research that say certain foods/food allergies can affect people for days after they eat the food. I contacted my Naturopath about it and she said it may be an electrolyte disturbance because of my dietary changes.

Anyways, those are the physical points that have happened to me. I have to now for a while be very aware of what I put into my body and eat bland food. Even if a part of me *thinks* I am okay because ‘I feel well,’ I have to direct myself to my commitment and stick to a simple eating plan because I need to heal my stomach problem.

On a mind-physical level this clearly is showing me I need to bring a lot of points to attention. One point is that I tend to jump too quickly to conclusions and assumptions about things, especially if something is happening to me. One point for example was the first time I had Gastritis and my heart rate got really high and I became dizzy was due to me over-thinking and worrying about what was going on with me and participating too much in my mind of anxiety and fear. This pattern : When I don’t feel well, will immediately go into panic/anxiety/fear mode is something that I have to disengage because it is affecting who I am and my body. The solution is to write about this problem through dissecting the thoughts/backchats/fears/energies etc by going back in time and using the situation that I explained above to understand what I exist in when health problems come up. Then find understanding and common sense for these points so that when a health problem happens again I am not anxious, but stable and can direct myself.

Another point I’d like to mention is this tendency for me to expect the mind to help me with my problems, as a form of waiting. Like I’m waiting for the mind to tell me what to do instead of ME directing myself on what I should do that would best support me. I realized through reading Desteni material that the mind cannot provide the answers, it’s a closed system where all it does it create more problems, cycling memories and bringing up thoughts to generate fears to generate more energy for itself, where I thus keep myself trapped in my own shit. So the solution here is to stand up and find the solutions for myself – to not expect or wait the mind to help me or tell me what to do – no, I must direct me to find the solutions to my problems, specifically my anxiety and fears. I need to within self-honesty, take self-responsibility for what I created and stop the mind for what I had accepted it to be. The mind won’t take responsibility – only I can!

A third point is I already see/perceive/believe fears and anxieties be bigger/more scarier than me. What I forget to realize is that I created these ‘big/scary fears’ through time, accumulating these fears/anxieties over a period of time that have finally led/compounded to me beginning to actually experience the effects/consequences. So – this itself is shouting to me: Time to pay attention and sort these out! Because my body is already dealing with the consequences of my acceptances and allowances of accumulated energies of fears and anxieties consisting of thoughts, memories, beliefs, self-definitions, imaginations, backchats, etc with the Gastritis and Vertigo.

A fourth point is the stress I created towards being separate from my partner. Because we live in separate countries and are obligated to stay in our countries because of our jobs and the system’s complicated visa process I have created emotional reactions out of this that require to be sorted out. Not to mention, creating reactions and stress towards work, specifically in relation to money also required to be sorted out.

So – to close this out – I see what I need to work on. They are here written out, and now it’s up to me to begin taking one of these points and walking through them so I can understand how I created this point/pattern so I can take responsibility, let it go, and script a new way of living for myself.

Supportive quotes:

Gastritis [Desteni Wiki]: Fear of not having the ability to understand which cause you to quickly jump to conclusions and opinions as assumptions within you, instead of ‘giving self the moment’ to understand, see/realise what is being said/read in a moment.

High Blood Pressure: Yes as I found with ‘high blood pressure’ was that I had expected my mind to stand up for me, direct me and give me the answers when in fact my mind was showing me that it is a well designed machine that requires my self honesty, me taking responsibility and me stopping the mind as what I had accepted it t be . -Andrea Rossouw

From Bernard Poolman:

“Exorcise the demons called money and blood pressure drops to low values.”

“Check the diet as well — with age the diet is programmed to change just to fuck with you by your dear creator.”

“Blood pressure rise with lots of thinking and back chat.”

Dolphins through the Portal:
High blood pressure therefore is the LIVING manifestation of anger that becomes boredom through the ‘handing over’ of the responsibility of the world as yourself (yet seen to be outside of you) at all times (hence the intense boredom). There within you exists this anger that feeds the cellular and memory tissue that sits within the heart muscles. The heart regulates itself each day according to your current application, therefore the anger turns into boredom due to, as previously mentioned – the allowances. Now the heart pushes itself harder then usual to intensify the anger like pulsations, as indeed that is your current application.

Check out other Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Free Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Additional Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Equal Life Foundation
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise