Day 197: Honoring the Life in Bugs & Insects

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves  -My Declaration of Principle

Within this principle I’d like to focus on how my relationship to insects has changed since being a part of the Desteni group and walkng my process. I use to not really care about bugs and insects, but after realizing that these little guys are actually beings who live in this world and share the planet equally as me, I began ‘accepting’ them, like for example how the other day I saw a moth got caught between the window glass and the screen, and placing my shoes in their position, I saw I would have wanted to get out of that cramped spot, so I opened up the screen for the moth to fly out instead of killing it right away.

In terms of an ant infestation I had in my house a few weeks ago I did have to kill the ants and used holistic/natural preventative measures like wipe down my kitchen with white vinegar to steer them away because I could not individually pick up each ant and put them outside.

Then I have been getting a bit better when it comes to spiders lol. I am not knowledgeable on spiders and how to tell if one is poisonous or not, but how I see it is that if where the spider is located is going to cause problems I need to remove it, otherwise I can let it be. I determine if me or another is able to move them outside through a cup or some other object or if it does need to be killed. I rather not kill an insect or bug since I realize it comes from the same life source as me and I would not want to be killed, but if factors of the insect or bugs existence/location can cause consequences in the environment then it needs to go. So I suggest one to really assess and place oneself in the bug/insects shoes and also the shoes of future consequence for oneself to see how best to deal with this point.

I will expand more on the principle of honouring the life in each person and animal and creature great and small in blog posts to come. Thanks for reading!

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Day 186: Separating Myself from…Myself

From: May 2, 2014

A couple of points came to my awareness today. One was that I had felt guilty about not sticking to my word within a particular agreement I made to someone about a task I was to do and the person mentioned that this was more of a self-commitment then a commitment to her, and it struck me in a way where I was like ‘why did I not see that?’ because I saw that I had actually separated myself from this agreement/task I said I was going to do, doing this for a reason outside of myself than doing it for me as a way to expand my writing, my education and my assertiveness.

Then I read Cerise Poolman’s blog post about how her father was unlike other parents where he did not praise her or congratulate her on things she accomplished unless it was something of note and then she explained the point of validation, where through our environment and the people/adults around us we as children are basically grown up to expect or want/desire praise and validation from others and this is why we do the things we do – to get something positive out of it instead of doing things of self-enjoyment. This also aligned very well to a situation today where I experimented with a new way of cooking, replacing egg with flaxseed meal and the response I received from those in my environment were negative and I went into an emotional experience about it. I looked at how I did not make this meal for me but for reasons outside of myself like doing this for others and pleasing others.

So then I had a look at who I am in my process in relation to my responsibilities, specifically my Journey to Life where I do see that I had been dishonest in who I am within some of my writings, writing from a starting point of separation and writing to get validation, to feel part of a group, to feel fit in, and I see I never really have done things for me to really support myself, but had done them because I thought others would like it/appreciate it, that I would “get something out of it” – yes, that’s it — getting something out of it — instead of realizing this process isn’t about others or ‘getting something out of it’ but about me, changing myself so I can live, meaning no longer being defined/controlled/influenced/limited by/through the mind, but walking a process of self-honesty, forgiveness and corrective application to understand who I am, how I exist, how did I get to be who I am and re-programming myself in a new way of living that is best for all, which also includes me.

So the question is, what do I want to ‘get out of’ process? What are the desires/wants/needs behind this? Because looking at it – doing things to get positive attention and/or a positive/favorable outcome that I have in my mind that I want to happen/manifest is futile compared to the actual physical reality, how it works and the self-change I would be if I were to walk this process genuinely for myself. And that is another point – is doing this genuinely for me. I see the points necessary of what I need to walk for this.  I am going to redefine the word SELF-COMMITMENT in the next blog post for me. Thanks for reading.

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Day 147: Shoving Things Under the Rug

Image from Desteni Artists on Facebook
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shove things “under the rug” so to speak by not wanting to talk about or face a particular point that makes me uncomfortable because I realize that if I am to learn about, change and correct myself I have to face the point/problem head on, in my face, and I am afraid to experience the guilt and shame that comes along with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face a point that I know that if I take it head on, if I face it by myself and see the entire context of it, with all the points of it, that I essentially face me and all that I accepted and allowed myself to contribute to and participate towards that point that had happened, and I don’t want to face the guilt, and shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear facing guilt and shame if I were to look more into a point, thus being afraid of myself and what I may experience if I were to look more deeper into the point/problem that I’m existing as.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fear of facing myself, and fear of facing the shame and guilt is only an excuse/reason/justification to not face myself and walk this process to completion  understanding all and every single aspect/point of me and what I exist as, how I live and participate within this world and from that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my power, my self-responsibility to the mind of energy, as fears, as resistances to use as protection mechanisms so I don’t face myself and see  the point entirely as what I’m existing in.

From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing/facing self-guilt and shame because I have defined these experiences as negative, and thus want to keep away/stay away from the negative within me.

I forgive myself that  have accepted and allowed myself to fear me, to fear myself and what I may “feel” or experience within me if I were to see what I did, not realizing how self-interest that is for me to not want to face myself as a point of change which is Best for All, but rather “save face” and not face who I really am because I am afraid of what I may see, so I’d rather cover my own ass than help/assist myself to permanently change for me and all, thus, not taking into consideration all as me and the importance of including all as me within my process of self-realization and change .

So –  I am becoming aware of the extent to which I exist within self-interest, where I’d rather “save my ass/save face” to not face myself, my mistakes, and consequences. By not wanting to face what I have done, or to take responsibility, or “own up to my mistakes” is self-interest where only I am focusing on me and my life and not considering all others, as me and the point. By allowing myself to hold onto points, avoid facing them, not letting go/taking responsibility, I’m allowing others to do the same, and thus, the world continues as is where no one stands up and does something about themselves and this world.
I commit myself to walk this process within self-honesty.

I commit myself to walk myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to face myself, and see where I can change/correct myself to that which is something I can stand in and as within integrity and respect, where no shame or guilt is existent.

I commit myself to walk this process unconditionally, and if I find myself afraid to face a point, or resistant to face a point, to assist and support myself with the tools and resources I have available to understand the fears, the resistances and from there – push through them. 

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Day 78: Memory: Blaming Another For Why I Can’t Write

Continuation from the blog posts:
Day 73-75: Resistance to Writing Part 1
Day 76: “I’ll Be Diligent and Focused TOMORROW” Thought & Memory
Day 77: Expecting a Positive Experience From Writing

I am walking the second part of the following memory that came from a thought-image I had in relation to resistance to writing and applying self-forgiveness on it:

…I was in a difficult situation I got myself into and I knew what I had to do – so I sat on my couch and wrote out everything that was bothering me – I got it all out because I held a lot in, and I was what I would describe as very ‘diligent and focused’ because I was essentially letting the information flow out of me about a specific point that was bothering me, and as I was writing, I saw the solution, and I literally felt better, like a load came off of me because it was within me writing intimately to myself without reaction or judgement that I got to see what was really going on inside but then my writing got interrupted by someone calling me to dinner and I became startled and felt the intimate experience I had when writing out myself got violated and I didn’t want to stop writing but felt obligated to go to dinner so I left my writing and went to dinner. When I came back I sat down and tried to apply the writing but nothing came out as before, I became frustrated and felt stuck. I wanted to continue writing as I did before but felt like I couldn’t anymore, so I just put the notebook away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear when I was writing intimately to myself because I perceived the experience as something personal and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear when my writing got interrupted through thinking that my privacy was ‘violated.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my privacy was being violated when I was interrupted by another while writing instead of realizing that I was not in fact actually physically being ‘violated’ but that the sound of someone’s voice cutting through the quietness when I was writing startled me and I perceived that loud noise as a ‘threat’ to me writing very intimately / personally on paper about a problem that I was having that I have not told anybody yet, so I felt like what I was writing was a ‘secret’ that suddenly became exposed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the person who interrupted me when I was writing and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at this person when they interrupted me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the person who interrupted my writing process as the reason why I cannot continue writing anymore, and used that excuse as a point of sabotage in not continuing to write for and as self support for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the person’s voice had nothing to do with me not being able to write because I realize it’s only me that can make the actual decision of who I’m going to be and what I’m going to do in the moment and therefore, I am able to direct myself to write as is, as self support.

Therefore, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I created the experience of feeling frustrated and stuck when I came back to writing after being interrupted by another through the belief that the person who interrupted me is to ‘blame’ and they are the reason why I cannot continue t write as before instead of realizing that I created that belief and limitation to not take responsibility and ‘get back to work’ so to speak within my writing, but I allowed myself to participate and hold onto a silly point of blaming another for writing when I could have in fact, let go of the reaction, not allow it to bother me, and continue writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop writing after being interrupted by
another due to the fear of being interrupted again  having my ‘privacy be violated’ in which I see was a silly excuse to not continue writing for and as self-support in finding solutions.

I see, realize and understand that I used excuses and blame on another as a reason why I cannot continue writing as is which is another attempt to sabotage myself, a pattern I’ve been allowing myself to exist in for a while.

When and as I see myself react in fear when I am interrupted in my writing process, I stop, I breathe and I let go of the fear because I realize the fear came from a perception that the experience of me writing has been violated when in fact it really isn’t so and it comes from a memory where I was writing in silence and then abruptly interrupted by another with a loud voice and took that point personally, therefore–

I commit myself to breathe and let go of any and all reactions that come up within me when I am interrupted by a loud sound.

When and as I see myself about to blame someone for why I cannot write, I stop, I breathe and I let the blame go as I realize that I am the one who decides to write or not, no one else can, therefore, I make the decision within me to write. Any point of blame is a justification not to take responsibility for myself and therefore, if I see myself blame another I know that I’m trying to not take responsibility on something.

I commit myself to stop blaming others and to bring the point back to myself when I see I’m blaming to investigate what I am not taking responsibility for or what I’m hiding and don’t want to face.

I commit myself to investigate the self-sabotage pattern I’ve allowed myself to exist in for a while as I see that it doesn’t support me in any way at all and take responsibility for it so I can change this pattern and live free of self-sabotage.

More to come…

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Day 27: Starting Point & Self Sabotage


I forgivemyself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk process from the starting point of separation and abuse, not considering me as self as the starting point of what is best for all. From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the starting point of walking process and participating in Desteni as a point of obligation, instead of a starting point of self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see writing my journey to life blog as ‘homework’ which I’ve attached anger and resistance to, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect coming home after work and writing my journey to life blog to the thought ‘I have to’ do this as a point of obligation in separation of me, instead of realizing writing my journey to life blog is a supportive tool for me of self support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within the thought that ‘I have to write’ as a point of obligation in separation of me, I am being completely dishonest and insincere within myself and within my process and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest such a self sabotage point within me and my process where I see that all this time I’ve been sabotaging myself because of the belief that I do not and cannot support myself to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not change myself, or support myself, because that’s not ‘who I am.’ From this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have defined myself as someone who cannot support themselves at all, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have created this belief that I cannot support myself by accepting and allowing myself to continue existing in this self definition I created from the point of self separation and self abuse – instead of realizing that I have the power to stop, change and transform myself into someone who supports themselves as Life, as what is best for all.


I commit myself to investigate and stop the self sabotage character through writing, self forgiveness, self honesty in order to see, realize and understand where this pattern and self-definition originated from.

I commit myself to stop writing from the starting point of separation of and as me, but instead, write as me, for me, in self-support.

I commit myself to look into why I see writing myself to freedom as a point of ‘homework’ and obligation and release myself from that through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective/commitment statements.


* * * 

Points to walk:
I think and believe that someone like me should not and can not support themselves to change due to who I’ve become from habits, addictions and memories.  Who I’ve become is someone who sees themselves as someone who is unworthy/unable to walk such a process, especially one that is supportive SO – I’ve defined myself as someone who cannot change and who cannot support themselves – cause that’s ‘not me.’ =Self Sabotage Character!!    

Next blog will be about who I’ve defined myself to be as this self sabotage character, believing I don’t deserve, and am not able to support myself, because that’s something “I can’t do/am not.”




A quote from Sunette:
You have the cure – you have the process to be walked, but you’re not – so, I’d investigate why aren’t you applying yourself why aren’t you taking that step to stop/change and walk the process to do it, what is the resistance you keep falling into, addiction to resistance? addiction to sabotage? enjoying not living? addiction to inner conflict? Why are you simply not taking a breath and DOING it, you’ve got everything you need – you’re the only one stopping yourself from change from just not doing this ONE POINT: Actually doing it/getting it done.






Day 23: Doing 1 Thing at a Time…

Doing one thing at a time …
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to discipline myself in doing one thing at a time and completing it as best as I can as I see I created the character of taking a point on but then halfway through give up and take on another thing/point and then move on to the next thing without finishing what I did before – and so I see what I’ve been doing is creating a pattern of not finishing what needs to be done but follow thoughts and concerns about what else needs to get done and from that change what I’m currently doing in the moment and move to other tasks that require attention without finishing what I was doing before, thus leaving me with projects and tasks unfinished at the end of the day because I did not stick to one point/task/thing at a time and walk it practically to its completion. 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to plan and stick to a schedule where I write down that which requires to get done in my day that is of priority and make time in my day to focus on each task/point and do what is required of that task/point and not worry about the other tasks/points that is required to get done as all I need to do is the one task/point I am currently working on and do it as best as I can without worry about the other things I have to do, because if I allow myself to go off in thoughts and worry about what else I should do while I’m working on the task/point I am not HERE but sabotaging my process,my task/point that I am currently walking as I am not sticking to what requires to be done in the moment.
When and as I see myself go in my mind and participate in thoughts of worry/concern about what tasks/points require to get done within my day, I stop, I breathe, I write down exactly what requires to get done within the day so I see it physically and then set up a practical schedule where I am able to walk these points, one point at a time, to its completion, as practically as I can.
I commit myself to DISCIPLINE myself to stick to only one task/project/point/thing at a time and walk it to its completion, as practically as I can.
I commit myself to STOP following my thoughts of wanting to go onto another task/point before completing the current task/point I am working on and simply to stick to what is here, what I am doing with the task here in breath.
I commit myself to begin the act of writing down what needs to be completed and at what time/day to practically do them and then discipline myself to walk the necessary tasks/points required to be walked within my day.
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