Yesterday I had prominent constipation and did some research regarding what this could be since I had in my perspective been eating enough fiber and drinking water. I looked at the point of how I have been projecting me taking a big language exam that’s coming up and freezing up in fear because there is a speaking part to it, and I fear to fail it. I am grateful that this morning my partner pointed out some things in relation to the fear and I saw within myself how I am studying, I am practicing speaking and having conversations in the language and I do have opportunities to take the exam over again if I need to. I was able to relax and after our chat I had a bowel movement free of constipation. I see what is best for me is to relax and trust myself and the exam that is to come.
(Later that day I had a conversation with my partner’s mother in the language I am being tested on and my partner said that I should pass the speaking part of test since I was able to hold a conversation with her. I found it cool to receive this feedback.)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project me standing in front of the testers and freezing up in fear not knowing how to speak a statement or ask a question in the language I am being tested on
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a memory of when I was given pictures to speak the commands of in the language I am being tested on and freezing up in fear because I did not know how to word or phrase the commands instead of realizing I had not been entirely educated with this point and require to study and understand how to do this
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to instead of tensing/freezing up in fear when I encounter words and statements within a language I do not know support myself to study and understand them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a memory of when I was given pictures to ask questions from in the language I am being tested on within a group activity and reacting in fear because I did not have the vocabulary within me to formulate/structure the sentence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because I did not know how to formulate and structure a sentence or a question from words of another language at that time doesn’t mean I can’t understand them now. I realize that through studying I have integrated more words and phrases of the language than before.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through tensing and ‘freezing’ up my muscles in fear and not trusting the process of how the exam will unfold for me I consequentially manifest constipation
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to relax myself within my body in regards to studying and preparing for the exam, taking things as they are and trusting me when I take the exam through accepting what I know at this stage within my language and conversational skills
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust the exam process through accepting within myself that I will walk the test to the best of my ability and take it moment by moment walking it as me within what I understand and know
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project me having failed the test and feeling defeated, thinking and manipulating myself into depression through thinking I paid all this money and traveled all this way for nothing instead of realizing I am setting myself up for failure, expecting me to fail to fuel this belief I will fail simply because I am scared of the speaking part of the exam instead of looking how far I’ve come and how much I expanded myself within my language skills
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous about the speaking part of the exam because speaking has been the one activity I have not participated in that much so I do not have much experience and confidence and am afraid I won’t be able to formulate my words and sentences correctly instead of realizing this is a cross-reference for me that I need to practice more conversations the language. I see, realize and understand that through practicing speaking with my partner and listening to others speak the language, my partner provided feedback about being impressed by my conversation/speaking skills. I continue to study, learn and practice until the big day and breathe through the fears and projections within realizing I am practicing and thus will trust what comes my way by knowing that I will do what I can to pass the test.
I commit myself to accept the test and the process of taking the test as it comes, walking it as me within what I know and understand to the best of my ability
I commit myself to within acceptance of the exam and what I know, relax myself within my body as I realize tensing and freezing up my muscles will make the experience uncomfortable
I commit myself to assist and support myself with areas I am weak in with the language I am learning so I become more confident in it
When and as I see myself project me freezing up during the conversational/speaking part of the exam, I stop, I breathe and I let it go because I realize this projection a memory of when I did freeze up when faced with a language activity I didn’t know how to participate in because of lack of vocabulary and knowledge on what to say, and I realize I have through time integrated more words and have practiced speaking and I continue to walk and learn and expand myself within this language
I commit myself to assist and support me in expanding my speaking/conversational skills within the language through listening and participating in conversations
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