233. Jealousy – Wants & Desires SCS

Continued from:

When and as I see myself desire to go on luxurious paid trips, I stop and I breathe. I realize it is a desire and thus not practically here in this moment, so I assist and support myself to do some deep breathings and keep myself focus on stabilizing myself in my life and walking my process daily through real time application since I realize that is what really matters/is important now

When I see myself become jealous X through their pictures and reading their words of their adventures, I stop and I breathe. I realize that they are 1% of the 99% of people on this planet able to experience such luxurious/glamorous/exciting situations/events while the majority actually live in less-than-optimal lives and thus wasting energy of jealousy on someone’s life is USELESS because it will get me nowhere and does nothing for me except keep me emotional while I instead can use the energy to work on me and my process, so from this –
I commit myself to stop and let go the jealousy energy when I see the positive, nice luxurious and fun life of X and instead practice in keeping me focused and grounded and humble with where I am and what I need to do to keep me stable in my life and my self-relationship, improving who I am as an individual with what I do because I realize the bigger picture that with walking my process I can not only benefit my life but benefit the lives of others

I commit myself to realize only the 1% get chosen/picked through companies and organizations to attend these glamorous/exciting/luxurious events because they fit something the companies/organizations need/want in order to gain profit/attention and thus me getting jealous over someone who attends these events is pointless since such opportunities only fuel profit and the world system as is, where the companies/organizations do not care about you, but only care with what you can give to them to increase profit

When and as I see myself think and believe that I could have been chosen or that ”could have been me,” attending such glamorous/luxurious/exciting events when I see X at these places, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within me I can identify and see myself as being equally skilled and worthy of attending such events and yet I realize realistically I am not, and even though I really ”want to,” be at those events such energy on the desire of wanting to be there, and the energy of thinking/believing it could have been me attending those events are pointless and a waste of energy that can instead be used in supporting me in my life and process, so thus —

I commit myself to breathe and shift my focus from being jealous to asking the question ”how can I assist and support myself right now in this moment that will benefit me and my life?”

To be continued…

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Day 186: Separating Myself from…Myself

From: May 2, 2014

A couple of points came to my awareness today. One was that I had felt guilty about not sticking to my word within a particular agreement I made to someone about a task I was to do and the person mentioned that this was more of a self-commitment then a commitment to her, and it struck me in a way where I was like ‘why did I not see that?’ because I saw that I had actually separated myself from this agreement/task I said I was going to do, doing this for a reason outside of myself than doing it for me as a way to expand my writing, my education and my assertiveness.

Then I read Cerise Poolman’s blog post about how her father was unlike other parents where he did not praise her or congratulate her on things she accomplished unless it was something of note and then she explained the point of validation, where through our environment and the people/adults around us we as children are basically grown up to expect or want/desire praise and validation from others and this is why we do the things we do – to get something positive out of it instead of doing things of self-enjoyment. This also aligned very well to a situation today where I experimented with a new way of cooking, replacing egg with flaxseed meal and the response I received from those in my environment were negative and I went into an emotional experience about it. I looked at how I did not make this meal for me but for reasons outside of myself like doing this for others and pleasing others.

So then I had a look at who I am in my process in relation to my responsibilities, specifically my Journey to Life where I do see that I had been dishonest in who I am within some of my writings, writing from a starting point of separation and writing to get validation, to feel part of a group, to feel fit in, and I see I never really have done things for me to really support myself, but had done them because I thought others would like it/appreciate it, that I would “get something out of it” – yes, that’s it — getting something out of it — instead of realizing this process isn’t about others or ‘getting something out of it’ but about me, changing myself so I can live, meaning no longer being defined/controlled/influenced/limited by/through the mind, but walking a process of self-honesty, forgiveness and corrective application to understand who I am, how I exist, how did I get to be who I am and re-programming myself in a new way of living that is best for all, which also includes me.

So the question is, what do I want to ‘get out of’ process? What are the desires/wants/needs behind this? Because looking at it – doing things to get positive attention and/or a positive/favorable outcome that I have in my mind that I want to happen/manifest is futile compared to the actual physical reality, how it works and the self-change I would be if I were to walk this process genuinely for myself. And that is another point – is doing this genuinely for me. I see the points necessary of what I need to walk for this.  I am going to redefine the word SELF-COMMITMENT in the next blog post for me. Thanks for reading.

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