Day 222: Working Together

I took the initiative to start up a Facebook group for women living in the (foreign) country I live in as a way for other women to ask questions, get answers, network, and share services/works with other women. I did this because I had a few ”women” questions that I was not comfortable asking in public Fbook groups so I decided to open up my own group, a ”safe, closed group” so to speak where women can assist other women with problems/questions in the specific city they are living in.

I offered my invitation to a Fbook Women’s Association group (where they are also located in the same city as me) to join in. Then, a few of these women started to advertise/promote their group in the Fbook group I created. They wrote about how all the women’s questions living in a foreign country can be answered in their group. From there, I felt like it was getting competitive, like they wanted to take away the women in MY group, and it got to the point where I wanted to start blocking these women, until I realized, hey wait, I’m in reaction, and I know that I create consequences when I’m in reaction, so let’s stop, breathe and see maybe I can work something out with these ladies.

So I reached out, and I messaged one of the women and told them that I can help their group by placing a document in the files section of my Fbook Women’s group with their information, so, if they see that another can benefit from looking into their group, they can point the person to the document. Then from that I started adding other resources and information that women may want to look up if they need additional assistance. Because then I realized, this is not just MY group, it’s a group for women to gain and share information and resources with each other to make living in a foreign country a little easier. This was my original intent of creating the group in the first place, though reactions had to get in the way and I made things personal for a moment.

Anyways, my idea worked out well, and it turned out that the women contact me in need of assistance with their website (because in their group women pay for membership), and they asked me if I could assist, so just today I met one of the women, got to find out more about her and where she comes from and from there, was gifted volunteer opportunities in the group which will assist me in networking with others (in hopes to find a job) and expand my skills.

Thus, the point I’d like to share is that working WITH others is so much more beneficial than working against others, because you may never know what will open up.







Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

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Day 219: Regret and Self-Honesty (Overseas Package Example)

Through an online chat with my mother tonight, she told me that the package she sent over to me came back due to an ”insufficient address” which is odd since she’s sent over packages before to me just fine. Anyways, she told me she could send it back but it would cost 61 dollars.

I reacted in regret for her having to ship the package for so much money because the package included certain candies that only come out once a year in the states and I wanted her to send them to me, and looking at it now it’s so unnecessary because they are just candies but I have given a lot of value towards them and I wanted them NOW.  So my mom was going to send them over as a holiday gift.

Even looking at it, even when I first told her I wanted these candies I had an uncomfortable feeling in my solar plexus because I knew self honestly that she can just hold onto them or store them in the freezer until I see her again, that mailing them is unnecessary, especially if it costs so much money to be shipped over.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up within myself and my self-honesty and tell my mother that she can hold onto the candies because it was unnecessary for her to ship them over to me because I realize that I would most likely abuse these candies since I have not transcended or ‘maintained’ my addiction to sweets yet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in regret and allow this to influence how I feel when I think about how my mom wasted $61 on sending candy to me, where I go into a low-negative experience within myself of shame, beating myself up for my mother wasting her money, as if it is my fault she wasted money
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into guilt for my mother spending so much money on my package without me being aware of it until it was ”too late” where the package came back and she wanted to know if I should send it to her again because I feel/experience myself as being a bossy person, expecting and wanting certain items to be shipped over to me without considering the finances involved with what I want and from this I realize that I do have the tendency of ignoring or not allowing myself to consider other people’s life and finances in general when it comes to purchasing things/getting what I want

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself within self honesty and tell my mom that it’s best she doesn’t send over those candies because I know that I won’t be able to eat the candies in moderation because I am not yet at the point where I can trust myself with sugar/sweets

The guilt and anger I have towards this point is prominent where I want to hold onto this mistake I made and beat myself up with it. But I realize that’s a constant point I exist in and as, is beating myself up for mistakes I made. Look, I didn’t see or was absolutely aware with the candy point, it was only until this reaction towards the package that I then looked at this point. So now I’m aware that I need to be more honest with myself when it comes to sugar and sweets, to really walk this path for me in making firm decisions of where I stand with candies/sweets, because in this case, candies/Sweets are not ”good” for me because I do not have the ”strength” to eat such things in moderation.

So, I commit myself to when and as I see myself react in guilt towards the memory of when my mom told me she spent $61 on a package of candy for me, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to give into the guilt but instead realize that I made a mistake where I was not aware of who I was in my stand with sugar, and gave into my wants towards it instead of considering the money involved to send such a package, and sticking to my self-honesty

I commit myself to walk through my point with sugar, to really make firm decisions with myself on where I stand with this substance because I realize I do have a problem with it and need to get myself in control with it

When and as I see myself beat myself up for allowing my mom to spend a lot of money on a gift I don’t need, but wanted, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the pattern of beating myself for a mistake because I understand that the mistake happened because I wasn’t acting within my self-honesty where I knew it was best for me to tell my mom to hold onto the candies instead of sending them over, and so this understanding allows me to learn from my mistake so I do not do this again

Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Day 137: Facing Embarrassment


I was at sitting in a waiting room waiting for my partner to get out of the doctor’s office when an older man comes and sits in front of me and asks me something in a foreign language. For more context – I am currently staying in a foreign country this summer and am not comfortable communicating the language with strangers and I didn’t understand what the guy was saying. In my mind I thought that he probably doesn’t know English because I’ve read that many of the older folks here don’t know the English language, so I in that moment reacted and froze in embarrassment, my eyes enlarged and looked over at this woman, also in which I became embarrassed about because she was looking at me and I in that moment, asked “do you speak English?” in the foreign language, and the woman interjected with something as the man pointed to the doctor’s office implying if the doctor is inside. I say yes, nod my head and regret not saying something more direct like “English” while pointing at my chest, indicating that’s the only language I know. I felt humiliated because to me I perceived it as everyone was looking at me and I didn’t know the language, so I reacted in embarrassment.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freeze in embarrassment when I was confronted/asked a question in a foreign language that I don’t know well, because I felt like I had to know the language to be there instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this feeling of having to know the language to be in a foreign country for a short period of time comes from an idea I have created due to someone telling me that if I were to go to France, I have to know some of the language before I go or people will be mean to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this idea that if I am to go/stay in a foreign country for some time I need to know the language quite well because of someone telling me/warning me that I need to know the language before I go to the country or they will be rude/mean to me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I took the other person’s words/warning in fear/concern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the other person’s words/warning about me requiring to know the language before I go to a foreign country for a short time or they would be “mean/rude” to me – towards all of my future visits to a foreign country because of a fear in that moment of “oh I need to prepare…” instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the reason I did/projected so was because I wanted to prepare myself from other’s reactions/responses. I wasn’t prepared in the language and was asked something in that language, I reacted in embarrassment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear of “oh I need to prepare…” when being told/warned that I should know the language of a foreign country when I go to it, or otherwise people would be mean/rude to me because I fear having people be rude/mean to me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have created the idea that I need to know the language of the foreign country I will be visiting very well so I am not treated poorly/rudely/meanly just because of words of people who have told me that I need to learn French as to not be treated poorly/rudely/mean when I go to France and amplified/projected this to all countries in the world – that I need to know the language well before I enter the foreign country.

From this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear have people be rude/mean to me because I would feel uncomfortable within myself if they were rude/mean to me instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can work on self-comfortability and don’t have to allow myself to be subject to fear of how others will be towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become uncomfortable when/if people are rude/mean to me because I don’t know what to do or how to work with that instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can use writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to walk through and understand what to do/how to direct within situations where people are rude/mean to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become uncomfortable when/if people are rude/mean to me because I feel/think something is wrong with me when they react to me instead of seeing, realizing and understanding and considering that me feeling/thinking that something must be wrong with me might come from my childhood, and that I can investigate and work on that through writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel/think something is wrong with me or I did something wrong when people react to me because I didn’t do something for them/didn’t please them and because of that they reacted.

The guy at in the waiting room asked me a question and I “failed” to immediately respond to him, so I felt like I failed in the eyes of the other. I failed in my eyes – who I expected myself to be a certain way. I see, realize ad understand that I am looking for positive reactions from other people towards me and wanting to avoid/hide/prevent any negative reactions towards me from other people.

Will continue with the writing in the next blog posts…

Additional Support:
DIP Lite – Self Development Course
EQAFE – self development merchandise
Journey to Life
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Equal Life Foundation

Day 121: Fear of Getting Rejected to work in a Foreign Country


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having all the required papers and documents to be able to move to another country.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear wasting money and time on moving to another country.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the imagination of me sitting in an office having been told that I forgot a paper/document and because of that I cannot be accepted in the country. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing a moment where someone tells me that I am not accepted/cannot get through the country because I don’t have the required documents with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within imagination of having to call my mom and have her rush to get the paper/documents for me and spend a lot of money to ship over the documents to me so I can stay/work in the country.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear regretting making mistakes and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear regret of making a mistake and go into self-hate, self-anger, self-frsuteration – experiences that would drive me into self-destruction.

From this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the points I accept and allow to be one and equal with – self-hate, self-anger, self-frustration is self-destructive, ugly and consequential – all of which do not serve me and is not best, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self-hate, self-anger, self-frustration to be those three experiences I automatically accept and allow me to participate in when I make a mistake, instead of forgiving myself for the mistake and understand how I can learn from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear of losing money and having my financial stability be threatened and having to experience regret and havign to go home and start from scratch again. 
From this self-forgiveness I see that there is more to just a fear of getting rejected, but that there is a fear of having to come home and be in the same position I am now with living with my parents and having to resume my old job and having to exist in uncertainty about what to do with myself and my life. This is why I want to give teaching abroad a try this summer to see if I find myself good at it and if it can support me to remain financially stable
I commit myself to investigate the fears and worries I have in relation to being rejected by a foreign country and see if there are any specific memories in relation to this point.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to investigate why I fear having to come home and resume my life in the states through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

Additional Support: 
Desteni
Desteni Forum
Desteni Wiki
DIP Lite (*Free* Self-Development / Self Improvement Course) 
   – See more at: http://michellesjourneytolife.blogspot.co.at/#sthash.C0H5H0X6.dpuf
 To be continued…

Additional Support:
Desteni
Desteni Forum
Desteni Wiki
DIP Lite (*Free* Self-Development / Self Improvement Course)