Day 174: My Friends are Happy but I’m Unhappy

I was around 10, in the car with girls or “my friends” from my class. The girls were being loud in the car, talking. They sounded happy.

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from my friends through defining them as “happy” and me “unhappy” and from this, continue to manipulate myself in charging the negative experience within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend’s expressions, my friend’s enjoyment/happiness because I wasn’t enjoying me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not enjoy me with my friends because I did not let the anger go I had from me going to this party I didn’t want to go to

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I made a mistake and that the result/consequence of me being here at this party I didn’t want to go to was due to my decision and thus I must accept it because I made myself be here and from this acceptance, I either leave or enjoy myself here otherwise I will continue to exist within a negative state of mind/experience and miss out on moments/opportunities where I can have fun and enjoy myself

When and as I see myself judging or defining others as being “happy” and me “unhappy,” I stop, breathe because I realize I am manipulating myself to fuel the negative experience within me where I don’t give myself the opportunity to express, explore, enjoy and expand me in the moment.

Therefore, I commit to assist and support myself to investigate what I am “unhappy” with so that I can find the point and direct it accordingly through self-honesty, common sense and the practical Desteni tools of self-correction/change.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to when I see myself angry about an issue that I had not let go of, to look within the point as to why I haven’t let it go – what is it about this point and the excuses/reasons/justifications that come up that I use to not let this go, and assit and support myself through self-honest writing and self-forgiveness to understand the point and use self-corrective statements and application to let it go. I see, realize and understand that if I do not let the anger go, the energy will over time accumulate and consequentially effect my physical body and health.

I commit myself to learn from my mistakes through understanding how I made them in the first place, by asking who was I when I made this decision I regretted, what did I do/who was involved/what was I thinking/existing within, so that I am clear on what to do next time when I encounter/walk into a similar situation again.

When and as I see myself at a party or event that I am not enjoying myself at, I breathe and investigate how can I assist and support myself here where I can make the best of this moment and enjoy myself. Within consideration of where I’m at and who I am with, I assess for myself whether leaving is the appropriate/best option or if I am not enjoying myself because of internal mind points I use self-supportive tools of self-forgiveness and self-correcting application to assist me in immediate change.

Will continue with more self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements/commitments in the next blog post.

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Day 170: Why Am I So Tired When I Hang out with Friends? Part 2

My problem I am facing is not wanting to walk this point of understanding why I get so tired when I’m around this friend, S, of mine. I identified a part of it is because I am insecure about sharing what I see and know to my friend, being open and honest about me, and I must ask myself, well then, why am I still friends with her if I am unable to be myself? To express myself?

From what I understand through an Atlantean interview I listened to, tiredness can be a result of stress, fear and/or anxiety. This makes sense to me because when I am with my friend, S, I do see myself go into these reactions.

One fear that comes up is that if I were to talk/by myself we would have nothing in common and that our values would clash. This is so because what pops up is how she’s into sports and alcohol, and I’m not, but this defines her in limitation because we do have many things in common actually. What I want to do for myself, is next time when I hang out with her, to speak up more, within consideration of my friend/her mind/process and see where it takes me, because otherwise, if I suppress myself or believe that I shouldn’t speak of something for in fear of getting into conflict or having me and my friend ‘clash’ I am compromising myself, suppressing myself, and allowing my fears to ‘win.’

I see I am afraid of the conflict or reactions or the uncomfortable feelings/reactions I would experience if I were to be open and honest about me to my friend. What I will do for myself is to write out a list of the fears I have, identify memories, and then walk self-forgiveness on these fears.


Fears & Memories:

1) Afraid that what I share, specifically points of the world/humanity will be criticized/disagreed with (memory of my sister in the car comes up, memory of me in the car with C and thinking my friend isn’t interested in what I’m talking about and feeling insecure)

2) Afraid of her rejecting me as a friend/not wanting to hang out with me anymore because “we’ve had a long friendship” and “she is the only friend I have.”

These and more points I will walk within the next blog posts sharing my Self-Forgiveness and Self-Realizations. In the meantime, take a listen to this interview below:

https://eqafe.com/p/friends-and-memories-quantum-systemization-part-34

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FREE Self-Help Interviews:
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Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

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