235. Got Money Problems in Your Relationship?

Today my partner and I went shopping for pillows and pillowcases. We found our pillows and then found a really soft, silky pillowcase that we really liked and wanted to get. We saw that the only way to purchase the pillowcase was to get it through as package which included the bed sheet too. However, once we saw the price my partner became iffy/uncertain to get it.

From there what happened was that I went into a reaction because I wanted to get this set/package because how I saw it was that we both really wanted it originally and that we could afford it. However, a flood of reactions came through because my husband wasn’t on the same page as me — he actually was looking at whether it is worth it to buy a pillow set like this at the price it was at.

From this, we both become reactive because we weren’t on the same page when it came to purchasing/not purchasing the pillow set. And in our relationship we have that tendency to react easily when it comes to money because we both grew up in different environments and different ways of working with money. For me, for example, coming from a family who would use the credit card a lot and become a little careless about spending whereas my partner’s family come from a mindset of saving every penny, and only buying necessities. So, money is certainty an issue and process we are both walking…

However, to get to my point, we were both obviously not on the same page and reactive. What I realized was that this would only continue (us being reactive and not coming to a solution/answer about the pillowcase point) unless we really talk this out and come up with a practical solution. But what I saw was that I could not get to that point of talking to my partner in stability, I knew what I had to do — I need to apply Self-Forgiveness and release myself of the emotions, otherwise I would end up speaking from/as reactions.

So I took a break from my partner and spoke Self-Forgiveness under my breath. As I spoke I realized I had such a huge desire to get this pillowcase and was angry my partner was not fulfilling this desire to immediately buy it. I was in self-interest, only considering my want and not what would be best for us.  Once I was stable and okay, I went back to my partner and shared with him what I realized. From there on our communication became stable and we were both cool with the decision we made.

So, I’d like to share that when it comes to not being on the same page with your partner and you need to solve a problem, to first apply self-forgiveness on your reactions towards the point and this allows common sense to open up within it and then you can share and work with your partner in finding a practical solution for the both of you. Self-Forgiveness is so cool, give it a shot sometime.

Thanks for reading.

Additional support with communication in relationships:

VIDEO: Communication in Relationships

(Image Source)

 Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
Self & Living: Solutions to Personal Every Day Problems
EQAFE.com  Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest

Day 222: Working Together

I took the initiative to start up a Facebook group for women living in the (foreign) country I live in as a way for other women to ask questions, get answers, network, and share services/works with other women. I did this because I had a few ”women” questions that I was not comfortable asking in public Fbook groups so I decided to open up my own group, a ”safe, closed group” so to speak where women can assist other women with problems/questions in the specific city they are living in.

I offered my invitation to a Fbook Women’s Association group (where they are also located in the same city as me) to join in. Then, a few of these women started to advertise/promote their group in the Fbook group I created. They wrote about how all the women’s questions living in a foreign country can be answered in their group. From there, I felt like it was getting competitive, like they wanted to take away the women in MY group, and it got to the point where I wanted to start blocking these women, until I realized, hey wait, I’m in reaction, and I know that I create consequences when I’m in reaction, so let’s stop, breathe and see maybe I can work something out with these ladies.

So I reached out, and I messaged one of the women and told them that I can help their group by placing a document in the files section of my Fbook Women’s group with their information, so, if they see that another can benefit from looking into their group, they can point the person to the document. Then from that I started adding other resources and information that women may want to look up if they need additional assistance. Because then I realized, this is not just MY group, it’s a group for women to gain and share information and resources with each other to make living in a foreign country a little easier. This was my original intent of creating the group in the first place, though reactions had to get in the way and I made things personal for a moment.

Anyways, my idea worked out well, and it turned out that the women contact me in need of assistance with their website (because in their group women pay for membership), and they asked me if I could assist, so just today I met one of the women, got to find out more about her and where she comes from and from there, was gifted volunteer opportunities in the group which will assist me in networking with others (in hopes to find a job) and expand my skills.

Thus, the point I’d like to share is that working WITH others is so much more beneficial than working against others, because you may never know what will open up.







Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Day 214: The Problem with Alcohol at Parties

I got invited to a party the other day and I was really looking forward to checking it out there. It was going to be my first party here in Vienna and I was going to meet many internationals also living in this city. I was also able to bring my partner with me which was cool.

When I got there I noticed that the party was basically held in a restaurant with many tables and chairs set up with a bar but no dance floor. So basically everyone there was simply talking and drinking alcohol, and that was it.

I see it as a shame that we as humanity allow ourselves to set up and participate in these parties where we all resort to drinking alcohol because that is how we see ‘fun’ but I don’t see fun as that. I see fun at parties as being able to be oneself, express oneself with others, dance around, have interesting conversations with people without being influenced by alcohol, but we have over time programmed and conditioned ourselves throughout our history as humans in this world/society to connect alcohol to ‘fitting in,’ ‘having fun’ or ‘partying’ while we suppress our own expression within this substance. In fact we can feel paralyzed/fearful around others and unable to be ourselves at parties/gatherings, that is why we give into alcohol to either ‘help’ us in loosening ourselves up/being relaxed within who we are, or bring out a more rambunctious outgoing side that we normally suppress in our day to day living.

This is why I find education on how to be able to be ourselves/bring out our self-expression around others and at parties without the need for alcohol/external substance is important because then we are directive principles, being able to be okay with ourselves, decide who we are and how we want to be/live in our lives instead of allowing a substance to decide for us or influence who we should be, feel and do. In this regard, one can take the  Desteni I Process ‘Lite’ course or go on the Desteni Forum to help one establish an awareness of becoming directive principle of your life.

I know me and my partner are a very rare couple compared to the many other couples and individuals in this world at parties because of our choice to not drink alcohol. We understand the impact and influence it has to not only our minds, but our bodies. If it is suggested or mandatory to order some drink at a party or dinner I order a non-alcohol drink like a fruit juice with soda water (it’s quite delicious, give it a shot sometime).

Here are some blogs in relation to the effects of alcohol on the mind and body and how to support yourself to stop the habit/addiction:

One Year of NO ALCOHOL
Alcohol, Drugs and Demon Possession
My Addiction to Alcohol, Sleeping Meds and Porn
Alcohol is the Corporate Psychologist
Where Does Your Responsibility Go When You’re Drunk?
Zero Point and Other Points – Alcohol 
Alcohol and Humanity — Intelligence?

Google Hangout Video:
What They Didn’t Tell You About Alcohol Addiction!

Forum Thread:
The Design of Alcohol

Interviews:
Alcohol in New Relationships
Alcohol Poisoning
Life Review: Words, Behavior, Alcohol
Death Research: Words, Behavior, Alcohol

”I have not had alcohol for a year and a bit more now, I have gone to a bar with friends and people from my past, and I just drank seltzer water and ice. They ask ‘what, you don’t drink anymore? why not?’ in great shock, this amused me somewhat, but also, I realize that this is just programmed behavior. We are so programmed to see people drinking, having alcohol be accepted as the way to relax and enjoy friends as it’s on every other commercial and pushed in tv and movies, but really if we have a self honest look, it’s just a way for corps. to make money while we go to shit. Many deaths are caused, people go out of control, no common sense is practiced, and its really all just bullshit and not needed. I realized I could be an example to show we don’t need to drink to enjoy here, alcohol is not needed to have a good time, and it can be stopped. I suggest use what has been said in this thread to write out self honestly why you drink. Drinking alcohol is an abuse to life and does nothing to support what is here and what is best for all.” –-Garbrielle on the Desteni Forum

Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

Day 175: Emotional Person

So I have really defined me as an emotional person, and I have not seen this until I started writing about how much I have come to depend on emotions, how I have allowed myself to basically live my whole entire life within emotions.

I’ve come to find out about this after I started to write about who I am walking process, where I asked myself questions like “Will I or will I not walk this process?” and when I saw I had anxiety and fear towards this point, I asked “why? Why am I scared?” Then I saw that still within me I am afraid to let go of all that I defined myself as – all the emotions, all the feelings that I experience on a constant basis, because I don’t know who I’m going to be or how I’m going to “feel” when I let it all go.

So I then looked at the point of emotions and feelings – what are they? And there I went to the Desteni Wiki and looked at it and was able to clarify some points in relation to that by typing a document to myself where I could understand the information in my own words and this supported me tremendously in grasping the absolute fact that who I am does not consist of energetic experiences or emotional and feelings. Emotions and Feelings are a generator for the mind consciousness system that has been pre-programmed into me/all of us and it is only through my participation of them that I fuel/feed the mind consciousness system and thus condition/ingrain myself into believing and defining me as these emotions and feelings, which can be quite problematic as being within an emotion or feeling, such as anger that comes up that one believes/defines to be this anger “this is who I am — I am angry!” and then one allows the emotion to take over and direct/control one to speak, act and do things that one wouldn’t want to do if one were aware of it of the consequences it brings. This type of self-education I am walking has been very valuable in assisting me with the process of understanding who I am and what I exist as.

So I suggest if you haven’t already, to check out the Desteni Wiki as well as the Desteni Forum to gain understanding and information about who we are and how we are currently existing cause it is unlike any type of resource of information you will ever read. Also, to check out an actual FREE self-development course that will assist one in really understanding one’s mind at lite.desteniiprocess.com

I will be exploring this point of defining myself and living my life as an ’emotional’ person in blog posts to come. Thanks for reading.

Check out these awesome sites:

Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Awesome Life & Living Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Day 152: I Want to Go to Bed NOW SCS 1

Continuation from:
I Want to go to Bed NOW – Temper Tantrum of the Mind

SCS= Self Corrective Statements / Self Commitment Statements

I see, realize and understand that I originally made a decision for myself to walk through responsibilities for the night, but then allowed myself to give into the temper tantrum and got possessed by the point, so what I see I must do is to stand my ground more, like before making a decision, to consider all points within the decision to make sure all backdoors are closed and to list what needs to get done so it’s on paper. Now within this, I see that when I carry out those responsibilities I may have certain, specific reactions and resistances – and the point here is to be aware of these reactions/resistances so I can find ways/means/solutions on how to work through them/push through them. For example, I know that I get resistance before working on a particular assignment, so what I can do is to prepare myself through finding ways/means/solutions to understand and walk through that particular resistance, so that when it comes up, I know exactly how to direct myself within/as it.

From this, I commit myself to flag point/become aware of resistances when they come up when I am facing a responsibility because this will assist me with understanding the point and finding solutions to stop it.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand the resistance when I face a particular responsibility and find a way/solution to direct it so when I face the same responsibility again and the resistance comes up, I know how to direct myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand the particular reactions I have when facing myself and my responsibilities during the day/night through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-introspection.

I commit myself to when am clear/can understand the reaction towards this responsibility, walk self-corrective application through directing myself within and as the reaction when it comes up when I face a responsibility.

I see, realize and understand that when I become angry through wanting to fulfill my want, by throwing a tantrum in my mind about wanting to go to bed now as a point to excuse myself from a responsibility, that within the angry I make it seem to myself that it is the only/best way to relieve or settle down my anger, because I feel uncomfortable when I’m angry and want to do whatever I can to get away from that experience/to calm myself down, instead of realizing that I can calm myself down (without escaping/excusing from responsibilities) by stepping away from the responsibility and breathing to calm myself down, to bring me back into my physical body.

I see, realize and understand that it’s my active participation within thinking/participating/believing/becoming the backchat of “I want to go to bed now” and becoming/experiencing the anger within it that is the problem which makes me want to get away from the responsibility I’m facing.

When and as I see myself become emotional when the backchat “I want to go to bed NOW” comes up, to stop, breathe, and bring myself back here into my physical body – whether that be through stepping away from the responsibility for the moment – the point is to bring myself back to stability and from there, speak out loud to myself what I had already committed and decided for myself to carry through/take responsibility for and the point/purpose of what I’m doing to give myself and my mind a logical reason.  I commit myself to walk this self-corrective statement when and as I see myself become emotional while participating in the thought “I want to go to bed NOW.”

When and as I see myself become emotional and participate within the backchat “I want to go to sleep NOW” and do not want to calm myself down, I stop, breathe and see that this a problem and that this requires real-time correction, real-time application of the realizations and corrective statements I wrote down for myself, so whether I am emotional or possessed within this point, I am able to breathe, and I assist and support myself to look at why I am not willing/wanting to let the point go through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I see, realize and understand that becoming emotional has for a long time been a way for me to get out of things, to not face things, and I realize this point/pattern needs to be stopped because it is an abusive pattern/cycle that harms me and my physical body and I cannot stand within integrity if I still allow myself to be moved by internal movements/emotions. I see, realize and understand that being stable within myself is of utmost importance for me.

I see, realize and understand that through thinking and participating within anger towards the backchat “I want to go to bed NOW” I am only considering my want, my need, and abdicating my self-directive principle and self-power to make decisions for myself, because I see that I had made a decision for myself to carry out a responsibility but allowed internal backchat and movement/emotions to influence/direct me instead of me living out/carrying out the decision I made for me within consideration of what’s best for all. I realize if I am unable to direct myself internally, I cannot direct myself externally, therefore, understanding and actually actively directing myself internally will assist and support me to eventually direct myself externally in my world/reality.

More to come…

Check out other Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Free Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Additional Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Equal Life Foundation
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Day 151: "I Want to Go to Bed NOW" Temper Tantrum of the Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry because I want to go to bed now but also realize that I need to complete my things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry because I am not getting what I want -which is to go to bed now – because I made a decision for myself to get a few responsibilities done tonight before I go to bed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry while thinking “I want to go to bed now” as a point to escape/excuse myself from responsibility, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this want – “I want to go to bed now” is just a want, a desire within self-interest, only considering me instead of realzing that my things need to get done tonight, and therefore it is best for me to complete my things and then go to sleep. From this, I see, realize and understand that when I don’t get my way, or my want, me as the mind throws a tantrum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger through thinking ‘I want to go to bed NOW,’ as a statement of self-interest, only considering my want instead of considering the purpose/point of the responsibilities I must complete tonight. I see, realize and understand that what needs to be done tonight is priority because I realize that the responsibilities and actions I complete actually assist and support me within developing my self-discipline, self-trust and self-authority.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have set up my wants in a particular way that when I see self-honestly I have things I need to do in the moment that is not aligned to my want, this anger will come up as a tantrum in the mind where I then become the point where I become angry and I physically become uncomfortable in my solar plexus where it then becomes difficult to direct myself, instead of realizing I have to find ways/solutions to direct myself as this temper tantrum as if I were directing a child in a meltdown who couldn’t get what they wanted. This will assist me so that it won’t be the one point that will dive me to a path I didn’t decide for myself.

I realize that there is a moment before the temper tantrum starts where I can either accept and allow myself to go into the mind/into the temper tantrum of thoughts of self-interested wants, or direct myself with what needs to get done within the consideration of all.

More to come…

Temper Tantrum Support:
Heaven’s Journey to Life: I want it, I want it NOW!
Heaven’s Journey to Life: I Will Not Let My Want Take Over My Will   and Part 2

Check out other Journey to Life Blogs:Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Free Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Additional Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Equal Life Foundation
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Day 100: Walking through Embarrassment

From:  Day 99: Secret Eater / Binge Eater Personality — Memories Exposed
I will be walking my memories in relation to the Binge Eating Personality alone. When and as I am ready / clear on this point and have understood more about it, I will share what I’d seen / realized / understood from the personality as support for me and others.

I’ve been facing the point of fear and embarrassment these last few days in relation to publicly posting my blog post on memories and my past with binge-eating. One reason for the fear is that I don’t actually understand how I created this personality, and I am not able to stand within this with full understanding of how I manifested this point. Then the embarrassment came because I feared what others may think of me or how they would see me after reading the blog, such as for example, seeing me “weak” or something because I’ve allowed myself to fall within points of eating and feeling sorry for myself, and in my case the binge-eating point has dominated basically my entire teenage life – it was what I would do to temporarily escape difficult emotions and conflicting thoughts inside of me, instead of actually taking a breath and assisting and supporting me to understand my internal experiences so I can direct myself to no longer exist within them.

With that being said, I will walk self-forgiveness on what I wrote above in the next post.


What is Embarrassment? System Demons 25 – Embarrassment Demon

Additional Support:

Day 81: Self Sabotage Point Self-Commitments

Writing out Self-Commitment Statements that I will apply from the Self-Forgiveness Statements that I walked in my previous blog: Self-Forgiveness on Self Sabotage Point.

I commit myself to utilize the four count breath when and as I see myself experience conflicting internal experiences of emotions within me.

I commit myself to utilize the tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application when I see myself become emotionally unstable to understand what led me to the experience so I can name it and take responsibility for it. I realize I must actually see what it is that directed me to this internal conflicting experience of negative emotions to understand it and direct it effectively.

I commit myself to stop using food as a means to attempt to hide and / or avoid facing myself and negative experiences of emotions because I realize that food will not help me deal with what’s going on within me because I realize I must actually practically and physically DO SOMETHING about my points in order to understand them and let them go. That is why I commit myself to use the Desteni tools when I find myself in what is described as ‘emotional turmoil.’

I commit myself to flag points of self-sabotage that I live within my daily life and through writing and self-forgiveness investigate where these patterns / points originated from, let them go and script myself a new path to walk that benefits me as self-support in my life and world.

When and as I see myself about to eat or am eating as a means to avoid facing myself / a point / an internal negative experience of emotion, I stop, I breathe, and I let go of the food and I say “let’s write about this” and physically move myself to write about what exactly led me to this point, like looking at any specific thoughts or backchat or images that come up that I have not yet looked at and taken responsibility for but just allowed myself to continue participating within it as an act of self-sabotage because I realize that nothing will be settled if I don’t write and / or look at the points that I am not wanting to face, because as long as I continue avoiding the point the more I continue to exist and experience what it is I don’t want to look at / face.

Additional Support:
Desteni
Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
DIP Lite *Free Self-Development / Self-Improvment Course*

Day 77: Expecting a Positive Experience From Writing

This is a continuation from the previous blog posts:
Day 73-75: Resistance to Writing Part 1
Day 76: “I’ll Be Diligent and Focused TOMORROW” Thought & Memory

Thought-Image that I am working with: “Me at my desk writing diligently and focused the next day.”

This thought comes up as an image of “me at my desk writing diligently and focused the next day.” This thought is an idea I created within myself of who I WANT TO BE when I am writing – diligently and focused and instead of actually becoming that when I write I believe that tomorrow I will be that, but this is an excuse not to put in the effort and write that day, and I know that I won’t ever be diligent and focused in writing if I keep postponing the writing and thinking to myself I’m going to be diligent and focused tomorrow…
I can see I can trace this thought back to a memory when I wrote in my notebook after a period of time when I stopped my participation in Desteni due to chasing desires and I basically got to a point where I had enough of the b.s. I was existing in – I was in a difficult situation I got myself into and I knew what I had to do – so I sat on my couch and wrote out everything that was bothering me – I got it all out because I held a lot in, and I was what I would describe as very ‘diligent and focused’ because I was essentially letting the information flow out of me about a specific point that was bothering me, and as I was writing, I saw the solution, and I literally felt better, like a load came off of me because it was within me writing intimately to myself without reaction or judgement that I got to see what was really going on inside but then my writing got interrupted by a family member calling me to dinner and I became startled and felt the intimate experience I had when writing out myself got violated and I didn’t want to stop writing but felt obligated to go to dinner so I left my writing and went to dinner. When I came back I sat down and tried to apply the writing but nothing came out as before, I became frustrated and felt stuck. I wanted to continue writing as I did before but felt like I couldn’t anymore, so I just put the notebook away.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become diligent and focused when I write but allowed myself to become distracted and pre-occupied by silly little things like checking facebook, going on my iPod and / or watching a TV show.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “me at my desk writing diligently and focused” to exist within and as me as I see, realize and understand this thought comes from a memory of me when I was writing on my couch in a very straightforward diligent and focused manner until I was interrupted by a family member which then created an experience of unsettlement and feeling as if my privacy was violated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel violated when I was was writing and got interrupted by my family member because I see, realize and understand that I defined that experience of “me writing diligently and ‘focused” as a ‘good thing’ thus giving that moment of me writing a positive charge.

From that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that moment of “me writing diligently and focused” positively instead of seeing that I created the experience of feeling like what I was doing was something ‘good.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing as ‘good’, thus giving it positive value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive writing as a ‘good’ thing, when really writing is writing, a physical act of moving the pencil on paper or typing on the keyboard and me taking responsibility for my points to see what I’m existing as so I can see where I need to change, but I have given positive associations to writing due to how I perceived writing to be, and I specifically perceived writing out in emotional turmoil to be a positive thing, because I expected a positive thing to come forth from the writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing as an “emotionally uplifting experience” from which I want to gain a positive experience to feel better instead of seeing it’s not about making myself feel better or to soothe fears but about facing the fears, facing the turmoil, facing who I am, so I can find a solution and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive writing while I’m in emotional turmoil as a ‘positive / good thing’ as a mind-energy polarity of positive and negative energetic experiences (emotion and feeling based) cause of this belief that something positive is going to come out from writing out all the points onto paper. Now I see, realize and understand that the positive cannot exist without the negative, therefore, as long as I think that I’m going to get a positive feeling or experience from being negative / emotional, then I’m obviously going to continue enslaving myself in a constant cycle of energetic experiences of positivity and negativity, meaning, I’m going to continuously experience highs and lows, hopping to one end to the other, never in fact just being here, living here as breath.

I commit myself to re-define the words ‘diligent’ and ‘focused’ and apply these words to live, as living words.

I commit myself to stop defining the act of writing as something ‘good’ and ‘positive.’

When and as I see myself going into expectation about getting a positive experience out of my writing, I STOP, I take a deep in-breath and out-breath, and with the out-breath I just let the expectation go as I remind myself that I’m missing the whole point of writing, and that is – to see what I’m existing as, and take responsibility for it so I can change, and with that reminder, I instruct myself to continue writing in self-honesty and find solutions for me.

I commit myself to practice breathing to stop bouncing back and forth between positive and negative mind-energy polarity experiences.

I will continue with the second part of the thought tomorrow, going deeper in the memory.


Image by: Andrew Gable || DesteniArtists

Additional Support:
Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Desteni I Process
*Free Self Development / Self-Improvement Course* DIP Lite

Day 72: Sabotaging Moments By Being Emotional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste the limited time I had with my partner by talking about worries, concerns and blame about my future and job situation without providing any practical solution or support for myself, but just continued to rant and rave and go into worry and concern and it wasn’t until my partner finally spoke up that I realized that I was being in a emotional possession and thus, was not stable to really talk because what was coming out of my mouth was basically garbage — words filled with fear, concern and blame instead of just taking a breath, and look at the common sense as to what I need to do to best support me, which I see in this moment breathing and writing supports.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for those worries and points in my mind as I see, realize and understand that when I mull in my mind with all my thoughts of worries and concerns about my future, nothing supportive will come forth because it’s just me participating in a continuous cycle of worry, concern and blame and thus it will continue to be that way unless I actually take a physical step and write out exactly what is going on in my mind to see how I can direct myself through these points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste the limited time I had with my partner by communicating when I was in an emotional possession because I realize my partner didn’t have enough time to talk and instead of talking about something cool and / or supportive like things we enjoy, I went into a self-sabotage mode allowing all the points of today, of all the thoughts, feelings and emotions I did not take responsibility for in the moments they came up to compound within me and then bring up all of those points in an emotional possession within the conversation, unaware that nothing supportive was coming forth as it was all worry and blame, all in which I did not take responsibility for or even WANT to take responsibility for in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for being emotional and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone emotional instead of taking responsibility for the points I existed in today that led to me being in an emotional possession, blaming myself, feeling feel sorry for myself which perpetuated a cycle of self-abuse, all of which sabotaged my time with my partner, instead of realizing that existing in such abusive experiences will not get me anywhere but actually suppress me and hold me back from really working on myself and seeing what it is I need to get clear in relation to what I need to do and how to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a whiny, self-pitying complainer character who allows oneself to just rant and rave and not do anything about their situation as I realize I developed this character over time imprinting such points from people in my environment as a means to justify why I cannot take responsibility for myself and change.

I commit myself to take responsibility of the points existent within me – all thoughts, feeling, emotions through breathing, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to change how I live and approach others in my world.

I commit myself to BREATHE and stick to breathing when I see myself become emotional to stabilize and calm myself down as nothing “good” will get me anywhere if I’m in an emotional possession.

I commit myself to utilize writing when I see I am concerned about my future, as writing assists me in seeing the points that are inside me that led me to go into an emotional possession and if need be, ask for others’ assistance for anything I did not see / take into consideration.

I commit myself to investigate through writing and self-forgiveness, self corrective application the character I’ve created and become – the complainer who rants and raves and doesn’t do anything about their problems.

I commit myself to utilize the limited time I have with my partner to make it supportive and fun and not allow myself to give into my emotions, worries and concerns that may sabotage the communication / time I have with them through breathing and / or talking about the points with my partner to gain clarity and direction to take responsibility for them.

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