Day 216: Resistance to Letting Go of Stress

Continuation from:
The Fear that Drives my Stress in Work

So today I saw I was stressed, and within me I saw that I should walk forgiveness, and that I can walk forgiveness on this point, but then this belief backchat of ”it’s not going to work,” comes up followed with an experience/feeling of not wanting to do it, because I projected me doing it/saying the SF and it not completely working, and I have believed it, and I know that I am not honest and genuine within saying SF because I saw I was in the emotional experience and I knew that to get me out of the emotional experience to say SF but I didn’t want to, I had resistance. I didn’t see there to be a point to walk the SF. I saw it as an obligatory thing to do.

If I look at it, if I were to walk SF within the experience I would not want to because I would want to stay in that stress-experience of working because I think and believe it keeps me alert and going. I am afraid to lose my ability to work and to get things done to the best of my ability without this stress. So that is why I didn’t want to walk SF.

So my relationship to me with SF is misaligned. Looking at who I am within that stress experience, I like being in that state because I feel like I am working hard, it gives me or makes me feel like I have purpose with being so determined and working within what I do. I don’t want to let that experience go because I am afraid I will not be able to work as much or with that determination and focus as before. I project that with walking SF on the stress, I have an idea/expectation that it will all go away and thus I will be so relaxed and calm I will not have that determination, stress and focus within getting the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I ”should” walk self-forgiveness when I see myself stressed instead of realizing that self-forgiveness is a decision I make within the moment where I don’t allow myself to tell me what I should or should not do but simply make the decision and agreement within myself to DO/WALK self forgiveness whenever an emotional reaction comes up within me WITHOUT expectations or ideas about what MAY HAPPEN when I walk self forgiveness because I realize that self forgiveness is an unraveling where I will discover or find insights, realizations and/or solutions that wouldn’t come forth if I stayed within an emotional state, so thus it is essential to simply allow myself to when I say/speak self-forgiveness to do it within the starting point of forgiving myself of accepting and allowing myself to participate and become equal and one to an energy/mind consciousness point instead of standing equal and one to the physical, as Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal and one to my decisions within becoming and acting and living the real process of forgiving myself whenever an emotion or feeling as consciousness comes up

I commit myself to realign myself with self-forgiveness, where self-forgiveness becomes a part of me and my every day life and living so that whenever an emotional/feeling reaction or movement comes up within me I act immediately within correction of forgiving myself of the energetic experience, so I realize that to become and live self-forgiveness absolutely takes practice and consistency

I commit myself to start now in this moment, practice acting in the moment whenever an emotion/feeling or energetic experience comes up within me, that I forgive myself without expectations or ideas or projections of what may come or how I may feel after – to such ideas go and stay here in the moment and trust myself that the insights, realizations and solutions will come the more I become self-honest with myself in the moment, forgiving myself in becoming the mind consciousness point existent within me and realign myself back to earth/physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have allowed myself to create a personality within myself where I ”tell” myself what I should or should not do according to waking my process instead of becoming the directive principle of BECOMING the decision of immediately walking the correction process of forgiving myself when I am stressed

I commit myself to identify, bring up, unravel and change this process-personality of telling myself what I should or should not do within walking process through self-honest writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and to align myself into walking this process in self-honesty, without polarity of ”should and should nots”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgiving myself and letting go of the stress when I am stressed because I am afraid that if I let go of the stress then I won’t be able to be so determined and focus as I usually am when I am working hard and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not re-define the words ”Determined” and ”Focused” so I may live these words in my life without the stress or energetic/consciousness influence within my work

I commit myself to redefine for me the words ”Determined” and ”Focused” so I may live these words within my work/the work that I do

I realize that self-forgiveness will not assist me if my starting point to begin with is misaligned where who I am is not willing to forgive because I don’t want to forgive because I am holding onto a point or idea, where I don’t want to let go of it because I am afraid of losing a part of that stress, that is who I am within my work

I commit myself to understand this fear of not letting go of the stress through self-honest writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and give in to the thought that self-forgiveness is not going to work, creating a resistance or experience within me where I do not want to walk self-forgiveness, because I realize if I really do believe and think that I am this thought of ”self-forgiveness is not going to work” I am actually going to create a resistance or wall for myself towards walking self-forgiveness, thus I see, realize and understand that I am creating the actual resistance to walking self-forgiveness while I’m stressed by saying to myself – and believing to myself– ”self forgiveness is not going to work, ” so essentially trapping myself in this belief

So within this, I realize a few points: One is that if who I am is within the starting point of not wanting to walk self-forgiveness or release the point of stress within me, self-forgiveness is not going to work and I am not going to walk it. Then, when I give in, believe, become, and participate in the thought ”self forgiveness is not going to work” I am actually creating that resistance to self-forgiveness the more I say, think and believe it and from that, not want to walk self-forgiveness. SO, I am really the creator of my own experiences.

When and as I see myself say to myself or think ”self-forgiveness is not going to work” I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in the thought because I realize I do not want to give in and become this thought or else I will create a wall of resistance where I will not want to walk self-forgiveness, where the process to walk self-forgiveness will become harder the more I give in, participate and believe in such a thought, so I commit myself to stop, breathe and not allow myself to give or participate in the thought but instead ”Catch” this point for myself where the mind is trying to grab my attention to become this thought so I can remain trap and not release myself from the mind

More on this to come, thanks for reading!

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Day 152: I Want to Go to Bed NOW SCS 1

Continuation from:
I Want to go to Bed NOW – Temper Tantrum of the Mind

SCS= Self Corrective Statements / Self Commitment Statements

I see, realize and understand that I originally made a decision for myself to walk through responsibilities for the night, but then allowed myself to give into the temper tantrum and got possessed by the point, so what I see I must do is to stand my ground more, like before making a decision, to consider all points within the decision to make sure all backdoors are closed and to list what needs to get done so it’s on paper. Now within this, I see that when I carry out those responsibilities I may have certain, specific reactions and resistances – and the point here is to be aware of these reactions/resistances so I can find ways/means/solutions on how to work through them/push through them. For example, I know that I get resistance before working on a particular assignment, so what I can do is to prepare myself through finding ways/means/solutions to understand and walk through that particular resistance, so that when it comes up, I know exactly how to direct myself within/as it.

From this, I commit myself to flag point/become aware of resistances when they come up when I am facing a responsibility because this will assist me with understanding the point and finding solutions to stop it.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand the resistance when I face a particular responsibility and find a way/solution to direct it so when I face the same responsibility again and the resistance comes up, I know how to direct myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand the particular reactions I have when facing myself and my responsibilities during the day/night through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-introspection.

I commit myself to when am clear/can understand the reaction towards this responsibility, walk self-corrective application through directing myself within and as the reaction when it comes up when I face a responsibility.

I see, realize and understand that when I become angry through wanting to fulfill my want, by throwing a tantrum in my mind about wanting to go to bed now as a point to excuse myself from a responsibility, that within the angry I make it seem to myself that it is the only/best way to relieve or settle down my anger, because I feel uncomfortable when I’m angry and want to do whatever I can to get away from that experience/to calm myself down, instead of realizing that I can calm myself down (without escaping/excusing from responsibilities) by stepping away from the responsibility and breathing to calm myself down, to bring me back into my physical body.

I see, realize and understand that it’s my active participation within thinking/participating/believing/becoming the backchat of “I want to go to bed now” and becoming/experiencing the anger within it that is the problem which makes me want to get away from the responsibility I’m facing.

When and as I see myself become emotional when the backchat “I want to go to bed NOW” comes up, to stop, breathe, and bring myself back here into my physical body – whether that be through stepping away from the responsibility for the moment – the point is to bring myself back to stability and from there, speak out loud to myself what I had already committed and decided for myself to carry through/take responsibility for and the point/purpose of what I’m doing to give myself and my mind a logical reason.  I commit myself to walk this self-corrective statement when and as I see myself become emotional while participating in the thought “I want to go to bed NOW.”

When and as I see myself become emotional and participate within the backchat “I want to go to sleep NOW” and do not want to calm myself down, I stop, breathe and see that this a problem and that this requires real-time correction, real-time application of the realizations and corrective statements I wrote down for myself, so whether I am emotional or possessed within this point, I am able to breathe, and I assist and support myself to look at why I am not willing/wanting to let the point go through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I see, realize and understand that becoming emotional has for a long time been a way for me to get out of things, to not face things, and I realize this point/pattern needs to be stopped because it is an abusive pattern/cycle that harms me and my physical body and I cannot stand within integrity if I still allow myself to be moved by internal movements/emotions. I see, realize and understand that being stable within myself is of utmost importance for me.

I see, realize and understand that through thinking and participating within anger towards the backchat “I want to go to bed NOW” I am only considering my want, my need, and abdicating my self-directive principle and self-power to make decisions for myself, because I see that I had made a decision for myself to carry out a responsibility but allowed internal backchat and movement/emotions to influence/direct me instead of me living out/carrying out the decision I made for me within consideration of what’s best for all. I realize if I am unable to direct myself internally, I cannot direct myself externally, therefore, understanding and actually actively directing myself internally will assist and support me to eventually direct myself externally in my world/reality.

More to come…

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Day 29: Fear/Anxiety Over Choosing Where to Sit in a Restaurant


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious when I am given the authority to make a decision over where to sit in a restaurant.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a ‘right choice’ as to where one should sit in a restaurant and from this go into anxiety because I ‘don’t know’ what the right choice is, instead of realizing I created this idea- the idea that there is only one right choice/answer about where to sit in a restaurant.  From this,I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of not knowing what would be the right choice as to where to sit in a restaurant.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety when it comes to having the responsibility to choose where to sit because of fear of making the “wrong choice.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when being asked where I would like to sit in a restaurant, go into fear and shut down within myself and go into the excuse “I don’t know’ and “I don’t know what the best choice is,” thus essentially giving up on myself in making a decision.   From this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing to “know” about where to sit in a resistant, because one does not require to have knowledge from the Mind as to where to sit, but simply see with physical eyes the environment and choose accordingly towards what is a comfortable place to sit in, even if there are several places to sit in. I see, realize and understand that I have created a pattern of going into anxiety and shutting down within myself when asked where I would like to sit when there are many seating options available because of this belief that “I don’t know what the best seat/choice is.”
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe while being asked to make a decision where to sit and accordingly in breath see what is around me and choose a spot that I see would be best to sit in.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when my family/friend/friendsgive me the authority  to make the decision as to where to sit in a restaurant, that I make the decision to choose where to sit by taking into consideration the number of people I’m with and the environment around me.  So I look at the options available and choose what I see what would be the most comfortable for us all as I realize my family/friend/friends gave me the authority to choose, so I allow myself to choose what I see is best for all of us.  If any disagreement/conflict come up in relation to my decision I remind them that they gave me the responsibility to choose where to sit and so, if they are still unsatisfied with my decision, I ask them where they would like to sit and walk this point with them so this simple point doesn’t become so unnecessarily difficult and complicated.

When and as I see myself go into anxiety when asked the question where would I like to sit, I stop, I breathe, and see, realize and understand that I have been given the responsibility to make a choice where to sit and so, I assist and support myself to physically check out the environment and within consideration of who I’m with, choose a spot I see would be comfortable for us.  If possible, I could check with the other person to see if they are ok.  If there is disagreement from the other person, I ask them what they prefer or make another choice myself and cross-reference with them.

I commit myself to stick to breath when it is my responsibility to choose where to sit in a restaurant, and I commit myself to stop this pattern of anxiety in relation to being worried/concerned over where to sit.

I commit myself to investigate where in my past/childhood I have gone into anxiety when it came to making decisions and see if there is a specific origin point tied to the point of going into fear/anxiety when choosing where to sit in a restaurant.

Thanks for reading.