Day 218: Realizations from Being with Children

I got invited today as a potential candidate for an English pre-school to come in and play with the children for a few hours. This allowed me to meet the other staff members, get a good feel for the job to then be determined if I would be a good fit there.

While I was with these children, aged 1 1/2 to 3 years old, I had many realizations. Here are some I wrote down:

1) They’re cute, but don’t let that get to you.

I saw myself go into like the ‘awww she’s so cute’ point, thinking that this little girl is perfectly sweet and nice. But then I observed how this sweet looking little girl actually caused some problems in the class, biting children, hitting them. So the girl’s behavior was not aligned to an idea I had of her, and of course, this does not make her a ”bad girl” — she could have only picked up/acted on such behaviors from us (humanity, parents, caregivers, teachers, world).

So within this I realized the following: looks can be deceiving, and this even applies to our society and world in general, where in the media we can become so captivated by an actress or actor and think all these good things about them, but we really don’t know the reality of them, just like how we have ideas of ourselves, perhaps thinking we are good people because we give to charity, but not realizing how we give to charity because it makes us ”feel better” as a self-interest point instead of consideration that charities are simply band-aids and do not actually help the poor for the long-run, it only helps them temporarily. So basically I saw here how I need to stop easily assuming or interpreting how another is, based on how I ”think” they are according to how they look.

2) The ”mine” point:

I have seen instances of children saying the ”mine” and not wanting to share with others. Even the word ”mine” sounds like mind, lol.

I see this as where a child says ”mine” as a form of fear because what I interpreted when I went over to this girl and asked her if her doll is sleeping she said ”mine” and brought the doll closer to herself, so I wondered if maybe she thought I was going to take it from her, which also brings me to the point of survival of the fittest, how we fear losing money or things in our lives that can threaten our life. We are basically programmed to survive. I mean it’s in our DNA in a way — we must survive, because the world we live in today is built on competition and survival where we really cannot trust each other because our world is hostile, it is insecure, we do not have a secure monetary system based on consideration of all beings on the planet so that everyone, humans, animals even plants have all basic needs fulfilled to live on this planet, and because we don’t have this, we don’t have a secure world or monetary system — we are insecure, we are in fear all the time, we must live based in survival, ”working to survive,” essentially.

3) We need more education about how to work with children:

Some basic ”troublesome behaviors” of 2-3 year olds are pulling hair, screaming, basically acting out in ways that make the environment stressful for others. What we usually do is say ”stop, don’t do that” and if the behavior continues, we put them in the time out chair. The problem I see within that is that we don’t communicate to the children about their behavior, the consequences of it, how it effects the other person, and especially in the case of 2-3 year olds, this is very hard to communicate such things, to talk about consequences.

Their behaviors must then come from us, the caregivers, the parents, the teachers, because of how we exist within. For example, there is a blog from Leila on parenting and why babies throw temper tantrums, and it was pointed out that as a parent, when you really want to do something, but unable to and throw a tantrum about it in your mind, babies pick up on that and see how you accept and allow it, so then over time, babies then develop that temper tantrum tendency because of how we as parents or caregivers allowed it to exist in us.

We require more education on how to effectively work with children, and that does start with working with ourselves in understanding how we exist according to our minds because who we are/how we exist in the mind makes a big impact on our children.

Fortunately, as of late, there have been audio recordings on parenting and how to work with the mind so you as a parent, teacher or caregiver can learn how to become stable for your children. It’s on EQAFE.com — I definitely suggest you check it out.

Additional notes: I can see it for myself that when working with the young children it’s important to remain as stable as possible because if you allow yourself to go into reaction, it will affect how you speak, how you move, and how you are, and children will see it and pick up on it — they naturally look to us as examples so when we don’t breathe and sort our reactions out but allow them to remain within us, the kids will assume that reacting and holding onto reactions is okay and will then develop that pattern as they grow up. In general, children I have met are more easily able to let things go, which is cool.

That is what I have for today. Thanks for reading.

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Day 153: Consequence of Assuming

I had to go through a dental procedure on Friday and was prescribed painkillers for the pain. I did not consider or look at the directions on how to take the pills exactly but used what I remembered the dental assistant told me that day. I was fine with the medicine until the next morning when I woke up at 5:30am and took the painkiller and then two hours later started to become increasingly nauseous. I knew there was a problem with what I did – I thought back at how the dental assistant asked me if my stomach is okay with ibuprofen, I said yes, then I thought maybe my stomach is sensitive to a lot of ibuprofen actually? Maybe that’s why I’m feeling ill?

Well within all of that I ended up vomiting quite severely and then my mom looked at the instructions of my medicine and what do you know I need to take that pill with food. I was like “oh my god” within myself – like how could I be so dumb, so stupid to not even look at the instructions on the pill, I just assumed I could take the pill right in the morning…

This type of ignorance is not cool – I just assumed from what I knew based on past experiences of taking a similar painkiller that I can just “take it” without any food/substances within me, but in reality, it was something different, but I didn’t even have the point within me to even look at/read the directions for the pills entirely, but relied on what I knew from what the dental assistant told me (looking at this, she probably did tell me to take the painkillers with food but I was not here listening to her).

Anyways, I learned my lesson. To make sure I check the instructions/directions on painkillers and not just rely on assumptions from my mind based on past experiences of when I took similar medication, because the directions/instructions can be different this time, so best to take preventative measures by actually following directions to medicines/painkillers you are prescribed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so blindly assume that I can take medicine without looking at the directions because I have already in my mind assumed based on past experiences taking a similar medicine that I could take it the way I thought was right, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I “think” is right may not be what is right in physical reality, and thus, I cannot trust my mind.  The dosage of the medicine I had was different than what I have had before and thus, I did not into account that a different dosage from the last medicine I took means there may be different instructions/directions on how to take it, but because I was so set within my mind within belief that I knew that this is how to take the medicine and did not consider the reality of how to use it, I experienced physical consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so righteously and ignorantly assume and believe so strongly within me that the way I was taking the medicine was correct, and I did not want to take the time to give the medicine a second look by reading how to take it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that there was a moment before taking the medicine where I did question if using this now was okay because I wasn’t sure if I had too much medicine in me already, and I see I could have used that uncertainty to actually seek out answers to see if what I am doing is okay for me and my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being ignorant and self-righteous instead of realizing this is a program and my nature that I am existing in and that it is not something to judge, but to change, because I would not want someone to judge me for what I’m existing as, because that would be self-diminishing, rather assist/support me in changing myself into someone/something best for all.

From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beat myself up by going into a state of self-punishment where I say to myself “how could you do that?” after going through the physical consequence of taking the medicine wrong instead of immediately forgiving myself and my body for what I had done due to ignorance and assumptions and not physical reality checking to see if what I am doing with the medicine is correct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of self-punishment where I believed that what I did was stupid, defining myself as stupid because I made a mistake that I thought I shouldn’t have made, instead of realizing that diminishing myself through defining myself as stupid will not assist me to understand the reason why I fell/made the mistake because I see that this point allowed me to become humble, and to learn from my mistake so I never make it again.

What I see, realize and understand within this all is that I cannot rely on my mind to tell me what is right – I must check with the physical reality before I act, such as in the case of using medicine – reading the directions first instead of being like “oh I know what to do” because physical consequences can happen that I did not anticipate/foresee. Therefore, this is another reason why I cannot trust my mind and what I “think” I know.

More to come…

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Day 49: Discipline & Distraction

What I found interesting is that sometimes when it is time for me to sit down and begin my writing, I do not actually in fact sit down and write and do it. What would happen is I would become curious and check my Facebook, check Twitter, maybe even go downstairs to grab water, play on my computer – all these points of distraction to not actually WRITE. And this is most prominent because then I’ll become sleepy and it’ll be coming up to the time I go to bed, and so I wasted a lot of time distracting myself with little things when I should have done the writing I planned to do within the time I scheduled in for me.

So really – this all comes down to allowing myself to get easily distracted by things so that I do not actually take the responsibility to get the writing done, so here I see I require to work on DISCIPLINE.

This is a point that I must actually become – disciplined, especially in regards to writing, because like I said, I notice that sometimes I have the tendency to distract myself and essentially avoid the physical act of writing  – and from this, it then leads to the consequence of me wasting time and writing actually is a self-supportive tool that I committed myself to do daily.

This distraction point is not supportive for me at all as I see I have allowed myself  to become distracted by little things and from there, lose focus of what is actually important and needs to be done.

So in the next post I will explore more of this point and apply self forgiveness so that I take responsibility for what I have done and prepare myself in writing to walk a self-corrective application so I become disciplined in my process in fact.

Thanks for reading!

Day 45: My Approach to Writing in/as Self Dishonesty


I am going to pause with my I’m Not Good Enough/My Writings Are Not Good Enough Character to write about a prominent point that came up and it’s about how I’ve been approaching writing from the starting point of seeing writing/the daily task of writing of/as something of a burden with the backchat saying “I don’t want to do this” and “I just want to go to bed” indicating the nature behind such words is giving up and not seeing/realizing/understanding the point of daily self writing.

So – I am going to write my self forgiveness in relation to this point as this is a prominent point that I see must be addressed today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach the daily self-task of writing myself to freedom as a burden, or an obligation that I must fulfill in separation of me, thus not seeing/realizing/understanding that who I am in my approach to writing is actually dishonest and if I allow myself to continue walking from this starting point the outflows and consequences will NOT be best for All/Self but that of only separation and abuse. So from this–

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat of “I don’t want to do this” in relation to writing to exist within and as me and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the nature of resistance to exist within and as me which shows in my backchat of “I don’t want to do this” which I see is me giving INTO the mind through abdication of self-responsibility within believing in the backchat that ‘I don’t want to do this,’ instead of realizing that I do not have to accept and allow the backchat to influence me but I am able through my self-will and self-power stand up within it, direct myself to stop and focus on what is important and requires to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat “I just want to go to bed” to exist within and as me as a point of wanting to give up on myself and the writing I commited myself to do and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become swayed into wanting to go to bed because my backchat told me to, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I want to go to bed instead of seeing my mind is bringing up that backchat so I can follow it/be directed by it and not complete my tasks/responsibilities required to be done because the mind will come up with as many excuses/reasons not to do something if it feels under threat and from seeing/realizing/understanding this point, I now have the directive self-will and power to stop allowing the backchat of wanting to go to bed as a reason why I should stop/not do writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall within the point of giving up on my writings because of the justifications from backchat that I am too tired and I want to go to bed and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the entire point as to why I am walking this commitment to write is because I no longer want to continue living in hell in and as a limited Mind Consciousness System of conflicting thoughts, emotions/feelings, and inner experiences that result in abuse and separation within me and my world.

I commit myself to – when and as I see myself approach writing/writing myself to freedom as a burden, obligation in seperation of me, I stop, I breathe and make sure my starting point is clear before I begin writing so I do not create/manifest consequences for myself and so, assist and support myself through breathing, writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application to clear my starting point so that I am writing/walking the points in self-honesty.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself about to comply/give into the mind by giving into thoughts of backchat, STOP and assist/support myself to push through the resistance and move myself to what I was doing/going to work on.

When and as I see the backchat come up of “I don’t want to do this!” in relation to writing, I stop, I breathe and do not allow myself to give into this backchat as I realize that the backchat is coming up as a form of resistance that wants to direct me and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to push through the resistance/backchat and continue with writing, taking one word, one breath at a time.

When and as I see the backchat come up of “I just want to go to bed” I stop, I breathe and do not accept and allow myself to continue participating in this thought as this thought is a justification not to continue with responsibilities, so I commit myself to not follow/become directed by this backchat as I see/realize/understand that the me as the mind will come up with many excuses/justifications not to face itself and take responsibility, and because I see/realize/understand that I will inevitably face me, I would rather face me here/now then walk through time-loops before I get the point/face the point/me.

Thanks for reading –

Additional Support:
Joe’s Journey to Life – Day 95 – Laying the Resistance to Rest
http://joesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-95-laying-resistance-to-rest.html



Day 42: I’m Not Good Enough Character – Introduction

I am going to begin writing out my first sub-character of the “I’m Not Good Enough“character in relation to who I am within my writings. SO – here is the structure I will be walking my Self Forgiveness on:

Fear: My writings are not good enough.

Thought: Me sitting by my desk with a piece of paper in front of me, head down, struggling to write.

Imagination: Me in constant struggle, jabbing the paper with my pencil, huffing and puffing, angry and frustrated at myself.

Backchat: “I can’t do this…” “I can’t do this right…” “I will never be as good as them.” “How can I do this?” “How can I be as good as them?”

Reaction: anger, frustration, rage, impatience, anxiety, fear

Physical Reactions: chest tightening, constricted/uneasy breathing, tightening in solar plexus

Consequence: To be continued…



Day 30: Allowing Judgement

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop myself in the moment from speaking in judgement towards another when I saw that what I would speak about in another was not going to be best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a judgmental comment about someone to another out loud in a form of superiority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue on with the judgmental comment  about another even though when I first began speaking I paused because I saw that what I was going to say was going to have consequences, and yet since I already began speaking, allowed the fear that I had to finish what I said or I’d get prodded about it direct me and from this, finished what I was saying – making that judgmental comment about another. From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear of getting prodded by another to direct me in finishing and speaking the judgmental comment I made towards another – even though I knew consequence would manifest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self-interest in and as fear to direct me instead of directing myself in and as self-directive principle in self honest, commonsense.