Day 138: Resistance to do Tasks of More Effort

DesteniArtists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do a task/responsibility of less effort than doing something of more effort because doing something of less effort is easier instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I eventually have to do the task/responsibility that contains more effort, and therefore, pushing it away is useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing tasks/responsibilities of more effort because it’s easier and puts less stress on myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have defined doing tasks/responsibilities of more effort as “stressful.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define tasks/responsibilities of more effort as “stressful” and define tasks/responsibilities of less effort as “less stressful” because I have found that putting in mental effort where one has to really question, investigate, slow down oneself in one’s task/responsibility, considering all points, as being much effort.

I realize that I exist within resistance and this idea towards writing that writing is a huge effort to dissect/understand the mind, where I have to find every intricate part of myself as the mind through writing, which takes a lot of time and effort and patience, and there is within me this resistance to even walk it – to even go through it all because it is “so much” and already I see I Have given up from that, because it just seems “too much” and “so much” I don’t even want to put in the effort to understand find everything about and what exists within me in and as the mind because it’s just so much!!!! – this is backchat and imagination – me imagining my task to be impossible, so much, participating in a character that cries out in resistance “It’s so much!”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within resistance and this idea towards writing that writing is a huge effort to dissect and understand the mind because I had imagined going through intricate details of words from and as my mind on the computer and from that imagination, create a resistance and an idea towards writing being a huge effort instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that from the imagination, I defined writing to be a huge difficult task of such hard effort that I became resistant of doing the actual task in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have participated within the illusion/imagination of me scrolling down many intricate details of lines with words on the computer and from that, accepted and allowed myself to define that imagination as real and that that is what writing will be in reality because I believed it to be real instead of questioning this illusion/imagination if this is actually real – if writing really is a difficult task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add and create resistance from participating and believing in the imagination of me scrolling down intricate details of lines with words on the computer and from that believed the imagination/idea to be real.

I forgive myself that I havee accepted and allowed myself to believe in the idea that writing is difficult because of imagination I participated in of me scrolling down intricate details of lines with words on the computer and from that belief, define writing as difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing as difficult and from defining writing as difficult, created resistance towards actual writing in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect resistance to writing by defining writing as difficult, thus connecting resistance towards doing what I perceive is difficult or of much effort.

I see, realize and understand that I believed what my mind was showing me as imagination towards writing to be real because to me it seemed “true” and thus, defined writing to be difficult and created a resistance towards writing in physical-reality.


That is it for today. Will continue in the next post…

Additional Support:
DIP Lite – Self Development Course
EQAFE – self development merchandise
Journey to Life
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Equal Life Foundation

Advertisements

Day 128: Re-Defining the word "Harsh" Part 1

Continuing from: Day 127: Investigating the word “Harsh” 

Support on what I am walking today: 

from Earth’s Journey to Life Redefining Words: Gathering Information

Harsh.
I have, when speaking the word harsh would use it in context to judge something. For example, the saying “that’s harsh” I am implying that what I see as harsh I am judging, specifically in a sense of judging something or someone for an action that was done as if I have a right to judge that something or someone. In a sense I am also blaming that something or someone in separation of myself for what they did. Within that, I would see myself as superior to and better than which I am judging/seeing/defining as harsh, so I am within the polarity of superiority and inferiority.

I had a friend who would also say something similar “that’s harsh” but make fun of it in a way, and I would react in anger towards her for acting like that, judging and acting arrogant. My friendship with her was quite abusive, but that’s another point to write about later. I don’t recall ever saying to someone directly that they’re harsh.

To imagine being said I’m harsh I react in fear because I believe/find/see that word as something bad, that if I am harsh that is a bad thing, like that’s something you shouldn’t be at all. It goes against an idea I have of who I am, self-definitions and beliefs of myself of trying to be/look like this good person lol. It’s interesting when I am the one saying the word harsh I feel powerful, superior, like I have a right to say whatever I want, better than all, but when I am the receiver of the word I react in fear.

Harsh – I even connect to punishment. To me the word harsh is connected to severe punishment, with lots of pain and agony. I also connect this to whipping, like in the history of America with slavery and the white men as masters whipping black slaves – I must have seen this in a movie since I have a picture of it in my head. That’s harsh” I define it so. The word to me is negatively charged and something I experience fear towards.

I will continue with this point tomorrow by walking the next step in re-defining the word “Harsh”…

Additional Support:
Redefining Words Support
Desteni
Desteni Forum
DIP Lite (free self-development course)
EQAFE – self development merchandise