Day 192: Oh So Busy!

Lately I have been extremely busy getting plans in order for my move to another country as well as my upcoming wedding.  I had today while at my job been planning and looking too much into what I need to do and what to get in order instead of focusing on my job and what I need to do in the moment.

When I stopped for a moment and saw that I had a lot to walk I realized that the best way to handle or manage this point is to make a list and to look at what needs to get done first, and then the points that can be pushed to look at later will stay in the background while the important points get looked at first, basically. This had made the process a bit easier but I still see myself existing within reactions of stress where even my breathing becomes uneven and shallow and constricting.

I found that I have difficulty relaxing while working and planning all the things I need to do. I define the experience/moments of me planning and getting things in order as “busy” to the point where it’s like “I can’t breathe” or relax within me. I believe I cannot even relax while walking through all the steps necessary to complete the tasks, yet I “know” it is possible, I just have to live and become relaxed while I’m in a busy situation.  Because there is “so much to do” it is like only those things are the focus of my day and my process of understanding myself and the mind is put in back when really I should walk the tasks necessary while living/standing within the starting point of process/self-support, like no matter what I do I practice being aware of who I am in every moment.

So that is what I need to shift within myself, shift to an awareness of who I am and what I’m existing in WHILE I work on my plans and not separate myself from process/me.

Just because I am “busy” does not mean I have to create emotional reactions about it. I see I have done this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional reaction of stress toward being really busy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and believe that I must be stressed if I have a lot of things to do/am busy because of an idea I have that that is who you must be if you are busy because everyone I’ve seen/interacted with have existed within stress when they were busy, instead of realizing that I don’t have to exist within stress when I am busy, I can relax within myself and my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relaxing myself and my body because I believe I won’t be able to get the tasks/points done the same way if I were to be stressed, thus perceiving that I can only get my tasks/points done within a certain time frame if I am stressed instead of testing the point out for myself in practising to see if I am able to get my things done within a certain time frame while completely relaxed

So, this is a self-challenge I make for myself. I am going to from now on, relax my body when I see myself in a state of stress when I am busy working/planning on my move or wedding because what I see is that it will be better/more supportive for myself and my body to relax while working because stress and constrictive breathing actually causes health problems in the long-run, so best to use preventative care and relax, breath fully and slowly.

The specific relaxing technique I will use is: when I see myself clench/tense/tighten any muscle within my body, to immediately take a big breath in, breath out and release and let go the tenseness/tightness and continue breathing until I am no more tense but instead relaxed within my body. So no matter what I’m doing in my day and I see myself tense, I apply the correction for myself. Will see how this goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go and relaxing my body within a state of ease and comfort because I am afraid of losing that part of myself that works in stress since I’m so familiar and comfortable with it, I had made that a part of me instead of becoming a new way of living, changing the relationship in a more supportive way of breathing within my body, letting go of any fears or concerns in relation to getting the necessary points done and walk my day checking my list of things to do within a relaxed manner

Will continue with this point tomorrow, thank you for reading.

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Day 187: The Word: SELF

Continuing from:
Seperating myself from…myself

Part 1 of Investigation of the word Self-Commitment

Let me first look at the word SELF:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word SELF through defining SELF in separation of myself instead of realizing SELF is ME as who I am currently existing right here, right now. I see, realize and understand that SELF is me as beingness as life-potential. I see, realize and understand that SELF is who I am and what I’m currently existing/living as right here and right now.

Sounding:

Sell-f, Shelf, Cell, I am one cell within a body (the universe) I am a part/cell of the whole/body and therefore I am not alone, I am an integral part of the whole/body because I am a part of it, I come from it and I can’t leave it

Dictionary Definition:

self

noun, plural selves.

1.a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: one’s own self.

2.a person’s nature, character, etc.: his better self.

3.personal interest.

Okay, so ‘complete individuality’ I can see in relation the the word SELF. I see SELF as ME and I also see SELF as a part of the WHOLE. SELF as a cell in a body, it is a part of the body and is there to exist/do its part. So within SELF there is responsibility as well since SELF as CELL has its part/job to do in the body which means I have a part/job in this world, I am am integral point to its existence and I have the responsibility to support the whole/body and do my part because I come from it, it is a part of me/I am a part of it. I also see the part of individuality that I have a unique expression that is ME as SELF as WHO I AM as BEINGNESS as LIFE-POTENTIAL. Each individual/being in this existence has their own expression that is unique and individualized and we all come from the same source/body/whole yet individual/unique.

New Definition:

Self is ME as WHO I AM currently existing here in this moment

Practical Application:

Within SELF-honesty I look within to see who I am and what I’m currently existing and assess whether what I’m existing as/accepting and allowing is best for all or requires correction/change

Within SELF-Forgiveness I take responsibility for what I see I am currently existing that is not Best for All and from that, set forth direction to change

Within SELF-Writing, the writing is focused on me and what I’m currently existing as within what I see requires to be changed

Within SELF-Corrective Application I walk ME as who/how I currently exist as into change as correction, correcting me and/or training me into becoming/living in a way most supportive for me, as SELF as a part of the WHOLE/BODY of the universe

This is a work in progress. As I walk my process more dimensions/points about who I am as SELF/the word SELF will open up

Check out these awesome sites that supported me:

Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Awesome Life & Living Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Day 179: How Nutrition Can Affect Getting Things Done

Today I saw the importance of nutrition, in keeping one’s body stable so one can ‘last’ throughout the day.

What I mean by this is:  I’ve noticed when I eat certain heavy foods with flour, meat and/or dairy my body goes into a reaction of tiredness and then I’m tired throughout most of my day. Like yesterday I went out to a popular Italian restaurant, and it’s been a while since I’ve been out and I allowed myself to indulge in some bread, soup and salad and was very surprised by how extremely tired I was minutes later, and this affected how I was around others.  When I had the opportunity I took a long nap and woke up still feeling very lethargic, ‘heavy’ almost ‘drugged’ as how I can describe it, and affected me at night while I studied.

Interestingly enough I read an article today where a nutritionist went on holiday in a small village in Northern Italy and observed the culture in which they have large lunches full of meats and cheese and then everyone takes a ‘siesta’ or nap for a few hours and all businesses and shops are closed during this time. She then explained how our body takes up a lot of energy to process and digests such diets heavy in meats and cheeses so it makes sense as to why the villagers take these naps. It’s funny cause I never really understood why some cultures take these naps in the day with even closing the business for a few hours until I read about this food-point.

So I observed this point in myself and realized how important it is for me to keep my body stable because it is quite sensitive in that if I overindulge my body instantly reacts, so it’s supportive to understand how much the body can take with certain foods. In my case I have an important exam coming up next week so I realize it’s best for me to keep my diet as simple as possible to try and maintain stability so I can walk these two weeks without problems of getting tired from eating cause I do need to put in my effort to studying.  I see nutrition being important if one has to study and stay focused with certain tasks or projects so giving self foods that is nutritious and supports the body is cool, otherwise one may not be able to work/perform as effectively or optimally as one can.

Other supportive information:



Check out these awesome sites that supported me:

Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Awesome Life & Living Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Day 176: Judging My Body from the Past

I watched a video of me last summer playing ping pong and I made a comment out loud that I didn’t know I was ‘that big’ (weight wise) and judged myself in embarrassment about this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by comparing how my body looks today to how it looked back then

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge how my body looked like back then because of how my stomach and hips stuck out due having extra fat on them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarassed of how my body looked back then where I had more fat than I have today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarassed about how I looked back then because I believe the fat around my stomach and hips did not make me look attractive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having my stomach look bloated is embarassing because I believe the majority of young woman have firm flat stomachs instead of realizing this is belief I have of what it is to be the perfect example of a young woman – one who is thin with a flat stomach yet this does not actually align with all young women in this world if I were to really look at it/do my research

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in insecurity about the fat around my stomach through believeing that back then people were judging my stomach negativley instead of realizing I am giving value and importance to how others see/judge my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others watching/seeing this video of me when I had extra fat on my hips and stomach and making comments about how much bigger I was and how I didn’t look that great instead of realizing that this is my fear that I fear facing from others that I haven’t yet sorted out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may say if I were to show them pictures and videos of me when I had extra fat on my body because I have defined how I feel/experience and judge myself according to how others judge/define me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ever question and explore self-acceptance and what that really is as a living word/expression in this physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in shame when I see myself on video or pictures with extra fat on my body instead of realizing who I was and where I was coming from back then where I did not support myself with a supportive diet and process of ‘taking care‘ of my health.

I had come from a process of indulging too much in food with processed carbohydrates and sugar due to addiction of the positive experiences I would get within my mind. This is not to say I have completely transcended this point of eating and positive experiences however I have greatly stabilized who I am around food coming from a past of binge eating and emotional eating. So, within this, I realize that I really cannot judge how my body looked like back then as my body physically shows the results of my eating habits, and I also cannot judge who I was back then that led to the extra fat on my body since I was not stable and understanding about who I am with food. So I realize I need to make peace with who I am now and who I was in the past in regards to my body and how it looks.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to walk through the Imagination Series on EQAFE to sort out my body points so that I can be clear and cool with how I looked like in the past and how I look like now as I realize these interviews assist and support those on how to accept self and self’s physical body

I commit myself to investigate and understand what it means to accept self as a living word within me

I commit myself to sort out all judgements I have of my body and the specific body parts I have so I can make peace with who I am within my body through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application

When and as I see myself go into judgement when I watch a video of me or see a picture of how I looked back then with extra fat on my body, to stop, breathe and re-mind myself that who I was back then was a result of a diet that did not support me and emotional points I had not dealt with at that time that led to an accumulation of body fat, so thus that is how I looked like then, so it is an ‘acceptance’ of who I was back then and understanding where I came from

Check out these awesome sites that supported me:

Journey to Life Blogs:
Journey to Life 

FREE Self-Help Interviews:
EQAFE Downloads

FREE Self-Development/Life Skills Course:
DIP Lite

Awesome Life & Living Support:
Desteni Website

Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
EQAFE – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Day 51: Self Acceptance I

I have been experiencing many points related to image and my body, and through writing I was able to discover that this has a lot to do with self-acceptance.
What I saw was that it doesn’t matter if another accepts my body the way it is — what matters is me and who I am in relation to my body. And lately I notice I have been participating in abusive patterns (such as eating out of energy/emotions) and not allowing myself to stop these patterns through my own self-will. I mean… this shows me that there’s a problem here since I am not doing anything to stop these self abusive habits, and I realize that if I don’t stop myself and do something about it, I’m just going to continue and perpetuate the abuse and manifest consequences for myself until I inevitably, eventually stop.
So from this, what I discovered was that I’m just having a problem with accepting myself, and I mean, completely accepting myself as who I am right now, and from there, have that self-will and self-motivation as self-love to stop abusing myself from cycling into patterns of abuse and feeling defeated because I can’t live up to a certain image I have in my head because I believe that if I were to become that image in my head I will be happy and people will like me, and since I am not that image and cannot manifest it immediately, I in that moment completely give up on myself and go into negative experiences of depression and apathy and believe that who I am is not good enough.
Of course to stop this pattern it’s going to be a process, because over time I’ve built myself up to be like this and so it’s going to take time to break down the parts of who I’ve become and from that, understand myself through writing, let go of what I’ve become through self forgiveness and then walk a practical real self-corrective application so I change — for real — into a being Best For All.
I will be walking further body, image and self-acceptance points and will begin with Self Forgiveness in the next blog posts to come. 
Suggest to read:
 Malin Gunilla’s Blog: How to Become Good Enough
A Truth’s Seekers Journey to Life: Into Life Being One and Equal To The Physical Part 1
Thanks for reading.

Day 33: Health Fanatic Within

The point of health has been really prominent within me these last couple of days.   I’ve been experiencing a lot of reactions regarding the point of health and I’ve been ‘attempting’ eat what I think is healthy, but I end up eating that which I judge as “not healthy” and cycle into anger and guilt within myself.
So today after I came home I decided to finally listen to EQAFE‘s mp3 interview of a being who was a Health Fanatic and the realizations they had while walking their process. Nonetheless it was a fascinating and real cool interview I suggest all listen to – [ click here to download mp3 ]
A couple of points stood out to me – one was the connection between healthy food and spirituality and that they are both interdependent on each other and that it’s no surprise that the health industry and spirituality go hand in hand because as one can see many spiritual people (like raw foodists for example) are quite spiritual and present themselves and their words in a positive spotlight. And this type of eating is really geared for the elite as only the elite, or those with a lot of money, are able to buy the newest health foods/fads and machinery.  This I can relate to as I was a raw vegan foodist for a few months and spent much of my money on health foods and powders meant to be ‘good’ for the body but I would end up constipated and in pain.  During that phase I was losing weight and ‘feeling great’ but that was because I was attaching all these positive associations and energetic experiences with what I was doing to myself – everything from eating certain foods to exercising a certain way,  to laying out in the sun – not realizing that within it all I was really deluding myself, was too much in my Mind, spiritualizing everything and not sticking here to physical reality.  [I will write about who I was as a ‘temporary’ raw foodist in blog posts to come.]

So while hearing this interview I had these “oh!” moments where I realized that I was about to walk into this health-fanatic path again, especially since today I was considering going back into the routine of drinking green juices every morning and eating salads in afternoon so I can lose weight and ‘feel good’ about myself not realizing that if I walk down that path I’m going to screw myself up again with spiritualizing food and getting real strict on my body so I could maintain a certain image and experience of myself.  And it was just real cool to catch myself within this because like I mentioned before I was walking myself back into that whole eat-healthy-food character personality that I know will eventually lead me to becoming obsessed and possessed with health food again, which in itself is no where supportive for me or process.  And the whole starting point of it all was to – lose weight so I could feel better about myself.  [Ding ding ding – the bells are ringing- the point of self-esteem and self confidence is definitively a point to explore and walk through.]
The being in the interview mentioned that the way he took care of his body was actually of physical abuse – basically spoon feeding the body healthy foods and supplements in a particular routine without considering the body and what it physically needs and craves.   He said that even though he was in shape and looked good, he was actually physically weak, and his body would send signals like cramps indicating that he requires to eat food – real food.   But the problem was that he was too much in his head in this illusionary experience of himself because of the energetic experiences he allowed himself to participate in.
The being says the most important relationship one can have is with themselves and with their physical body and the body is a living being with it’s own processes and it is my responsibility to take care of it.
He also gave very simple advice that I would like to share – 
Throw ‘health’ out the window. Stop judging food.  Moderation is key. Consider your body and what it would like to eat.  An on going process, one day the body may want to eat cheese, the next day, something completely different.  It all depends on what it craves and physically needs to nourish itself [and as a note here, this ‘craving’ is like a physical craving, not a mind-crave where one desires to eat something to gain a particular energetic experience within themselves].

So there is definitely a lot to write about and share regarding this point of food/health and the body, so more to come!
Thanks for reading.