269. Suppressing vs. Responding

4jpbgzpsnzs-jake-melaraOne of the key points I am taking away from EQAFE’s recording Time is the Present We Gift Ourselves – Part 3 is on suppression and the impact it has on your self, body and life.

I see I am allowing suppressions to exist in me, a pattern I have accepted and allowed to live and become through my family. Most specifically in regards to fears, or points coming up that I feel unable to direct and handle. This is because I have yet to find a way to handle/direct these points. And it’s so easy to just suppress/shove the point away, deceiving yourself temporarily in the belief that it’s not there anymore and won’t come up again, but it does come up in some way or another as an indication that this point needs to be faced, directed and resolved.  

From this, the word RESPOND comes up — how do I RESPOND when fears/points come up in me, and is this a supportive RESPONSE?

A fear I don’t know / have the skill or ability to handle / direct: My Response = Suppress it

So I see that when fears/points I have not yet handled or found a way/solution to direct come up, I RESPOND by shoving and suppressing them, because that is a behavior I accepted and allowed from what I picked up from family and so, this suppression-response has become an automated pattern in me. However, I know the consequences of this – the more I suppress/deny/hide/shove the fears, the more the suppressions will build in me and it will come out in other ways – perhaps through not sleeping well, or panic attacks, or emotional outbursts, and in worst cases, illness and dis-ease.

The best way forward I see for me is to create my Response of fears/points from Suppressing to Embracing, and from that Embracing, Respond to what I need to do to direct / change myself from it. 

So, instead of suppressing a point/fear, embrace/take the point/fear and look at how to best handle it (ie: do I need to write/open it up to understand it more, do I need to do research, do I need to talk to someone, do I need to walk self-forgiveness, etc). Because each point is individual/unique, it requires it’s own unique/individual response / way of being handled / directed and changed.

So I am going to play with this point – to instead of suppressing the point, embrace it, understand it, see what needs to be developed to change it, so it no longer haunts me or direct me anymore. 

A fear I don’t know / have the skill or ability to handle / direct: My New Response = Embrace it, Understand it, Find what I need to Develop to Direct / Change myself from it, and Live the Change

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

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268. Emotional Manipulation vs. Being Self-Aware

alnqdp3b3yu-naomi-augustI’ve been working and practicing becoming more aware on Emotional Manipulation – in myself and to others. And it is really sad and shameful to see how much of this pattern I’ve allowed to exist and influence me…Like in my relationship to my partner where through my facial movements and tonalities I can see how I try to move/persuade/manipulate my partner to do something or be a certain way.

Upon realizing how I live this pattern today, it was quite shocking and I wanted to avoid seeing this as it is quite  nasty, uncomfortable part I exist in, but also quite a gift because now I see how much of this pattern is me and has been with me for quite some time, so I can actually start changing it.

How I started to open up the point of Emotional Manipulation came from a week where it felt like everything in me became unsteady, emotional and intense. I had for some time been able to move and stabilize and take responsibility of points when they come up, and redefine words, but then it became difficult, I became difficult to direct me.

This is because my mind to an extent saw I was becoming good at moving and directing myself – really becoming directive principle, so it had to up its game. According to the Emotional Victimization series by the Atlanteans, when the mind sees you are becoming ”too good” at directing yourself and your emotions, it will up its game to make you fall back into being its slave. Well, it did a pretty good job throwing out all these intense emotional experiences and thoughts in me – and unfortunately at that time I did not understand why or could see it coming – the Mind can be so sneaky and clever – so I got lost in the experiences until I sought help through EQAFE.com to help me understand what is going on.

And lo and behold, through the Emotional Victimization interviews I discovered so much more about myself and my relationship to thoughts and emotions, and from this got to understand more on how I emotionally manipulate myself and how that effects me, my life and my relationships around me. It was a good wake up call for me because I got to uncover a very serious and detrimental pattern that is the foundation of self-sabotage, a pattern that needs to be stopped and corrected in me.

And it is also interesting to mention that even before writing this blog I went into the emotions of ”I don’t know what to write about!” but I caught this immediately – emotional manipulation – my own creation was coming up by throwing these justifications and tantrums, but as the interviews said – do not allow yourself to give in to that – stand by your decision to not accept and allow your thoughts and emotions to manipulate YOU. This was a biggie for me – the importance of sticking to yourself, your stand of not being wavered or moved by the thoughts and emotional experiences inside but to move/direct you according to what is best for you in principle.

It is still a point I am practicing – strengthening my stand to not be moved by my thoughts and emotions, but to stand up with me and what I stand for – which is to be directive principle of myself, within the principles of oneness and equality – that which is best for all. It is super empowering to be able to stand with you and your decision to not accept and allow yourself to be emotionally manipulated by your own thoughts and experiences.

 

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

 

268. How to Support Yourself When You Have a Cold

photo-1447154705288-7175737fb73cI developed a pretty nasty cold that left me quite tired and weak the last few days. I knew there was an EQAFE recording on the nature of Colds/Flus so I made sure to listen to it the day I stayed home from work.

‘’The Evolution of the Common Cold’’ by the Future of Consciousness is a fascinating recording that highlights the dimensions of these particular viruses and why they are becoming stronger and longer lasting in humanity.  I was able to gain support on what mind dimensions to specifically work on when I have a cold or flu, and how to support oneself physically during this time.

It was most interesting when the being in the recording mentioned the typical excuses we make when sick like ‘’Oh I’m too sick to do writing, or self-forgiveness,’’ and how this is not so because our beingness, which is buried deep down within us and suppressed by our Mind Consciousness System is not sick, is still intact and able to be supported with the necessary Self-Forgiveness, Writing and Self-Corrective Application. 

This ordeal reminded me of my teenager years, when I was sick I would use the time to watch tons of TV and justify this was ok because ‘’I’m sick.’’ There is also the emotional dimension of going into self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself and existing in a victimized state which was also mentioned by Kristina through her blog, where you want to ask others to do things for you because you are ‘’so sick,’’ or ‘’can’ do it,’’ when you know you are capable to an extent.

So I’d like to thank EQAFE for it’s support on the recording.  Being sick is actually a great time to work with emotional memories and points that have been emphasized the last couple of months, and best to sort them out during your sick-period due so that way when/if you get a cold or flu again, it will not be so intense as before.

So, coming from watching tons of TV and becoming needy around people when sick, I shifted my focus more on taking care of myself through giving my physical body the nutrition and medicinal support it needs as well as the self care for my self/beingness with the self-purification tools of writing, forgiveness, self-corrective applications, and living words.

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

 

 

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262. Nix Competition & Create Together

 

A photo by Gonzalo Arnaiz. unsplash.com/photos/Nd63Kscv2XIContinuing from: Walking through Competition

There is NO EQUALITY existent in competition. No rival teams or companies wants to come together, because if they do, there is no winner, no one can be better than another, there is no energy to fuel… and the ego doesn’t like that! The ego wants to be number one, at the top. It wants to feel good, to win. To win/be at the top is comforting cause then you know your survival is set, but its not guaranteed for the rest of your life – you always have to keep an eye on the competition to make sure you don’t get bumped off the throne. So you have to be vigilant. Geez, who wants to live that way for the rest of their lives? Living in such a way of being on guard and ready to attack/fight is a waste of energy that could have been put into something more productive and considerate for the world.

What’s the point to be number one if what you miss is equality and working together with others in creating a better product/system/organisation that supports all? 

It’s not easy to drop the ego…to drop the desire/want to win and be at the top. But it’s funny cause you really can’t be guaranteed to stay at the top, so the whole process of wanting and striving to get to the top is an ILLUSION because you spend your time and energy getting to this ”top” that isn’t really real nor a guarantee since you are fighting with others, to either gain the most money, fame or status, and yet even if you were at the top, you can’t be comfortable there, because as life shows, there will be something better, more creative and unique that will step in the way and take over your position eventually. That is the game of life currently – you can’t win, even if you think you won, you really didn’t. So really got to ask yourself, where are you going with this game and are you walking towards creating a world best for yourself and all, or are you continuing in the creation of a world of seperation, fighting, wars, and hate?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically want to take down, belittle, make fun of, reject, and talk shit about X because I see them as my competitor and want to do whatever I can to prevent them from succeeding me.  I realize if I act on this automatic desire/behaviors, I fuel the existence of seperation, hate and fear of survival.

When and as I see myself want to talk shit, belittle, talk down, reject anything I see is my competitor/having similar nature of my company/product/etc, I stop and I breathe. I realize if I act upon these things I will create the very existence I want to stop and change (ie: abuse, hate, war and conflict) therefore I commit to shift my focus and attention away from pre-programming bashing, hating, putting down – because that’s obviously led us to no where good and onto myself and thus shift who I am within/towards competition to direct me in purifying my relationship with competiton

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear X taking my followers/customers all to themselves, thus leaving me bankrupt or empty with no fuel to keep my company/product/etc going. I see, realize and understand I fear losing my company/product/etc’s survival, because if I don’t keep it going, it will affect my survival of/as ego, status, power, or money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already perceive any company/group/product similar in nature to my creation/product/company/etc to be and feel an automatic threat to my creation/product/company/etc’s existence, fearing actually for it’s loss/survival as survival is not absolutely guaranteed. So I see, realize and understand I fear my creation’s/product/company’s existence when I see competition or other products/companies/etc similar to mine cause I think that there can only be ONE GOOD one, a better/the best one

When and as I see myself fear X taking my followers/customers away from me, I stop and I breathe. I realize if I continue participating in this I am fueling even more fear and paranoia that will affect not only my relationship with X but also with others who work with me and my relationship with my own company/product/business, because if I exist in fear as the Mind Consciousness System, I am not here, grounded, stable, being here with me.

…to be continued

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

261. Living Interdependence

photo-1419717567666-6e559d5e0339Living the word Interdependence, I define/see it for myself as a balance between depending on myself to walk through/handle a point, and then asking for help/support from others when need be. So, when there is a problem, I assess if I did what I could to work on the problem or whether I need to ask/get some additional help/support. It’s really a Self-Honesty assessment of what one needs to do that will support self the most.

In a case where I have been stuck in a point for quite some time without any lead-way/movement I knew I had to speak up to my DIP Buddy about it. It was a very vulnerable experience because what I exposed was something I had difficulty mustering the courage for, yet when it was shared what came forth was a conversation that opened up deeper dimensions I was not fully aware of.

The deeper dimensions actually did not have to do with the point I originally talked about, but a personality/way of existing influencing me from moving forward with the original point. I would not have found out about it unless it was through my chat with my DIP Buddy since I had difficulty finding it by myself through writing and self-introspection. This is also why it is said you can’t walk process alone… even if you *think* you can handle a point, and you honestly can’t, then you must reach out, because there are people willing to help and be there for you (like a DIP buddy), and the more you resist or don’t open up, you are just making your life experiences worse by shoving and suppressing the points.

So, using and living the word interdependence in one’s life is quite cool as it gives a good foundation for self to live self-dependency (walking through a point alone) but also being open to depend/ask for help from others. 

I suggest for those in DIP who struggle to open up with their buddy on issues you feel stuck on, to gift yourself the vulnerability to open up and ask for support since this will help you more than you realize — so if you are self-honestly struggling and need help, reach out. Your buddy is there for you and are meant to give support for you to move and create the person you want to be.

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

259. Is Sleeping in OK?

A photo by David Cohen. unsplash.com/photos/qghuLqyh3nEContinuing from: My Relationship with Sleep

Inspired by: Living Words – Discipline – Morning Routine – Self Forgiveness and Self Change – Day 521

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that sleeping in is ok and the consequence of that can be avoided or not faced

I commit myself to realize that I will in fact face all consequences from/as/in my life, whether here or in the hereafter, even if my mind makes it seem like I won’t – I commit myself to no longer give into the bullshit that if I sleep in I won’t face the consequences of that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying SF on sleeping in because I think what I did was bad – within and as self-judgement, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement that would be bestowed upon me upon realizing the consequential effects I made from sleeping in instead of realizing judging myself for sleeping in fuels self-destruction and problems rather than self-creation and finding solutions

I commit myself to stop judging myself if I sleep in and move immediately into living/becoming solution and assertiveness, not giving into the judgement but UNDERSTAND how I slipped/fell from the point and find another creative/innovative way to change/stop this point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself and my process seriously enough, where I think I can just sleep in for an hour or two and that doesn’t mean anything – when it actually does, the more I allow myself to sleep in based on self-interest to indulge in experiences, or to hide/escape reality, the more I abdicate my power to stand up and make decisions for me and allow the mind to control/dictate me

I commit myself to realize sleeping in and not using my time effectively to create Heaven on Earth within and without is serious and needs to be looked at immediately to be understood and changed so that I can move forward in creation

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to prepare me the night before on what may happen the next morning, meaning – when I wake up, what may be the reasons/justifications/excuses towards sleeping in, how good it ”Feels” and what I am going to do instead – so using my time to walk more of my process and create change in the education system. I thus should not let these reasons/justifications/excuses’ ’get the best of me’ to the extent where I make myself believe – from a sneaky mind manipulator point – that it is ok to sleep in, I won’t be harmed, I need sleep, or their won’t be consequences to face if I sleep in, when all the while I need to realize the more I sleep in, the more I time I lose that could have been used to walk more of my process into self-awareness, or to work on my ideas on changing the education system

I commit myself to remember/remind myself that the more I sleep in, the more time I lose to develop myself as an individual walking process, as well as working and creating change in the education system

I commit myself to challenge the reasons/excuses/justifications of sleeping in by actually doing the exact opposite, to prove to myself what is real and what is not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize, see and understand how I change who I am with sleeping in when the weather changes, and thus I require to simply adjust and re-align my stance to how and who I am going to be towards/with sleeping in all throughout the year – when every season changes and weather changes, I commit to stick to one stand, in Self-Honesty in principle, to sleep within the 4-6 range unless I Self Honesty need more — so no matter what the season is or whether it’s dark or light out when I wake up, me and my stand on who I am with rest/sleep will not change

I commit myself to find solutions on how to make getting out of bed comfortable and with ease/enjoyment instead of dread and resistance

I commit myself to stick to sleeping within the 4-6 hour range unless Self-Honestly unable to (sickness, physical exhaustion, etc)

I commit myself to pick me back up if I over sleep, and understand what happened and how I am going to change for the next time, to always no matter – stick to being as productive as I can be in/as self-support in the morning

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become and live motivation, existing in motivation to start my day, to walk my process, to change and to fulfill my role in changing the education system

I commit myself to redefine and live MOTIVATION for me in my life, especially when I wake up and am motivated to start my day

 

Additional Resources:

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships

257. A Kiss Driven by Love

photo-1444839368740-f0d3572f8067I found some writings on the experience of Love I’d like to share, where within the experience of love, one moves themselves to kiss someone:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand I was being moved by consciousness energy of love, which is the polarity of fear

When and as I see myself be moved or want to move from / as the energetic experience of “love,” I stop and breathe. I realize I had been allowing myself to move me based on feelings as energetic experiences from consciousness, instead of moving me within awareness and a decision of kissing the person.

So I commit to STOP me from moving through/as/within consciousness energy of love, take a step back, breathe and assess what would be best for me now as a living being not defined/moved by consciousness. I can redefine and live the word “Directive” – directing me towards what I see best.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that being moved to kiss someone out of feelings of “love” shows me where I’m still at in my process – that I was not aware of how I moved myself according to feelings as consciousness energy, even when it feels so good – that is the point of these feelings is to control and direct one to do things from it, and as long as you participate in it, you are a slave and making a statement to yourself you accept being driven by consciousness as energy experience of emotions and feelings

When or while I see myself be moved or want to move to kiss someone based on feelings of love, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am making a statement to myself and Life that I would still be a slave to energy as consciousness (and not my own decison and awareness) if I give in and move myself to do this- that I still accept and allow myself to be driven by energy as consciousness of feelings and emotions if I continue to move/exist in a state or mind possession of energy like “love”. From this, I commit myself to STOP participating in the energy experience of love the moment I see myself exist/experience it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the emotion/polarity experience of love is fear and be moved by that

When and as I see myself exist in the enegertic experience of love, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am participating in energy as consciousness of emotions and feelings and am now on the feeling side of the polarity…so I commit myself to stop, and use directiveness to move me as awareness of what I should do and who to be in this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by the energetic consciousness of polarity of LOVE- which is (positive) feelings

I commit myself to remind me (when/while I’m in/experiencing feelings of love) “oops I’m going into positive feelings now, which is part of consciousness energy and polarity. I will myself to not move from this but question where is this experience coming from?” And move me to source it and change by identifying what needs to be changed in the moment (ie: identifying the words/expressions of Love and becoming the words I have separated myself from, or simply breathing until the energy dissapates)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to act on the feeling of love, as consciousness energy because it “feels so good,” Not realizing if I give into the feeling and allow myself to be possessed/taken over by this emotional experience, I am allowing myself to drop/weaken me and my stand in the face of feelings, like love and be directed/moved by it.

I see that there is a “weakness” in me of moving and allowing me to be directed by/thru positive energy, simply showing that I have (created) a relationship with positive feelings where I seek to live/experience them or be/want to move myself in them that require to be understood, directed and changed

I commit myself to become more aware of who I am in the face of positive feelings and experiences since I realize I have created a relationship to them, and from this awareness, practice stopping and standing in/as a point of authority by not moving with or in positive experiences, and not seeking to gain positive experiences, but simply be with me here, in breath with my body

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize if I am experiencing, being directed and/or moved by consciousness energy of feelings (like love) I am existing in polarity of consciousness and need to get myself out of that state otherwise I am trapping myself in the polarity construct of emotions and feelings

When I see myself be moved or possessed in the feeling-experience of love, I stop and I breathe. I realize this feeling is from polarity of energy as consciousness which means it’s opposite is fear and so I commit myself to stop my participation and allowance of being driven in consciousness as energy states of mind/being, to breathe through the feelings to stabilize/ground myself, and instead use the energies as cross reference of where I’m at and what words or underlying points I still need to work on

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize behind the energetic consciousness of feelings towards X are simply WORDS I separated from myself that X represents and triggers for me, thus-

I commit myself to identify the words as expressions I separated myself from and find how use them in me and my life through the redefining and living process presented through SOUL

 

Additional Resources:

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Journey to Life Blogs – Walking the 7 Year Journey to Life

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Relationship Course – Redefining Relationships