I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid of people, especially dear friends of mine, who won’t like me anymore due to me making mistakes that affect them negatively, over and over. I realize I am thinking of 2 examples in which I have possibly upset my friend that I have not forgiven myself for nor corrected that I am afraid will make or break our relationship. I realize I tend to go into ‘make or break our relationship’ with other women due to how I was brought up, where my mother would show signs of neglect and abandonment if she didn’t like how I was acting or being. Also, my sister would hold grudges if I did things she didn’t like. So I realize the pattern I fear exists within me and my upbringing.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequences of living out ‘make it or break the relationship’ by having secret, hidden standards against someone, particular every woman in my life, instead of realizing how I actually fear women doing that towards me, towards the mistakes I make that affect them, because that is how my mother has acted upon me and I hated it. I realize I can choose to be someone else, who does not act upon ‘make it or break it relationship’ standard, after a few attempts that have disturbed me from someone, instead of questioning how can I give this person another chance, putting myself in their shoes, to see what I and we can learn together as a point of forgiveness, and how we can continue our relationship together (though I realize the case of severe abuse one should leave the relationship but that doesn’t apply to me)
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I fear my friend already turning her back against me because I have made a mistake that affected her and others, similar to how I have felt when I have done something consequential towards my mother. I realize in both those situations I was NOT FULLY AWARE of the consequences of my actions that have contributed to harming or affecting my mother/friend, because I was wrapped up in energy at the time. I realize my point of responsibility was that I was overcome by emotion (fear) and acted within and upon that, and so, by identifying who I was within the energy before I acted upon it and affected others, I can correct myself for next time.
I commit myself to not take on the behavior of my mother who will abandon and/or neglect a woman just because she does something, my mother, judges as bad and unforgivable.
I commit myself to live the correction of seeing where I can continue a relationship with a woman, despite her acting or walking actions I deem as unacceptable, because perhaps that person may need assistance and support of understanding and walking out of that very point (and also because I like being friends with everyone, and don’t want to ever have a grudge or be in a poor stand with someone unless it’s best for all)
I commit myself to live and apply the word CHANCE when I encounter a situation where either I or another woman has made a mistake that has affected us negatively, to see how I can perhaps regain trust, and give understanding, and prove correction to both myself and another after I’ve made the mistake
I commit myself to seek understanding, compassion, and space of forgiveness to correct myself from my mistakes, that have affected me and others, as I realize true correction must come from a space of healing, compassion, understanding and the will to live the correction.
I commit myself to give myself the healing space and opportunity to identify what emotions/energy I go into that influence me to act in ways that become consequential to everyone (such as me going into the boss mode, bossing people around when I am in fear)
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