Something I noticed while being with friends and family on my trip, is that people do SEE me – and may be able to see parts of me I’m not yet aware of, so I’ve been pushing to become more aware of myself around others, and question who I am with them.
This realization came forth after having a friend reveal to me she was concerned about my weight loss the months before I moved but was too afraid to say anything. Then another friend was happy I quit my job because she saw how unhappy I was but wasn’t sure if she should say anything. So there I saw that people are aware of things I may not want them to be aware of or see, but it’s there in reality. People do probably see more of me than I may realize but don’t say anything…
So – just the other day I realized I have a tendency to kind of sit back and let people talk, and just be there to agree with them, or nod or make short comments without much conversing / engaging myself. I sort of place myself in the back seat in conversations with people, as if I’m not as important as them.
I notice this behavior when my cousin was talking the majority of the time and having my mom sit next to me acting in the same manner, I saw I took this point on from / through her. In that moment I decided I didn’t want to be like that – I wanted to show my cousin I was also an equal participant in the conversation, because if I share and add onto the conversation I am also showing another I am interested and here with them. This I would also like for myself – to have someone equally engaging / talking / being here with me in a conversation.
So I’ve been practicing the words share and engage – where I try to find windows of opportunities in conversation that I relate to / connect with, and share who I am with it, or a story or something – that way I am making my presence known and being with the people in the conversation…showing them ”hey I’m here with you guys, also sharing!!”
My cousin for example was talking about the type of beef we were eating, and I added in how my partner was just today asking where to get such beef in the city, and then the conversation continued and more people joined in. So it was cool to get the ball rolling and people sharing and adding their input / perspectives and not just keeping it at a standstill.
It’s been an interesting process so far because: before speaking / sharing I have to push through some initial shyness and resistance, but I push because I want to prove to myself I CAN engage in a conversation, I CAN be here with others, and make my presence known – showing people I am with them in the convo, being an equal participant, and enjoying myself in it.
EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – extraordinary material
Desteni.org – Research and investigation on human consciousness / human nature
DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course
School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words
Self & Living – Fresh Insights into Self- Empowerment & Lifestyle Creation