279. UPTIGHT

jeffrey-wegrzyn-183858Do you ever fear others telling you are this and that? Like fear having people say this or that word about you? I discovered the fear of being called ”uptight” recently and decided to open up my relationship to the word here in this blog.

Within this is the fear of others defining, seeing and judging me as uptight because according to me, these characteristics are negative things to be, that people don’t like it, hey, even I don’t like it when others are what I define as ”uptight.”

I realized what I fear people saying/calling/judging me are words I fear becoming and also to confront me on where I’m living/acting out those words, because of my judgements towards them. So it’s really a matter of understanding and clearing the word in me and see if it can be turned into word of support.

My definition of Uptight: can’t relax, constantly stressed and only focused/obsessed on one thing, and because of that can disregard or not consider others because you’re so focused/obsessed/driven in stress and fear over this one thing and only wanting to get it done.

How I lived the word uptight: I was uptight with a project I managed with other women, wanting and trying to make it perfect… my only focus was on the project and making sure it’s going well with no problems. I existed in fear of things going wrong and fucking up so my time more focused on managing, building the project and doing things for the project than getting to know people within it.

So I was uptight because I felt like it was my sole/prime responsibility to take care of the project, like a mother but I was uptight because I was on it constantly, fixing it, managing it, changing things, fixing things asap or urging people to fix things asap. It was my obsession, my drive because it was my creation and I felt responsible for making it the best project ever. Yet I did not use the time equally to balance my work/effort I put in the project to developing and establishing better relationships with everyone to make sure all is cool. This is a lesson for me to learn – to not be so driven in FEAR and so focused on PERFECTING a project/creation, but to accept that it will not and can not ever be perfect and fit what you want. Best to work well with the team and learn as you go and laugh (and learn) at the mistakes and just move forward.

So I will walk self forgiveness where I forgive me for being uptight and even forgiving the emotional connections and words to being uptight.

my definition of the word ”uptight,” -someone who is bitchy and unable to relax because they are obsessed and/or stressed about something and will in that stress act out mean/bitchy to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who are to me “uptight” 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word “uptight”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who live the word uptight

I commit myself to realize being uptight is combination of emotions and thoughts that self builds to live/express to be unable to relax, and exist/live out in emotions like stress, fear and anger.

I commit myself to realize that when people go into uptightness it’s mostly because they have not understood their own creation/making of getting there, and do not have the awareness nor tools on how to get them out of that state, thus –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people  when I see them as UPTIGHT – which is someone who is stressed and/or unable to relax and thus they are mean/bitchy/inconsiderate to others, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that they are living out emotions/stress from the definition of the word without awareness of how they created themselves there in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards being perceived as someone who is uptight because I define being uptight as someone who is bitchy and acts bitchy to others and I fear being like that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if you are uptight you are a bad person, because of how you treat others from/through living uptightness, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uptight, to be seen or defined by others as being uptight because I have given the word/expression a bad/negative definition/label

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being uptight to being bad/a bad person by justifying how you treat others because of your uptightness is bad and makes you a bad person – instead of realizing that many factors and reasons are behind why a person acts out and is the way they are when living uptightness – that they are unaware of it, nor have the tools or capability to move/walk themselves out of it, or unable to understand themselves in the relationship towards being uptight. So within this I am humble in realizing when people are uptight it’s because they have no tools or skills or awareness of understanding how to move/get out of it, so instead just walk/live the uptightness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uptight because if I am uptight I am bitchy, and I fear being bitchy, instead of embracing the bitchiness and understanding myself in relation to the word/expression.

I commit myself to walk and understand who am I as uptightness so I am able to understand how to walk out of it and into a more supportive living word/expression that I can show and teach to all

I commit myself to understand who I am towards bitchiness within living/being uptight and my fear of being bitchy/uptight

This I will continue in my next blog post. Thanks for reading.

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