Day 220: Reality Clashing with Personal Desires

I react in anger to the thought/backchat that I did not expect to stay with my roommates for this long – that by now I should be living with my partner in our own apartment. But the reality is, we are not rich and we have to wait until an apartment within our budget and requirements come along, so this is going to take longer than anticipated. Impatience and irritation also come up. Existing in such emotions is not acceptable, because getting emotional is not going to solve or help the situation get better and will make living more problematic. I can’t get everything my way, I need to be patient.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger to the thought/backchat of ”this is taking longer than expected” and from this, I realize how manipulating this thought is, where it fuels my temper tantrums instead of realizing this is not the way to exist/live, but to really take things practically, be mature and walk space-time in being patient and doing what I can with finding a good apartment

When and as I see myself react in anger to the thought ”this is taking longer than I expected,” I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to give in/participate in this manipulative thought because I know where this will take me — into temper tantrums tendencies so from this, I commit myself to instead keep a cool head, be mature about this point by walking the apartment-process day by day, searching for apartments and practice breathing within/as patience of the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak out in frustration to my partner, in a moment of reaction by saying ”I did not expect this to take so long,” as a point of blame, to project this problem unto my partner instead of taking responsibility myself in seeing that I am making it harder on myself and my partner for being so emotional/difficult, I need to be patient, because to actually get an apartment I need to actively search for them, and do the waiting, because this is how the process works, and this is what I need to do, this is how reality works, so making an emotional big deal out of it is unnecessary because the process that needs to be walked is what it is

When and as I see myself want to complain or project blame unto my partner about our living situation, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to do this because I realize acting out in such an emotional manner will not do anything to make the situation better and that if I were to see myself act like this in the eyes of another I would not be proud/happy with myself, so from this, I commit myself to stop complaining and/or projecting blame onto my partner about the situation because I know it’s a temper tantrum/personality coming out and that even if I were to express myself emotionally, it still will not make the situation better, so I practice breathing through these emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger to the idea that the process of getting an apartment is taking so slow because I want an apartment now, instead of making peace with reality, in accepting my current situation as is, it is me who is making it harder than it should be

When and as I see myself react in anger to the idea/reality that this process is taking slower than I want, I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to give in/participate in the anger because I realize it’s best to make peace with where I am in my situation, realizing I am only living temporarily with my roommates and in due time will be able to have my own living space

I commit myself to investigate the temper tantrum personality that exists within me where I want my wants manifested now and if not, will make an emotional big deal out of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger to the reality/self-honest fact that I need to be patient, that my wants are not going to materialize quickly, that it is going to be a process to get an apartment I want, because that it how it is, so I need to train myself to make peace with reality, with how things work, I need to tell myself, communicate to my mind-self that I need to be patient

I commit myself to write out for myself how I am going to be patient within this apartment-hunting process, how am I going to live patience while walking this apartment-point and practice it until I become patience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the thought/backchat that we don’t have enough money to get a nice apartment quickly instead of realizing how I’m manipulating myself to keep existing/fueling emotions towards the reality/point that apartments will not be handed out to me, it is something I have to actively participate and do myself

When and as I see myself participate in the backchat/thought we don’t have enough money to get a nice apartment quickly, or ”if only we had a lot of money…” I stop, I breathe and I do not allow myself to give in/participate in this thought because I realize its manipulative where it will take me into generating anger, fueling my temper tantrum personality into then projecting blame/becoming emotional about the apartment-point. I realize this point comes from a personality, and I commit myself to understand this personality in more detail so I can find solutions on how to change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to complain and throw my anger out towards another, towards my partner for not having my ”Dream/desire” manifest the way I want to because I want to have an apartment now, to have my own space, to be able to manage/organize/control my own environment, to be able to do things I want to do, go to sleep when I want to and within this can see I have control issues that come from my past where I have attached emotions to memories in my life where I have felt I have not been in control, where I couldn’t have things I wanted to because parents wouldn’t allow me. I realize, see and understand I have control issues that require to be investigated and changed.

I commit myself to change and stop my control issues and I do this by investigating, understanding and directing myself into what is best/most supportive for me in terms of how to change my control issues by walking the Desteni tools

Will look deeper into my temper tantrum personality and how to live patience in apartment-searching in the next posts, thanks.

(Image Source)   


Educational & Supportive Websites:
Journey to Life Blogs:     Personal Journeys of Self-Discovery
EQAFE.com  Free Self-Improvement Interviews
DIP Lite:  Free Self-Development Online Course
Desteni I Process: Online Self-Mastery Course at it’s Finest
Relationship Agreement Course: Empower Yourself, Strengthen your Relationships
Desteni Website  Understanding the Human Mind, Oneness & Equality
Desteni Wiki Structured, Organized Information about Self & Solutions
Desteni Forum  Forum with interactive support, resources and tools 

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