I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the starting point of self-dishonesty of walking up to someone to say hi to them not out of genuine interest, but to receive positive comments from them about how I look because it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to receive and gain positive attention from another about how I look because the last time they saw me I was heavier and looked different.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to change their minds about how they see and think about me now since I look different compared to how I look several months ago so they can forget all their thoughts and judgements about how I looked before instead of realizing this is a desire I have because I have uncomfortable memories of when they made comments about my weight/body and want them to go away.
So from this, I see, realize and understand that I want to hide and suppress memories that make me uncomfortable and I want to show how I look like to these people because I want them to forget all the thoughts and judgements they had of me instead of realizing thatI can’t make them forget all their thoughts or judgements of me but I sure as hell can assist myself to delete and let go of all the judgements and emotional attachments I told holds towards myself and my body (past and present) and each ‘uncomfortable’ memory I have. Therefore, I see, realize and understand it is my responsibility to walk through the ‘uncomfortable’ memories and release myself from the energies attached to them so I am clear with realizations and insights when/as I face these memories again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my body forward according to the desire of “I want them to see me” because I believe I ‘look good’ and want them to confirm that for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself by wanting others to validate and confirm to me that I look ‘good’ instead of simply accepting me here in how I look like in my body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold judgments towards myself about how I use to look like when I was heavier and when I was self-conscious about it and want to cover it up and replace the emotions and energetic experiences in relation to my body with positive feelings instead of realizing covering up or replacing negative energies or experiences with positive ones does not solve the underlying problem which is who I am in relation to my body unless I take on each point, understand it, forgive it and live the solution.
So again, to reiterate I realize that there are judgments, memories, beliefs and self-definitions about my body that I hold onto and unless they are understood and cleared, I will never be able to be completely comfortable with myself in my body. So I decide to walk through these points so I can become and live that absolute self-acceptance/self-comfort.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my body in such a way and keep it still in a specific position for a certain period of time so that another could take a ‘good look’ at me and give me a positive comment about how I look, instead of seeing my dishonest starting point of moving myself to gain something from another which means I perceive I lack that which I want and what I want is to feel good from this person giving me a compliment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in disappointment and anger because I did not get/gain what I wanted – a positive comment from another after I deliberately moved myself and showed myself to them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will receive a positive comment from another when I show myself to them instead of questioning this kind of mindset within consideration of actual physical reality since the desires in my mind that I want manifested never in fact align perfectly in reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the backchat “I showed them this for nothing?” after moments of no positive comments/remarks about how I look from them instead of realizing how self-serving this statement is as it only considers me and how I want to get something out of another as I see how this pattern plays out in reality where corporations only care about themselves and the profit they make out of their products and will move/advertise/display their products in ways to manipulate consumers to buy their products
I will continue with self-corrective statements and self-commitment statements in the next blog post. Thanks for reading!
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