|Man thinking on a train journey. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)|
Day 172: Going to a Party You Don’t Want to Go To
I am taking this memory apart and exposing points/patterns I accepted and allowed myself to exist in:
- Idea/Belief to be separate from the girls due to an Experience that feels as if I am in fact separate from the girls as what they show/embody in their expression which in this case was ‘happiness’.
- Accepting and allowing me to be, see and define me as separate from Happiness itself.
- Accepting and allowing me/Self to go into depression/sadness when/if I am is not part of something or believes to not be part of something.
- Defining me and my experience according to being or not being ‘part’ of something.
- Belief that something is wrong/flawed with me if I am not included/part of something (like the girls conversation and laughter) -> thus Self-Image, Self-Belief and Self-Acceptance Issues.
- Regret and Anger at myself for compromising me to go to the party while I did not really wanted to go and would have preferred to be somewhere else and do something else.
- Backchat with where I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate me to continue existing within the experience of separation from happiness that was observed within the other girls instead of realizing that happiness is a living word that Self can live alone as for example enjoying me in mys body or in the presence/company of others, even simple things such as enjoying the air I breathe in and out and / or the scenery of my Physical Surrounding.
- Accepting and allowing me to through the mind with backchat manipulate me into remain existing within this experience of depression and sadness due to the belief/acceptance that I am Separate from the characteristics/properties that the girls in the car represented which was happiness or a point of ‘belonging’/’being part of the group/’.
- Experience of Powerlessness and Helplessness and crying with regards to what I was experiencing, instead of seeing and realizing that I was just really accepting and allowing self to see/define/believe/accept me to be Separate from what was going on/the Moment(s) and characteristics that the girls were portraying/showing/resonating to/according to how I perceived the characteristics/moments of the girls interacting/talking with each other and laughing – and that the solution is as simple as forgiving me for separating myself from Happiness and whatever Characteristics I see/define myself to be separate from that the girls represented with their laughter and conversations.
- I did not realize that I was not really powerless and helpless but simply not accepting and allowing myself to embrace me as Happiness/Self-Enjoyment here and all the Characteristics that I believed/felt like I was lacking/not having that the girls were representing with their laughter and conversations and interactions with each other.
- Fear of Humiliation/Being Humiliated by others
- Fear of the opinion and judgement of others.
- Me being dependent on how others see, define and feel about me.
- Accepting and allowing me to judge me as a wimp and baby for the act of crying or not feeling well emotionally and what I was experiencing due to all the things that were going on within my mind.
- Fear of being vulnerable and other people being able to see that I am not feeling well.
- Self-Accepted and allowed Self-Belief that if I cry or do not feel well emotionally/feeling-wise that that means that I am Inferior for Real, while that is not so at all but just a Self-Belief.
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