Day 163: You Deny Me Sweets – You Make Me Mad

I’ve been doing some personal writings about the time I started to develop an eating problem when I was 15. I had a health problem at the time and a family member started to deny me certain foods to eat because of it. Foods like cakes, ice-cream, sweets I wasn’t allowed to eat. I knew this had to do because of my health problem but I would still react in anger towards them. I felt very helpless, like I had no choice or freedom to eat what I want. The family member it seemed like, had the upper hand, or the controlling hand, giving or rejecting me certain foods.

There was one time when this person and another family member were eating something that I wanted, yet I wasn’t allowed to have it. I remember erupting in anger because I found it wasn’t fair. I remember as my “retaliation” I did the silent treatment. I believed that if I showed my disapproval through the silent treatment I could get what I wanted, but this didn’t turn out so. I was essentially using a manipulation technique many people still use today to either make the other person feel bad or get something out of it. But, I didn’t get anything out of my silent treatment. I didn’t “win.” In fact, I made things worse for myself because I accumulated anger and energy within my body.

The problem within all of this though was that there was never a real communication between me and this family member about my health problem in the first place and the reason they weren’t allowing me to eat certain foods. If I could go back in time, I would have sat down with this family member and talked to them about the health problem and see what are some things I could change in my diet. That way we could work out the kinks and conflicts with the point and find something that would work for the both of us. I could also share/express to this person how I feel about this point. That way the person could see where I was coming from and maybe provide their point of view of things. If I had more direct, equal, and open communication with this family member, I wouldn’t react so much. However, growing up with this person, no such communication existed, and that’s because we haven’t really been taught how to communicate with each other effectively. I mean, the focus in our education system places more emphasis on remembering/regurgitating knowledge and information that is irrelevant to one’s current reality and not practical reality and how to best co-exist with others.

I will share more about this point to come, but I suggest we do a bit of re-education. The links below are awesome resources to get started.

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