Day 152: I Want to Go to Bed NOW SCS 1

Continuation from:
I Want to go to Bed NOW – Temper Tantrum of the Mind

SCS= Self Corrective Statements / Self Commitment Statements

I see, realize and understand that I originally made a decision for myself to walk through responsibilities for the night, but then allowed myself to give into the temper tantrum and got possessed by the point, so what I see I must do is to stand my ground more, like before making a decision, to consider all points within the decision to make sure all backdoors are closed and to list what needs to get done so it’s on paper. Now within this, I see that when I carry out those responsibilities I may have certain, specific reactions and resistances – and the point here is to be aware of these reactions/resistances so I can find ways/means/solutions on how to work through them/push through them. For example, I know that I get resistance before working on a particular assignment, so what I can do is to prepare myself through finding ways/means/solutions to understand and walk through that particular resistance, so that when it comes up, I know exactly how to direct myself within/as it.

From this, I commit myself to flag point/become aware of resistances when they come up when I am facing a responsibility because this will assist me with understanding the point and finding solutions to stop it.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand the resistance when I face a particular responsibility and find a way/solution to direct it so when I face the same responsibility again and the resistance comes up, I know how to direct myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand the particular reactions I have when facing myself and my responsibilities during the day/night through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-introspection.

I commit myself to when am clear/can understand the reaction towards this responsibility, walk self-corrective application through directing myself within and as the reaction when it comes up when I face a responsibility.

I see, realize and understand that when I become angry through wanting to fulfill my want, by throwing a tantrum in my mind about wanting to go to bed now as a point to excuse myself from a responsibility, that within the angry I make it seem to myself that it is the only/best way to relieve or settle down my anger, because I feel uncomfortable when I’m angry and want to do whatever I can to get away from that experience/to calm myself down, instead of realizing that I can calm myself down (without escaping/excusing from responsibilities) by stepping away from the responsibility and breathing to calm myself down, to bring me back into my physical body.

I see, realize and understand that it’s my active participation within thinking/participating/believing/becoming the backchat of “I want to go to bed now” and becoming/experiencing the anger within it that is the problem which makes me want to get away from the responsibility I’m facing.

When and as I see myself become emotional when the backchat “I want to go to bed NOW” comes up, to stop, breathe, and bring myself back here into my physical body – whether that be through stepping away from the responsibility for the moment – the point is to bring myself back to stability and from there, speak out loud to myself what I had already committed and decided for myself to carry through/take responsibility for and the point/purpose of what I’m doing to give myself and my mind a logical reason.  I commit myself to walk this self-corrective statement when and as I see myself become emotional while participating in the thought “I want to go to bed NOW.”

When and as I see myself become emotional and participate within the backchat “I want to go to sleep NOW” and do not want to calm myself down, I stop, breathe and see that this a problem and that this requires real-time correction, real-time application of the realizations and corrective statements I wrote down for myself, so whether I am emotional or possessed within this point, I am able to breathe, and I assist and support myself to look at why I am not willing/wanting to let the point go through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I see, realize and understand that becoming emotional has for a long time been a way for me to get out of things, to not face things, and I realize this point/pattern needs to be stopped because it is an abusive pattern/cycle that harms me and my physical body and I cannot stand within integrity if I still allow myself to be moved by internal movements/emotions. I see, realize and understand that being stable within myself is of utmost importance for me.

I see, realize and understand that through thinking and participating within anger towards the backchat “I want to go to bed NOW” I am only considering my want, my need, and abdicating my self-directive principle and self-power to make decisions for myself, because I see that I had made a decision for myself to carry out a responsibility but allowed internal backchat and movement/emotions to influence/direct me instead of me living out/carrying out the decision I made for me within consideration of what’s best for all. I realize if I am unable to direct myself internally, I cannot direct myself externally, therefore, understanding and actually actively directing myself internally will assist and support me to eventually direct myself externally in my world/reality.

More to come…

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