There are these fears and worries that are in my head, most has to do with my future and survival in the system, and now I realize how thinking about the fears over and over and worrying will only increase fear and worry, and so today while shopping with my mom I was very preoccupied in my head, concerned about my future, not being here, in reality, breathing, but allowed myself to be swayed by memories and imaginations and conversations of fears and worries and I now see how in that moment I should have written the points down in my notebook to flag / pinpoint / get them out on paper to be addressed but didn’t because I was very obsessed with what was going on in my mind, I gave much value to the fears and worries from my mind. I realize they won’t go away unless they are understood and let go of.
So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention and my breath away to fears and worries of thoughts / pictures / imaginations / internal conversations within and as my Mind due to me giving VALUE to the fears and worries.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value / attention / importance to my fears and worries instead of actually becoming directive principle and writing about the specific fears and worries that thus took my attention away from HERE, to understand them to the point where I am able to let it go.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity and the freedom to within the moment of preoccupation in and as the mind, to write down exactly what is going on, what is preoccupying / taking up my time /breaths in the physical reality, because I realize how much of my time and breaths have been wasted on points that haven’t been understood and directed yet and I see that the worrying and fearing did no good, did not help, did not get me anywhere, but actually kept me locked in a state of fear and worry, because I allowed myself to lock myself in a state of worry because I gave value / importance to the fears and worries of thoughts / imaginations / backchat / memories / internal conversations.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to in the moment when I saw myself being taken away by the fears and worries concerning a point to stop, breathe and assess whether this point requires direction now, because if it does, I go into a process of self-forgiveness and breathing to stop giving my attention to fears and worries I give value to.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to in the moment I notice my fears and worries come up not take responsibility for them by either writing them down or bringing them to my full attention by taking a moment to look exactly at the problem, with no judgement, and to assess for myself whether this can be handled / directed now or through writing. Within this, I see self-honestly, these points I’ve been experiencing require extensive writing for me to understand where these fears and worries are coming from to understand them as an act of self-support and self-love so I no longer have to exist in such constant preoccupation of worry and fear – there is a way – lol – a solution to stop such things in one’s life – that is – self honest writing and self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and participating in Desteni.
I will continue writing about this point in tomorrow’s post…