Today I complained that I wish I didn’t have to rush so much in the morning to get to work. Well, I see I created a pattern where instead of getting out of bed and doing my things immediately I instead wake up and lay in bed and just stay there for several minutes and don’t do anything but just indulge in the comfort of my bed.When following this type of pattern I become angry at myself because I end up rushing to get ready for work. I also see a resistance to get up and start my day in the mornings due to particular thoughts, emotions and feelings. This pattern is something I am currently walking in my DIP Course but I would also like to walk this point here publicly in my blogs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within complaint, complaining about being late for work and rushing to do my things when in fact, I am completely responsible for being late for work and rushing to do my things thus, I realize I am also completely responsible for fixing and doing something about this point as well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself for being late for work and having to rush in the mornings instead of actually getting up at an earlier time and adjusting my sleep schedule to fit responsibilities in the morning so that I can have enough time to get ready and make it to work earlier.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continuously time loop in anger and frustration within myself in the morning, existing in complaining and whining of “why me?” “why am I always rushing?” instead of actually looking at what it is I do that manifests this ‘rushing’ point and take responsibility for this point so I can actually find a practical solution for me to get my things done in time so I don’t have to rush to get to work and experience unnecessary anger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a form of laziness that prevents me from getting to work on time by allowing myself to sleep later than I should which gives me more time to indulge in bed and in my mind instead of calculating and testing out times to wake up in the morning which will allow me to get up and do my things in a comfortable manner before it’s time to go to work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist waking up at an earlier time due to a belief that I will be tired and angry in the morning. From this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I wake up earlier than my “normal” time I will be angry and tired, instead of realizing this is an idea / belief I set for myself as a way to keep me in a state of mind to not change and expand in having a productive morning.
I commit myself to set a time for me to practically be able to get up, get ready and be able to do my things at a comfortable pace before I go to work so that I don’t have to end up getting frustrated and angry at myself for rushing.
I commit myself to explore through self-forgiveness and writing why I am having such difficulty wanting to face myself and the day by investigating what is it about me and my living that I am unhappy with and assist and support myself to find a solution once I understand what that problem is.
I will be exploring more on this point in posts to come.