Day 94: Falling within a Point, Judgement, and Value

Instead of tracing back exactly what happened and what led me to falling within a point / habit again, I ended up judging myself. I existed in ‘fear of loss’ of not ever being able to experience this point / habit again and from that was driven to act on the pattern / habit I originally wanted to stop. What I did not see was how much value I gave to this point because I perceived what I was about to lose was very important instead of realizing the pattern I wanted to stop never supported me in the first place and it would be OKAY if I didn’t act on it again. This is a personal point for me that I will walk for myself, but here is some self-forgiveness that I would like to share:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I fell within a point that I knew would not benefit me but because I feared missing out on ever experiencing the point again, I allowed the fear to direct me me to act upon the point and then I judged myself for what I’ve done instead of taking responsibility by looking back to see what exactly led me to fall within this point so I can flag it, name it, and investigate it through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application so that I don’t fall within the point again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within anger, shame and self-hatred for falling in the same point that I was committed to stop instead of actually forgiving myself of the anger, shame and hatred within the realization that I missed a point and that it’s something that happens when I don’t “cover all my bases” so, it’s part of a learning process I am walking in understanding myself, so judging and hating myself for missing the point in no way helps / supports me but actually diminishes me in terms of assisting and supporting me in stopping points / habits that do not serve me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be gentle with myself instead of judging myself when I miss / fall within a point as I realize that I am learning and walking the process to life for the first time is a journey unto itself and therefore, the best I can do is to be gentle yet firm in staying consistent and driven in walking my process. From this – I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk myself as gentleness within process. (Here I see I require to re-define the word gentleness to practically live the word within my life).

More to come…

Educate yourself:  CONSUMING KIDS – The Commercialization of Childhood 

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